The Idiot

by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

outwrong, somehow. Some people have luck, and everything comes out rightwith them; others have none, and never a thing turns out fortunately.”

  “I suppose you have felt that in your own case,” said Aglaya.

  “Yes, I have,” replied the prince, quite unsuspicious of any irony inthe remark.

  “H’m--well, at all events, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep here, in yourplace. It wasn’t nice of you, that. I suppose you fall asleep whereveryou sit down?”

  “But I didn’t sleep a wink all night. I walked and walked about, andwent to where the music was--”

  “What music?”

  “Where they played last night. Then I found this bench and sat down, andthought and thought--and at last I fell fast asleep.”

  “Oh, is that it? That makes a difference, perhaps. What did you go tothe bandstand for?”

  “I don’t know; I--”

  “Very well--afterwards. You are always interrupting me. What woman wasit you were dreaming about?”

  “It was--about--you saw her--”

  “Quite so; I understand. I understand quite well. You are very--Well,how did she appear to you? What did she look like? No, I don’t want toknow anything about her,” said Aglaya, angrily; “don’t interrupt me--”

  She paused a moment as though getting breath, or trying to master herfeeling of annoyance.

  “Look here; this is what I called you here for. I wish to make you a--toask you to be my friend. What do you stare at me like that for?” sheadded, almost angrily.

  The prince certainly had darted a rather piercing look at her, and nowobserved that she had begun to blush violently. At such moments, themore Aglaya blushed, the angrier she grew with herself; and this wasclearly expressed in her eyes, which flashed like fire. As a rule, shevented her wrath on her unfortunate companion, be it who it might. Shewas very conscious of her own shyness, and was not nearly so talkativeas her sisters for this reason--in fact, at times she was much tooquiet. When, therefore, she was bound to talk, especially at suchdelicate moments as this, she invariably did so with an air of haughtydefiance. She always knew beforehand when she was going to blush, longbefore the blush came.

  “Perhaps you do not wish to accept my proposition?” she asked, gazinghaughtily at the prince.

  “Oh yes, I do; but it is so unnecessary. I mean, I did not think youneed make such a proposition,” said the prince, looking confused.

  “What did you suppose, then? Why did you think I invited you out here? Isuppose you think me a ‘little fool,’ as they all call me at home?”

  “I didn’t know they called you a fool. I certainly don’t think you one.”

  “You don’t think me one! Oh, dear me!--that’s very clever of you; youput it so neatly, too.”

  “In my opinion, you are far from a fool sometimes--in fact, you are veryintelligent. You said a very clever thing just now about my being unjustbecause I had _only_ justice. I shall remember that, and think about it.”

  Aglaya blushed with pleasure. All these changes in her expression cameabout so naturally and so rapidly--they delighted the prince; he watchedher, and laughed.

  “Listen,” she began again; “I have long waited to tell you all this,ever since the time when you sent me that letter--even before that.Half of what I have to say you heard yesterday. I consider you the mosthonest and upright of men--more honest and upright than any otherman; and if anybody says that your mind is--is sometimes affected, youknow--it is unfair. I always say so and uphold it, because even if yoursurface mind be a little affected (of course you will not feel angrywith me for talking so--I am speaking from a higher point of view) yetyour real mind is far better than all theirs put together. Such amind as they have never even _dreamed_ of; because really, there are_two_ minds--the kind that matters, and the kind that doesn’t matter.Isn’t it so?”

  “May be! may be so!” said the prince, faintly; his heart was beatingpainfully.

  “I knew you would not misunderstand me,” she said, triumphantly. “PrinceS. and Evgenie Pavlovitch and Alexandra don’t understand anything aboutthese two kinds of mind, but, just fancy, mamma does!”

  “You are very like Lizabetha Prokofievna.”

  “What! surely not?” said Aglaya.

  “Yes, you are, indeed.”

  “Thank you; I am glad to be like mamma,” she said, thoughtfully. “Yourespect her very much, don’t you?” she added, quite unconscious of thenaiveness of the question.

  “_Very_ much; and I am so glad that you have realized the fact.”

  “I am very glad, too, because she is often laughed at by people. Butlisten to the chief point. I have long thought over the matter, and atlast I have chosen you. I don’t wish people to laugh at me; I don’t wishpeople to think me a ‘little fool.’ I don’t want to be chaffed. I feltall this of a sudden, and I refused Evgenie Pavlovitch flatly, becauseI am not going to be forever thrown at people’s heads to be married. Iwant--I want--well, I’ll tell you, I wish to run away from home, and Ihave chosen you to help me.”

  “Run away from home?” cried the prince.

  “Yes--yes--yes! Run away from home!” she repeated, in a transport ofrage. “I won’t, I won’t be made to blush every minute by them all! Idon’t want to blush before Prince S. or Evgenie Pavlovitch, oranyone, and therefore I have chosen you. I shall tell you everything,_everything_, even the most important things of all, whenever I like,and you are to hide nothing from me on your side. I want to speak to atleast one person, as I would to myself. They have suddenly begun to saythat I am waiting for you, and in love with you. They began this beforeyou arrived here, and so I didn’t show them the letter, and now they allsay it, every one of them. I want to be brave, and be afraid of nobody.I don’t want to go to their balls and things--I want to do good. I havelong desired to run away, for I have been kept shut up for twenty years,and they are always trying to marry me off. I wanted to run away when Iwas fourteen years old--I was a little fool then, I know--but now I haveworked it all out, and I have waited for you to tell me about foreigncountries. I have never seen a single Gothic cathedral. I must go toRome; I must see all the museums; I must study in Paris. All this lastyear I have been preparing and reading forbidden books. Alexandra andAdelaida are allowed to read anything they like, but I mayn’t. I don’twant to quarrel with my sisters, but I told my parents long ago that Iwish to change my social position. I have decided to take up teaching,and I count on you because you said you loved children. Can we go in foreducation together--if not at once, then afterwards? We could do goodtogether. I won’t be a general’s daughter any more! Tell me, are you avery learned man?”

  “Oh no; not at all.”

  “Oh-h-h! I’m sorry for that. I thought you were. I wonder why I alwaysthought so--but at all events you’ll help me, won’t you? Because I’vechosen you, you know.”

  “Aglaya Ivanovna, it’s absurd.”

  “But I will, I _will_ run away!” she cried--and her eyes flashed againwith anger--“and if you don’t agree I shall go and marry GavrilaArdalionovitch! I won’t be considered a horrible girl, and accused ofgoodness knows what.”

  “Are you out of your mind?” cried the prince, almost starting from hisseat. “What do they accuse you of? Who accuses you?”

  “At home, everybody, mother, my sisters, Prince S., even that detestableColia! If they don’t say it, they think it. I told them all so to theirfaces. I told mother and father and everybody. Mamma was ill all theday after it, and next day father and Alexandra told me that I didn’tunderstand what nonsense I was talking. I informed them that theylittle knew me--I was not a small child--I understood every word in thelanguage--that I had read a couple of Paul de Kok’s novels two yearssince on purpose, so as to know all about everything. No sooner didmamma hear me say this than she nearly fainted!”

  A strange thought passed through the prince’s brain; he gazed intentlyat Aglaya and smiled.

  He could not believe that this was the same haughty young girl who hadonce so proudly shown hi
m Gania’s letter. He could not understand howthat proud and austere beauty could show herself to be such an utterchild--a child who probably did not even now understand some words.

  “Have you always lived at home, Aglaya Ivanovna?” he asked. “I mean,have you never been to school, or college, or anything?”

  “No--never--nowhere! I’ve been at home all my life, corked up in abottle; and they expect me to be married straight out of it. What areyou laughing at again? I observe that you, too, have taken to laughingat me, and range yourself on their side against me,” she added, frowningangrily. “Don’t irritate me--I’m bad enough without that--I don’t knowwhat I am doing sometimes. I am persuaded that you came here today inthe full belief that I am in love with you, and that I arranged thismeeting because of that,” she cried, with annoyance.

  “I admit I was afraid that that was the case, yesterday,” blundered theprince (he was rather confused), “but today I am quite convinced that--”

  “How?” cried Aglaya--and her lower lip trembled violently. “You were_afraid_ that I--you dared to think that I--good gracious! you suspected,perhaps, that I sent