Serial Hottie

by Kelly Oram

  “How can you ignore the coincidences? I know how much Seth scares you. You have nightmares about him so bad they have you falling out of bed.”

  This conversation was already annoying me, but when I was reminded of my dream I got mad. “That dream wasn’t about Seth last night—it was about Dave!”

  “Dave?” Angela, her brain being hardwired for gossip, was completely sidetracked. “Why would you have nightmares about Dave?”

  “Nothing. No reason. Aren’t we supposed to be shopping?” I flew out of my seat and headed out of the food court.

  “Because he kissed you?” Angela demanded, catching up to me and clinging on so I couldn’t run away. “Oh my gosh, was it bad? It was bad, wasn’t it? How bad was it?”

  “Do you want me to give the sparkly store another try?” I asked. I was sorry I’d brought it up.

  “That bad?” Talk about foaming at the mouth. “Deee-tails!” she whined. “You’re talking about Dave Holcomb. He’s, like, every girl in your grade’s fantasy.”

  “Oh yeah, I’m sure every girl dreams of being kissed just to have the guy pull away and tell her it was weird.”

  “He did what?” To her credit, Angela looked really pissed off on my behalf.

  “Well it was weird.” I said. “I told you we were just friends. You should have stayed out of it.”

  It’s a good thing we passed a guy in a giant hot dog suit just then, and that the guy totally laughed at me, because I’m sure all that padding in his suit cushioned the blow when I punched him, and I really felt a lot better after hitting someone.

  Angela glanced down at the giant weenie at our feet. He was now stuck on his back flailing his arms in the air. “Geez Ellie, no need to go all anger management on mall losers. It was just a kiss.”

  “Hey!” the guy on the ground protested.

  “It wasn’t just a kiss. It was my first kiss.”

  I knew that would make Angela feel bad. While I wasn’t necessarily the type to fantasize about my first kiss, Angela totally was. She actually covered her mouth with her hand, gasping in horror like she’d single-handedly ruined my life.

  “Yeah,” I said, sort of rubbing salt in the wound on purpose. I guess I was still really irked at her. “So, uh, thanks for ruining it.”

  The guy stuck on the floor laughed again. “Dude,” I said and kicked him. Too bad it didn’t hurt—curse that stupid foam suit. “You’re making minimum wage dressed as a giant wiener. I seriously doubt you’re getting any action either.”

  Oscar Mayer Boy muttered something under his breath. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t telling me that he had an itch, but before I could beat him senseless, he was drowning in Diet Coke. “Way to go, Ang,” I said, more impressed with my sister than I think I’d ever been in my life. I didn’t know she could be cool.

  “Nobody talks to my baby sister like that,” she told the stupid loser on the ground.

  “Um, actually, a lot of people talk to me like that.”

  “Shut up, Ellie,” Angela said, hooking her arm through mine. “You’re ruining our dramatic exit.”

  “Later, wiener boy. Hope that suit gives you a rash,” I said as Angela carted me off before security could kick us out or something.

  Once we were back to our shopping, Angela apologized for ruining my first kiss, and then wouldn’t rest until she had every detail. After she had the entire story she began coming up with a list of possible guys to “replace” him.

  Amazingly, I had a lot of fun shopping with my sister that day. I continued to veto most of her clothes while she blabbed on about how I needed to get past my bad experience and not let it keep me from starting to like boys. I actually paid attention to some of her dating advice, because I did plan to “move on” as she’d suggested. I just didn’t plan to do it with any of the boys on her list of acceptable guys.

  They say a summer romance can make everything magical. Well, let me just tell you that whoever “they” are, they’re absolutely right. This, the most boring of all summers, had become magical pretty much overnight because I was in love. Seriously, how did I go sixteen years without having my own car?

  Have I mentioned how much my new jeep freaking rocks? I hadn’t even had it a full week yet, but it had already changed my life. It gave me freedom. This past week, there was nothing I needed more than freedom. See, I don’t think Angela bought my promise to not go see Seth. Either that, or she thought I was completely suicidal over what happened with Dave and thought I needed distractions.

  Ever since our shopping escapade on Sunday, Angela stuck to me like glue. She’d dragged me out with her and her friends. She’d invited her friends to come hang out with us at our house. She’d even dragged me to work with her and got me my first non-babysitting job. Not that I’m at all a fan of clothing stores or discounts, but the job had a certain appeal for the afore-mentioned reason that I love driving my car. The job would keep gas in it more than babysitting.

  Anyway, after spending the week not being set up—according to Angela—with half the guys she knows, I desperately needed some freedom, so I went for a drive. It was amazing. Thanks to the warm Michigan sunshine, the removable top on my Jeep, and a little band known as Sublime, my Friday morning had been, well, very sublime (pun intended).

  Right around lunchtime Angela’s cell phone rang. The stupid thing had been quiet all summer up until this week, when for some reason it started going off constantly. This was only slightly annoying. Especially since Angela had her freaking ring tone set to a Lady GaGa song. But, since I was in an exceptionally good mood thanks to my sick Jeep—which I’m in love with, by the way—I decided to see who had been calling all week.

  It wasn’t my mystery caller on the other line, but it’s still a good thing I answered it, because it was my sister, and she sounded rather hysterical. “Ellie! I’m so glad you answered. I need you to come pick me up right now.”

  “What? Where are you?”

  “At a minimart across the street from that swanky new sushi place in Livonia.”

  “You’re where?”

  “You know the restaurant I’m talking about, right?”

  “Yeah, I think so. Why are you at a minimart in Livonia?”

  “Just hurry, okay?”

  “Fifteen minutes,” I told her, but I think she’d already hung up.

  I actually got there in closer to ten minutes. At first I didn’t see Angela, but then I noticed this crazy person in an Old Navy hoodie, waving frantically at me through the window of the minimart.

  “What the freak, Angela?” I asked when I got inside. “You scared the crap out of me. You call me from an unknown number saying you’re stranded in Livonia and then just hang up? What the crap is going on?”

  “Sorry about the hang up. I was on a payphone.”

  “A payphone?”

  “I know, right?” Angela laughed. “I can’t believe those actually work.”

  “Um, why are you stranded at a minimart in Livonia? How’d you even get here? I thought you were at work.”

  “I was at work. Ellie, you are not going to believe what happened!”

  “You’re stranded at a minimart in Livonia, wearing a hoodie in ninty-five degree weather. I think I’ll believe pretty much anything at this point.”

  “Seth came to see me at work today.”

  Okay. That’s not what I was expecting her to say.

  I felt this weird twinge of disappointment in my stomach. Not that Angela would have let Seth get anywhere near me, but he hadn’t even tried to come over this week. I hadn’t talked to him since my birthday party. Not since he saw me kiss Dave. I’d figured he was a little disappointed, but he’d been practically psycho about pursuing me so far. I didn’t think one kiss would make him give up on me and send him chasing after Angela. But, it was only a matter of time, I suppose. I should have known. They always go for Angela.

  “What happened?” I asked, trying not to sound as disappointed as I was.

  “Well, he still looked
mad, so, you know, at first I thought he came to kill me. But he never got close enough to touch me, so I didn’t have to start screaming.”

  I waited expectantly for Angela to elaborate.

  “He came to apologize,” she said, as if that explained everything. “He said he was sorry for losing his temper Saturday night, and told me that he’s just glad you’re happy.”

  “And what’d you say?”

  “Well, duh. I said thank you. It was very nice of him to say he was sorry. I mean, he really freaked me out the other night.”

  “Angela! I mean about me. You told him the truth about Dave and me, right?”

  “Of course not. I told him you were more than happy. I told him you guys are great together and that that’s where you’ve been all week—hanging out with your new boyfriend.”

  “What?”

  “I had to, Ellie. He’s a lot less likely to come after you if he thinks you’re always hanging out with Dave.”

  I slapped my hand to my face. “Fine,” I said, letting out a huff of air—I definitely had to talk to him now. “So, explain to me how Seth apologizing to you turned into you stranded in Livonia.”

  “Oh. Right. So after I said you and Dave were together, Seth started asking me a bunch of questions.”

  “What kinds of questions?”

  “All kinds of questions. If I thought Dave was a good guy. How long we’ve known him. At first I thought it was kind of cute, even if he is basically stalking you. But then he asked if I thought Dave was a good fighter, or if he could protect you. So of course I thought he was planning to beat up Dave to get you, and I said Dave could more than take care of you, and asked him who you needed protection from.”

  My mood perked up a little at this, even though I guess it shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t be excited about the possibility of Seth wanting to fight Dave in order to win me back. But I’d never had guys fight over me. The J’s have fought for me before, which was pretty awesome, but they’ve never fought over me. There’s a big difference.

  It was romantic, Seth asking about Dave and wanting to beat him up. Plus, it seemed he was still on Team Ellie and not one of the hundreds of Angela worshipers. No matter how psycho Seth can get, he still gets major brownie points for that. “So what’d he say when you asked who I needed protection from?”

  “He didn’t exactly. He just started asking me all sorts of questions about that guy from your party, the muscley one.”

  “Travis? If he thinks I’m hooked up with Dave now, why would he care about Travis?”

  “I know, right? I thought it was weird too. I told him you don’t like that guy at all. When I told him you didn’t know him, and that Travis didn’t even go to our school, Seth freaked out.”

  “What do you mean he freaked out?”

  “He got crazy-mad like at your party, asked me everything I knew about Travis, and then just left. He didn’t even say goodbye or anything.”

  “What the freak?”

  “My thoughts exactly,” Angela said. “He was acting so strange. When he took off I figured he was up to something, so I followed him.”

  “You… followed… him…”

  Angela’s face lit up with excitement. “Don’t worry, we were totally stealthy about it.”

  “We?”

  “Yeah. Rachel was there to pick me up from work, and Seth doesn’t know Rachel’s car, so when he drove off we followed him. He stopped at the bank and then came here.”

  I glanced around the minimart we were standing in. The only person here was the guy behind the counter watching my sister as if she’d clearly lost her marbles. “Not here,” Angela said when she saw me looking around. “He’s at the sushi place across the street. See?”

  I squinted at the restaurant across the street and could barely make out the guy sitting at a table behind the glass window to be Seth. It looked to me like he was just eating lunch.

  “Okay,” I said, “so where’s Rachel?”

  “She had to go to dance, so I called you.”

  I shook my head, bewildered. “You are insane. You know that, right?”

  “You won’t be thinking that when we catch Seth and I save your life.”

  “Whatever. I’m leaving. If you don’t want to be stranded, I suggest you come with.”

  “Come on, Ellie, live a little. Stalk your stalker with me.”

  “Ang, the guy’s just eating lunch. The only thing weird about it is that he’s eating sushi, which is totally nasty.”

  I started to walk out the door and Angela stopped me. “You weren’t there,” she said, having gone one hundred percent serious all the sudden. “It felt like he was interrogating me. He’s up to something. I know he is. Just wait with me for a while. Please?”

  I stared at the pout on Angela’s face and then gave in. “Fine.”

  How was it that I couldn’t say no to my sister right then? When did that happen? I’ve never even cared about her feelings, much less been unable to say no to whatever ridiculous demand she was making. Forget the clothes, there were much stranger things happening to me this summer.

  On the bright side, this time she was just asking me to spy on Seth, which is something I do all the time anyway. Maybe that’s the reason I couldn’t say no, and it actually had nothing to do with starting to like my sister. Hopefully.

  “Just for a little while,” I said. “If he doesn’t do anything strange, we’re going home.”

  “Fine, deal. The best place to see him is from the payphone on the corner that I called you from, but you can’t go out there like that.”

  Angela bought a trucker hat from the minimart and handed me her hoodie. “Hu-uh,” I protested. “It’s ninety-five degrees out there and this is your stupid idea. You’re wearing the hoodie. I get the hat.”

  Angela smiled sweetly, but didn’t give up the hat. “You know I would, Ellie, but—”

  “No you wouldn’t.”

  “Of course I would,” Angela demanded, pretending to be offended. “But you have to wear the hoodie. Seth is obsessed with you. He would recognize your hair from a mile away.”

  Crap! She had a point. I put the sweatshirt on and grumbled, “If I die of heat stroke, it’s all your fault.”

  “If you die of heat stroke, can I have your Jeep?”

  “No.”

  There was a concrete bench next to the payphone, so Angela and I bought a pack of Twizzlers and a couple of super gulps and went to pretend we were waiting for a bus.

  Angela was right—I could see Seth a lot better from my new position on the corner. He looked much more comfortable than me inside the air-conditioned restaurant. He looked pensive. He looked good.

  “He almost kissed me the other night,” I said randomly. “I was completely freaked at the time, but then I was kind of disappointed when he didn’t, you know?”

  Angela turned very slowly to look at me with raised eyebrows. I couldn’t blame her for being surprised. It wasn’t that my confession had come out of nowhere, it was that it came at all. Never ever in a big fat ever had I offered up information about my life to her willingly.

  My face turned beet red. I felt more awkward than I’d ever been, but everything with Seth and Dave was driving me crazy, and I needed someone to talk to about it. Obviously I wasn’t going to call up the J’s and be all, “So there’s this guy…” Angela was all I had.

  “It’s just that…”

  Angela waited patiently for me to continue. I was grateful she didn’t interrupt—this opening up thing was harder than I’d anticipated.

  “Seth was the first guy who ever…”

  I stopped, unable to get any more words out.

  “I know you’re disappointed about Seth,” Angela told me. “But it’s really for the best.”

  “It’s more than just that, though.”

  I was studying my feet, completely unable to look at my sister, until she said my name in a kinder voice than I thought she was capable of. When I looked up, she smiled encouragingly, se
eming to understand exactly how hard this was for me. It helped.

  “Guys don’t like me,” I said. “Not the way Seth does. Take Dave. The other night he said he liked the idea of having a girlfriend who was like me, but then he kissed me and there was just…nothing. Or the J’s. I’ve known them forever and I’ll bet that thought has never even occurred to any of them. I’m always just one of the guys. I guess I never realized how much that bothers me until now.”

  “I don’t think it ever has bothered you before,” Angela said. Again, shocking me with her sincerity. “The fact that it does now is what’s making you change. Ellie, Seth is just the beginning. Trust me, now that you’re not so oblivious anymore, there are going to be plenty of other guys. Ones who aren’t crazy. You remember my friend Marcus who came over on Wednesday? He remembered you from the beach party and actually asked if you were going to be there when he came over.”

  Someone in Angela’s crowd was asking about me? It was enough to make my jaw fall slack and Angela finally laughed. “Why do you think I forced you to hang out with me all week?” Angela nudged me with her shoulder. “You may be a late bloomer, but you’re still a Westley. Trust me, you don’t need Seth.”

  I looked again across the street and remembered how I felt on Saturday night. A sigh escaped before I could stop it. “Still. I bet he’s a really good kisser.”

  Angela watched Seth, too, and nodded vigorously. “Oh, for sure! How else do you think he gets his victims to go with him? He’s so hot, I’d follow him into a dark alley if I thought I had a chance at making out with him.”

  I laughed, then tugged at the neck of the hoodie I was wearing. “Speaking of being so hot, I think we’re going to have to call it quits on the spying thing. He’s not doing anything, and I really am going to die of heat stroke.”

  Angela sighed, knowing I was right. She started to get up, but then froze. “Unless…”

  I turned to see what she was looking at just as a tinted black sedan pulled to a stop in front of the sushi place. A guy in a dark suit stepped stiffly out of the car. He wasn’t your standard cop, but he was definitely something.