The Idiot

by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

andthoughtfulness.

  Some of her guests suspected that she must be ill; but concluded at lastthat she was expecting something, for she continued to look at her watchimpatiently and unceasingly; she was most absent and strange.

  “You seem to be a little feverish tonight,” said the actress.

  “Yes; I feel quite ill. I have been obliged to put on this shawl--I feelso cold,” replied Nastasia. She certainly had grown very pale, and everynow and then she tried to suppress a trembling in her limbs.

  “Had we not better allow our hostess to retire?” asked Totski of thegeneral.

  “Not at all, gentlemen, not at all! Your presence is absolutelynecessary to me tonight,” said Nastasia, significantly.

  As most of those present were aware that this evening a certain veryimportant decision was to be taken, these words of Nastasia Philipovna’sappeared to be fraught with much hidden interest. The general and Totskiexchanged looks; Gania fidgeted convulsively in his chair.

  “Let’s play at some game!” suggested the actress.

  “I know a new and most delightful game, added Ferdishenko.

  “What is it?” asked the actress.

  “Well, when we tried it we were a party of people, like this, forinstance; and somebody proposed that each of us, without leaving hisplace at the table, should relate something about himself. It had to besomething that he really and honestly considered the very worst actionhe had ever committed in his life. But he was to be honest--that was thechief point! He wasn’t to be allowed to lie.”

  “What an extraordinary idea!” said the general.

  “That’s the beauty of it, general!”

  “It’s a funny notion,” said Totski, “and yet quite natural--it’s only anew way of boasting.”

  “Perhaps that is just what was so fascinating about it.”

  “Why, it would be a game to cry over--not to laugh at!” said theactress.

  “Did it succeed?” asked Nastasia Philipovna. “Come, let’s try it, let’stry it; we really are not quite so jolly as we might be--let’s try it!We may like it; it’s original, at all events!”

  “Yes,” said Ferdishenko; “it’s a good idea--come along--the men begin.Of course no one need tell a story if he prefers to be disobliging. Wemust draw lots! Throw your slips of paper, gentlemen, into this hat, andthe prince shall draw for turns. It’s a very simple game; all you haveto do is to tell the story of the worst action of your life. It’s assimple as anything. I’ll prompt anyone who forgets the rules!”

  No one liked the idea much. Some smiled, some frowned; some objected,but faintly, not wishing to oppose Nastasia’s wishes; for this new ideaseemed to be rather well received by her. She was still in an excited,hysterical state, laughing convulsively at nothing and everything. Hereyes were blazing, and her cheeks showed two bright red spots againstthe white. The melancholy appearance of some of her guests seemed to addto her sarcastic humour, and perhaps the very cynicism and cruelty ofthe game proposed by Ferdishenko pleased her. At all events she wasattracted by the idea, and gradually her guests came round to her side;the thing was original, at least, and might turn out to be amusing. “Andsupposing it’s something that one--one can’t speak about before ladies?” asked the timid and silent young man.

  “Why, then of course, you won’t say anything about it. As if thereare not plenty of sins to your score without the need of those!” saidFerdishenko.

  “But I really don’t know which of my actions is the worst,” said thelively actress.

  “Ladies are exempted if they like.”

  “And how are you to know that one isn’t lying? And if one lies the wholepoint of the game is lost,” said Gania.

  “Oh, but think how delightful to hear how one’s friends lie! Besidesyou needn’t be afraid, Gania; everybody knows what your worst action iswithout the need of any lying on your part. Only think, gentlemen,”--andFerdishenko here grew quite enthusiastic, “only think with what eyes weshall observe one another tomorrow, after our tales have been told!”

  “But surely this is a joke, Nastasia Philipovna?” asked Totski. “Youdon’t really mean us to play this game.”

  “Whoever is afraid of wolves had better not go into the wood,” saidNastasia, smiling.

  “But, pardon me, Mr. Ferdishenko, is it possible to make a game out ofthis kind of thing?” persisted Totski, growing more and more uneasy. “Iassure you it can’t be a success.”

  “And why not? Why, the last time I simply told straight off about how Istole three roubles.”

  “Perhaps so; but it is hardly possible that you told it so that itseemed like truth, or so that you were believed. And, as GavrilaArdalionovitch has said, the least suggestion of a falsehood takes allpoint out of the game. It seems to me that sincerity, on the other hand,is only possible if combined with a kind of bad taste that would beutterly out of place here.”

  “How subtle you are, Afanasy Ivanovitch! You astonish me,” criedFerdishenko. “You will remark, gentlemen, that in saying that Icould not recount the story of my theft so as to be believed, AfanasyIvanovitch has very ingeniously implied that I am not capable ofthieving--(it would have been bad taste to say so openly); and all thetime he is probably firmly convinced, in his own mind, that I am verywell capable of it! But now, gentlemen, to business! Put in your slips,ladies and gentlemen--is yours in, Mr. Totski? So--then we are allready; now prince, draw, please.” The prince silently put his hand intothe hat, and drew the names. Ferdishenko was first, then Ptitsin, thenthe general, Totski next, his own fifth, then Gania, and so on; theladies did not draw.

  “Oh, dear! oh, dear!” cried Ferdishenko. “I did so hope the prince wouldcome out first, and then the general. Well, gentlemen, I suppose Imust set a good example! What vexes me much is that I am such aninsignificant creature that it matters nothing to anybody whether I havedone bad actions or not! Besides, which am I to choose? It’s an _embarrasde richesse_. Shall I tell how I became a thief on one occasion only, toconvince Afanasy Ivanovitch that it is possible to steal without being athief?”

  “Do go on, Ferdishenko, and don’t make unnecessary preface, or you’llnever finish,” said Nastasia Philipovna. All observed how irritable andcross she had become since her last burst of laughter; but none the lessobstinately did she stick to her absurd whim about this new game. Totskisat looking miserable enough. The general lingered over his champagne,and seemed to be thinking of some story for the time when his turnshould come.

  XIV.

  “I have no wit, Nastasia Philipovna,” began Ferdishenko, “and thereforeI talk too much, perhaps. Were I as witty, now, as Mr. Totski or thegeneral, I should probably have sat silent all the evening, as theyhave. Now, prince, what do you think?--are there not far more thievesthan honest men in this world? Don’t you think we may say there doesnot exist a single person so honest that he has never stolen anythingwhatever in his life?”

  “What a silly idea,” said the actress. “Of course it is not the case. Ihave never stolen anything, for one.”

  “H’m! very well, Daria Alexeyevna; you have not stolen anything--agreed.But how about the prince, now--look how he is blushing!”

  “I think you are partially right, but you exaggerate,” said the prince,who had certainly blushed up, of a sudden, for some reason or other.

  “Ferdishenko--either tell us your story, or be quiet, and mind your ownbusiness. You exhaust all patience,” cuttingly and irritably remarkedNastasia Philipovna.

  “Immediately, immediately! As for my story, gentlemen, it is too stupidand absurd to tell you.

  “I assure you I am not a thief, and yet I have stolen; I cannot explainwhy. It was at Semeon Ivanovitch Ishenka’s country house, one Sunday. Hehad a dinner party. After dinner the men stayed at the table over theirwine. It struck me to ask the daughter of the house to play somethingon the piano; so I passed through the corner room to join the ladies. Inthat room, on Maria Ivanovna’s writing-table, I observed a three-roublenote. She must have taken it out for some purpos
e, and left it lyingthere. There was no one about. I took up the note and put it in mypocket; why, I can’t say. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, butit was done, and I went quickly back to the dining-room and reseatedmyself at the dinner-table. I sat and waited there in a great state ofexcitement. I talked hard, and told lots of stories, and laughed likemad; then I joined the ladies.

  “In half an hour or so the loss was discovered, and the servants werebeing put under examination. Daria, the housemaid was suspected. Iexhibited the greatest interest and sympathy, and I remember thatpoor Daria quite lost her head, and that I began assuring her, beforeeveryone, that I would guarantee her forgiveness on the part of hermistress, if she would confess her guilt. They all stared at the girl,and I remember a wonderful attraction in the reflection that here was Isermonizing away, with the money in my own pocket all the while. I wentand spent the three roubles that very evening at a restaurant. I went inand asked for a bottle of Lafite, and drank it up; I wanted to be rid ofthe money.

  “I did not feel much remorse either then or afterwards; but I would notrepeat the performance--believe