Loving in His Way

by T. K. Chapin

  “I couldn’t imagine the pain you went through in losing your spouse.”

  Courtney shrugged, her gaze staying locked on Brian’s brown eyes. “Mine left instantly and by no will of his own. Your spouse betrayed you. I think yours would be so much harder. Willingly being left? Ouch.”

  Brian’s head dipped. “It was hard.”

  Reaching her hand over, she lifted his chin. “But God works all things together for good. Even if we don’t see it right away. Right?”

  “Amen.”

  He got up and went into the kitchen, and her own words lingered on her mind a little while longer. All things together for good. Peering toward her hallway the led down to the spare room, she thought about Todd and Blaze. She wondered, What’s Your plan with those boys, Lord?

  Courtney snuggled up in Brian’s arms after he returned with their cups of tea and she hit Play on the remote. His arms around her were a place of warmth, a feeling of security, and they sent waves of comfort washing over her entire body. As the movie ended a couple of hours later and the credits began to roll, she turned her head to look up at him. He turned his head to look at her.

  Lifting his hand to her cheek, he gently grazed it and looked into her eyes. Then he leaned in, planting his lips against hers softly. Ecstasy coursed through her body, radiating from the center of her chest outward. Turning her body to kiss him further, he brought his other hand up and held her face as he kissed her deeper.

  Then she stopped and smiled. “You should go. The boys get up at five. That only gives me six hours of sleep if I go to sleep right now.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Wow. What time did you used to wake up?”

  “Eight to be to work by nine.”

  Brian shook his head and stood up from the couch. Turning toward Courtney as she rose to her feet, he smiled. “You’re an amazing woman, Courtney. You’re so selfless, raising those boys on your own for the last two months and possibly ending up raising them to adulthood if their mother doesn’t work out.”

  She shrugged one shoulder as she thought about her mom. “Wish my mother would get that memo.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I told her about Taylor going back to Drake, and I mentioned the guardianship I have for six months and she flipped.”

  Holding out his hands, Brian shrugged. “You have to protect them. Right?”

  “Right. You get it.”

  Brian came closer to her and wrapped her in a hug. “It’s going to be okay.”

  After a long moment, they released and he pecked her on the lips once more and then left the apartment.

  Three days later, Brian was working in his office one afternoon and felt the two o’clock slow-down fast approaching. Lifting his coffee mug, he peered inside to see it was empty and then went down the hall to the kitchen. Walking in, he saw Courtney sitting at the kitchen island, crying.

  “Whoa. What’s wrong?” Coming around the island, he set his coffee cup down and wrapped his arms around her as he came in close over one shoulder. “Talk to me.”

  “Remember how Taylor hasn’t come around since Sunday?”

  “Yes . . .”

  “She’s demanding her boys and she’s at the house with the cops right now.”

  Jumping back, Brian shouted. “What is she thinking?”

  “I don’t think she is. She has to be back on drugs.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  She shrugged, looking at Brian with her red, swollen eyes. “I don’t know. I just got her text and came in here to sit and breathe outside of view of the boys.”

  Recalling the guardianship Courtney had mentioned, he shook Courtney’s shoulder. “The guardianship!”

  “I know, but then that’s going to start a whole thing with my mom and my sister. It’s going to be ugly and I don’t want that.”

  Coming around to the other side of the island, Brian leaned across the counter and grabbed both of her hands in his hands. “You have to decide what is more important, the well-being of these boys and doing whatever you can to protect them or saving face with your family.”

  “I’m scared, Brian.”

  “I’m sure you are scared. It’s a scary thing. Whatever you need, I’ll do. Want me to go with you over there?”

  She shook her head. “No, I don’t want the boys to be traumatized. Can you watch them, and I’ll go over there and show the police the papers?”

  “Absolutely. Go.”

  She grabbed her purse and kissed the boys, and then Brian, and left. Walking into Courtney’s office that doubled as their playroom, Brian sat down with Blaze and Todd.

  “What’s going on, gentlemen?”

  Todd brought over a car and handed it to him. Smiling, Brian took the toy and glanced around the room. Seeing a binder on the bookcase, he grabbed it and made a ramp. Then he placed the car at the top. Tapping the butt of the car, he made it rush down the angled binder and the car zoomed across the hardwood floor. Todd’s eyes grew into saucers as he dashed over to the car and repeated the action Brian had just done. Blaze soon joined in on the action. After minutes turned into an hour, the boys were losing interest in the binder so Brian stood and rose to his feet.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Hurrying down the hallway, he went and grabbed an old moving box he had broken down and folded, tucking it behind the desk in the study off the foyer. Returning to the playroom a few moments later, he took Courtney’s desk chair and flipped it on its side. Then, he laid the box across the chair and showed the boys the new ramp.

  Clapping, Todd jumped up and down. “Awesome, Brian!”

  Sitting back against the wall, Brian watched as the two boys zipped their cars down the cardboard box ramp. He smiled. Only having raised one girl, Brian had never enjoyed the experience of raising and playing with boys. He started to wonder what else he had in his boyhood reservoir of memories.

  Praying on the way over to the apartment, Courtney ignored every phone call from her mother. She knew her mother’s feelings on the matter and they had no bearing anymore on what she had to do. Pulling into the parking lot of the apartment complex, she saw the cop cars along with Taylor and Drake. Her heart sank.

  Shutting her car off, her hands trembled as she undid the seat belt and got out. Peering up at the snow falling down atop her head, she lifted a final prayer. God, protect my heart and help me just get through this right now.

  As she walked toward the apartment, her sister immediately started cursing when she realized the children were not with her.

  “Ma’am.” An officer greeted her. “I understand you have Miss Taylor Hinley’s children in your possession. Where are the children now?”

  More cursing ensued from Taylor, and Drake even threw words in this time. A different police officer tried to calm the two of them down.

  “They’re safe with a friend. Come inside and I’ll show you the guardianship papers.”

  Her sister became unhinged and tried to follow the two of them.

  Courtney’s heart ached, but she felt the supernatural power of God with her in that moment. “I’d prefer that she not enter my apartment.”

  “That’s fine, ma’am. It’ll just be me.”

  The other officer blocked Taylor’s way to the apartment. More words of pain sliced through the cold wintry air, filling the atmosphere with venom and hate. Walking in with the officer, she went over to the bookcase and with trembling hands grabbed the guardianship papers that Taylor had signed and the court had approved. The officer looked them over.

  “You understand that these are just temporary.”

  “Yes. That was originally what it was for, so she could go to rehab. That man she is with is a drug addict and is abusive. I can’t let these boys go with her there.”

  “I understand.” The police officer jotted down notes. “Can you go ahead and give me your full name and birthday, please?”

  She gave him all the information he wanted and then answered all of his questions.
Handing the papers back to Courtney, he stopped before leaving. Turning around, he smiled and nodded at the teary-eyed Courtney. “I know this has to be hard for you. If all you told me today is the truth, you’re doing the right thing. Just make sure you get a court date before those papers expire in mid-January.”

  “Will do. Thank you, Officer.”

  “We’ll make sure the two of them are gone before we leave.”

  He exited out the door, shutting the door behind him. Before the door latched, Courtney could hear her sister crying hysterically out in the parking lot. Hurrying over to the door, she locked the deadbolt and then went to her bedroom and picked up her Bible. Opening to her daily reading plan, she began in Philippians chapter 3. As she made her way into chapter four, her inner being was quieting and renewing through the washing of the Word over her heart. Then a passage crossed her eyes that caused her to stop.

  I can do all things through him who gives me strength.

  Philippians 4:13

  Her eyes watered, and she nodded as she peered up at the ceiling. “Yes, Lord. I can do all things through You alone. Teach my heart not to fret. Help me not to worry. Let this all be a lesson not only in grace and mercy, but in love and patience and reliance more on You. You are the breath in my lungs and the strength I need for each new day. It’s been true since day one when those boys came to live with me, and it is still true today, Lord. Thank You!”

  Rising from her bed a half hour after the police left, she checked out the blinds to make sure Taylor and Drake were gone from the premises.

  Exiting her apartment, she locked the door and headed back to Brian’s house. Arriving in the foyer, she couldn’t hear a sound in the house. Confusion filled her thoughts as she journeyed down to her office. Walking into the room, she found her office chair tipped over, cardboard boxes and cars sprawled out, but no children and no Brian.

  Then, through the window overlooking the back yard, movement caught her eye in the low light of the back yard and underneath the light pole. Walking over to the windows, she peered out to see Brian and the boys building a large snow slide down the side of the slope in the yard. Smiling as she covered her mouth, Courtney’s heart melted and her eyes watered. He’s perfect. He’s just like you wanted, Drew . . . she thought to herself with tears in her eyes.

  Chapter 7

  Courtney - Age 28

  Drew was invited to be a guest speaker at a pastor conference, and this time it’d be over in Boise, Idaho. It wouldn’t have been a big deal, but he had to drive without her in the snow and ice. She wouldn’t be accompanying him on this trip since she was staying with her mother in Idaho Falls to help out while her father started another round of chemo. Courtney and Drew had been fighting all evening the night prior to his leaving.

  Following him into the bedroom, Courtney stood with her hand on her hip as he flung clothes into a suitcase.

  “You’re just shutting down on me, now? Is that it, Drew?”

  He stopped and turned toward her. “I don’t know what else to say. We can’t afford for me to fly and I need to be there. Have a little faith in God that I’ll be okay.”

  Courtney rushed over to him and shoved him lightly back onto his heels. “Don’t question my faith in God! I love God, but I don’t think it’s smart to drive on snow and ice!”

  “And somehow, this would be fine if you were to go with me?” He laughed and shook his head as he continued packing. “Literally makes zero sense.”

  She grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at her. “You and I both know you aren’t the best of drivers. I don’t want you driving in the snow and ice at night.”

  “I’ll get an extra night at the hotel. It’ll be fine, sheesh.”

  She folded her arms, halfway okay with the idea. “Okay.”

  The following day, she wrote him a note and sneaked it into his luggage when he was in the shower.

  Entering their en-suite bathroom, she knocked lightly on the door as she could see the faint outline of his body through the frosted glass. She made a whistling sound.

  He laughed from the shower. “You’re such a goof.”

  She laughed. “I’m heading out to go over to my parents’.”

  “All right. I love you.”

  “Love you! Call me when you get there safely.”

  Exiting the bathroom, she went out to her car in the driveway. Getting into her car, she backed out of the driveway and headed over to her parents’ house.

  Arriving inside the door, the quietness and dark, gloomy feeling of the living room made that uneasy feeling return to her stomach. She felt it every time she set foot into the house after her father was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. Setting her purse down on the chair, she wove through the living room and went down the hall to her parents’ bedroom.

  Pushing open the door, she saw her father, Frank, asleep on the bed, a western playing on the TV atop the dresser. Her mother was reading one of her historical romance novels. Upon entering the room, her mother immediately noticed and shooed her out as she tossed the book she was reading and came toward the door. Pushing her out into the hall, Rhonda quietly shut the bedroom door and turned toward Courtney.

  “Your father is finally asleep. Let’s not disturb him.”

  “Okay. Where do you want me to start?”

  “You can start in the kitchen and just work your way through the house from there.”

  “Where’s Taylor?”

  “She and Ralph went to a movie. They seem to be pretty good together. He seems kind and loving toward her.”

  “Yeah, I like him. Hopefully, he pops the question soon, eh?”

  Rhonda shrugged. “Hopefully!”

  Courtney got busy cleaning the entire house. Her mother was resistant to Courtney coming over and helping at first, when chemo started a few months ago, but she gave up trying to stop her. Courtney wanted to help in whatever way she could, and this was the best way she knew how—cleaning. As she finished cleaning, she saw it was already nine o’clock on her cell phone. That’s strange. He should’ve gotten to his hotel by now.

  She called Drew’s cell phone and it went to voicemail.

  Her stomach somersaulted.

  She dialed the hotel.

  He hadn’t checked in.

  Courtney called his cell phone again—no answer.

  An hour later, she received a phone call from an unknown Idaho number.

  “What’s wrong with him?”

  “Hello, is this Mrs. McAdams, Drew McAdams’s wife?”

  “It is.”

  “This is nurse Holly at Boise Medical Center. Your husband has been in an accident.”

  Two months later, when Courtney had finally gotten around to going through his belongings in his office, she found a sealed envelope addressed to her. On the back it read, Only read if I’m dead ~Drew

  Morbid, she thought as confusion clouded her thoughts and she quickly opened the envelope. Unfolding the letter with trembling fingers, she began to immediately cry.

  Courtney,

  If you are reading this letter, that most certainly means I have passed away and you made it to the point where you could open my desk. To think of you having to deal with the pain of losing me is almost too much for my heart to bear. While I don’t have a desire to pass away, I can’t help but know it is possible. Knowing that it is possible, I felt compelled to write you this letter. Let me start by saying that being able to love you was the greatest gift God ever gave me in this life. You have always been my better half, and I thank you for choosing me. Thank you for making me the luckiest man in the world and thank you for putting up with me all of these years. I am sorry I left you too soon. If you are still young when you read this and I hadn’t just left it in my desk for decades, I pray that you will remarry. Courtney, you must share that wonderful heart of yours that loves without expecting anything in return. I have no desire in my heart for you to live miserably on this planet without ever loving again. I do have some requests for such a man
, though. First, he must be a God-fearing man. I pray that even through my death, you still have God at the center. God is the most important thing. Secondly, he must have kindness and politeness be the cornerstone of who he is as a person. You deserve respect and a partner who is genuine. Thirdly, he must love others, including children, because I know you two will have them. I have a gut feeling that you will indeed be a mother. Whether it’s biological or adopting, you are going to be a mother, Courtney. I know it. I hope I’m right there with you when it happens, but if not, please know in your heart that I am so happy for you. If you’re much older when reading this and none of this interests you, my deepest apologies and I hope you get as many naps as you can with me not around to bother you! May God strengthen you in the days ahead and bless the way in which you go with your life.

  Sincerely yours,

  Drew

  Wiping tears from her eyes, she carefully folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope. Remarry? She thought with pain and disgust. Never shall I love another man as I have loved you, Drew McAdams. Never.

  After her father passed away six months after Drew, her mother gave her and Taylor each ten thousand dollars from the life insurance policy to move out of the house and find their own way in life. Rhonda was selling the house and moving to a one-bedroom studio to live alone in misery the rest of my years on the planet, her own words, not anyone else’s. Courtney tried to stay near, but her mother insisted that she start over somewhere.

  With her ten thousand, Taylor decided to party until it was gone. She used the cash to finance a numbness that would last for months.