Tempted by a Rake’s Smile: A Historical Regency Romance Book

by Meghan Sloan

  “Norman, would you mind giving us a few minutes?”

  “Sure.” Norman headed towards the door, giving Cassandra a wide berth. “I don’t want to get slapped myself.”

  He scurried out, closing the door behind him. Gabriel turned back to Cassandra.

  “Cassie, can we just talk about this?”

  “Talk about what?” Cassandra snapped. “You tried to manipulate me, Gabriel! You manipulated your brother! You’ll be lucky if he speaks to you again after that. You lied to him.” Her voice quivered, “You lied to me. Last night...you said all the right things. You seduced me into bed. And I let you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “You were the one who provided protection.”

  “Don’t turn this back on me, Gabriel!”

  “I was trying to say that I wasn’t the one who did the seducing,” Gabriel shot back. “I’ve done a lot of that in the past, but I was telling myself that I would never do that to you. I was foolish enough to not say we needed to have this conversation in another room. You were the one who asked for a private talk in a bedroom, and your friend provided those French letters. You knew what you were doing!” He slapped his chest, “My part? I didn’t seduce you because I wanted to play you. I made love to you because I wanted to. All I could think about was having you in my arms.”

  Cassandra was still furious, her eyes blazing. But Gabriel could see the tears beginning to build. She appeared to have been crying all the way over here. He wanted to reach for her and hold her, tell her that everything was going to be all right. But he kept his hands to himself; he didn’t want to be slapped again.

  “You lied to me,” Cassandra accused. Her voice was choked.

  “What did I lie about? Wait, don’t answer that.” Gabriel held up a hand as Cassandra started to open her mouth again. “All right, yes, I lied about Percy wanting to get to know you more, and I lied about my interest in Seton Hall. But I didn’t lie about how I felt. That I couldn’t do.”

  “And that’s supposed to make me feel better, is it?” Cassandra turned away, pressing a hand to her stomach. “I feel sick. This...this whole mess...God.”

  Gabriel felt like someone was squeezing the air out of his lungs. He leaned against the desk as his legs threatened to give way.

  “Look, Cassie, everything that happened between us, I know it shouldn’t have happened. I know you didn’t ask me there for a seduction. The fact you were prepared…” He would not think about that again. “We’re not exactly the most compatible of people…”

  “That’s it, is it?” Cassandra swung around. “I’m not good enough for you, am I?”

  Gabriel winced.

  “That came out wrong.” He took a deep breath, clutching tightly at the edge of the desk to stop himself from reaching for her. “It’s just...you’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you. I fell in love with you because I’m a fool. I couldn’t keep myself separate from it all. I went about this because I was greedy and I wanted something for myself. I wanted to feel useful in this world, wanted and respected. I lost all that when I messed up one too many times. This time, I wanted things to be different again. And I messed up,” he looked away, “because I fell in love.”

  Cassandra snorted.

  “It still doesn’t make me feel any better, Gabe. You lied to be. Betrayed me.” She approached him, stopping just out of reach. She looked stricken. “I finally gave in to what I had been feeling since we met, even though you and I spent most of our time verbally sparring. I should have let that be a reason all on its own, but I didn’t. For the first time in my life, I let myself really feel.”

  He had hurt her. Badly. Gabriel had hurt women in the past, and those times he had told them to stop and leave him alone. He hadn’t had any concerns for them at all; nothing benefited him. God, had he really been that selfish all this time?

  Yes, you were. And now you’re suffering the consequences for the first time.

  And it’s not nice at all.

  Gabriel swallowed.

  “I don’t expect you to forgive me, Cassie. Just know that it wasn’t my intention.”

  Cassandra lifted her chin and took a deep breath. Gabriel saw a tear escape, and he wanted to reach out and wipe it away. He didn’t want to see her cry.

  “Maybe not. But I don’t see how you’re going to make this better.” She sounded a lot calmer than she looked. “You destroyed my trust in you, Gabriel. You can’t get that back.”

  “Cassie…”

  Gabriel reached for her, but Cassandra stepped away. She shook her head, looking like she was going to break down if he touched her.

  “No. Don’t even try. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to see you. Come near Seton’s, and I’ll have you thrown out. I don’t want anything to do with you. Just…”

  She broke off, and Gabriel heard a sob. God, this was not what he had wanted at all. He straightened up and started towards her, but Cassandra backed up so quickly he stopped. Her flinching away from him hurt more than he cared to admit. Then his heart sank as Cassandra turned and practically ran out of the room.

  The door slammed behind her, and Gabriel felt like some of his heart had been taken out of the room.

  Chapter 21

  “Mr. Tattershall?”

  Gabriel barely looked up as his valet stood by his chair.

  “Leave me be, Allen. I’m not in the mood for anything.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Gabriel growled. Allen had been like this for close to a week now. He kept asking if Gabriel needed anything and then making sure. Gabriel wanted to throttle the man. He just wanted to be left alone.

  Allen sighed and Gabriel heard his footsteps fade away as he left the room. He scowled out the window, hating what he was seeing. Normally, just the sight of the garden he had come to appreciate would bring him some calm; make him feel a little better. But now it just looked like a prison. He felt trapped.

  Lost. Empty.

  Who knew that a broken heart could feel like this? Gabriel certainly didn’t like it. He had scoffed at his friends who had fallen for a woman and who then went around with a miserable look on their faces when it didn’t work out or they weren’t able to express themselves in time. Gabriel thought it was a ridiculous emotion; that it got in the way of everything.

  Now he knew how they felt.

  Moping around the cottage wasn’t going to make him feel any better, but there wasn’t much else he could do. Norman had taken one look at his face when he came into the office and told Gabriel to go home and take a few days for himself. He would hand over control over everything on Monday while Gabriel got his head on straight.

  Monday was tomorrow, and Gabriel still didn’t feel like he was in a good place.

  He had thought about going to Cassandra’s many times, just to get her to hear him out. But he knew that she wouldn’t let him inside. Gabriel wouldn’t be surprised if she had told everyone to bar him from the house.

  He didn’t want to push it too much. Just a few more days, and then he would see if he could ask for her forgiveness again. If she didn’t want to see him again, Gabriel would have to take that. It was going to wrench him apart to keep his distance, but he would respect Cassandra’s wishes.

  He was beginning to wish he had never started off down this road. Now it felt like the road had been blocked, and he couldn’t go back. Gabriel was at a loss.

  The sight of his garden was getting too much for him. Putting on his walking boots and shoving his coat on, Gabriel headed out into the fields. A long walk might help. The fresh air could clear his head and he might be able to think more clearly.

  Who are you trying to convince? You’ve done that every day since she walked away from you, and it hasn’t happened yet.

  Gabriel crossed one field and reached a stone wall. If he took this shortcut, he could head into the woods and make a long, circular route back to his cottage without needing to come into sight of his former home. Goodness only knew what Percy had told
their parents, but it was nothing that Gabriel didn’t deserve. He had done wrong, and he had messed around the only person who was still on his side.

  It was his fault, pure and simple. But that didn’t make Gabriel feel any better.

  There was a stile in the wall somewhere, but where was...Gabriel made his way along the wall. It had to be close by somewhere. And it was, with a huge oak tree overhanging the wall and casting shade from the blistering sun.

  Someone was already climbing the stile, and Gabriel slowed. He didn’t want to be brought into conversation with another walker; he wasn’t in the best of moods for anyone. Then he saw who was vaulting the style and he stopped in his tracks.

  “Father?”

  Derek Tattershall landed lightly on the ground and dusted off his coat. He wasn’t wearing a hat, which was unusual for him; his father liked to keep to custom attire when he was out anywhere. He gave Gabriel a half-smile and a nod.

  “Gabriel. Good timing, or I would’ve made my way to your home for nothing.”

  He had been coming to see him? Gabriel thought he must have misheard. On instinct, he took half a step back.

  “Why were you coming to see me?”

  “Allen came up to the hall yesterday. He was very concerned about you,” Derek frowned. “You haven’t eaten in nearly a week, and he said you weren’t getting out of bed.”

  Gabriel gritted his teeth. Allen should know when to leave alone. He didn’t need to report back to his employer about everything his master did.

  “I’m not ill, Father. There was no need to come down and check up on me.”

  “Well, I beg to differ.” Derek folded his arms, “A broken heart is a type of illness. One I didn’t expect you to suffer from, if I’m honest, but it’s happening.”

  “What?” Gabriel stared. “You know about...Miss Seton and me?”

  “I know what Percy’s told me. He’s still very angry that you lied to him about Miss Seton. I was as well when I realised what you were up to.” Derek frowned, “You don’t manipulate people you care about like that, Gabe. Percy didn’t ask for this, and now you’ve got another bridge to build before he’ll accept any type of forgiveness.”

  “I know. It wasn’t my intention.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  Gabriel winced. This was going to end up in a fight, he just knew it. But he had no energy for one. He had barely any energy for anything right now. Gabriel found himself slumping to the ground, resting his back against the wall. Right now, he wanted to curl up into a ball and be left alone. Acknowledging that he had done the wrong thing to himself was one thing. But to his father? He would see it as more reason to have him out of the family for good.

  “I didn’t mean for it to get this bad, Father,” Gabriel hung his head. “This has just become a big mess.”

  “I figured that much when Allen came to me and explained that you’d fallen for Miss Seton yourself,” Derek sounded bemused. “When he described how you were behaving, I was surprised. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

  “Well, I guess I hadn’t found a woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Until Cassie. Now she won’t speak to me.”

  “You did mess her around.”

  “I realise that, Father, and I’ve apologised so many times,” Gabriel swallowed. He hated feeling like this. “But Cassie...she refuses to entertain me.”

  Derek was silent for a while. For a moment, Gabriel thought he had left in disgust. But then there was the rustling of clothing and a breaking of a few twigs, and Gabriel looked up to see Derek settling on the grass beside him.

  That almost had him shooting to his feet. In the whole time since his father had kicked him out of the family, he had always kept his distance, even when they were in the same room. This was the first time Derek had even touched him, their shoulders bumping as Derek got himself comfortable on the ground next to his son.

  It almost had Gabriel turning into a little boy again and breaking down.

  “You really do love Miss Seton, don’t you?” Derek asked.

  Gabriel nodded. He was too worn out to argue about it with his father.

  “If you’re going to tell me that I was a fool and I’ve ruined it for myself, don’t bother. I’ve already done that many times.”

  “I wasn’t going to say that. I just wanted confirmation to myself that what Allen said is true,” Derek sighed. “And from what I can see, it is.”

  They sat in silence for a while. Gabriel didn’t even know what to say. What could you say when you had barely interacted with your father for months? Especially with the ache in his heart that was refusing to budge. If anything, it had become even worse.

  Gabriel wanted to be left alone. To tell his father to get lost. But a part of him wanted Derek to stay. For the first time since he was fifteen, he needed his father. Even if his father was going to chastise him for what he’d done. He stared out over the field, watching a deer venture out with its fawn to graze.

  There were often deer when Gabriel went on walks, but he never paid them much attention. Now he witnessed the deer grazing while the baby pranced around, seeming to be chasing butterflies. How long had he been taking things for granted? From the way he had been doing things, a long time.

  “Why are you out here, Father? Besides seeing if I’m really suffering with heartbreak. You said you wanted nothing to do with me.”

  “I’m here because you’re my son.”

  “You disowned me.”

  “You’re still my child, even if I want to throttle you.” Derek let out a sigh, bringing his legs in and crossing them. “I’ve been asking around town about what you’ve been up to. I spoke to Norman Montgomery.”

  He knew about the sale. Derek had implied that he was aware of Gabriel’s plan before, but now he had confirmation. Gabriel braced himself for the chastisement that he knew was coming.

  “I was getting fed up sitting here twiddling my thumbs. You always said I could do anything once I put my mind to it, and that’s what I was doing. Montgomery was letting me get his father’s business on credit and then I was to pay him back what it was worth with the profits. We signed the paperwork regarding it last week.” He swallowed, “I’m due to take over officially tomorrow.”

  “It could be years before the debt is paid off, Gabriel. You could be dead and buried before that happens.”

  “I know, and I don’t care.” No more cutting corners for Gabriel. He would make it work, even if it meant he went without. “As long as I’ve got some worth in this life, then I’ll do whatever I can. I know I can do it. I don’t want to be where I am anymore.” He glanced at his father, “I don’t mind not being the heir anymore. It was more than likely that which had me behaving as I did, and I regret it every day. But I want something for me. Make me feel like I was worthy.”

  “And you wanted to own a business,” Derek murmured. He tilted his head as he regarded his son. “Think you can do it?”

  “Yes. I can.” Gabriel shifted and stretched his legs out. “And if I can’t have Cassie in my life, I want to be able to throw myself into something. Because if I don’t, all I see is her. Which is what is happening right now.” He rubbed his chest, “And it breaks my heart all over again.”

  In the past, when male friends had discussed their feelings and admitted that they had weaknesses, Gabriel had rolled his eyes and called their feelings ridiculous. He hadn’t been sympathetic to them at all. Now he was in their position, and Gabriel now knew how they felt. It was not a pleasant situation. He felt a lot of pain, and it just wouldn’t budge.