In Her Space

by Knight, Amie

I begrudgingly let Mel get a room on her own when in reality I wanted to watch and make sure she was okay. This was me trying to play it cool, but I was really bad at that, so I might have popped over to her room a couple of times to check on her. She slept the afternoon away while I tried to catch up on reading. When in reality, I thought about Adam’s devastated face when I’d left him in the rec room at the planetarium and avoided my phone like the plague. Sebastian and Adam were going to be blowing it up any minute if they weren’t already. But I wouldn’t know because I’d turned the damn thing off.

  At close to six, I went over to Mel’s room, but she was already awake and pacing the room when I pushed the door open quietly afraid to wake her. “You okay?”

  Her head whipped to mine and her hand clutched her chest. “You scared me.”

  I smiled softly. “I’m sorry.”

  And I was. I was sorry about it all. I wished that none of this had ever happened. I wished Sheriff Rothchild hadn’t raped and killed Adam’s mother. Or thrown Adam in jail. Or tried to hurt Mel. Or held us at gunpoint and shot Braden. God, I wished I could fucking wish it all away, but our realities were hard and now Mel would have to live with it for the rest of her life. So would I. I wouldn’t be the last person who startled her. It was going to take time. I couldn’t help but believe that maybe she needed Sebastian right now and instead she was here with me.

  “Is it time for dinner?”

  “Yeah,” I said, sitting on the queen bed with a beautiful country quilt covering it.

  Mel slipped her shoes on while I pretended to look around the room when really I just wanted to know the answer to one question. “Have you thought about calling Sebastian?”

  She turned to me, one shoe on, one in her hand. “What?”

  “I bet he misses you.”

  She went back to her shoes. “I miss him, too,” she mumbled so quietly I almost didn’t hear it.

  “Then why don’t you call him? Why are you avoiding him?”

  She stood and rubbed her hands over her face. “I don’t know. Okay? I just don’t feel ready.”

  “He loves you, you know?”

  She nodded solemnly and then shot me a saucy look. “Why? Are you sick of me? Trying to get rid of me?”

  I stood and walked to the door, Mel following behind me. “Never. We have all the time in the world. After all, we have a long time to make up for.”

  Mel was quiet after that, until we climbed the steps to the big house and I was about to knock on the door.

  “Thanks, Liv,” her quiet voice said from behind me.

  That “thanks Liv” was full of all kinds of emotion, so I turned around and gave her a smile. “Anytime, honey.”

  My hand was poised to knock on the door this time when she said, “You should call Adam, too, ya know?”

  I stared at the door in front of me, my heart in my throat. I wanted to call him, too. I wanted to tell him about this magical place and the long train ride and the good book I was reading. I wanted to tell him that I thought Mel was doing better. And that maybe I’d go horseback riding tomorrow.

  I wanted to tell him I loved him.

  But that whole call would just be me giving all of myself again and I deserved someone who was at least going to try and give me more than just fragmented pieces of themselves.

  I let out a long breath and let the whole comment go as I knocked on the door.

  It swung open quickly and there stood a cowboy who could make a girl’s heart pitter-patter and not just because he was sexy as hell but because he had the heart of a saint and the humor of a comedian. He was a sight for sore eyes. And fuck, my eyes were sore.

  “Liv!” His green eyes danced as he glanced at Mel behind me. “Who do you have here?” He pushed his hand through his thick blond hair and leaned around me, holding a hand out. “I’m Cody.”

  Mel’s eyebrows rose to her hair as she glanced from the tip of his head all the way down to his cowboy boots. I knew what she saw. Cody was like a movie star in cowboy clothes. He was undeniably good-looking and smooth.

  “I’m Mel,” she said in a breathy voice that females reserved for really hot men.

  I laughed as Cody took her arm like a gentleman and escorted us through the house to the dining room that was already covered in a plethora of Southern food.

  Biscuits and fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy from what I could see and my belly rumbled.

  “Sounds like someone’s hungry,” someone said from the kitchen sink where he was washing his hands.

  “Hey, Cole.” I grinned at Everly’s boyfriend and he smiled over his shoulder at me.

  “Oh my God, what the hell is in the water on this farm? It’s like Magic Mike goes to Nashville around here,” Mel whispered to me.

  I snickered as we all sat around the table. Everly’s dad, who was a quadriplegic after a riding accident when he was young, rolled into the kitchen on his electric wheelchair, the woman who helped him not far behind.

  “Everly told me we had guests tonight.” He smiled big at us and I grinned back, glad to finally meet him after all Everly had told me about him the last time I’d visited.

  “I’m Liv.” I motioned to Mel. “And this is my friend Mel. I hope you don’t mind us crashing your dinner.”

  “Not at all.” He positioned his wheelchair under the table. “I’m Joe and I like having pretty girls at my table.” He winked at me.

  “I’m Misty,” the older woman who helped Joe said. She sat next to him and filled two plates. One for him and one for her.

  While she fed him, Joe talked our ears off and finally landed on the subject of Mel and me again. “Everly said you were here last summer?”

  “Yes, sir,” I said, digging into the best biscuits I’d ever had in my life. They even had local honey and homemade butter. I was in heaven. I was probably going to gain ten pounds just from this meal alone.

  “How long you staying with us this time?”

  I glanced at Mel, who only looked back at me. “No clue. We’re taking it one day at a time.”

  Joe gave me a look that said he might understand before saying, “Well, it’s cool out, but if y’all wait to go out in the afternoon I bet Everly would love to take you gals out on the horses.”

  I chanced a look at Mel, who looked horrified at the possibility, but it sounded fun to me. “Sure, that would be lovely.”

  Mel’s aghast face answered, “I think I’m going to have to pass on that.”

  Cody laughed at her. “Save a horse, ride a cowboy, huh?”

  She gave him the once-over again. “I’m thinking about it.”

  Cole finally took a break from devouring his food. “Not that cowboy, you’re not. He likes cowboys, too.”

  Mel sighed dramatically and giggled. “Dang, the boys get all the good ones.”

  Cody nodded. “They really do.”

  We all laughed. And I looked over at Joe and Misty as she spooned food into his mouth. She was whispering something to him and I noticed it looked pretty intimate and it made me wonder if they were a couple.

  I glanced over at Everly, but her eyes were on Misty and Joe, too. She was biting her lip and smiling, and I wondered if this was a new development. They were sweet.

  The whole damn evening was sweet, really. It was good to see Mel finally acting more like herself. Laughing and flirting and carrying on with Cody.

  And me, I hadn’t thought of Adam in almost five whole minutes. It seemed like this trip to the country was exactly what the doctor had ordered for me and Mel.

  “WOW, THAT’S A DAMN DOOZEY, honey!” Everly said from beside me.

  We were lying in a field, all bundled up in our winter coats, soaking up the sun. We’d just finished a long ride on the horses in which I only died about one hundred times and stopped at a spot with a view of her beautiful farm below.

  “I know, right,” I answered, staring up at the blue sky, hardly a cloud. It made me think of how clear tonight would be out here in the country. It mad
e me think of the stars. It made me miss Adam with a fierceness I’d only experienced at seventeen when I’d been away at boarding school.

  I’d just laid it all out there for her. Told her the entire story of us; of Adam and me. From the very beginning ten years ago until just a few days ago.

  “What are you going to do?” she asked, coming up on an elbow so she could look at me.

  “Hell if I know.” My heart said one thing, my mind something completely different.

  “I’d tell you my story, but we don’t have all day and besides, I don’t like to talk about it much, but I gotta tell you, Adam doesn’t sound so bad to me.”

  No, she was right. Even after everything he’d kept from me. Even after all we’d been through I was still so much in love with him I was drowning in it. No, he didn’t sound so bad at all.

  “All I’m gonna say is this, honey. He sounds like a dream, that boy, and I know better than anyone that our circumstances, things that happen to us, shape and mold us into people sometimes we can’t help but be.”

  She was right. He was who he was and maybe he would never change. Maybe he’d always hold things back from me. Maybe I’d just have to accept that about him or let him go. Maybe it was just that simple.

  “Maybe he’s never going to change. Maybe I just need to let go.”

  She shook her head with a smile. “That’s not at all what I’m saying. Maybe you need to hold on. Hold on tight. Hold on hard. Because it sounds to me like you love him and he loves you and that’s the only thing that matters, Liv. Trust me, I’ve learned from experience.”

  I looked over at her more confused than ever.

  “Where’s your home, Livingston?”

  I didn’t know what the hell was going on. “Madison, South Carolina.”

  Shaking her head, she said, “No, home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling. It’s a feeling people give you. Ask yourself if Adam’s your home. And if he is, fight for him. Fight for both of you. Hold on. And he’ll find his way.”

  We could see Cole coming up the hill on a black horse. She smiled at him and waved her hand high in the air, sitting up. Her eyes shone with the kind of love fairy tales were made of. She looked back at me with all that love in her gaze. “Someone had to fight for me once. And I’m so glad he did.”

  She got up and ran down the hill toward Cole and he swung her up onto the back of his horse. She clutched him around the waist and kissed him on the back of his neck.

  He turned his head to catch her mouth in a kiss that could have lit the field of grass they were riding through on fire.

  I blushed down to my toes as I collected my horse and walked him back down the hill the long way so I didn’t interrupt them. I didn’t dare get on that horse without Everly. It was scary enough with her.

  When I got back to the barn, I didn’t have a damn clue what to do with the horse, so it was a good thing Cody was in the barn.

  He took the reins from me with a smile on his face. “Have fun?”

  “Yeah.” I grinned back as best as I could, but Everly had left me with a lot to think about. I’d been fighting for Adam most of my life. Was I giving up on him now? When we were so close?

  I was walking out of the barn to head back to the bed and breakfast when Cody called out to me. “Liv, wait up.”

  He ran to catch up with me, a mischievous grin playing at his lips. “I have something for you.” He held his hand out and in it was a paper star folded up all pretty origami style.

  “Thanks?” I said, raising my eyebrows at him as I turned and headed out of the barn, looking at the star in my hand. What in the hell did he give me a star for?

  I noticed a little paper notch on the front of it and pulled it. The paper star flew open and on the inside there was something written.

  Your Smile

  I studied the words. Your Smile. I was even more confused about why he’d given me this star with the words written on the inside until I really looked at the writing and then I knew instantly. I’d never forget that chicken scratch for as long as I lived.

  My heart raced as soon as I realized and I stopped right outside the barn and looked around like maybe he was going to pop out from behind a tree or something.

  I held the paper to my burning chest with my hand and continued my walk back to the house, excited. More than excited really. My talk with Everly had brought things home for me. She was right. I loved him. If I loved him, I needed to keep fighting for him. I needed to hold on until he found his way. He’d been through so much and guilt ate away at me that I’d left him so abruptly, but I’d needed time.

  Halfway on the way back to the house I spotted another paper star on the ground. I picked it up, feeling like I had all of those years ago when Adam had left me the notes in the bottle—excited, confused, overwhelmed.

  I opened it up quickly, my breath coming fast, adrenaline pumping in my veins.

  Your Eyes

  I didn’t understand. Even after all this time Adam was still damn mysterious. I had a hunch he liked it that way, so I smiled as I climbed the steps to the B&B, the paper warm in my palm, as I thought about Adam with his dancing blue eyes writing these notes and leaving them for me.

  The final paper star was on the porch just right outside the front door. I opened it up, grinning like a fool.

  Your Heart

  I didn’t know what it meant, but I suspected it meant something great and I found myself looking for him, scouring the outside of the house with my eyes, desperate for just a glimpse of him.

  I’d missed him. So damn much.

  I opened the door to the bed and breakfast and stopped dead in my tracks. There he was, sitting in the reception area talking to Everly and Jane, the manager for the house.

  He didn’t see me, so I took my time, my eyes devouring every inch of him, and he looked the perfect bad boy today in his jeans and boots with a pale blue T-shirt, his leather jacket on and open in the front.

  Everly saw me first and shot me big eyes, mouthing, “Oh my God, he’s so hot.”

  I giggled and that’s when he turned, spotting me. His eyes lit and he didn’t waste any time coming to me.

  He walked across the floor looking big, and manly, and so damn gorgeous the fever was on me immediately.

  “You’re here,” I breathed when he finally stood not a foot away.

  He gave me a half grin. “I am. Is that okay?”

  I nodded. “It is.”

  His half smile turned into a full one.

  What I couldn’t understand was how he found me. “How did you know where I was?”

  His cheeks were a bit red as he answered, “Well, I had a little help.” His eyes gestured to the room behind me and I turned to find Sebastian and Mel talking in one of the side rooms. I had to admit I was beyond glad he’d come for her. She needed him right now way more than she needed me, despite what she said.

  Much like I needed Adam. I wanted to kiss his face off.

  “Want to go upstairs to my room so we can talk?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” he said softly, following me up the stairs and to my room.

  I opened the door and walked in, Adam behind me, but I paused in my tracks at the sight before me. Paper stars everywhere. All over my queen-sized bed and onto the old hardwood floors beneath. It looked to be hundreds and hundreds of them all folded up neatly, begging to be opened.

  I looked at them and back at Adam and then back at the notes again, astonished.

  He walked ahead of me to the bed as I stood there stunned.

  “There are three thousand seven hundred and one paper stars in this room, including the ones in your hand.”

  “I don’t understand,” I said softly. I wanted to, though. So, so much. So I stood there quietly as he moved the letters over and made room for himself to sit on the bed. He picked up one of the stars and turned it over and over in his hands. “Three thousand seven hundred and one paper stars for every day we were apart.” He huffed out a sad laugh. “I started doing it w
hen I was in prison. Writing something on the paper that I loved about you. Something that kept me going.”

  I swayed on my feet. Adam had been the romantic young man of my teenage life and now he was even more so. I walked to him like I was floating on a cloud.

  My eyes feasted on over three thousand paper stars that represented how much he thought of me. It was often, so freaking often my heart was bursting wide-open.

  Adam reached for me and pulled me between his legs. He rested his head on my stomach and his arms came around my waist.

  “My mother…she used to put a paper star just like these in my lunch box every day when I was a kid. Inside each one was something she loved about me, too.” I could hear his lips trembling around the words and I knew how it hurt, how hard it was for him to tell me this, so I held his head to my stomach harder, holding on, just like Everly had said.

  And I kept holding on.

  “I was a nerdy kid, awkward, didn’t have many friends, but those stars, they helped me get through every day. Just like they did when I was in jail and afterward when I thought you didn’t want me.”

  I fell to my knees in front of him and pulled him into my embrace, my heart overflowing with love for the little boy and the man. “Oh, Adam. I’m so sorry,” I cried, wetness pooling in my eyes.

  He picked me up and held me in his lap. “No, I’m sorry. I should have told you. I should have been honest. It’s hard for me, but I’m working on it. I should have given you these stars as soon as I saw you again. But, I’m going to do better. I promise.

  “I know you think I didn’t think of you, didn’t miss you all this time, but I did. So, so much.” It was like the words were wrenched right from his chest.

  I pressed my nose into his neck, breathing in the scent I loved most in the world. Adam. “I love you to the moon and back, tattoo boy.”

  He kissed the top of my forehead and then my ear before tilting my head back with his fingers and taking my mouth like a thief even though it was already his and had been for years. “I love you to Pluto and back, my Luna.”

  One year later.

  I WAS STANDING ON THE pier on Saint Ashley’s island, Adam’s hand in mine. It was an unseasonably warm night for spring and the humidity was high. I’d whined when he’d asked to go out to the pier and look at the full moon, but he’d somehow convinced me like he usually did in most things. He pulled me along to the end of the dock where the lone telescope sat that we’d looked through a little over a year ago. Letting go of my hand, he pressed his eye to the lens. I looked around the pier, half expecting to see Georgina since we were so close to her home, but I hadn’t seen her since the day I told her I didn’t have Daddy’s money anymore. And now with Carlisle in prison for a very long time, I wondered if she’d moved on to her next rich man.