His face changed from anger to shock, “Mia,” he said sadly. “Please, just let me take you home, I won’t talk to you but please let me take you there so I know you got home safe?” he pleaded with me quietly, looking defeated.
“Alright,” I said, giving into him.
The drive was much shorter than walking, my legs were tired but my mind was racing. I felt so embarrassed to talk to him about what had happened, I didn’t want to come off needy or clingy. The absolute last thing I wanted to do was scare him off or freak him out. To him, this was probably just making out that went too far. He probably realised he was doing this with his student, I looked out the window and watched as the houses passed us.
Finally reaching my house, I quickly wiped my eyes before he noticed I had been crying, “Thank you for the lift,” I said quietly.
“Mia, I’m sorry,” was all Noah said.
“Me too,” I replied, getting out of the car and making my way towards the front door.
All Sunday I avoided him. His calls I left unanswered, the texts were not replied back to, it wasn’t as if he sent me messages demanding to call him back, they were just I miss you, or thinking about you messages. I needed some space to think about all that had happened between us on the weekend.
One thing for sure were that I was never drinking again.
Dad never came into my room, I think he assumed I was sleeping off a hangover. Which I was on and off, but mostly I just laid in bed and cried. I cried like I did when Mum died, I just wanted to go back to the night before and not take that drink. My heart missed Noah, I wanted him to tell me that he loved me again.
When Monday came around I slumped in my seat, my eyes tired from all the reading I caught up on and the over sleeping I had done. I wasn’t looking forward to class today, Noah wasn’t looking at me, which made this a little easier.
“Do you all understand Matrices?” Mr Wade asked, putting his book down to the desk and looking around the room.
“No, what is it again?” Katie asked, I groaned quietly to myself.
“A matrix consists of a set of numbers arranged in rows and columns enclosed in brackets, the dimensions or order of a matrix gives the number of rows followed by the number of columns in a matrix. The order of a matrix with 3 rows and 2 columns is 3 × 2 or 3 by 2. We usually denote a matrix by a capital letter. Each number in the array is called an entry or an element of the matrix. When we need to read out the elements of an array, we read it out row by row. Each element is defined by its position in the matrix,” Mr Wade spoke, he was quite patient for someone who asked him to repeat everything he said.
“Right moving forward, write this down if you need help remembering,” he called out again. “A matrix may be classified by types. It is possible for a matrix to belong to more than one type. A column matrix is a matrix with only one column. A row matrix is a matrix with only one row. A column matrix of order 2 × 1 is also called a vector matrix. A zero matrix or a null matrix is a matrix that has all its elements zero. A square matrix is a matrix with an equal number of rows and columns. A diagonal matrix is a square matrix that has all its elements zero except for those in the diagonal from top left to bottom right; which is known as the leading diagonal of the matrix. A unit matrix is a diagonal matrix whose elements in the diagonal are all ones.”
By the end of the lesson my brain was burned out by all of this, I know most people think this is completely boring, but to me I enjoyed it. I loved solving these math puzzles.
“Don’t forget, we’ve got a test tomorrow on this, go home and study hard. This test will be important for your end of year grade,” Mr Wade called out to everyone who was starting to get up out of their seats.
I looked at James who let out a yawn, stretching his arms in the air, “Yeah, so I didn’t get any of that, copy yours later?”
I raised my brows, feeling anxious as I was about to tell him no. “Umm, I am not going to get in trouble for you copying my work, word for word like you usually do,” I said, usually I went along with it, I was actually annoyed that he thought I was going to hand over the answers to him. Especially since it was almost end of year exams.
I grabbed my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and walking out the door. I wasn’t going to talk to Noah while in the school, seems he had other idea as he called me back, “Mia, come here for a sec please.”
I felt my heart pounding as hard as he closed the door slightly and walked towards me, “So your phone isn’t still broken then?”
“So you do have a mother who you see often?” I shot back, crying and over sleeping had made me moody.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair, “It’s complicated, and I wasn’t ready to tell you about that just yet.”
“Or other things,” I said under my breath, breaking eye contact.
“We almost slept together Mia, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to, I just know that you deserve more than a drunken first time. I felt god awful when I sobered up and realised just what I had been doing to you, did you really want to have sex like that for a first time?” He asked, reaching over and taking hold of my hand.
I shook my head, looking back at him, “You’re really making me feel like I am disgusting, that you were sickened to have almost been with me like that. Then you just left and I felt used, you never said anything to me. I felt embarrassed Noah, really embarrassed.”
My eyes were beginning to fill with tears, I didn’t want to get into an argument over this and my gut was telling me he was going to break up with me, I wasn’t good enough for a guy like Noah.
“I’m so sorry I ever made you feel that way, you’re more to me than just a hook up, and it’s hard to keep away from you. I just don’t want to put you in a situation like that again. I shouldn’t have told you its ok for you to drink. You, I and alcohol don’t mix that well Mia,” he let out a sigh. “I think you shouldn’t come to the parties, I can’t risk going too far next time when I probably wouldn’t have stopped it Saturday night. We both know if Ryan didn’t interrupt us, we would have slept together.”
I felt like he had stabbed me, but he was completely right. “If that’s what you think, then ok.”
“You’re still mad at me?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes, I actually wasn’t that upset over it anymore, more relieved he hadn’t broken up with me. “I’m ok. You should go to your parties, hang out with your guy friends. I’m not ready to sleep with you and I didn’t want to do it like that, you have guy nights and I will stay home with myself and do what I normally do,” I smiled, poking my tongue out at him.
He laughed, pulling me in close, “I love you. You know that?”
I nodded, looking around before I wrapped my arms around his neck, “I know, and I love you too, I need to go home and study for this insanely boring test tomorrow,” I grinned.
A smile came across his face, he looked towards the classroom door then gave me a swift kiss on the lips, pulling back he asked, “Would you like your insanely boring teacher to help you study?”
“Yes please,” I said, biting down on my lower lip nervously. He knew how to make me feel so much better with just a few words, I liked that we could sort this out so quickly. I hated fighting with him.
I rolled out the dough as Noah sat in front of me going over school work, things with him were back to normal. We both decided to cool it on the hot making out for now, he was right. I think he was scared of me regretting being with him. I never thought of that, I just assumed it was him regretting me, not the other way around.
“Your birthday is next week, any ideas on what you want?” he asked looking up. “I may need some ideas on what to buy if you want to drop some hints?” he grinned.
I sighed, my eighteenth birthday had come around faster than expected. I wished Mum were still here, we had plans of having a girls day out. I just smiled sadly, “Nope, I don’t really want to do anything for it, it’s just another day really.”
Noah stood up, coming around
to where I was standing and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. “Mia, don’t be afraid to live, I know it’s hard but don’t give up things out of regret or sadness.”
I leant back into his chest, “I’m not afraid, I just miss her,” I missed her terribly.
“I know you do, how about you let me do something for you? Nothing over the top crazy, just low key and fun?” He asked.
I spun around in his arms, “I’m listening,” I said trying not to smile.
He laughed, “Nice try baby, I’m not telling you until then.”
I groaned. I went back to making the pizza dough and then started on the toppings. Dad was due home soon, I hadn’t told him Noah was going to be here. He was in for a surprise, hopefully he wouldn’t mind at all. There was a knock on the door and I looked up, “I’ll get it, may be weird to explain why my teacher is here if someone asks,” I smiled.
Noah chuckled, “True baby.”
I passed the window from the living room and spotted James standing outside, my insides sped up and freaked out. The only thing I was able to do was duck down and hide like a little kid. I then began to crawl back to the kitchen.
“Mia what are you doing?” Noah asked, laughing as he closed the fridge door.
I shot him a look, patting the ground as I hid around the corner where James couldn’t see if he looked through other windows. “Get on the floor, James is at the door and could see you.”
“Serious?” he asked, getting down on his hands and knees then crawling over towards me. “Why is he even here for?” He grumbled, looking annoyed.
“He want’s my maths books so he can-” I cut myself off as I realised I was about to spill to my teacher about a student cheating. Oops, probably not a good thing to do.
After a while the knocking stopped but Noah and I remained on the floor, I was too frozen to move in case James was still there, silently peeking through a window. We must have looked like idiots when Dad walked in, frowning at us both on the ground and hiding.
“A little too old to be playing hide and seek Mia?” He chuckled as Noah stood up.
“James turned up, that wouldn’t be fun to explain would it?” I asked him as I stood myself up.
Dad rubbed his chin, “True, but you do know Noah’s car is in the drive. I think James knew you were home and obviously with a boy, just don’t let him find out who the car belongs to.”
Ah crap, I didn’t think of that. “Oh well, is it ok if Noah stays for dinner?”
“You mean you haven’t already asked him?” Noah asked, mocking horror as he gave my ass a playful grab when Dad wasn’t looking.
Dad chuckled, “He’s welcome for dinner, just keep the doors open and clothes on.”
“Dad!” I groaned feeling my cheeks flame. It wouldn’t have bothered me too much if Noah and I hadn’t almost slept together Saturday night.
“Don’t worry, Mia’s too shy to take a jumper off in front of me. You have no problem about keeping our clothes on,” Noah winked, teasing me with Dad as they both laughed.
I followed behind the men as walked with our plates of pizza, “What did James want? He said you were going to help him with some test?” Dad asked as we sat in the living room to eat.
I shrugged, trying to avoid Noah’s gaze, “He wants to copy my work,” I said underneath my breath.
“He what?” Noah asked, “Mia seriously you need to say a few choice words to him soon,” he muttered, it was cute to see Noah like this.
I smiled, until Dad cut in, “My word Mia, this boy isn’t as good as what I thought, he was caught with pot last weekend.”
“What?” I asked, I couldn’t believe James was into that stuff. He was really changing and not for the best.
Dad cleared his throat, “I’m sorry dear, you just let everyone walk all over you, time to stand up for yourself and let them know how you feel.”
I shrugged, I knew he was right but I felt so awful for being mean to people. I looked at Noah who just gave me a smile, he knew that Dad was right. I just didn’t want to be that girl.
After dinner I walked Noah to his car, making sure we were alone I leant forwards and kissed him softly. “Thanks for coming over, and I am sorry for ignoring your calls and messages on Sunday.”
“It’s ok, I deserved it,” he gave me a lopsided grin, “you know I got lucky with you.”
“Not yet you haven’t,” I teased him with a playful smile.
He chuckled, “Not what I meant, I mean you’re really something amazing Mia,” he kissed me once more.
I felt my cheeks blushing slowly, “You’re amazing too, now drive home so you can text me goodnight.”
He laughed, “Alright then, I love you,” he said then slid into his seat of the car and turned it on.
I leant down as he lowered the window, meeting him halfway for a sweet goodnight kiss after I said, “I love you too.”
Chapter Eighteen
“Where the hell were you last night?” James hissed, grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop.
I frowned, tugging my arm back from his grasp, “I was busy, why?”
“I needed help with the test, now thanks to you I’ve probably failed the entire exam!” he said a little louder.
I scoffed loudly, “How is that my fault James? Do what I do and study, it’s not that hard.”
My eyes narrowed in on him, I was so mad at him right now that I stormed off towards home room. It should be empty as I was about to flip out. I slammed the door closed and slumped against it with my arms crossed. How dare him! How he could make me feel like the bad one here, I studied hard and focused on all my subjects at school unlike James, he should not be yelling at me.
I was flung from the door as it was pushed open hard, my arms shot out as I almost face planted with a stack of chairs.
“What the hell!” I shouted loudly, turning around as I steadied myself.
“What has gotten into you Mia? You’re acting different,” James crossed his arms over his chest, demanding to know what was going on with me.
I crossed mine over my own chest and glared, “You’re not my father, and you don’t get the right to know what’s going on with me.”
He scoffed, “You’re going out, barely home and you never answer your phone, what the hell are you doing? Or should I say who?”
“Who?” I asked, oh dear god I hoped he didn’t mean Mr Wade. There couldn’t be anyway he knew about us, we weren’t flaunting our relationship in public for all to see. We had actually pulled off the secret dating quite well.
James pushed the door shut, slamming it loudly. “You’re getting around with someone, I heard you were at the football the other week, since when do you go to that? Since when do you do anything?”
I was seeing red right now, “I go to the football with Dad, since he was invited by some men at the station, don’t believe me then ask him, oh and I can have a life that doesn’t revolve around you James, who by the way I hear you’re into smoking weed, are you out of your mind!” I shouted back loudly.
He smirked, “Here’s a fun fact, I fuck, smoke and drink. Maybe you should stop being so frigid and try it sometime. You may even get that stick out of your stuck up ass!”
I let out a loud scream and I charged then lunged at him. I was so mad right now, I knocked him down and straddled him, slapping and punching him everywhere his hands were moving to. I was so angry that he was being a complete jackass. He was laughing which made this more infuriating, until I slapped him hard across the face and he tried to roll us but I dug my elbow into his side which caused him to pull on my hair and I squealed as my head tugged to the side where he yanked hard.
“What the hell?!” A booming voice called out, arms were around my waist as I was being pulled off James who was laughing. That only made me angrier, I realised Noah had hold of me and I stopped fighting his grasp. He soon let me go as James stood up, I couldn’t turn and look at Noah, and god knows what he thinks of me now.
“Well about tim
e I got more than a smile from you, Mummy would be so proud that her daughter finally got a backbone,” James snickered, fixing his shirt.
I felt the tears coming on. I was humiliated right now, I couldn’t believe he’d go so low as to throw in my dead Mothers name. I don’t think he even realised what he said until he seen the look across my face.
“Mia I didn’t mean it,” James said coming closer.
Mr Wade stepped in between us, his voice was booming mad, “Both of you, sit down and not another word. As for everyone else, get out! Show’s over!”
Since our seats were next to each other I was moved to the back of the classroom. Mr Wade was sitting against his desk, arms crossed and staring at the both of us. “Care to explain just happened or why it even happened?”
I shrugged and James spoke up. “She attacked me for asking questions.”
My head snapped up, “You grabbed my arm and blew a fuse because I didn’t give you my maths book to copy from,” I spat back.
James look mad now, his eyes bore holes into my head as he glared, “What the fuck Mia! Why would you say that for?”
“I’m not a doormat, don’t treat me like your slave,” I hissed.
“Oh enough,” Mr Wade’s voice called out before James could yell back.
I was so mad. I had tears spilling down the corners of my eyes, “No that is not enough,” I stood up and slammed my hands down over the wooden desk, “I have a boyfriend!” I yelled out loudly, “That’s where I have been and yes before you ask, Dad knows and has met him, so back off and stop treating me like the ugly duck all the time, there are boys that like me for me. I don’t need to sleep around or drink or smoke to get their attention, so how about you just shove it up your ass and leave me alone!”
Both Mr Wade and James looked at me stunned, until James cracked a joke the almost sent Mr Wade, who’s in fact my boyfriend into a flying rage.
“Bet he’s screwing around on you, it’s obvious that you’re not putting out. You need a good fuck to get all that angry tension out of your body, come over to mine Mia and I’ll help you out,” James snickered again.
Falling In Maths Page 11
