The Idiot

by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

glance at Muishkin. “I think sheoften does it merely to frighten me. She is always laughing at me, forsome reason or other; but at other times she’s angry, and won’t say aword, and that’s what I’m afraid of. I took her a shawl one day, thelike of which she might never have seen, although she did live in luxuryand she gave it away to her maid, Katia. Sometimes when I can keep awayno longer, I steal past the house on the sly, and once I watched at thegate till dawn--I thought something was going on--and she saw me fromthe window. She asked me what I should do if I found she had deceivedme. I said, ‘You know well enough.’”

  “What did she know?” cried the prince.

  “How was I to tell?” replied Rogojin, with an angry laugh. “I did mybest to catch her tripping in Moscow, but did not succeed. However, Icaught hold of her one day, and said: ‘You are engaged to be marriedinto a respectable family, and do you know what sort of a woman you are?_That’s_ the sort of woman you are,’ I said.”

  “You told her that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, go on.”

  “She said, ‘I wouldn’t even have you for a footman now, much less fora husband.’ ‘I shan’t leave the house,’ I said, ‘so it doesn’t matter.’‘Then I shall call somebody and have you kicked out,’ she cried. So thenI rushed at her, and beat her till she was bruised all over.”

  “Impossible!” cried the prince, aghast.

  “I tell you it’s true,” said Rogojin quietly, but with eyes ablaze withpassion.

  “Then for a day and a half I neither slept, nor ate, nor drank, andwould not leave her. I knelt at her feet: ‘I shall die here,’ I said,‘if you don’t forgive me; and if you have me turned out, I shall drownmyself; because, what should I be without you now?’ She was like amadwoman all that day; now she would cry; now she would threaten me witha knife; now she would abuse me. She called in Zaleshoff and Keller,and showed me to them, shamed me in their presence. ‘Let’s all go tothe theatre,’ she says, ‘and leave him here if he won’t go--it’s notmy business. They’ll give you some tea, Parfen Semeonovitch, while Iam away, for you must be hungry.’ She came back from the theatre alone.‘Those cowards wouldn’t come,’ she said. ‘They are afraid of you, andtried to frighten me, too. “He won’t go away as he came,” they said,“he’ll cut your throat--see if he doesn’t.” Now, I shall go to mybedroom, and I shall not even lock my door, just to show you how muchI am afraid of you. You must be shown that once for all. Did you havetea?’ ‘No,’ I said, ‘and I don’t intend to.’ ‘Ha, ha! you are playingoff your pride against your stomach! That sort of heroism doesn’t sitwell on you,’ she said.

  “With that she did as she had said she would; she went to bed, and didnot lock her door. In the morning she came out. ‘Are you quite mad?’ shesaid, sharply. ‘Why, you’ll die of hunger like this.’ ‘Forgive me,’I said. ‘No, I won’t, and I won’t marry you. I’ve said it. Surely youhaven’t sat in this chair all night without sleeping?’ ‘I didn’tsleep,’ I said. ‘H’m! how sensible of you. And are you going to have nobreakfast or dinner today?’ ‘I told you I wouldn’t. Forgive me!’ ‘You’veno idea how unbecoming this sort of thing is to you,’ she said, ‘it’slike putting a saddle on a cow’s back. Do you think you are frighteningme? My word, what a dreadful thing that you should sit here and eat nofood! How terribly frightened I am!’ She wasn’t angry long, and didn’tseem to remember my offence at all. I was surprised, for she is avindictive, resentful woman--but then I thought that perhaps shedespised me too much to feel any resentment against me. And that’s thetruth.

  “She came up to me and said, ‘Do you know who the Pope of Rome is?’‘I’ve heard of him,’ I said. ‘I suppose you’ve read the UniversalHistory, Parfen Semeonovitch, haven’t you?’ she asked. ‘I’ve learnednothing at all,’ I said. ‘Then I’ll lend it to you to read. You mustknow there was a Roman Pope once, and he was very angry with a certainEmperor; so the Emperor came and neither ate nor drank, but knelt beforethe Pope’s palace till he should be forgiven. And what sort of vows doyou think that Emperor was making during all those days on his knees?Stop, I’ll read it to you!’ Then she read me a lot of verses, where itsaid that the Emperor spent all the time vowing vengeance against thePope. ‘You don’t mean to say you don’t approve of the poem, ParfenSemeonovitch,’ she says. ‘All you have read out is perfectly true,’ sayI. ‘Aha!’ says she, ‘you admit it’s true, do you? And you are makingvows to yourself that if I marry you, you will remind me of all this,and take it out of me.’ ‘I don’t know,’ I say, ‘perhaps I was thinkinglike that, and perhaps I was not. I’m not thinking of anything justnow.’ ‘What are your thoughts, then?’ ‘I’m thinking that when you risefrom your chair and go past me, I watch you, and follow you with myeyes; if your dress does but rustle, my heart sinks; if you leave theroom, I remember every little word and action, and what your voicesounded like, and what you said. I thought of nothing all last night,but sat here listening to your sleeping breath, and heard you move alittle, twice.’ ‘And as for your attack upon me,’ she says, ‘I supposeyou never once thought of _that?_’ ‘Perhaps I did think of it, and perhapsnot,’ I say. ‘And what if I don’t either forgive you or marry, you?’‘I tell you I shall go and drown myself.’ ‘H’m!’ she said, and thenrelapsed into silence. Then she got angry, and went out. ‘I supposeyou’d murder me before you drowned yourself, though!’ she cried as sheleft the room.

  “An hour later, she came to me again, looking melancholy. ‘I will marryyou, Parfen Semeonovitch,’ she says, not because I’m frightened of you,but because it’s all the same to me how I ruin myself. And how can I doit better? Sit down; they’ll bring you some dinner directly. And if Ido marry you, I’ll be a faithful wife to you--you need not doubt that.’Then she thought a bit, and said, ‘At all events, you are not a flunkey;at first, I thought you were no better than a flunkey.’ And she arrangedthe wedding and fixed the day straight away on the spot.

  “Then, in another week, she had run away again, and came here toLebedeff’s; and when I found her here, she said to me, ‘I’m not going torenounce you altogether, but I wish to put off the wedding a bit longeryet--just as long as I like--for I am still my own mistress; so you maywait, if you like.’ That’s how the matter stands between us now. What doyou think of all this, Lef Nicolaievitch?”

  “‘What do you think of it yourself?” replied the prince, looking sadlyat Rogojin.

  “As if I can think anything about it! I--” He was about to say more, butstopped in despair.

  The prince rose again, as if he would leave.

  “At all events, I shall not interfere with you!” he murmured, as thoughmaking answer to some secret thought of his own.

  “I’ll tell you what!” cried Rogojin, and his eyes flashed fire. “I can’tunderstand your yielding her to me like this; I don’t understand it.Have you given up loving her altogether? At first you suffered badly--Iknow it--I saw it. Besides, why did you come post-haste after us? Out ofpity, eh? He, he, he!” His mouth curved in a mocking smile.

  “Do you think I am deceiving you?” asked the prince.

  “No! I trust you--but I can’t understand. It seems to me that your pityis greater than my love.” A hungry longing to speak his mind out seemedto flash in the man’s eyes, combined with an intense anger.

  “Your love is mingled with hatred, and therefore, when your love passes,there will be the greater misery,” said the prince. “I tell you this,Parfen--”

  “What! that I’ll cut her throat, you mean?”

  The prince shuddered.

  “You’ll hate her afterwards for all your present love, and for all thetorment you are suffering on her account now. What seems to me the mostextraordinary thing is, that she can again consent to marry you, afterall that has passed between you. When I heard the news yesterday, Icould hardly bring myself to believe it. Why, she has run twicefrom you, from the very altar rails, as it were. She must have somepresentiment of evil. What can she want with you now? Your money?Nonsense! Besides, I s
hould think you must have made a fairly large holein your fortune already. Surely it is not because she is so very anxiousto find a husband? She could find many a one besides yourself. Anyonewould be better than you, because you will murder her, and I feel sureshe must know that but too well by now. Is it because you love her sopassionately? Indeed, that may be it. I have heard that there are womenwho want just that kind of love... but still...” The prince paused,reflectively.

  “What are you grinning at my father’s portrait again for?” askedRogojin, suddenly. He was carefully observing every change in theexpression of the prince’s face.

  “I smiled because the idea came into my head that if it were not forthis unhappy passion of yours you might have, and would have, becomejust such a man as your father, and that very quickly, too. You’d havesettled down in this house of yours with some silent and obedient wife.You would have spoken rarely, trusted no one, heeded no one, and thoughtof nothing but making money.”

  “Laugh away! She said exactly the same, almost word for word,