by Megyn Ward
Zach and then Kylie had ended up on Liesa’s Life in a whole fucked up dog and pony show. Through it all, Zach and Kylie had found each other.
And because of Kylie, I’d found Blake.
I still didn’t know whether to curse or bless her. I have Ellie because of it, so how can I regret it? But to fall so hard for the first guy I was with is not a good thing. It’s ruined me for anyone else. And I’m too young to never love again.
That night, at Kylie’s house, I’d just popped out of the shower and heard all this commotion in the kitchen. When I turned the corner, there was Blake, laughing and swinging Kylie around the kitchen while Zach watched with a stricken look on his face.
I knew in that moment, that Blake was the one. How many times since then have I mentally slapped myself for that stupidity? The only one. Jesus. I might as well jump feet first into one of those old romance movies. Sleepless in Seattle, here I come.
I can’t shake that image, though. Blake, in his board shorts and wrinkled, faded t-shirt, face alight with excitement because he’d been offered a big scholarship to Columbia Law School. I’d felt a stab of jealousy so sharp I was surprised I didn’t bleed on the kitchen floor. I wanted to be the girl he danced around the kitchen.
And then, miraculously, I was.
What is left of the happiest moments of my life is Ellie. I will never regret the pain Blake caused by leaving me. It’s nothing compared to the joy of Ellie.
I believed his memory would fade. Or I’d at least learn to live with it. I’d done a pretty good job of it. If you consider burrowing deeper and deeper into Gram’s compound. I’d made a life without Blake. It worked for me and Ellie.
Diana hands Blake a manifest of divers on the second boat. “People are going to be showing up soon. You need to load the tanks and grab weights and belts.”
I try to get my bearings. Blake is working for Kylie today. We’re going to be partners on the boats so I need to find a level of professionalism. I can do that. Acting is my talent and I will act cool and completely impervious to this gorgeous guy who is the father to my child.
He reaches out and takes the page from her and whisks around to get to work. His eyes rest on mine for the briefest of moments. And whatever bit of air I’d collected since he showed up exits my lungs as quickly as if he punched my gut.
He’s gone in a heartbeat, his feet sounding on the wooden dock.
I can only stare out the window at his back. Broad shoulders, narrow hips, tight butt, long legs. A little pale from being a law student, not a dive master. That mop of soft curls retreating to the tank shed.
My knees are weak. I know that’s really stupid. Like the movie Titanic or something. Maybe Kylie is right. I need to get laid. If that happened, I wouldn’t be all hot, my pussy wouldn’t be clenching and acting like a wild beast. I wouldn’t suddenly be short of breath and my pulse beating wildly in my throat.
It’s because I remember what sex is like. And I haven’t been with anyone else, so naturally, all my Pavlovian sex drive is triggered because Blake showed up.
I don’t know how long I’ve been standing at the window before I come back to reality. Blake is not the love of my life. The love of my life would not walk out on me. He would trust me when I asked him to. The love of my life would move heaven and earth to be with me, not fly to another continent and forget about me for four years.
I straighten my shoulders and look away from the window.
Diana is watching me. She’s got a sly grin. “He’s hot, don’t you think?”
I raise my lip. “I suppose some people think so. He’s really not my type.”
I hear Diana laughing as I make my way to my boat.
Blake bustles from the tank shed to the boat. He’s checking the manifest and grabbing BCs and regulators, all the stuff I’d already finished. I’ve got nothing to do but wait for the divers.
Robert and Toby, the boat drivers, waltz up the dock, laughing and shouting good morning at Diana through the open office counter. Robert cocks his head at me. “Whatcha’ doin’ here dis mornin’?”
Toby stops beside Robert and waits while I explain that Kylie and Zach will be gone for several days and why. Toby doesn’t seem too concerned. He’s a recent hire and not part of the Paradise Found family. Robert acts worried. “I’ll be prayin’ for her.”
Blake pops out of the equipment shed with an armful of weights. A grin opens up his face. “Robert?”
Robert whirls around. “Oh my god! It’s Blake. Whatca’ doin’ on the island? Are ya workin’ for us?”
Blake sets the weights on the dock and gives Robert a bear hug. “Got in yesterday. Going to help out. Did Kylie steal you from Dive Love?”
Robert cackles. “Ain’t no stealin’ involved. I heard she was openin’ a shop and I walked on over. Figured she’d need an experienced boat driver.”
Blake slaps Robert on the back. “I’m sure she’s glad to have you.”
Everyone loves Blake. The savior, the good guy, everybody’s friend. Not like Liesa Temple, the girl America loved to hate. I wonder what they’d all think if they knew Blake had broken my heart and walked away without a second glance. I roll my eyes at my own self-pity. No one would care. And why should they? It’s not a tragedy. People hook up and move on all the time.
It’s your own ridiculous romantic ideas that keep you pining over someone who obviously didn’t care very much for you . Get over him. Get over yourself.
I break up the lovefest. “We need to make a plan for the day.”
Blake’s eyelids droop, as if he’s bored and indifferent to me. Disdainful might be the correct term. What the fuck did I do to him?
“Robert, you take Blake’s boat. He hasn’t been diving here for a long time and your experience will be a nice backup.”
Robert’s eyebrows pop up and he looks from me to Blake, as if waiting for an argument.
Blake’s voice loses all that bounce and energy he’d had when he talked to Diana and Robert. “Robert and I always work well together. But shouldn’t you have him since you haven’t been a dive master for long.”
I fight to keep my lip from turning up in a trademark Liesa Temple sneer. “I’m certified and have been working for Kylie for a couple of years. I’m senior diver today.”
He lifts his chin as if I’ve insulted him, which I hope I have. “Honestly? You stuck with something long enough to get certified?”
What the hell? “I don’t have a problem with commitment. I’m surprised, though, that you’ve been able to get your degree. That must have been hard to trust you’d actually make it through.”
He steps into me and I realize Robert and Toby have disappeared. “I know what it means to set a goal and work toward it. How to give honest effort. Not to fake it.”
Diana is standing next to us. I’m too focused on Blake to pay attention to people coming and going. I need to rein it in. She holds up her hands as if refereeing. “Tone it down, killers. We’ve got divers arriving and it’s showtime.”
I hate that phrase. Showtime. As if I haven’t had a lifetime of that bullshit. But this is for Kylie and Zach. I reach inside me and pull out my Midwest corn-fed persona. But it hits me that my made-up parents are Ken and Deb. Those are Blake’s parents. My imaginary high school is where he went to school. The state college, all of it, was borrowed from Blake’s real life.
I’m rattled. And already, a group of divers makes its way up the dock. Diana greets them and assigns them a boat. Two couples with their own gear. Blake turns on the charm, tall, mid-western, welcoming. He reaches out and takes one woman’s hand to help her on the boat.
Everything hits slow motion as I focus on his hand, long fingers, wrapping protectively around hers. Those hands that stroked me, that touched me everywhere and traveled over my skin and body with such care. Lean, strong fingers….
“Lauren.” It’s Diana and she’s got her back to several people and is frowning at me. “This is Justin and Tony. It’s their first open wat
er dive since certification.”
I take an instant dislike to Justin. He’s wearing baggy shorts to his knees and his soft, white belly looks like bread dough that needs to be punched to let the air out. His arrogant smirk makes me want to slap him. Some people are like that. Or maybe, Blake has me so shook up I’ve lost my tolerance.
Tony is a quiet guy, dark hair. He seems to defer to Justin. He’s okay. Both of them are probably a few years younger than me. Justin gives me that creepy vibe, as if he’s assessing me without my clothes on. Granted, I’m wearing boy shorts and a long-sleeved rash guard, both tight enough I’ll be able to pull my wetsuit over them, so there’s not much Justin has to make up about my build. But, damn, he could back off the salivating.
I can’t help glancing at Blake’s boat. I’m trying not to, but he’s right there. When I catch sight of him, he’s glaring at Justin.
Justin moves too close to me. “You look familiar.”
Shit. That’s something I hate to hear. It hardly ever happens because I work hard at acting like that girl from Blake’s hometown. And I generally keep my sunglasses on. I’ve neglected all of that because having Blake here has thrown off my game.
I shrug. “I’ve got one of those faces.”
More divers arrive and Blake and I are both busy settling them on the boats, checking their gear, sending them to the shop to replace dead computer batteries or defogger for their masks or a spare strap for the fin that is about ready to rip.
The hairs on my neck keep tingling and when I turn, Justin is grinning at me. Not with a friendly face, but like someone about to gobble me whole. I’m not liking him at all.
Toby and Robert busy themselves hauling drinking water and beverages onto the boats and oranges and snacks for the dive intervals. All four of us meet Diana on the dock.
“We’ll go to Fish Bottom for the first dive,” I say. I point at Blake. “You can go to Red Flag. It’s close.”
“I know where it is.” He nearly growls. “But isn’t Daedalus a better dive with the breeze coming from the east?”
I glare at him. “Dive Love is usually hanging there and we like to have a less crowded experience for our divers.”
He shrugs. “They dive there because it’s got great swim-throughs.”
I sigh. “We’ll do our second dives at Blue Sponge and Mark’s Reef.”
He makes a face as if eating lemons. “Blue Sponge? There’s nothing there but grass.”
I want to sucker punch him, but now that his shirt is off, I’d be afraid to break my knuckles on that fucking six-pack. “You take your group to Mark’s Reef and see if you can find that giant green moray. I know where the seahorses are at Blue Sponge.”
His jaw flinches. Is he remembering when I found seahorses where he and Kylie never had? Does he see us diving together, hiding from the cameras, sharing our private world under the waves? I hope it haunts him as it does me. But if it did, he wouldn’t have waited four years to come back to the island. To come back to me.
He didn’t come back to you.
He shifts his gaze to the ocean above my head. “Whatever you want, boss.”
I pound Robert’s back. “Kylie and Zach are relying on us to keep things as they’d like it.”
Robert grins his happy grin, not buying into my drama.
Blake hesitates, then tips his chin toward my boat. “I think we ought to swap out a couple of divers.”
I whip my head to my boat where Justin is focused on my ass. “Got somebody who’s giving you trouble?”
He lowers his eyebrows in irritation, still watching my boat. “Those two yahoos. The frat boys. Why don’t you send them with me and I’ll swap that older couple.”
Toby and Robert back away and hurry to the boats, not having to be clairvoyant to know Blake’s stirred me up. “Why would you want to do that?”
He rolls his eyes. “Come on. Don’t get all militant on me. That guy is a jerk. I can see it from here. It would be better to get him away from you.”
“Look, Mr. Officer and a Gentleman. I can deal with creepy guys. I’ve learned how to take care of myself and I don’t need you to jump in and suddenly act as if you care what happens to me.”
He goes palms up and takes a step back. “Okay, now you’re getting bitchy for no reason.”
I am already stomping toward my boat. “I’ve got lots of reasons.”
I feel the steam rising from him. “So you’re going all Liesa Temple. That’s just great.”
Fuck!
He said that out loud. Four years—four-fucking-years—I’ve kept my identity hidden and now Blake rides into town and blows it for me.
Even Diana’s eyes show panic and both of us turn toward the boat to see if anyone heard. No one is looking at us, so maybe we dodged that bullet.
I jump into my boat and Justin runs his tongue around his lips. “What color is your hair?
I rub my hand over my buzz cut. “I’ve had it cut so long I’m not sure. It used to be dark brown but it’s probably gray now. Being a dive master is stressful.”
A couple of divers laugh but not Justin, he’s watching me too closely. “I swear I know you from somewhere.”
I give Toby the go signal. Robert is already pulling out.
Chapter 7
Blake
Damn it. She crawled under my skin and I lost it. In front of all those people. I said her name. I don’t think anyone heard. That douche who can’t keep from drooling on her was bent over his dive bag, maybe the only few seconds he wasn’t leering at her.
She does that to me. From the moment I met her she’s made me feel things, think things, I never had before. She probably doesn’t remember the night my life changed. I’d just found out Columbia was offering me a scholarship. It’s been my lifelong dream to go to law school at Columbia. So long, I don’t even remember why it started. But I’d taken a year off after my undergrad mostly because they’d passed me up. I studied for the LSATs and did really well. Then took off to Cayman while I waited to hear.
That’s when I met Kylie at Dive Love. We’d hit it off right away and with Diana, rented a dumpy little bungalow in the middle of the island. At that time, I thought I was in love with Kylie. Thank god she knew better.
But that night, I grabbed shrimp and headed home, so excited to tell Kylie. In fact, I was going to ask her to move to New York with me. Convince her that since we were such good friends, of course, we’d have a great marriage. Mom and Dad were best friends. I never saw much romantic affection between them. I figured that would be enough for me and Kylie. She needed family and I thought I needed her.
I flew into the house, ready to launch into my new life and when I grabbed Kylie and spun her around the kitchen I saw Liesa Temple. Maybe the girl standing in the doorway that night was really Lauren Knightly. She was nothing like the TV bitch. From that moment I couldn’t get her out of my head.
I thought she felt the same way. Oh god, I wanted it so much. She was an expert at skirting the cameras and we found time to be together.
But that was then, asshole. She left you high and dry, my boy.
It had been stupid for me to come here to Paradise Found. What choice did I have? Kylie needed help and I’d do anything for her. She’s my best friend.
Your best man. Did you forget about Erika?
I did not forget about Erika. I kept her image with me as I walked into the dive shop and let Diana know I would take a boat out. But it was damned hard to think about cute Erika with her dark hair and petite build, with Lauren hiding out behind the rash guards. Long-legged Lauren, with her brilliant smile, her sharp mind, and all that blonde hair. Except, she’d nearly shaved herself bald. And still, she was beautiful. Those blue eyes, so bright, like the water in a quiet cove.
I couldn’t keep myself from steeling glances at her as she greeted her divers and busied herself getting the dive ready. That prick with the flabby belly and the soft chin. He was trouble.
The way he looked at her, I wanted to cl
ub him. She was right when she told me she could handle him, though. I watched her from my boat during our dive intervals. She laughed with the divers, handed out snacks, looked at pictures they’d taken on their underwater cameras, always keeping a distance between her and creepoid.
So far, so good. We finished the three dives without him attacking her.
The boat races across the waves on our way back to shore. I replay the morning on the dock. God, she’s so able, so competent. Fearless. As she used to be. It’s as if I never entered her life. She has no idea what knots she’s tied me in.
How can I let her do this to me again? I loved her so deep. But I’d learned to let her go. I have Erika now. Erika wants me. She tells me she needs me. She’s always declaring her love for me. She is devoted and wants to do everything for me.
Lauren never took care of me in that way.
Come on, dude. How many times do you want to jerk your hand from Erika’s, or shrug from under the constant shoulder rubs? She always bringing you drinks you don’t want, snacks you aren’t hungry for. And you smile instead of saying, “For god’s sake will you leave me alone for five minutes?”
Okay. Well, this is enough bullshit for one day. I turn my attention back to the divers and tell them about Kylie and Zach and what a great couple they are and how much better dive masters they are than I am and that the divers need to come back.
Robert maneuvers our boat into the dock first. Toby is right behind us. It’s been a long day for the divers and even though it’s only about 4 o’clock, they don’t dawdle grabbing their gear and shooting out to the parking lot.
All except the doughboy and his friend. They’re hanging out on the dock, both of them watching Lauren bend over in those boy shorts. I admit, I’m loving the sight myself. But it’s not for them.
It’s not for you, either. Not anymore.
They say something to Lauren and she looks startled. They are on the dock, looking down at her in the boat. Toby and Robert have both bugged out to the shop, probably to get a drink before taking the boats to refuel.
