The Best Mistakes (The Amherst Sinners Series Book 3)

by Elena Monroe

  I t had been a few weeks, since Layla slapped me in the alleyway, and I had broken my hand. Every time I looked down, I was painfully aware of how destructive I still was.

  Campus was quiet, being the last few days before kids went home for the holidays, which was another thing that having a kid didn’t let you forget. Arson forced me to put up a tree, even though my mom flexed her décor muscle on every inch of their house. It even smelled like fresh gingerbread when you walked in.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, alerting me I had another message I wasn’t going to reply to.

  Maddison: Don’t forget, holidays are at Elizabeth’s to make it easy. Girl is stressed about the wedding and pregnancy. Hardcore.

  Liz: I swear to God, if you blow us off one more time, I’m gonna come down there…

  Caden: How’s the hand? Jade letting you use hers?

  None were from Layla, so I didn’t care, nor did I respond to their bullshit. I tucked my phone back into my pocket and looked up just in time to see Liz’s sister heading straight for me. There was no time to open my car door with my non-dominant hand, as Caden pointed out, in order to avoid her, so I leaned on the hood waiting.

  “Hey! Oliver! I know you don’t know me very well, but I was hoping I could catch a ride with you into the city?”

  I cocked an eyebrow, wondering why she would assume I would be going into the city. “Tough luck, not going into the city.” I proceeded to unlock the door and get into my car, throwing my stuff in the passenger’s seat.

  “You aren’t going to my sisters?”

  My wide eyes and a pretty serious expression responded for me.

  “Oh, I thought you’d be there for that girl you kept staring at. It’s Thanksgiving and all. Holidays make people forgiving. Guess I’ll just take the train in.”

  I twisted the key, letting my Porsche purr, while I watched her stammer around words, hoping I’d change my mind. A new professor I had met officially walked by and tossed her a greeting—one I watched closely after what I had heard about her. His eyes took inventory of everything, except her undoubtedly wet panties. She smiled so seductively that I was impressed that he wasn’t instantly hard. When Layla looked at me across a room, all innocently, I felt uncontrollable. Whoever he was had experience in playing it cool.

  I moved my stuff and pushed my head towards the window shouting, “Addi, get in the damn car. I have conditions.”

  The only real condition was getting this guy out of my line of vision. I wasn’t fond of Lolita, and seeing it transpire as a modern day age gap wasn’t my thing either.

  “We’re making a pitstop first. Condition one: tell me the rumors aren’t true.”

  She made herself comfortable as I headed for my place, sinking down into the seat and crossing her ankles at the end of her stretched out legs.

  “Depends what rumor. I stopped paying attention to those a long time ago.”

  I kept my eyes on the road, looking at her seemed like a bad idea when I couldn’t even trust her yet.

  “The rumor going around campus that you’re fucking a prof?”

  She laughed, but I saw her reflection in the window drop. She didn’t even have to answer now. She gave it away when her smile tugged into a frown. It wasn’t guilt, but a close relative.

  “Why would I do that? I don’t need to get better grades. Theater majors get graded differently… mainly on performance.”

  “Is that what this is? Some elaborate performance?”

  She stayed quiet, and I didn’t bother to bring up the professor making eyes at her. I knew she probably wouldn’t give me the truth anyways. I pulled into my driveway and told her to wait in the car. On my way in, I dialed Caden and waited for his way too cheery “yo” on the other end before it even rang a third time.

  “Can I crash on your couch? I’m driving Addi up, so...” my sentence trailed off uncommitted to the idea of staying for Thanksgiving dinner, even though I was making sure I had a place to crash.

  He sounded out of breath, and I was praying it meant he was working out. “Yeah, no problem. I’ll see you at dinner, man. Gotta go… I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

  He laughed, and all I said was, “I bet,” before I hung up. Caden was always in the middle of something either sexual or mind bending.

  My nanny greeted me second to Arson, who ran up to me, hugging my legs. He had just gotten back from school and had to show me his projects from today, dragging me by my hand to the kitchen table, where they were laid out perfectly.

  “Hi, Mr. Abbott. Do you have any requests for dinner before I go?”

  I leaned into the island, feeling the cold surface against my elbows. “I’m really sorry to do this to you last minute…” Thankfully, it wasn’t really Thanksgiving; the Sinners held the holiday handoff before, to avoid clashing with mandatory family dinners.

  She smiled sweetly, looking at Arson. “Crazy mac and cheese tonight?”

  He nodded his head, wildly unable to contain the excitement, while she turned back to me. “It’s okay. I love spending time with him. Just be careful driving with your cast.”

  I kissed the top of his head. Speaking to her, I said, “I’ll be back Saturday morning. Promise.”

  Arson followed tightly behind me, while I took two stairs at a time. He had a mean mug that rivaled mine at this age. He was all business all the time. “Daddy, where are you going?”

  I picked him up, nudging him into my side, while I looked for Jade. “Well, I have to drive someone to the city.” That seemed like the most simple way to answer, rather than telling him the long story of Layla and me. I heard the shower on and put Arson down, telling him to go help with dinner. He clutched my legs tightly, looking up at me with so much love, before scattering. That was the hardest part about leaving his side for any reason: his dark eyes needed me.

  I sat on the bathroom counter, watching Jade wash her hair under the shower head.

  “Jade? I’m driving Addi into the city. I’ll be back tomorrow. Melissa is gonna stay over.”

  Jade shot back with the unruly teenager mentality she weaponized. “I don’t need supervision. I can take care of our son.”

  I mocked her words knowing that’s the exact response I expected.

  “And stop mocking me. I can see you.”

  I laughed, pushing myself off the counter, “Don’t kill our kid, Jade.”

  I almost forgot I really was driving Addi and that I had left her in my car, while I took my time. I hugged my son tightly, transferring all my love to him, like a thumbprint.

  Boston was packed around this time of year. The lights and cooler temperature tempted every one of their homes. The holidays were over-hyped, long before I was banned from attending any, due to my poor drug addled behavior. Even with a son, I still couldn’t see the point of pretending a few days out of the year mattered, let alone meant family time. He had me every day, every year, despite a damn holiday.

  I pulled into the garage outlined in Liz’s text message, not long after I hung up with Caden. He was a lot of things, but “there for us” was a prominent quality.

  Addileigh asked me, “Do you know that blonde guy? He’s not a Sinner.”

  When other people said it, it made me cringe. The dubbed name really did make us sound like a boy band.

  “Hunter? No, he’s not one of us. Why?”

  There was something in her eyes when she looked down at her outfit, which was clearly too casual for her typical taste. She was sporting joggers and a white tee that seemed too big to be hers. Now that I put more thought into it, she looked like everyone on campus, and that seemed odd for her. The men’s shirt gave her the perfect clout of experience and dominance of snatching their clothes as trophies.

  “We talked at the game a little. He… he never called me.”

  I laughed out loud as the elevator doors closed. “Don’t hold your breath any longer.”

  She shot me a look like I had just invited her to compete for a prize I called garb
age. “Why? Is he with that blonde girl?”

  I shot her an equally stern look, while I made eye contact to drive my point so far home that it would feel like secondhand knowledge.

  “No, that’s Layla. She’s mine.”

  Addi smiled, like she just won a prize, and the elevator doors opened into a hallway. This wasn’t the first time I was seeing Leon and Liz’s place. I wasn’t even sure what my college rival did for a living to afford a place like this. Addi leaned against the wall with her eyes glued to her phone. When my hand went to knock, she snapped, “I already texted her.”

  See what technology does to people? I can’t even fucking knock like a regular person.

  We waited a minute before Layla pulled open the door, and all the life in her face died when she saw me. Addi didn’t have any decorum when she laughed and pushed past her. “Ha, wow…. Not looking good, buddy. Thought she was yours.”

  I wanted my glare to burn a hole in her confidence, but I got stuck on Layla—the same girl who slapped me so hard it broke my heart.

  Her gaze lowered to my cast, and I felt forced to explain my black cast with metallic doodles that Arson had decorated it with.

  “I got into a fight with a concrete wall in an alleyway. I’m okay; I’ve handled worse.”

  She stepped out of the way, letting me finally come in, and I took their place in. High ceilings, white-and-black décor, and sleek furniture that seemed more like Leon than her. The compromise flooded every room.

  Compromise.

  The word swirled around my mouth, stinging the stubborn parts of me, like I was meant to be here to learn and see what life could look like when people tried to make opposites work.

  I rounded a corner, following Layla silently, when Caden abruptly forced me into his chest. The worst kind of hugs were the unexpected ones. I pulled away quickly, so I could poke fun at him: “Dude… I don’t know what you were doing on the phone... or where your hands have been.”

  He stuck out his tongue, playfully popping his brows. “You know exactly what I was doing.”

  As if on cue, a girl pranced to his side, handing him a drink, while looking like the world’s most unintelligent piece of arm candy. Even Caden gave me a reason to be jealous.

  Caden was easily the most damaged of us all. It was hard to even imagine all the sins swirling around in his head and how he was still able to function: molested, having someone jump off his school’s roof just to avoid his wrath, the haunting feeling he would never be good enough for anything, and the idea that he might be addicted to sex… seemed like an impossible itch to scratch. The most obvious weight he carried around was the need to protect us all, even if he couldn’t.

  Somehow, he pushed it aside and made relationships work. Some were fleeting, but they still held a candle to my solitude of five years. No one was breaking his heart or throwing his enemy in his face.

  Everyone was already there, including Hunter. The girls were in the kitchen, probably making some dish look homemade, when it was most likely from Dean & DeLuca downtown. These girls were rebellious and defiant, and they weren’t going to learn to cook, just because they were women. I still had to give them credit. They had to order it all and put in the effort of giving it a homemade kind of dismantling.

  The last conversation I had with Layla kept playing on a loop in my mind, as I eased myself into the lone armchair. I had only come for Layla, and she was in a completely different room.

  Aspen procrastinated coming over to me, dragging his feet and making sure to gulp the contents in his glass before arriving. I watched his tortured face almost spell out sorry. I’m sure Caden had something to do with mending this bridge.

  From the Aspen I knew, to the broken version I couldn’t stomach, to the Hyde I loved… we now realized the altered versions of ourselves were what we loved best. It made being friends hard; making enemies was easy. Hell, I collected those without trying.

  His dressy, white, laced-up shoes screamed “Hamptons” and “money” at my beat up Vans. Ain’t that a sad truth of society? I looked up, waiting for him to speak, as I downed my scotch in one shot, trying to pretend it burned. I was gonna need more than booze to get through this night, but everything else was on a shelf, labeled “off limits,” and out of reach.

  He simply said, “Hey…” and waited until I responded before proceeding. Typical lawyer. When I didn’t, he finally said, “I’m an asshole, okay?”

  I stared up at him, judging him entirely before I spoke. “Yeah, that’s why we’re the Sinners. Hail Mary’s can’t save us now.”

  He looked uncomfortable with our given titles that we had carried since high school. Back then, he was more of guilt by association. I stood up, bumping my shoulder into his.

  “I messed up with Layla, okay? It doesn’t help me win her back when you root for the enemy. He might have been the better man for her then, but I will always be her endgame.”

  Leon’s football physique stood in the room like a shadow, as he pulled Liz into his side to announce dinner. Every part of me wanted to escape before we sat down and were forced to confront each other. It seemed too personal, too raw, too fake… I sat across from Layla, knowing just how heavy it felt for me and how I was forcing the same feelings onto her. Her face dropped to her napkin on her lap when I sat down. Being so close, with nothing better to look at but her ocean irises, made me realize that hating her came in waves.

  The waves were receding. Every grain of sand stuck together, like our memories, and every hurried seashell was my love, hidden under a surface layer.

  Liz held up her glass as everyone got comfortable. “Should we go around and say what we’re thankful for?”

  Caden laughed, like it was absurd to think that Sinners could be thankful for anything. Still, he picked up his glass, dominating the conversation, just the way he led this group through college, while I dealt with everything else.

  “No, this group doesn’t ‘give thanks.’ How about a game of High/Low? Baby face, start us off.”

  Caden’s hand lovingly cupped Aspen’s cheek, making sure to embarrass him and not stopping until his cheeks look sunburned. I watched him think, while he looked down. We were all out of practice.

  “High, having interns to do research. Low, almost getting my ass kicked by this one over here.”

  He pointed to me, and I knew I had to play. Normally, I waited until the end and made up bullshit, until I saw Layla smiling sweetly at Hunter like he deserved it. He had been flirting with Addi the entire time I had been there and was still locking his vision on her chest. I pulled out my smokes, wallet, phone, and keys, dumping them on the table that looked like it was out of a décor magazine and not meant for my shit to clash with the colors.

  “High, learning Layla is nothing but consistent. Low? Letting everyone think it was Hunter that got her pregnant.”

  I made sure I was looking directly at her when I delivered my low. I watched her sweet, automatic, smile fade right into a tremble, while she held back tears. By the silence, I assumed not everyone knew she had been knocked up, let alone by who, and they were all clearly piecing together that she wasn’t now.

  She stood up abruptly, letting the chair fall backwards from her sharp movement. Even her walk out seemed shaky and frantic. Caden twisted to make it more obvious he was staring at me, while my eyes followed her.

  “What the fuck was that, Ollie? Fuck, man. What did the girl do to you?”

  I sat back, finally relaxed, not holding back the cruelty eating away at my true feelings.

  “She let Hunter think he actually knocked her up and then didn’t tell me when she had an abortion. So, I guess that’s what she did.”

  The entire table slouched down, defeated with the new information. I didn’t bother sticking around to field the curiosity. I got up, with a drink in hand, using it as my crutch the whole way to the kitchen. I wasn’t even buzzed, and I was making stupid decisions based on how mad I was. I was my nineteen-year-old self all over again.
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br />   Layla was hunched over the sink and her breathing was jagged. I knew she was crying without even seeing her face. I wanted this to be enough to snuff out my anger, but it wasn’t. The cruelty was a fucking wildfire now.

  “How could you not tell me you were pregnant? Even if you thought it was his.”

  She turned around with tears running down her face and a weakness I hadn’t seen since college. I had broken her heart with my cold words instead of a slap.

  She shouted, “I knew what we did, Oliver!” The pause she took vibrated between us. “You think I’d ever get black out drunk again, after what happened in high school?”

  I interrupted her easily, as I poured more scotch in my glass that was tucked into a corner. I was too sober. “After what happened in high school… you’re still fucking the guy who ‘raped’ you.”

  The air quotes around the word “rape” really pushed her over the edge. I knew they had worked through it and landed on how they just had different perspectives. Part of me thought she realized he loved her, even before that night.

  She shot back quickly without hesitation. “It wouldn’t change anything, Oliver! A pregnancy wasn’t gonna fix us.”

  My jaw tightened in the uncomfortable position. “You knew what you did? You’re worse than Jade. At least she didn’t throw away what was mine.”

  She reached for my glass off the island sitting between us, and shot it back. “I wanted you to want me for me, not a baby we weren’t ready for.”

  She came around the island as I stood up straighter. She came so close her breasts brushed my arm. Cupping her cheeks with my hands, my eyebrows crumpled with seriousness, as I whispered to her, “You can’t throw any part of me away. Not then, not now, not ever. I’m never going to be over us.”

  I watched stray tears cascade down her hot pink cheeks, and I leaned down to kiss them away, like I always should have, instead of inflicting them. She pushed up on the balls of her feet and pressed her lips against mine. Her delicate hands laid on my forearms for balance, even though neither of us needed it.

  This was the most sure either of us had ever been.