Kaden

by S. Nelson

  Before the recollection fully formed, Kaden appeared in front of me, a white towel slung low on his hips. His hair was wet and sticking up on the sides, water droplets sliding down his defined and sculpted chest.

  Christ! When did he get this body? I’d seen him briefly outside but restrained myself enough not to stare at him, but being this close to him, all alone with no other prying eyes, I took him all in.

  If possible, he looked even more broad-shouldered, his arms and pecs swollen with hard muscle. The last time I’d seen his tattoo, the ink stopped halfway down his right forearm, but now the sleeve was complete, even going so far as to cover his hand. When my eyes trekked lower, to his tapered waist, I swallowed the moan traveling up my throat, the V-shaped muscles of his abdomen teasing me. One yank and his towel would expose everything. While he’d been well endowed the last time I’d seen him, I couldn’t help but wonder if his dick had gotten bigger as well. Could that happen?

  “What are you doin’ in here?” he asked, looking somewhat offended, like he wasn’t showering in my goddamn house. Technically, he’d washed up in Linc’s room, but regardless, he had no right to be anywhere near my bedroom, the place where I’d shed countless tears over the loss of our relationship. Over the loss of our love.

  “What are you doing?” My tone was curt and filled with anger, and with the simple arch of my brow, he smirked. Did he find my annoyance amusing?

  “I was washin’ up.” He walked toward Linc’s bed and grabbed his clothes from where he’d placed them on top of the mattress. And right before I could go off on him for telling Tag I was unavailable, he unhooked his towel, brushing the thick fabric over his torso to soak up the remaining moisture. It took everything in me not to look down and I almost succeeded, but my curiosity got the better of me. When he pulled his T-shirt over his head, I devoured the sight of him, and the lower I looked, the more my cheeks heated. While he wasn’t hard, his cock appeared larger than the last time I saw him naked. I had seconds to commit this image of him to memory because as soon as his shirt cleared his head, I stepped forward; my eyes pinned to his.

  “Who the hell do you think you are telling Tag I’m unavailable?” Kaden’s blue eyes darkened right before the right corner of his mouth lifted. Apparently, he was proud of himself for interfering in my life.

  “I’m happy to hear he listened to me. I’m really startin’ to like him.” When he bent to pull on his boxer briefs, then his jeans, I kept stock-still, my eyeline on the vacant space where his head had just been. He rose to his full height, zipped up, and jammed his hands into his pockets. “What do you want me to say, Ry?”

  “I want you to admit that you overstepped.”

  “He’s not good enough for you.” His voice dipped, the slightest tremor cutting his words. “No one’s good enough for you.”

  “Only you are, right?” My question was both sarcastic yet poignant.

  “Not even me,” he answered, briefly dipping his eyes from mine.

  There were so many emotions raging through me, I couldn’t focus on just one. The longer I stood in front of him, the more vulnerable I’d become. And while I was confident my anger would stay at the forefront, I had no doubt that given the right words from Kaden, everything would start to crumble. And God forbid he touch me in any way. I had no idea what I’d do.

  The tension between us turned into something else and I needed to bring it back around. “You have no right telling anyone I’m off-limits. I can date whoever I want.”

  He arrogantly tilted his head to the side. “How ’bout I tell Stone you’re trying to hook up with Tag?”

  His question made me hiccup on my next breath, the words slipping from my mouth before I could reel them back in. “How ’bout I tell my dad about us?” The smirk disappeared from his face. “What do you think he’d do?”

  Without hesitation, he said, “He’d kill me. Like literally… kill me. Do you hate me that much you wanna see me dead?” His eyes widened right before his mouth dropped open, the silence between us tense while he waited for me to say something.

  Did I hate Kaden for destroying our relationship? Yes.

  Was I consumed with thoughts of him lately? Yes.

  Did I seriously want him to die? Um…

  Okay… no, I didn’t wish for him to die, although there had been many times when I wished I could physically hurt him. Nothing too serious, maybe just leave a bruise here and there. And those sentiments came from someone who wasn’t violent by nature. I believed the worst thing I’d ever done was push Zander when we were little, and the second he cried, I felt horrible.

  I just wanted Kaden to hurt like I had, but from the bits and pieces Linc told me over the years, Kaden had no problem keeping company with other women. Each time my brother mentioned something about Kaden and another chick, my heart broke a little bit more, but I couldn’t react in any way for fear my dad would suspect something.

  Kaden stepped closer. “Well? Do you?”

  My lungs deflated, the release of air soothing a tiny bit of my anger. I was gonna answer no but instead said, “Not yet.”

  “Wow.” He shook his head, a look of disappointment flashing across his face before he backed up, exiting my personal space. “I know I’m not your favorite person anymore. I get it. Things didn’t work out between us back then, but I really think—”

  “Didn’t work out? That’s something lame a person says about someone they barely knew or didn’t truly care out. What happened between us was so much more. At least it was to me.” There was something he didn’t know, a secret I’d kept from him all these years, but revealing it now would be pointless. The past was just that… the past.

  “You don’t think I feel the same way?”

  “No, I don’t.” I tried my hardest to hold my mask in place because I didn’t want him to see the depth of pain he’d caused me. My words were one thing, but my body language and expression could become my detriment if I allowed him to bear witness.

  “Ry.” His voice softened, the faintest crease forming between his brows. Kaden reached out to touch me, but I retreated. “Don’t move away from me.” He broached the small space until he stood directly in front of me, the tips of his toes touching mine. “I’m sorry.” I’d waited years for him to utter those two words, but somehow they weren’t enough. “I wish there was something I could say or do that would make you believe how much I regret what happened between us. But I don’t wanna spend any more time dancing around whatever this is between us now. It needs to stop.”

  Where the hell did he get off demanding changes to our dynamic, no matter how fucked up it was? I’d continue to hate him if that’s what I wanted to do.

  Thing was, I didn’t.

  Carrying around this anger had only served to hurt me, draining me of the joy I could’ve felt these past years if I’d only learned to let go and move on. But how did I even begin the process? The way I had felt for Kaden had lifted me, brightened my day when I felt down. To me, he was every cliché. Butterflies swarmed my belly at the sight of him. My heart pounded hard and my hands got clammy when he touched me. He was the first image in my head every morning when I woke and the last person I thought of before I drifted off into sleep.

  Then he ripped my world apart without a second thought, his need to integrate himself in the club tearing him away from me, making it that much easier for him to forget all about us and what we meant to each other. And while I didn’t want to believe that he meant more to me than I did to him, it was the only conclusion as to why we weren’t together.

  Lost in trying to figure out how to respond, I didn’t see him lift his hand until his finger hooked under my chin and raised my head. It was only then it dawned on me that while he was fully clothed, I was still in my bikini. Half-naked, my breasts spilling out of the material, my nipples hard and poking against the fabric.

  “Why now?” I mumbled, but he stood so close there was no mistaking my question. His warm breath fanned my face, the subtle smell o
f mint reminding me of the Altoids he loved.

  “Because I can’t stop thinking about you. And I hate that I’ve gone this long without trying to make things right between us.”

  His free hand landed on my waist, his fingers flexing against my skin. The familiarity of his touch made my heart ache, even while my mind twisted in anger toward him.

  A part of me wanted to shove him away, but the other part wanted to link my hands behind his neck and pull him down to meet my lips. I used to love kissing him, the way his mouth dominated yet revered me drove me insane.

  Would he try and kiss me now?

  Did I want him to?

  Would I stop him?

  “Can you ever forgive me, Ry?” Hearing my nickname melted away some of the ice in my veins, the blood pumping to places it shouldn’t. He leaned down, his mouth dangerously close to mine that if I inhaled a full breath, we’d end up kissing. “Can you?” he repeated before moving back a fraction, his eyes scanning the length of me the same time his hand moved from my waist to the top of my bottoms. His thumb hooked beneath the band and he pulled downward, just enough to reveal something I’d never told him about. When he saw what I tried to keep hidden, surprise etched its way across his features. He took another step back and pulled my bottoms further down, so fast I had to stop him before he saw all of me. “What the fuck is that?”

  I swatted his hand away when he tried to move the material out of the way again. “It’s a tattoo.”

  “Let me see.”

  “No.”

  He moved his hand toward that region once more. “Let me see it.” His brows were elevated, but his tone indicated anger, although I couldn’t fathom why. What I did to my body was my choice. “Tell me a female inked that on you.”

  Realizing the response in my head was childish, I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “No, a guy did. A cute, fully tatted-up guy.” Kaden knew I found tattoos on men sexy, and my response did exactly what I hoped it would. I considered it payback for him interfering in the situation with Tag.

  “You let some random guy look at your pussy while he worked on you?”

  “My vag area was covered.” I rolled my eyes, even though I knew he’d react like this. Jealousy had been somewhat of an issue when we’d been together in the past, but I blamed his outbursts on the fact we couldn’t tell anyone we were a couple, therefore he could never tell anyone to back off because then we’d have to deal with my dad finding out, and that wouldn’t have turned out well at all.

  “Bullshit.” He raked his hand through his still damp hair, chewing on his bottom lip because there was only so much he could say to me about my choice to get a tattoo so low on my hip.

  “Think what you want, Kaden. I really don’t care. It’s none of your business anyway.” I moved to walk around him, fearing if I continued to stand so close, something might happen that I wouldn’t be able to undo. What that was, I couldn’t say.

  Before I could escape, however, he reached out again to see the tattoo and, again, I swatted his hand away. That time, his mouth twitched. “Can you at least tell me what it says?”

  I lowered my bottoms, dangerously close to exposing my nether region and looked down, like I’d forgotten what the permanent ink on my skin said. When I flicked my eyes back to his, his face was expressionless, but his chest expanded in quick succession.

  On my twentieth birthday, I decided to take the plunge and got an infinity symbol with a word in the middle. I’d seen the design years ago and thought it was beautiful. “Believe,” I finally responded, needing this back-and-forth to end before things got out of hand.

  “Believe what?”

  “Everything. Nothing.” One word encompassed so many things, that’s why it was the perfect choice.

  My fingers were still in the band of my bikini when I heard Lincoln’s voice.

  “There you are,” he said, stepping into the room with us. I dropped my hand to my side and turned toward him, flashing him a tight grin. Thankfully, my back had been to him, so all he saw was that Kaden and I were in the room together. We were far enough apart, he’d never deduce anything intimate had happened, and while we hadn’t kissed, we’d shared a moment. Never mind the fact he practically tore off my bottoms just to get a look at my tattoo. “Tag’s truck made it to the garage. John said to tell you.” Kaden nodded. “I gotta handle some shit. If you want me to give you a ride home, I’m leavin’ in five.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be down in a sec.”

  Linc glanced at me. “Chelsea’s lookin’ for you.”

  “Okay, I’m coming.” I moved toward the door before my brother left because I no longer wished to be alone with Kaden. Well, that was partly true. I was curious to see what else he would’ve said to me, but I didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with everything ramblin’ around inside my head.

  “Ry, I still need to talk to you,” Kaden shouted after me when I disappeared into the hallway, and it took all my reserve not to shout something snippy back at him.

  12

  After dropping Tag off at his mom’s house, telling him what time to be at the garage the next day, Linc and I drove in silence back to my house. After I grunted twice at something he’d said, he took the hint and turned up the radio, not pressing me as to why I was suddenly in a foul mood.

  Not only had I never expected the encounter with Riley, and all that entailed, from her seeing me naked, which I’d done on purpose, to having to restrain myself enough not to toss her on the bed and have my way with her, but I was still pissed off about her fucking tattoo. Not that she’d gotten one but that she let a guy she didn’t know give it to her. Then to add insult to injury, to my ego, of course, the placement was indecent. If I’d been with her, I would’ve insisted she got a female to ink that on her. Fuck, I might’ve talked her into placing the tattoo anywhere else, not even wanting a woman to be that close to her vag area, as she put it.

  And how the hell long had she been standing outside the bathroom? Did she hear anything? I hesitated in doing so at first, but the more the image of her in that skimpy bikini tore through my brain, the more my restraint lessened. What would she have done if she knew I’d jacked off in the shower right before she saw me? Would she have run out of the room or would she have yelled at me for thinking of her while I did the deed? Or, and I realized this was a long shot, would she have been turned on?

  I saw the way she looked at me when I walked out of the bathroom, and again when I intentionally dropped my towel. She tried to hide her lust, but I saw it painted all over her beautiful face.

  “You gettin’ out or what?” Linc’s voice shoved me away from my recollections and back to the present. I’d been so lost to the thought of Riley I hadn’t noticed we were parked in front of my house.

  “Uh, yeah. Sorry.” I grabbed the door handle.

  “You okay, man? You seem off.”

  “I’m fine. Just a lot of shit on my mind.”

  “I can relate. Trust me.” When I glanced at him, I saw the somber look on his face, an expression I hadn’t noticed earlier. Then again, I was too wrapped up in all things his sister.

  I opened the door and jumped out, neither of us in much of a mood to divulge what bothered us. I couldn’t, for obvious reasons, and I doubted Linc wanted to get into a heart-to-heart right now.

  Once I entered my place, I strode toward the keypad and punched in the four-digit code to shut off the alarm system. I’d chosen the date Riley and I first had sex. I should’ve changed it, but I hadn’t gotten around to it and I wasn’t sure I ever would.

  When I moved out of my parents’ house several years ago, instead of renting an apartment, my dad told me I could live in a house that belonged to the club because it had been vacant. The place had once been owned by a guy named Zip, a loyal member who’d gotten killed in an ambush to kidnap Addy and Kena, Stone’s and Jagger’s wives, although they weren’t married at the time. He died trying to protect them, his loyalty fierce and still talked about every now and again.
And because he spent so much time at the club, my dad had him buried on the adjacent grounds.

  The top-of-the-line security was updated to include modern functions such as cameras and locks that could be operated from an app on my phone. All of the interior had been renovated, my parents footing the bill for everything. Whenever I acknowledged that we were wealthy, my dad would laugh and say that he and my mom had money, not me.

  I earned a good salary working for the club’s garage, even with the cut I put back in for monthly dues and upkeep. I didn’t have to cover rent, mortgage, or taxes so my only bills were food and utilities. My truck was a birthday present and I saved up enough money to purchase my bike outright.

  While the club’s older members could’ve taken care of any and all expenses, there was a rule that every member had to financially contribute, and since us younger guys didn’t have the wealth the others did, we had to actually work to cover our share. But none of us complained… much.

  Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I twisted off the top and took a full swig before plopping down on the couch. With my head leaned against the back, I closed my eyes, wanting to think of anything or anyone other than Riley, but she kept intruding on my thoughts. After ten minutes of trying to shove her image from my brain, I gave in to one of my favorite memories of us. It just so happened to be the first time we had sex, all sentimental clichés and shit be damned.

  “Are you sure you wanna do this? We can wait if you’re not ready.” Lying on top of Riley, my forearms supporting the brunt of my weight, I studied her face to see if whatever answer she gave me would be the truth. I’d gotten good over the years at reading her, picking up on her two main tells that she wasn’t being truthful. Not only would her green eyes darken to a stormy gray, but when it was more than a white lie, she would pick at the center of her bottom lip with her middle finger and thumb. The second tell was useful if it was dark and I couldn’t see her eyes all that well. I only let on that I knew about her first tell, keeping the second one secret for those times I had to call her on her bullshit.