The Rock Season

by R. L. Merrill

  I shook my head and felt my mouth split into a stupid smile. She was asking about my boo boo. God damn she was sexy.

  “I’m fine. I was upset that I had to leave so soon the other night. I didn’t even catch your name.”

  She did that blushing thing that went down her neck and down the front of her… “You didn’t, that’s true,” she said slyly. Ok, innocent, concerned, playing games with me. My head was spinning. She gave me a break. “You’re a music junkie, right?” Ok, not what I thought she was going to say.

  “I am. What gave it away?”

  She shrugged and narrowed her eyes at me. “I can just tell. I figure if you’re working security here you either get off on knocking drunk people around or you like the music. Am I right? It’s because you like the music?”

  I laughed. She was trying to figure me out. This was good. Scary, but good.

  “I do like the music. I don’t really like to knock drunken people around unless they act stupid. Then it’s just karma.”

  She laughed and said, “Very true. Ok. So you are a music junkie. If I told you I was named after a very famous female rocker, you think you could guess?”

  I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, desperate for the oxygen necessary to make an intelligent guess. “Hmmm...If I was going by looks, I might say Janis, but if I was going by coolness factor I might guess...Wait. I need more info.”

  She laughed, her eyes crinkling on the sides. “Ok. You can ask me one question.”

  I nodded. “Fair enough. What kind of car did your parents drive growing up?”

  She burst out laughing and took a minute to collect herself. “Um, a Volkswagen bus.”

  Hmmm, that could mean one of two possibilities. “The best I can do is narrow it down to two with that information.”

  She raised an eyebrow and said, “Well, you’re going to have to because you already asked your question. But say I let you ask another question, what would it be?”

  I rubbed at my chin a little, faking a thinking pose. “See, now that could get me in trouble, because you’re not supposed to ask a lady her age. Knowing how old you are might help me, but I’m going to just give it my best.”

  She bit down on her lip and I was so glad I was sitting down. “So what’s your guess,” she said with a grin, her luscious lips holding the straw of her soda. Then she grinned and bit down on it. I was seeing stars.

  “Um, shoot. I don’t like to be wrong, but here goes. It’s got to be Ann or Stevie. I think I’d go with Stevie. Ann is a little ordinary for you.” Gah, I wanted to kick myself. What if that was her name? Shit. Her face gave nothing away. Then she smiled.

  “You’re right, sort of, on both counts. It just so happens that my last name is Wilson, my first name is Stevie, and my mother gave me Nann for my middle name because she couldn’t decide between the sisters.” She blushed again and took another drink of her soda.

  I was floored. “I think it’s perfect,” I said softly and her smile dropped a little, her expression going from happy to something close to, dare I think…

  “So what’s your name,” she asked, obviously trying to keep the mood light.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “I just may have found someone with a name almost as complicated as mine,” I said and this grabbed her attention.

  “Complicated? I would say my name is unusual but not complicated.” She was smiling, though, so I relaxed a little.

  I took a sip of my drink and said, “I just meant that you have lots of meaning behind yours. Mine is only unusual because of the combination. It kind of throws people off.”

  She cocked her head to the side and looked intrigued. “Ok, I can see that. I would guess your name is complicated because you come from very different backgrounds?” She seemed unsure of herself but she was so right.

  “Absolutely. My mother is Afghan, my father is Irish.”

  Her eyes widened and she giggled. “That’s pretty different. But a handsome combination.” Her smile knocked me the fuck out. Oh sweet Lord! How was I going to not look like an ass? “I have no idea where to even start. You might need to just tell me. I don’t think I’m as good of a guesser as you.”

  I laughed. I figured I should let her off the hook. “You asked for it. My name is Aaron Ali Salaam McShane. I know. It’s a lot.”

  She inhaled sharply and then smiled. “I think it’s wonderful.”

  She thinks it’s wonderful. Oh God.

  “Thanks, but most people just call me McShane to avoid confusion. My mother’s mother calls me Ali, my parents and paternal grandmother call me Aaron, my brothers call me Asshole, and to everyone else it’s just McShane.”

  She clapped her hands to her mouth and laughed. “That would be enough to give anyone an identity crisis!”

  I felt myself blushing and shrugged. “I don’t know. I think I’m doing ok.”

  She was smiling so broadly. I never wanted that smile to go away. I took a chance with my next question, wondering if it would get her to open up.

  “What did you name your baby?”

  Her smile fell. Completely. I thought I saw a tear and I immediately knew I’d screwed up royally. I wanted to say something, anything, to salvage the conversation.

  She spoke in a heartbroken tone. “I named her Nancy. I have to go.” She stood up quickly and I shot up to stop her.

  “Wait, Stevie, I’m-”

  “I have to go, Aaron. Thank you for the drink. I need to-”

  “I’m sorry. Can I walk you back,” I asked, but she just shook her head and offered me a sad smile. What the hell did I just do?

  “I hope I’ll see you again,” she said softly and walked away from me.

  What to do? If I go after her, I’m crowding her. If I don’t, I lose her forever. I stood there rooted to the ground, my jaw hanging open. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, wishing I could go back just three minutes. What the fuck was I supposed to do now?

  Stevie

  I didn’t go directly back to the seats. I couldn’t breathe and I was afraid I was going to cry. Instead, I went up onto the lawn and sat in an empty spot, my knees pulled up to my chest.

  This was so not his fault and I knew I’d left Aaron feeling terrible. Apparently I couldn’t handle talking about her yet. Why couldn’t I have just told him I couldn’t talk about it? Or told him the truth? I was going to have to deal with this. I knew that. But I didn’t want him to be a part of the ugliness. He was my Savior! I knew that didn’t mean he was literally going to save me from myself. The possibility of meeting someone new, even just to be a friend was something positive that I desperately needed in my life.

  I blew out a breath and stood up, stretching out my back. I made my way down to the seats where Maryland and I were sitting and found her deep in conversation with a woman and her husband.

  “Hey! Did you get lost or found,” she asked me with a wink. Then she saw my expression and said, “Or both. You ok?”

  It was the break before the Killers came on and I knew we had about twenty minutes or so before it would get too loud to talk.

  “I saw him. We talked. It was great. And then it wasn’t. And I wish it still was and I feel terrible that I walked away from him. What do I do?”

  She assumed the corner coach position. “Did you say or do anything that can’t be unsaid or undone?”

  I shook my head. “No. We were talking about names, where our names come from. He was so fun and he has such a beautiful name and then...” I took in a shaky breath to fight back the tears. “He asked me what I named my baby, Maryland! I panicked!”

  She nodded and brought me in for a hug. “I’m so sorry, baby girl.” She held me for a minute until I thought I had it together. Then she held me at arm’s length and raised her eyebrow at me. “Are you ready for round two?”

  I gave her a little smile and shrugged.

  “C’mon,” she said. “I think this calls for some liquid courage.”

  We walked arm in arm to the bar in front an
d she ordered two shots of Jager.

  “Oh God! Really?” I hated that stuff, and she knew it.

  “Yes, really! It’ll make you forget what you were upset about and make you pissed at me,” she said, cracking up.

  We toasted and slammed them down. The black licorice taste almost had me bringing it back up, but I squeezed my eyes shut and kept it down.

  “Bleeeeehhhhhhhck! Ugh, that is the nastiest stuff on the planet,” I exclaimed. I was wiping my mouth off when I noticed Aaron sitting at the back of the bar, his back to us. I elbowed Maryland and gave her a questioning look.

  “Most definitely. Just tell him the basics and then say ‘I’m not ready to say more than that.’ That’s it! Go for it! I’ll be cheering you on from here.”

  I took a deep breath for courage and approached his table. “Can I sit?”

  He looked up at me and his expression was concerned. He started to stand up and speak. I shook my head. I gestured to the chair across from him and he nodded, so I sat down. I took a deep breath for courage and went for it.

  “My baby was stillborn about three weeks after I saw you the first time. The doctors said I had pre-eclampsia. I’m dealing with it, but I’m not really ready to talk about it any more than that.” I exhaled and tried to smile.

  Aaron looked at me, scrutinized me for a really long time. His expression went from disbelief, to sorrow, to acceptance. He exhaled and rested his elbows on the table, leaning in and lacing his fingers.

  “And you’re here because the music helps you get away from it all.”

  His eyes were so engaging. I felt like he could see right through me and it was freeing. I couldn’t hide anything I was feeling, even if I wanted to. To know he was this attuned to my feelings was intense.

  “Yes. Listening to music, writing about music, coming to shows. It keeps me sane when I don’t know whether I am anymore.”

  He nodded. He swirled his ice around in his empty glass.

  “When I ran out of here the other night it was because my little brother had shown up drunk at my best friend’s house looking for me. He was crying about a girl. He’s a twin, they’re sixteen, and my father is going through treatment for prostate cancer so I have to be there for them. My dad’s going to be fine. I took this job here doing security to get away from it all. What better place?”

  I smiled dreamily at him and repeated, “What better place.”

  We heard the cheering get louder announcing the arrival of the Killers. He looked worried I was going to run off again.

  “There’s an empty seat next to me,” I said, feeling bold. “We’re back a little further than you, I think, but-”

  He stood up and held out a hand for me with a smile, which I returned. His hand was warm and soft. His touch gave me chills. We walked over to Maryland, who was beaming.

  “Hi,” he said to her. “Do you mind if I join you two?”

  Her eyes flared at him and she pursed her lips. “Hmmmm, you better be careful what you ask for,” she said and he coughed out a laugh.

  I was always amazed at how provocative she could be.

  “I guess I should be,” he said to me with a wink. He was still holding my hand. My heart was pounding and it was energizing. He let me lead him out and to where our seats were. He held my hand the entire walk.

  I’d discovered the Killers a little late in the game, but really admired their song writing. I hadn’t seen them in concert before and I was pleasantly surprised at what a good show they put on. I watched Aaron a lot of the time. He stood with his head tilted back on his neck, his chin thrust out, bouncing his knee to the music. A few times he sang along, but it was so loud I couldn’t hear his voice above the din. Tonight he was wearing a dark blue, long-sleeved button down shirt and faded blue jeans with black boots. The dark shirt really went well with his skin tone and he’d left the top two buttons undone, showing a dark patch of hair just between…

  “Do you need anything,” Maryland asked in my ear.

  I nodded and said, “A cold shower!”

  She looked past me and her eyes rolled back in her head. Then she laughed and said “Two bottles of water, coming right up!”

  Aaron glanced over when Maryland left and then smiled at me. He leaned in and spoke loud enough in my ear that I’d be sure to hear him.

  “I’m so glad you found me.”

  The vulnerable look in his eyes had me thinking that made two of us. I linked my arm through his and leaned my head against his shoulder. I don’t know why I did it, but I instantly felt lighter in spirit. We fit so well together, side by side. I let the music sway me against him and we moved together. Then the Killers started playing “Daddy’s Eyes” and I couldn’t help moving a little more. He seemed to be similarly affected. By the time Maryland came back, Aaron and I were both rocking out and singing along to the song wholeheartedly. She handed us each a water bottle. We tapped our bottles together and giggled while we took a sip. I don’t think I’d ever had this much fun with a guy before!

  And then it was over, far too quickly. And we were doing the junior high dance thing again.

  “I saw on the marquee that Heart is playing next week,” I said, bravely.

  His eyes lit up and he nodded. “I wouldn’t think you would miss that one. I’ll be working.” He tugged on my hand and I linked my fingers with his. His lips quirked up on the side and he said, “I’m not sure where I’ll be working that night, so if you are planning to come, maybe you should let me know where you’re sitting. You know. In case you need saving. Or water. Or there’s an empty seat.”

  He could not be any sexier, or adorable, or funny, or just plain frickin’ perfect right now. I put on my most serious face and said, “You’re right, of course. And I just learned that my concert buddy is leaving,” I looked at Maryland and pouted.

  She rolled her eyes and gave him a pointed look. “So that means you have to look out for her. If I get back from Alaska and find out that anything happened to her at a show-”

  “I would fully expect you to blame me. Here,” he patted his pockets and frowned. “Oh. I don’t have any of my cards with me.” He looked worried.

  Maryland whipped out her phone, took a picture, and pushed it towards him. “Give me the digits, Security Man.”

  He laughed and reached for it. He entered his number into her phone and handed it back.

  She frowned. “McShane? You look about as Irish as I do!”

  He laughed and said, “I’m afraid it’s true. By way of Afghanistan.”

  Her eyes narrowed and she stuck out her hand. “Scottish, by way of Alaska. Nice to meet you.”

  They shook hands and she held his for a minute.

  “You be a gentleman now, you hear me? Stevie, I’m going to go use the facility before we drive home. I’ll meet you at the front gate.” And she bounded off. Aaron watched her leave with a smile of disbelief. “She’s fantastic,” he said and I had to agree.

  “She’s the best friend a girl could have.”

  When he faced me again, he had a mischievous look on his face.

  “It sounds like you have an opening for a concert buddy,” he said in a low voice. So low it felt like a warm caress.

  I felt a huge blush coming on. And I gulped. “I just found out myself. Yeah. I guess I do. Know anyone who would be interested?”

  His lips spread again into that huge smile that took my breath away. “I think I do,” he replied. The crowd had really thinned by now and I hated that it was time to go. “Stevie,” he said, looking like he felt the same.

  I smiled at him and blew out a breath. “Care to walk me to the gate?”

  He hesitated before offering his arm, which I gladly took. We walked in silence up to the front. I still didn’t want to go. He was lingering, too. When it became ridiculously obvious we didn’t want to say goodbye, he said, “Remember to send me your seat number. I’ll find you.” His eyes searched mine for a moment. Then he leaned in and quickly kissed my cheek before turning away.
>
  “Oh my God, that was the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, Stevie! How can he be that fucking hot and that fucking sweet all in one package? And did I mention package? Damn! You better start doing some serious exercise. I bet he’s hung like-”

  “Maryland!” I knew she could keep going if I didn’t put an end to it. It’s not like I wasn’t thinking of the same thing. Holy heart pounding was he a sight to behold. And yes, we watched him walk all the way out the employee entrance.

  Chapter Eight

  McShane

  When her text came two days later I had to sit down in my office chair. Maryland had taken a picture of her holding her ticket. I had to zoom in to read the number and that gave me a great shot of her damn cleavage.

  “Fuck me, I’m going to die.”

  “What’s going to kill you,” Schroeder said, scaring the shit out of me.

  “Dammit, Schroeder! You sneak up on me like that again and either I’m going to have a heart attack, or I’m throwing your ass on the floor! Neither will be good for our friendship. I’m just warning you.”

  He snickered, looking over my shoulder. “Great Ginger Goddess! Is that your concert chick?”

  I’d told him about our meetings up until this point. He was now thoroughly convinced that the Shoreline job was incredibly important for my future. He thought perhaps he should try to get a job there as well. Callie’s friend did indeed think he was too boring.

  “How am I boring,” he asked me after she’d told him.

  I sighed. “Schroeder, you aren’t boring. But answer me this: If a woman showed up on your doorstep dressed in only a trench coat, what would you do?”

  He frowned. “Ask her if she needed to call a cab? What? She’d obviously be in the wrong place if she showed up on my fucking doorstep!”

  I was no Casanova, but I’d had several relationships more than Schroeder and the sex was never their complaint. It was my unavailability. Or my other responsibilities. Or my determination not to blow all of my money on them.

  “Yeah, that’s her and God help me, man, I’m totally a mess over her and we haven’t even gone out on a date. At this point, I don’t even know how to ask her!”