One Last Risk

by Nancy Stopper

  Lucas unzipped his jacket and hung it on the hook in the cab of the ambulance. Pulling his portable radio off his belt, he placed it back on the charging dock. Once he finished stowing his gear, he headed down the hall to the captain’s office.

  “Have a seat, Bennett.”

  Lucas pulled the wooden chair from in front of the desk, flipped it around, and straddled the seat with his legs. He crossed his arms on the high back. Maybe his casual demeanor would pacify any concerns the captain had about his behavior.

  “I wanted to talk about today’s call.”

  “I’m sorry, Cap. I just wasn’t thinking when I jumped on the engine.”

  “I know.” He paused. “I saw it in your eyes. How did it feel when you got to the site?”

  “It wasn’t easy. It took everything in me to not jump in. I figured what’s the harm? But I didn’t. I stood back and watched them do what I wanted to be doing.”

  “It’ll get easier over time. I see you’re working hard to get this under control. How are your sessions with the shrink?”

  Lucas stared at his hand, fidgeting with a piece of splintered wood on the chair. “Okay, I guess. She’s not talking much. She’s just letting me ramble on, so I’m not sure how much good it’s actually doing.”

  “You’ll get there.”

  “I guess. She asked about Shawn and now there’s someone else that knows it’s my fault he’s dead.”

  “Is that what you think? That you were to blame?”

  Why did everyone keep asking him that? The captain was there, he knew what happened. “It was my fault. I know it. But I’m working on it, and I’ll be ready to get back out there when my sixty days are up.”

  “Well, I think you still have some work to do. Until you figure out that you didn’t cause Shawn’s death. Everything was by the books, protocol, and more importantly, you followed orders. Sometimes things happen. But, it sounds like the shrink is helping. Keep it up. Just be careful. There’s no shame in getting help now and then. That’s why they’re there.”

  “I will, Cap.”

  The captain sat back in his chair and Lucas let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. The interrogation was over.

  “So, you want to tell me about the woman you met?”

  Lucas laughed. This station gossiped worse than a bunch of girls. He’d hoped to fly under the radar with Sarah. At least until he figured out the butterflies that had taken up residence in his gut every time he thought about her. “No, not really.”

  The Captain laughed with him and stood, extending his hand to Lucas.

  His talk with the Captain helped him. Actually, everything about today felt better than it had in quite a while. But that was less to do with the call and more to do with the woman with the haunting blue eyes that occupied his dreams and many of his waking moments.

  He headed back out to the front of the station, ready to help Stacey, only to find the rig cleaned and organized. She had even taken inventory.

  “Was I gone that long?” he joked. “I didn’t mean for you to finish everything. I told you I was coming back.”

  “I originally hadn’t planned to, especially after the last time you bailed to hang out with Sarah at the hospital, but I figured I’d go ahead so you could take a break.” Stacey tilted her head toward the town green.

  Lucas’s eyes followed Stacey’s to where Sarah sat on a bench. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.

  “Go ahead. We’ve got everything covered here,” Stacey added.

  “Thanks, Stacey,” Lucas yelled behind him as he jogged across the square and into the town green.

  Chapter Thirteen

  THE CRISP, CLEAN air filled Sarah’s lungs. It felt good to breathe without pain. She had finally turned a corner, feeling a bit better each day since Lucas stopped by—so good that she stayed in town after dropping Lily off at preschool this morning. She hadn’t even tried to fool herself, because coming into town meant a chance to see Lucas. She could not have picked a more perfect day. The sun warmed her face, but a light breeze kept it from feeling too warm on the Indian summer day. A squirrel scurried across the sidewalk in front of her, stopping to gnaw on a large acorn. A car drove by and the driver beeped, and a neighbor greeted her with a wave as his dog yipped and jumped around her. Gosh, now she was spouting poetry. It had just been so long since she’d had energy, since she’d been able to walk and appreciate the town where she’d chosen to raise Lily.

  When she’d turned the corner near the town green, the fire engine and the ambulance were parked in front of the fire station. Her pulse raced faster. Now that she’d met Lucas, she wasn’t sure if her reaction was based on the fire station itself, or the prospect of seeing him. She was out of practice... didn’t know how this worked anymore. She hadn’t been on a date in almost ten years. Did people still go out for dinner and a movie anymore?

  She’d replayed Lucas’s visit over and over in her mind, and in each time, she stopped right before kissing him. What was she thinking, being so forward with a man she barely knew? Granted, she’d only grazed his cheek, but still. When he’d stood in the doorway, she’d wanted to stretch up, wrap her arms around his neck and feel his lips on hers. But her nerves had won out and she’d stopped at a single kiss on his cheek.

  He was interested. He’d said as much. But she’d been pretty forward, even for her. Especially for her. Lucas was the first man she’d thought about since Alex. Hadn’t considered the possibility. The thought of kissing someone else, being with someone else, scared her. She didn’t know if she was ready to take that step—yet. Could she risk her heart on someone she could lose? While Lucas wasn’t a firefighter, he was a paramedic. Every job had risks, but did paramedics take risks like firefighters? Could she bear it if something happened to him? She shook her head. It was too early to be thinking that way. It was just a kiss on the cheek.

  A group of firefighters and paramedics hung around outside the station as she approached. Hoses and buckets were strewn in the drive, and the crew appeared to be having more fun throwing soap and water on each other than they did cleaning their vehicles. She’d almost reached the front of the station when a woman’s voice yelled out.

  “Sarah!”

  She lifted her head just as the woman in question was pelted from behind with a bucket full of water. Peals of laughter filled the air as soapy liquid ran down the woman’s back. Before Sarah could help herself, she doubled over. The woman had streams of water dripping from her hair and shirt. As Sarah regained her composure, she recognized the woman as the one with Lucas at her accident. What was her name? Sherry? Shelly? No, Stacey.

  “Hey Sarah…” Stacey yelled again. She tossed a sponge toward the closest culprit and jogged over to Sarah.

  Stacey brushed the wet hair off her face and swiped her hands down her pants in a vain attempt to dry off some of the water. “I’m so sorry. I’m dripping wet thanks to my Neanderthal friends over there.”

  The men lived up to their name, dancing around and grunting like monkeys.

  “I don’t know if you remember me. I’m Stacey, Lucas’s partner…” Stacey extended her hand.

  Sarah grasped Stacey’s hand in hers and wrapped her other hand around both. “Right. I’m so glad I got to see you so I could thank you for everything you did for me that day.”

  “It was nothing. Just doing my job. I’m happy to see you doing so well.”

  “I am. It’s been a long ten days but I’m finally feeling better.” Sarah looked back and forth among the crew.

  “What are you doing in town today?”

  The question startled Sarah. She hoped Stacey hadn’t noticed her looking for Lucas. “I just dropped Lily at preschool. Oh, you probably didn’t know. I have a four-year-old daughter.” Great, now she was rambling. Anything to distract Stacey from Sarah’s real reason for walking past the station.

  “That’s great.”

  Sarah found herself scanning the area again.

  “H
e’s in a meeting. He shouldn’t be long.”

  Sarah should have known she wasn’t fooling Stacey. “I wasn’t… well, it’s not like that…” Now she sounded like a bumbling idiot.

  Stacey leaned in and nudged Sarah’s shoulder. “No worries. Your secret’s safe with me. You don’t think I’d share it with these guys, anyway, do you?” Stacey gestured toward the driveway.

  As she and Stacey talked, the rest of the crew played a makeshift basketball game, using one guy as the goal. The rest of the men climbed over each other, attempting to make a basket with wet sponges. She and Stacey laughed.

  “It looks like you guys have a great crew here.”

  “Yeah, for as much grief as I give them and they give me, this is a great company. They would put their life on the line for me and I would for them.”

  Sarah shuddered. Lucas’s life could be in danger. Thankfully, as a paramedic, he didn’t face the same risks as firefighters, but that didn’t stop her from worrying.

  “I can tell Lucas you stopped by when he’s done.”

  “Thanks, Stacey. I’m so glad I got to meet you and talk to you. I hope I’ll see you again soon.”

  “Me, too, Sarah. We should find a time to get together.”

  “Let’s do that.”

  As Stacey turned back to the station, Sarah headed across the street and quickly found herself sitting on a familiar bench, staring absently at the grass. What had been plush green when she moved to town was now dotted with blades of brown as the temperatures turned cooler. Just another season changing without Alex. But she shouldn’t be thinking about Alex while she was waiting here for Lucas, should she. Butterflies had taken up residence in her stomach as she waited.

  She’d almost given up and headed home when the man in question jogged across the street directly toward her.

  She stared. She couldn’t help it. His white uniform shirt hugged his broad shoulders, and the open neck exposed a sprinkling of hair. Her hands itched to reach out and run her fingers down his chest, feeling the soft hairs ticking her skin. This was the Lucas of her dreams, the one who’d spoken in her ear, comforting her after her accident.

  Damn. I’ve got to get myself under control.

  The crisp lines of his shirt tapered to his thin waist where it disappeared into his navy blue uniform pants. The pride in the patch he wore on his sleeve showed in everything he did and how he carried himself. The twinkle in his eye, however, was directed at her.

  Sarah stood and brushed her hands down the front of her jeans. It didn’t work. They continued to shake.

  “Hey, Sarah.” Lucas wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into him. She relaxed into his embrace. “You look great. I guess you’re feeling better?”

  “Yeah, I took Lily to preschool today and decided to spend some time in town.”

  “I’m glad you did.”

  “I love strolling down the cobblestone sidewalks, peeking into the shop windows.” She sighed. “And I really love this park. We didn’t have much green space near our condo in Philly.”

  Lucas gestured to the bench and she sat back down. He plopped down close and angled his hips so he faced her. His arm stretched along the back of the bench, grazing her shoulder with the tips of his fingers, the touch sending shivers up her spine. “I do, too. The founders intentionally left this group of trees, wanting the town to grow up around it. Oak Grove has grown, but this space has stayed the same. As a matter of fact, the annual fall festival is gonna be right here next weekend. Most businesses have booths and there’s some great food. There’s even a dance that night with a live band. I’d love you to go with me.”

  Sarah’s gut churned and her hand traveled to her neck, fingering the gold chain and the ring that hung on it. The irony that she drew strength from the symbol of her love with Alex was not lost on her. Could she do this? Go on a date with another man? But he wasn’t really another man, because Alex wasn’t here, no matter how much she wished it true. She dropped her hand from her neck and settled it in her lap. When she raised her gaze to Lucas, the gentleness she saw calmed and soothed her.

  “Too much?” he asked.

  “No, it’s not that.” She didn’t know how to explain it. How could she claim to still love Alex but have these feelings for Lucas? “It’s unexpected, that’s all. You’re unexpected. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I knew, at some point, I’d probably find myself interested in someone else. I guess I didn’t imagine it to happen right now.”

  Lucas grinned. She stared back for a moment, and then she realized she’d just told Lucas she liked him. Her hands flew to her mouth. “Oh God, I can’t believe I just said that.”

  “I don’t want to pressure you into anything you aren’t ready for. I just want to spend time with you. I don’t know the last time I felt like this about a woman. I mean, I’m no saint. I’ve dated. But this feels different. There’s something here—I can feel it—and I want to see where it takes us. If all I get to do right now is sit beside you and talk to you, that’s good enough for me.”

  He reached out his hand and placed it over hers, enclosing her fingers with his. Her heart raced and her entire body tingled as she stared down at their clasped hands. She couldn’t look at him. If she did, he’d see right through her—see the feelings for him she was fighting. He was everything she thought she’d never have a chance to experience again. “You’re too good to be true.”

  He tapped her chin with his knuckle, directing her gaze to his. “No, I’m just me. I’m so happy I met you. I know it’s been crazy, but your accident was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. Listen, you don’t have to answer me now. Just think about it, okay?”

  He stood and extended his hand. She hesitated, staring at his offering for a moment. Holding his hand sent a message to anyone who saw them—in public, no less? Was she ready to take that step? If not now, then when would she ever be? She’d told herself she’d be open to whatever Oak Grove had to offer and evidently that was Lucas. She slid her hand in his, and he pulled her up. Her hands landed on his chest and she slid them down and wrapped them around his waist. She melted into the safety and comfort of his arms. Heat flooded her body and desire shot straight to her core.

  She drew in his scent, the musky, clean smell something uniquely Lucas.

  He leaned back, his eyes meeting hers. “How about we head across the street to Emma’s? I’m sure the guys at the station would love some brownies, and what I wouldn’t give for a fresh cup of coffee. I’m sorry to say the swill at the station is awful.”

  “Is that right?”

  He laughed. “Why do you think Emma opened a shop right next door?”

  It’s like he knew that she needed a break from the intensity of the last few moments. How had he figured her out so quickly? She took a step toward the street and he placed his hand on her back. Goose bumps skittered along her spine where his fingers touched. So much for less intense. “I talked to your partner, Stacey, on my way past the station. I really like her.”

  “I do, too. She’s a great partner and a good friend. All the guys at the station are. I’m lucky to have them in my life.”

  “They sure were having a lot of fun when I came by.” She recounted some of the things the company did while she was there, the two of them laughing at the antics.

  “They were blowing off some steam, I’m sure. We had just gotten back from a call.”

  She shuddered. How could everything look so normal when they’d just come back from a potentially deadly situation. She’d barely been able to face Alex’s death, but firefighters and paramedics had to deal with loss every day. And then there was Lucas’s friend. He’d died in a fire on the job. The thought of Lucas potentially in harm’s way frightened her.

  Lucas must have felt her discomfort, because he wrapped his arm tighter around her. “It wasn’t a big deal. A small garage fire. The homeowner about had it under control when we got there. Minimal damage and no injuries.”

 
“That’s good. I hate to think of someone else going through what I did. It’s so hard to recover from losing everything.”

  “I know.”

  A hint of tension slipped into his voice. She pulled up short and looked at him, but his gaze reflected nothing that matched the somber tone of his voice. “You’re thinking about your friend?”

  “Shawn died on the job, so Regena still has their home, but I saw what it did to her. It nearly killed her. I worried about her for a long time. I think Eli kept her getting up day after day when she just wanted to curl up in a ball.”

  “I’m sure he did. It was like that for me for a while.”

  Lucas’s arm tightened around her waist and they continued across the green.

  A poster hung in the window of Mug ’n Muffin, proudly announcing the shop’s platinum sponsorship of the fall festival. The poster also featured the band that would be playing that night. Gosh… booths, a concert, dancing. She and Lily would both love being part of the town’s biggest event of the year, as the poster proclaimed. She’d wanted to accept the minute Lucas asked, but her fears kept her mind and heart from answering. This was a family event, and going with Lucas would make a statement. Was she ready to take that step, thinking of herself as part of a family. What if she did and then something happened to him? She couldn’t bear that kind of loss again. Once in her lifetime was more than enough.

  “After you.” Lucas held the door and she walked into the shop ahead of him. Thank God Lucas couldn’t hear what she was thinking.

  Emma stood in her usual spot behind the counter and a grin broke out on her face when they approached. As always, the delicious scents of cookies, cakes and other pastries filled the air. How did Emma work around that smell every day? If that were Sarah, she’d weigh five-hundred pounds. “Hey, you two.”

  “Hey, Emma. How’s it going today?” She and Lucas stepped up to the glass case, his hand still settled on her lower back.

  “Better now that you’re here. Come and give me a hug. How are you doing, sweetie?”