Forbidden Craving

by Gena Showalter

  “Hardly. Look,” she said, growing defensive. “I never wanted to deal with the problems that walk hand in hand with a sexual relationship.”

  His brow furrowed. “What problems?”

  “Well, love never lasts. Someone always gets hurt, using their feelings as an excuse to do terrible things to their partner. Those problems.”

  At first, he said nothing, only peered at her with shock.

  “Well?” she prompted.

  “I need a moment. I just found out my mate is a virgin. She’s completely untouched. I don’t think this has ever happened for a nymph. A woman—my woman—is to be mine, only mine.”

  Must stop shivering. “Back up, buddy. She hasn’t agreed to be yours.”

  “But she will,” he said, his gaze holding hers. “It’s only a matter of time.”

  She licked her lips and whispered, “How can you be so sure?”

  His eyes glittered with heat and determination. “Because, as you saw with Joachim, when I fight, I fight to win.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “I’M GLAD YOU RETURNED,” Joachim said.

  Brenna inched toward his bed. Even though she’d visited him every day for a week, she wasn’t yet 100 percent comfortable with him. Or 50 percent.

  Shivawn stood in the doorway, watching and guarding her. Usually she had a panic attack if anyone took up a post behind her. That was how the attack had happened. Ethan had snuck up on her, flipped her around and—

  She cut off the thought.

  She’d been with Ethan for four years. At first, he’d been wonderful. The man of her dreams. But within three months of marriage, his temper had begun to grow blacker and blacker.

  The first time he’d hit her, she filed for divorce. He’d apologized on his knees and begged for her to take him back. Said he’d made a mistake, he’d been drinking and it would never happen again.

  Must have been part of the Abuser’s Handbook, she thought with a humorless laugh.

  If only she’d resisted his charm. Instead, she’d shredded the divorce papers, relieved to return to her love.

  The second time he attacked her, he’d also shoved a knife in her face and threatened her. Leave him and die.

  She’d believed him.

  So many times since that horrendous night, she’d wished to die. Beatings had become a staple of her life. She’d survived only because she’d had enough medical training to patch herself.

  Today having someone behind her—having Shivawn behind her—didn’t scare her. She was actually coming to like Shivawn and his gentleness.

  Despite everything, even the short amount of time, she’d come to feel safe with him. Proof: earlier, when she’d been holed up in the hobby room, she’d listened to the other women weave stories of sensual exploits, and wanton images had bombarded her. She’d pictured herself doing...intimate things with Shivawn.

  Well, not with him, not exactly, but with a faceless man. But she was certain the faceless man was Shivawn. Who else could it be? Not Joachim, that was for sure.

  The warrior made her feel dizzy, achy and weak. Completely out of control. Sensations she despised. And yes, at one time, she’d loved them. Once, she’d loved sex and men.

  Ethan had killed that love. Until today.

  I would have to be a fool to want someone like Joachim. He was nothing like Shivawn. He wasn’t kind, and he wasn’t gentle. He was a hard, volatile warlord who wasn’t afraid to use his fists. Yet even now, thinking about him made her heart race—and not just with fear.

  Stop mooning. Get to work.

  Right. Silent, she cleaned and bandaged Joachim’s wounds, glad to see there were no signs of infection.

  He should have been able to leave the bed by now, at least for short periods of time, but he was still too weak.

  “If you’re going to heal the rest of the way,” she told him, “I think Valerian will need to let you...you know.”

  He arched a brow. “Are you offering?”

  “No?” She cleared her throat. “No. Definitely not.”

  Just as she was finishing up, a new man stepped inside the room. He carried a long, menacing sword; ice crystalized in her veins. She tried to dive under the bed, but Joachim latched on to her and pulled her onto the bed, behind him.

  The action surprised and terrified her. Too abrupt! Too suggestive!

  A soft whimper escaped her.

  “You have nothing to fear, female. Nothing and no one will harm you while I’m with you.”

  “You’re needed in the dining hall, Shivawn,” the intruder said.

  Shivawn looked at her, then Joachim, ignoring the stranger. He frowned. They weren’t under attack? She crawled to her feet and rubbed her side, where she’d been pressed against Joachim. Her skin tingled.

  “Did he hurt you?” Shivawn demanded.

  Her mind replayed the entire episode, and she shook her head no. She thought...she thought Joachim might have been using his injured body as a shield.

  In doing so, he’d reopened his wound.

  “Valerian has summoned you,” the stranger added impatiently. “Now, not later.”

  Shivawn flicked the man an irritated glare before closing the distance to give her shoulder a comforting squeeze. “I hate to leave you, but I must obey the king. Do you need to stay here or do you wish to go with me?”

  Panic sprouted wings inside her chest. She didn’t want him to go, but she didn’t want to leave Joachim like this, either.

  “I’ll stay.” She would be brave. And she wouldn’t allow Joachim to affect or scare her.

  Easier said than done.

  Shivawn gave the warrior a brief but dark look, gently caressed Brenna’s cheek before striding into the hallway, following the messenger.

  Suddenly Brenna and Joachim were alone.

  I can do this. I can! Joachim’s too weak to harm me.

  Slowly she eased back onto the bed. She was careful not to look into his eyes, those blue, blue eyes that seemed to cut straight to her soul. Her fingers shook as she unwrapped the bandages. New stitches wouldn’t be needed; compression could do the trick.

  “I’m Joachim,” he said, breaking the silence.

  “I know.” Her voice trembled as much as her hands. “You shouldn’t have challenged the king.” His nostrils flared in fury but still she forged ahead. “Strength lies in compassion not rage.”

  A charge thickened the air, and she guessed he would soon be yelling at her. Instead, he changed the subject, admitting grudgingly, “I’ve thought of you all week.” Half pain, half accusation. “I can’t seem to get you out of my mind.”

  Her gaze skipped to his, and she gasped at what she saw. Desire. White-hot desire.

  Her hands stilled, remaining poised over his thigh. She had a sheet draped over his middle to protect her modesty rather than his, but that sheet began to tent.

  “Every time you come near me, there’s fear in your eyes,” he said, still speaking low, his voice heated. “But I also detect interest.”

  She bit her lip and shook her head. She wouldn’t admit to any type of interest. That would only encourage him. But...

  “Talk to me, Brenna,” he said. “Tell me how I can put you at ease. Tell me what caused this fear in the first place.”

  She never would have expected such a quiet beseeching from such a power-hungry warlord. Her throat constricted, making it difficult to speak.

  “Better yet,” he added, “tell me everything.”

  * * *

  JOACHIM TILTED HIS HEAD to regard Brenna more intently. “I want to know everything about you,” he reiterated. Already he knew her smell—the violets and the sunshine he’d encountered too briefly on the surface. He knew her voice—scratchy and harsh but also beautiful.

 
Now he wanted to know her past. Her likes. Her dislikes. All the things that made her Brenna, the woman who obsessed him more with every second that passed.

  Strength lies in compassion, she’d said. He’d wanted to snort but hadn’t. There was truth in her words.

  “We’ll begin with something easy,” he said. “What’s your favorite color?”

  She glanced at the door, as if wondering if she should stay and talk or run. “Blue,” she finally replied.

  If she were his woman, he would give her all the sapphires he owned. “Do you have family?” A family she missed? Wished to return to?

  She shook her head. “Dead.”

  He shouldn’t have felt relieved. The deaths must have caused her pain. “How did you lose them?”

  “Mostly of sickness, though I had two cousins die in a car accident.”

  Car? He was intrigued by a “car” that could kill two people at once. “I’m sorry for your loss, little one.”

  Features shadowed, she waved a hand through the air. That hand was shaking, he noticed. “Happened a long time ago,” her broken voice stated.

  He wanted to grab her and kiss her, anything to wipe away those shadows; he ended up fisting the sheets to keep his hands at his sides. “Do you like this new world? Atlantis?”

  Her gaze drifted away from him, landing on the wall behind him. She shook her head.

  “Why not?” Disappointment hummed through him. He’d hoped she’d already come to love it as he did.

  “Scary,” she admitted softly. She traced a fingertip over the sheet.

  “You are frightened of everyone, not just me?”

  She merely shrugged.

  “I told you. I’ll never hurt you, Brenna.” He made the vow as gently as his fierce timbre would allow. “You have my word.”

  A shiver stole through her. “You might not mean to, but—”

  “No. To me, never means never.”

  Shivawn strode back into the room. “What are you saying to her, Joachim?”

  Brenna jolted to her feet, looking between them with a resurgence of fear in her eyes.

  “Watch your tone, boy,” Joachim snapped. “You’re frightening her.”

  Shivawn’s features instantly softened. “I’m sorry,” he said to her. “Valerian asked me to oversee a search party for oranges, but I’m here now. I’m not angry, I promise you.”

  * * *

  BRENNA GAZED BETWEEN the two men, her eyes as wide as saucers. Her...suitors? They were doing everything in their power to comfort her, and they were actually succeeding!

  They wanted to kill each other, but her fear was dissipating.

  How are they doing this to me?

  An image of naked, straining bodies flashed through her mind, and she gasped. Once again, she couldn’t see her lover’s face; however, the image was so lifelike she could hear the pleasure moans rising from the couple. Nerve endings long forgotten began to stir with new life.

  Joachim bared his teeth as he hissed in a breath. “You’re aroused. I can smell it on you.”

  Her cheeks heated to a blazing inferno. He could truly smell it?

  “I can, too,” Shivawn said with a groan. “Brenna...”

  He took a step toward her, but again, there was no fear inside her. What’s wrong with me? What’s happening to me? This wasn’t like her. At all!

  Joachim eased to a sitting position, and he appeared stronger than he had all week. “You are in need of a man, Brenna, but you are afraid of your desire, yes? You must be, to resist.”

  “Yes,” Shivawn answered for her. “She is afraid.”

  “Have you ever been with a man?” Joachim asked her.

  Unable to breathe, she nodded. Run. She should run.

  “Did you like it?” Shivawn asked.

  Another nod. She should run and never look back, but part of her was strangely relieved to have this out in the open.

  “The man who hurt you and damaged your voice,” Joachim persisted. “Did he make you afraid of sex?”

  She hesitated for a long while, finally opting for the truth. “Yes.”

  Both men growled low in their throats, as if they wanted to kill Ethan with their bare hands. Still the fear did not return.

  “I understand now,” Shivawn said. “Once a woman has been forced, any new experience can be difficult for her.”

  “Yes,” Joachim said. “I, too, understand.” His voice sounded far away, a lot weaker. The strength he’d rallied had already drained.

  “Joachim?” she said, concern for him making her forget all else.

  He fell back onto the bed, and his head lolled onto the pillow, his skin draining of color.

  She hurried to him to check his vitals. “You’ll be okay.” She placed a glass at his lips and helped him sip the water.

  “Dizzy. Weak,” he admitted, the condition clearly enraging him. “Shouldn’t have moved.”

  She could tell the lack of strength did more than enrage him; it also unnerved him. As a fighter, he was probably used to absolute control. Hadn’t he admitted to liking and respecting the king, but not wanting to take orders anymore?

  At last, bits of her fear returned. Control was something she valued, as well. She couldn’t relinquish a speck of hers, no matter how aroused she became. And to be with either one of these men she’d have to give up all control.

  She beat feet to the door.

  When he realized she intended to leave, Joachim uttered an abrupt, “Stay.”

  A command. Oh, yes, he expected absolute obedience from her. He was to be master and commander and she the slave.

  She ignored him, continuing on.

  “Brenna,” he said. He tried to sit up again, despite his deplorable condition, but strength abandoned him. “I won’t always be so weak.” There was a warning in his tone. “One day I’ll come for you.”

  She stopped. Just stopped. She stood beside Shivawn. Her gaze swept over him before returning to Joachim. Both males were so beautiful it almost hurt to look at them. For a moment, she actually wished someone would reach for her...touch her...kiss her...sink inside her.

  No, not someone. Shivawn. Only Shivawn. He could give her back everything she’d lost. Hope. Companionship. Passion. But it wasn’t green eyes she spied inside her mind, staring down at her.

  Her mystery lover’s eyes were blue.

  She scrubbed a hand over her face, trying to block the image.

  How could someone like Joachim arouse her like this when no man had been able to do so for years?

  “I won’t hurt you,” Shivawn said. He held up his hands, all innocence.

  “Come to me, Brenna,” Joachim intoned.

  “No,” she told Shivawn, and Joachim grinned.

  “No,” she told Joachim, wiping away his smugness. Better to be without both of them.

  “I want to know you,” Shivawn said. His voice was gentle. “I’ll keep you safe. I won’t let anyone else hurt you.”

  “Don’t allow your need for safety destroy your love of life. I can teach you to conquer your fear and live again,” Joachim told her.

  Shivawn faced Joachim, and the two squared off. “I can teach her to conquer her fear, too.”

  “Maybe. But you’ll never make her happy,” Joachim snapped. “This, I know.”

  Perhaps neither of them could make her happy. The knowledge overwhelmed her with a keen sense of disappointment. For with the return of his anger, Joachim had reminded her of exactly why she would never give herself to him. If he ever directed that anger at her, he would kill her.

  Control, she reminded herself.

  Brenna raced out of the room before she did something stupid. Like cry.

  * * *

  SHIVAWN DIDN’T FOLLOW her but rema
ined in the room. For a long while he and Joachim didn’t speak.

  “I want her,” Joachim admitted softly.

  Shivawn’s hands tightened into fists. He’d known that, but hearing the words... “I want her, too, and she’s my woman. Who do you think will get her?”

  “I’ll challenge you for her,” Joachim grated.

  “Challenge not accepted. She looked at me with desire, and I find I crave that look again.”

  “That desire was for me, boy. Me. Anything you saw was merely a reflection of that.”

  Shivawn frowned. Yes, she had looked at Joachim with desire. More desire than a woman had ever projected at him, and the realization didn’t settle well.

  Frustrated, he tossed his arms in the air. “So where does that leave us?”

  “Give her to me, and it leaves you alive and well.”

  “No.”

  Joachim stroked his chin with two fingers. “I’ll not give up. I’ll pursue her.”

  “Is that a threat?”

  “Merely a warning. I want her, and I will do anything to win her.”

  Anger pricked, Shivawn nearly drew his sword. He felt protective of Brenna, wanted her to be happy, and couldn’t stand to think of such a delicate creature bonded to this power-hungry warrior. “If you scare her, I’ll kill you. Do you understand me? Unlike Valerian, I’ll show you no mercy.”

  A dark cloud descended over Joachim’s face. “I would never scare her.”

  “Ha! You scared her with your forcefulness. That’s why she ran.”

  “Don’t try to pretend you know her or her reasons, and don’t pretend you know what she needs. You scared her just as badly or she would have given herself to you by now.”

  “Perhaps she will. Tonight,” Shivawn taunted.

  Fury exploded in Joachim’s eyes. “No. She’ll never give herself to you. That, I also know, because you’ll never understand her the way I do.”

  His teeth clenched. “You? How do you think to understand her?”

  “That you have to ask proves my point for me.”

  * * *

  JOACHIM CLOSED HIS EYES, bringing Brenna’s innocent face to the forefront of his mind. Someone had hurt her during sex—someone who would feel the end of his sword one day soon. If he had to travel to the surface, he would.