Serial Hottie

by Kelly Oram

  What I heard was, “Get your butt in here so we can have a talk.”

  I’d calmed down, but I didn’t really feel any better. I said, “Not really,” and sunk down into a chair, answering both the asked question and the unspoken command.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I don’t know why my mom always feels compelled to ask questions she already knows the answers to. I glared at her, which she didn’t appreciate. Again, what she said was, “Your sister is really upset.” But what I heard was, “You watch your tone with me, young lady. You do not want to piss me off right now.”

  “I don’t know why you’re so worried about her,” I said, not watching my tone as much as I probably should have. “She’s the one who barged into my room and stuck her nose in my business where it didn’t belong. She’s the one who was yelling at me. She’s the one who called me a—”

  “She thinks you hate her,” Mom said quickly before I could finish my sentence.

  “I do hate her.”

  “She said she was just trying to help.”

  “Well, she should be trying to mind her own business.”

  Mom regarded me thoughtfully for a minute and then came at me from another angle. “Seth came by looking for you a little while ago. He saw you storm off. Seemed really worried.”

  She was probing for cracks in my armor, but all she got out of me was another glare. We sat in a silent standoff, which I won. She cracked after a measly two minutes. “Ellie, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on with you.”

  “Angela’s being ridiculous. Same as always.”

  “No, Ellie. Tell me what’s going on with you. Something’s been bothering you lately.”

  “Yeah, Angela.”

  “It’s not your sister.”

  I folded my arms across my chest and went back to my brooding. “Where’s Dad?” I asked, hoping to distract her.

  “He took your sister out to lunch.”

  “What?” That stung. “Since when does Dad choose to deal with Angela over me?”

  Mom finally sighed. “Your dad’s great for when you get suspended for fighting, or need help with your slap shot. He deals with the bumps and bruises, or in your case, concussions and nosebleeds.”

  When Mom managed a sincere smile my stomach churned.

  “You’re kind of uncharted territory for him right now,” she said, confirming my suspicions of where this conversation was headed. “Your dad took Angela because he thought maybe you needed your mom this time. So talk to me, Ellie. I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Ugh! Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m fine.”

  “It’s okay to be upset, Ellie. This is a difficult time in your life. You’re growing and changing—”

  “Oh, my gosh, Mom! Stop!” I threw my hands over my ears and tried not to barf. “I am not having this conversation. I got my period like three years ago, okay? I know about the birds and the bees.”

  I couldn’t take it anymore and fled for my room. As I stomped up the stairs my mother called up after me in an annoyed voice, “If you don’t want to talk to me about it, then you should be nicer to your sister. She can help you, Ellie.”

  Fifteen minutes later my mom was knocking on my bedroom door. I prepared myself for round two of her parental pep talk, but instead she just handed me the cordless phone. “Here she is,” she said into the receiver before handing it over. “I’m glad you called. She needs some cheering up. Try to talk some sense into her if you can.”

  I snatched the phone away from my mom and waited until she was good and gone before answering it. “Seth?”

  “Westleeeeeeeey!”

  “What’s up?”

  “Who’s Seth?”

  “Why do you need cheering up?”

  “It’s us!”

  Getting a call from all three J’s at once was always chaos. “I know it’s you, idiots. What’s going on? Anything new happen at your-life-is-so-much-more-exciting-than-mine camp this week?”

  “I took a six pound dump,” Jack offered.

  “You lie.” I laughed. The J’s could always make me feel better.

  “It’s true,” Josh said. “Our whole scrimmage team weighed in before and after.”

  “I won twenty bucks!”

  “Congrats, Jack. You’ve reached a new level of disgusting.”

  “But I won twenty bucks.”

  “Oh, my gosh, you guys. You have got to come home. I’m going crazy.”

  “That’s for sure,” Jesse agreed. “If even half the rumors we’ve heard are true.”

  “What rumors?”

  “Nothing big,” Josh said. “Just that you turned into a chick this summer.”

  After that the guys started spouting them off so fast I couldn’t tell who was saying what.

  “You wear pink.”

  “You flirt with guys.”

  “You go to parties.”

  “You got a job at the Gap.”

  “It’s Old Navy,” I grumbled. As if that were any better.

  “You have a nice rack.”

  “Watch it, Jesse!” I warned.

  “You broke Kowalski’s nose so bad he’s gonna need reconstructive surgery,” Josh said quickly. “We’re really proud of you for that one, by the way.”

  “Then there’s the one that you were wearing a dress.”

  “Forget that. I heard you wore a bikini.”

  “Bluuugh. That’s a scary thought. I didn’t hear that one.”

  “Shut up, Josh.”

  “No, dudes, I got the winner,” Jack jumped in. “I heard you got down and dirty with Dave Holcomb.”

  “No freaking way!” Josh shouted—obviously he hadn’t heard that one, either. “Dave Holcomb? Seriously? What the hell, Westley?”

  “I did not get down and dirty with anyone.”

  “Now who’s the liar?” Jack teased.

  “Who told you that, Jack? You tell me right now! I’m going to kick their—”

  “So you didn’t make out with Dave Holcomb? Because everybody has been saying—”

  “Everybody? Who’s everybody? You’re at camp!”

  “Westley, you’re the only person left in the known universe without a cell phone. Half the school texted us about you this week.”

  I groaned and the guys burst out laughing. I couldn’t blame them, really. It’s not like I’ve never taken pleasure in their pain.

  “Don’t worry about it too much, Westley,” Josh said, sounding somewhat genuine. “We’re coming home in a week and a half. We’ll get it straightened out. We’ll have a blanket party and beat you back to normal or something.”

  “Yeah,” Jack said. “Because I’m not hanging out with you if you’re acting like a chick.”

  “Unless you really do have a nice rack.”

  “Jesse! Talk about my rack one more time! I dare you!”

  “Yeah, dude,” Josh said. “You’re talking about Westley. That’s just gross.”

  “Ugh! Bite me, losers!”

  It felt good to hang up on them, but not good enough to not be completely pissed off still. I screamed at no one in particular and threw the phone, smashing it into pieces when it hit my dresser. Then I cranked up my stereo, climbed out onto my roof, closed my eyes, and started counting to infinity.

  “How long have you been up here?” Seth asked, taking a seat by my side.

  “I don’t know. Six, seven, eight songs.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. I’m all good.”

  “Yeah,” Seth said with a laugh. “You’ve got Rage Against The Machine cranked up to eleven because you’re in a fantastic mood.”

  Remember that displacement of anger problem? I glared at Seth so nastily that he couldn’t laugh this time. Without saying anything he got to his feet. For a second I thought he was going to leave me to my foul mood, but instead he took me to Patty’s and ordered me a banana split. “I think you owe your mailbox an apology,” he said once I had ice cream
in front of me.

  “Better it than Angela’s face,” I muttered.

  Seth smiled as he picked up my hand and examined my knuckles. “They sore?”

  I shrugged and he brought my hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle individually. It didn’t exactly make the swelling go down, but it sure felt a lot better than ice. “I’ll wrap it for you when we get home,” Seth offered.

  He gave me back my hand and said, “So are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or am I going to have to make you tell me?”

  “Is that going to be a habit with you?” I snapped. “Forcing me to do stuff?”

  Seth shrugged lightly. “If it’s necessary.”

  “And making me be your girlfriend? That was necessary?”

  To my everlasting annoyance, Seth laughed. “Not just necessary. That was a matter of life and death.”

  “Life and death? What, were you going to kill me if I said no?”

  Seth just gave me a knowing smile and said, “I wouldn’t have let you say no.” He took a bite of ice cream. “Just like I’m not going to let you say nothing’s wrong.”

  “Nothing is wrong.”

  Seth’s playful attitude was gone in an instant. “Don’t lie to me, Ellie.” He had the audacity to make it sound like a warning.

  Two could play that game. “You do not get to control me,” I growled. “I am not yours. I do not belong to you. Just because you’re stronger and possibly psycho, doesn’t mean you get to boss me around. I’m not cool with being told what to do. Just ask Angela. She tried to tell me what to do this morning and almost got her head knocked off for it.”

  “And what exactly was all that yelling about this morning?”

  “Angela was trying to tell me I couldn’t date you. Trying to make me stay away from you. She thinks you’re unstable—dangerous.”

  Seth glared at me, but I don’t think it was me he was mad at.

  “Are you?” I demanded.

  “Dangerous?” Seth repeated fiercely. “To some people, yes. To you? No.”

  “Then quit trying to act like you are. You want something from me—ask. Don’t use fear to try and manipulate me. It pisses me off!”

  I was so worked up at this point, I was about ready to take this argument out to the parking lot. I half expected Seth to suggest it first, but his mood flipped in an instant. I was confused by the sudden admiration in his eyes.

  “I’m not going to be allowed to get away with murder anymore, am I?” he asked, almost awestruck.

  “You wanted me not scared of you. Well this is me not scared of you. I don’t put up with stupid crap, so knock it off.”

  Seth looked as if he still couldn’t believe what was happening. A grin spread subconsciously across his face and he said, “No one’s ever ordered me around before.”

  “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

  I was being facetious, but Seth’s grin got even wider. “You have no idea,” he said, and then pulled me to him for a kiss.

  He didn’t give me a quick look-at-the-cute-happy-couple kiss. It was a get-us-thrown-out-of-the-restaurant kiss. When he finally pulled himself off me and caught his breath, he did that thing where he looks up at me through his eyelashes with a hint of vulnerability and said, “Ellie? Would you please give your overprotective boyfriend a break and explain to me what’s wrong, so that I can make whatever it is go away and stop worrying about you? Please?”

  I laughed despite myself, but then I sighed and reached for my spoon. This was going to take a lot of ice cream. “Nothing’s wrong, exactly. I mean, this morning Angela was being a total dillweed, but then I had it out with my mom, too. I also hung up on the J’s when they called. Those idiots were just being themselves, but I’ve given them more than enough ammunition lately to deserve the fire I got today.”

  “What do you mean, ammunition?”

  “I guess you don’t understand because you haven’t been around my whole life, but this?” I gestured to myself. “The Ellie you’ve met this summer is not the Ellie people are used to. For some reason everything’s different. I’m talking epic proportions. Invasion of the Body Snatchers different. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  “I don’t think anything’s wrong with you.” Seth grinned. “I happen to like every single thing about you.” His smile fell away and his eyes tightened the tiniest bit as he added, “Except maybe your fondness for Dave Holcomb.”

  “Well, you might like the new me,” I said, ignoring the Dave crack. “But nobody else seems to know how to deal with it. My sister. My friends. Definitely not Dave—I still can’t believe the moron kissed me. My parents have pretty much gone off the deep end. ‘Growing and changing’ is the phrase my mom used when she tried to talk to me this morning. And now the J’s will be home in a week and a half.”

  “Ah, yes. The prodigal friends returneth,” Seth said. He’d kept his tone light, but whether he knew it or not, the spoon in his hand was now bent at a ninety degree angle.

  “Yes. They’re coming home, and I don’t know what to do.”

  “Why should you have to do anything? Aren’t they your best friends?”

  “Exactly,” I said. “They know me better than anyone. They aren’t going to be able to deal with me. I can’t even deal with me. They’re the last thing still normal in my life, and when they come back and see me wearing pink and hanging out with my—”

  I choked on the word and Seth laughed at me. “Boyfriend, Ellie. Your boyfriend. You can say it.”

  Except I couldn’t. “With you. They’re going to freak. Then I’m going to get mad at them for being idiots. You’ll get all jealous and hate them like you do Dave, and I’ll have to make a choice. If I choose you, then the J’s are going to want to kick the tar out of you, and when they try you’ll kill them. Then they’ll be dead, you’ll be in jail, and I’ll be forced to hang out with Angela and Dave for the rest of my life.”

  Seth cocked an eyebrow at me when I was finished with my rant. “Thought this all through once or twice, have you?”

  “I’m serious!”

  Seth pulled me to his chest and I wrapped my arms around him without even thinking about it. This boyfriend thing had its perks.

  “Ellie, try to relax a little,” Seth said. “Would it help if I promise not to kill them? I can’t promise I’ll like them. In fact, you’re right, I pretty much already hate them. But I can control myself. I won’t make you choose.”

  “You won’t have to,” I said miserably into his chest. “They’re not going to like me now, anyway. I’ll be too much like a ‘chick’ for them now.”

  Seth pulled me away from his chest. He took my face in his hands, locking me in an intense gaze. “Ellie?” He slowed his tone like he was lecturing a two-year-old. “Do you like your new clothes?”

  “Yes,” I admitted grudgingly.

  “And do you like hanging out with your sister and her friends?”

  “Occasionally.” Even more grudgingly.

  Seth’s smile softened. “And do you like having a boyfriend?”

  I glared as hard as I could at Seth as I grumbled, “Yes.” He looked too amused with my answer.

  “Well, then who cares what your friends or anyone else thinks, so long as you like you? And you know how much I like you.” Seth kissed the tip of my nose, then let go of my face. He took another bite of our ice cream after bending his spoon back into shape.

  “Your parents are only worried about you because they love you, and Angela seems thrilled that you’re willing to go shopping and let her do your hair now. Everyone else will come around. And if they don’t—and lets hope for my sake that they don’t—well then, I’ll just have to take back my promise not to kill them.”

  Seth was smiling brightly. “That’s not funny,” I told him.

  “Good,” he said. “I wasn’t trying to be funny.”

  When I first answered the door Monday afternoon and found Senior Detective Andre Pierce of the Detroit PD, I was floored. Aside from the fact that the
guy was all official and scary looking with a gun strapped to his hip, he seemed to be here to talk to me.

  I’d kind of assumed it would be Seth knocking, because I hadn’t seen him since our Patty’s outing yesterday. He said he had things he needed to do last night, and I hadn’t invited him to the hockey game this morning. I didn’t think it the best idea, given his distaste for Dave, and knowing how much the guys have started harassing me since they discovered my “nice rack.”

  So, yeah, big scary inner-city cop who seemed to know exactly who I was when I opened the door was quite the shock. “C-Can I help you?” I stammered.

  He smiled with ease. “You must be Eleanor.”

  “Uh, yeah.” I heard my mom yelling at me to mind my manners in my head. “I mean, yes, sir.”

  “Detective Pierce is just fine, Eleanor.”

  “Ellie.”

  “Okay, Ellie. I’m here to do a follow-up on a report your sister filed yesterday afternoon.”

  “Angela filed a police report?”

  “She did, indeed. I need to ask her a few more questions. Is she perchance home at the moment?”

  “Uh, yeah.” I turned my head toward the stairs and yelled, “Angela!” It was the first word I’d spoken to her since our fight. “Door!” I looked back at the cop, wondering if I was supposed to let him in. I didn’t. I just opened the door a little wider and said, “She’ll be right down.”

  “Excuse me, Ellie?” the guy asked when I started to walk away. “I’d like to speak with you, too, if you don’t mind. I’d like to hear your take on things.”

  “What things?” I asked slowly. I was starting to have a bad feeling.

  Before the cop could answer me Angela came downstairs. She stopped short when she saw the uniform in the doorway. “Oh,” she said, surprised. “Hi.” She shot a nervous glance my direction, and that’s when I understood.

  “Tell me you didn’t! You called the cops on my boyfriend? Are you insane?”

  “Well, you obviously weren’t going to!” she yelled back.

  “Of course I wasn’t!”

  The cop cleared his throat. Something about a police officer makes you feel the need to obey. Both Angela and I stopped and waited for instruction. “Ladies? May I come in, so we can get this all sorted out?”