Tidal Wave (Paradise Lost Book 3)

by Megyn Ward

  I keep walking. Gram’s compound takes up the whole block, surrounded by a cracked sidewalk. Mango trees and other tropical greenery spill over the fence to shade the walk.

  Erika stays with me. “Then I see you and I put it all together. It wasn’t his friends that needed closure. It was you. And you being Liesa Temple, well, that put a lot of pressure on me.”

  I’m dragging Ellie and she’s starting to pull back. We round the corner but Erika is still following.

  “Add to that, this….” She hesitates as if the word is too sour to be in her mouth. “Child.”

  She makes it sound nasty and I want to cover Ellie’s ears, or better yet, slap the shit out of Erika. I do neither, just clutch Ellie’s hand tighter and pull her along.

  My blood is rushing and I’m sweating. I’ve been through filming, speaking in front of thousands, all manner of intrusions and pressure, and I’ve never felt this close to the edge. I wonder what a panic attack feels like and if I don’t get control, will I fall apart in front of my daughter? What would Erika do to Ellie if I let that happen?

  “I could have fought for Blake. I could have taken him home, removed him from this island. You know he would have done whatever I said. He’s that way. He loves me and wouldn’t want to hurt me.”

  He is that way. Kind and thoughtful.

  She’s a liar.

  She’s lying to you.

  “But I knew that if I didn’t let him have you, he’d always wonder.”

  God, she sounds so logical.

  “So I told him about your girl. You know, he probably never would have figured it out on his own. He’s so trusting he’d have believed if you had his baby, you’d tell him.”

  A mango is smooshed on the sidewalk, leaving a sticky mess, as if a body splattered from a suicide jump.

  She’s lying, she’s lying, she’s lying, she’s ly—

  “I won’t lie. He thought about it. I know it hit him. But, ultimately, he understood that this child isn’t really his responsibility. He wants children of his own, not some mongrel he didn’t raise from birth, like a rescue dog picked up at a shelter.”

  He said her name the second he answered his phone. She knew he was here.

  God, I want to hurt her. Ellie is the most precious person on Earth and it’s up to me to protect her from pain. All I can do right now is run away from this monster. Where is the fearless girl I used to be and why can’t I fight for Ellie and me?

  “So, even though I didn’t want to, I knew I had to give him permission to be with you. He had to get you out of his system so we can get married and have our own family.”

  I round the corner and see Kylie’s pickup.

  “So I said, go fuck her. See if she’s what you really want.”

  Ellie is pulling back now. She’s whimpering. “Mommy, I can’t walk that fast.”

  I reach down and heft her to my hip. A drop of moisture hits the sunny spot on the sidewalk and I realize it’s a tear. I can’t let Ellie see I’m crying.

  “He didn’t want to, of course. He thought it would hurt me too much. But, you know, I understand how men have needs. And I know that even though he loves me, he still wanted to fuck you.”

  I want to her to shut up. I believed what Blake and I did last night was so much more than fucking. And Ellie, what is she going to understand about this horrid woman and what she’s saying?

  I’m nearly to the pickup.

  Erika stops. “You’re out of his system now, though. He’s done what he needed to do and we’re leaving today. Going back to New York. We’re going to get married. We’ll get a cute apartment in the city and in a couple of years, buy a house in Connecticut and start having babies—our babies. You’ll be nothing to him but a memory.”

  I reach a shaking hand for the handle of the pickup door and swing it open. The bag flies inside with a plop. When I turn around, Erika is already halfway down the block, walking with a spring to her step.

  I slump against the side of the truck and let a squirming Ellie down to the sidewalk.

  She watches Erika. “She’s not nice.”

  I’m fighting my tears and hoping Ellie thinks it’s sweat on my face. “No, she’s not nice. But we won’t let her bother us.”

  Ellie folds her arms and studies Erika’s back. “I think she’s not Blake’s friend.”

  I’m surprised by this. “Why do you say that?”

  Ellie shrugs. “She used a bad word about him.”

  Ellie might not have experience for it all to make sense, but she’s got some people intuition, and for that, I’m grateful.

  I have to go the Paradise Found but feel too shaky. Maybe a moment or two in the sanctuary of the piazza will help put me back together. I unlock the gate.

  “How come we went out over there and are coming back in here?” Ellie asks.

  “I need to get something from the house before we go to work.” I usher her inside, slip in after her and shut the gate. I don’t see Blake so I assume he took off.

  “What did you forget?” Ellie asks.

  “Just something.” I answer her but it’s not a real answer and she knows I’m not paying attention to her.

  “But what?” She yells at me, probably fed up with being dragged and feeling my tension.

  I’m so frazzled I snap at her. “Nothing. Leave me alone for a minute.” God, what a bitch. That is exactly how Simone treated me my whole life.

  Shit.

  “I’m sorry.” I squat down on the bricks and look at Ellie’s stricken face. I open my arms. “I think we both need a hug.”

  She slips inside the circle of my love and wreaths my neck with her little arms.

  I wiggle us back and forth and lose my balance and we roll to the ground, giggling.

  “You’re my best Mommy.”

  “You’re my favorite little girl.” And suddenly, we’re both okay. Well, getting there, anyway. How would I ever make it without her? I’m the mom and should be the one to make the world safe and loving for her, but sometimes, she does it for me.

  I’m pulling myself from the bricks when something about our bungalow catches my attention. The door is slightly ajar. Did Blake leave it like that? It wouldn’t be like him. He’s usually careful and thoughtful.

  I walk over to investigate just as the door swings inward and Simone and Jonas emerge. They each carry two canvases over their faces and don’t see me.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I nearly scream it.

  They both let the canvases slide down so they can see me. Simone looks frightened. She’s seen me get defensive and fight for what’s mine. Jonas whisks an ingratiating grin on his face. “Liesa!”

  “Lauren,” I growl back at him. “What are you doing with my paintings?”

  Jonas looks down at his hands, as if surprised to see them there. “Oh. Well, I thought you were at Paradise Found and I didn’t think I could contact you on the boat.”

  I glare at him. “It’s eight o’clock. You know the boats don’t leave until ten.”

  “Ten o’clock? Is that right? I swear it was earlier.” He seems to want to shift the conversational focus.

  “My paintings?” I demand.

  Simone sets her two canvases on the ground and props them with her hand. “If you’d see reason….”

  Jonas picks up the thread. “You don’t understand how much talent you have. And these paintings, they’re wasted here in your house where no one can see them.”

  I don’t show any reaction. “Uh, huh.”

  He’s thinking while he’s talking. It probably works with most people, but I know Jonas lies as easily as he breathes so I’m not taken in. “The truth is, we took those two paintings in Mother’s house to a gallery owner I know. He was very impressed.”

  “Very impressed,” Simone repeats, as if she’s his backup singer.

  “She offered to do a whole show of your work if she finds the rest of the paintings as compelling.”

  I’m not sure what to do with this ex
cept let the steam roll from my ears. “You were just going to steal them from me?”

  Jonas laughs. “Of course not. As I said, we knew you were working today and this is when she’s available. We were going to tell you when you got home this evening.”

  “Or when I noticed they were gone.”

  Simone narrows her eyes. “We discussed it with Mrs. Knightly. She’s worried about your agoraphobia and frankly, so are we.”

  “I don’t have agoraphobia.”

  Simone takes a step, shuffling the paintings. “Be reasonable, Liesa.”

  “LAUREN.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Whatever. The fact is, you need help. You’ve retreated from who you are. We’re simply trying to coax you out of hiding, for your own good.”

  A volcano of resentment and vitriol threatens to erupt. I lunge for the paintings resting on Simone’s feet. “You have no right. I told you I didn’t want to sell the paintings. You will respect that.”

  Jonas keeps that soft smile. “Even Mother thinks you should embark on your artist career. We’re only trying to help you get started.”

  I point to the bungalow. “Put them back. Now.”

  He frowns at me. “You—”

  “Now.” I may have lost the fearless spirit I once had. But I can sure as hell bring out the commanding one. Jonas picks up the paintings and goes ahead of me to the bungalow. He sets them gently against the wall where they’d been earlier and I set mine down next to them.

  Jonas smooths back his hair and surveys me. “You look upset.”

  Really? I can’t imagine why. I hold my hand out and point him toward the door. “I guess I’ll have to start locking my door while you and Simone are here.”

  He slowly saunters out. “It’s not as if we were stealing them. We’re helping you start a new career. Mother is worried and we are, too. You’re too young to spend all your time saddled with motherhood. You need to get out, live a little.”

  I shut the door and though I want to lock it, I don’t have a key with me and don’t know where I’d stashed one. Gram probably has a key to the bungalow somewhere, but probably only Deborah knows where it is, and Deborah isn’t coming in today. “I don’t feel saddled with anything.”

  Simone holds both of Ellie’s hands and they seem to be playing a two-person game of Ring Around the Rosie, though Simone isn’t about to fall down in her white capris. I follow Jonas to them and take one of Ellie’s hands away from Simone.

  “Okay, Eleanor, it’s time to go to work.”

  “I’m not Eleanor.”

  “Today, you are.” I take a few steps and drag her along.

  “I don’t wanna go to work. I wanna stay here.” Ellie whines in a voice that cuts right through to my last nerve.

  I bite down to keep from popping off in annoyance. When I feel safe, I say, “Diana is there and you’ll have a great time. I packed you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch.”

  She slips her hand from mine and folds her arms in our similar style. “I’m not going.”

  “If you behave, I’ll let you have an ice cream sandwich after you eat your lunch.”

  She shakes her head, keeps her arms folded. “No.”

  Simone and Jonas exchange a conspiratorial look. “Why don’t you let Ellie stay home with us?” Simone says.

  Jonas steps forward. “That’s a great idea. We don’t have any plans. We’re hanging out with Mother all day. It would be a great time for us to get to know our granddaughter.”

  God, wouldn’t it be great to be able to leave Ellie here with grandparents? I could use all my focus to keep myself from falling apart in front of the divers. I feel close to that thin edge and wonder how much more I can take before I end up curled in the corner of my house drooling.

  But this is Simone and Jonas we’re talking about. Not Ma and Pa Walton. I wouldn’t leave a wolf in their charge for five minutes. “Ellie is not staying with you.” I pull my stubborn child along with me toward the gate.

  Simone charges after us. “Don’t be so stubborn.”

  Jonas is on her heels. “I told you earlier you look worn out. Why don’t you let us help?”

  I reach down and pluck Ellie into my arms. She’s squirming, but not fighting as hard as she can. She doesn’t want to stay with Simone and Jonas any more than I want her to.

  I’m done arguing with these two pieces of shit. They pelt me with their sweet talk while I stomp to the gate and beyond. They don’t give it up until I’ve strapped Ellie into the pickup and started the engine.

  Ellie knows I’m cracking. She can go either of two ways. She can be on her best behavior because she knows I’m close to exploding. Or she can do what she ultimately chooses, act like the biggest brat on the planet.

  She starts to cry and kick her legs against the bench seat of the pickup. “I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna go.”

  This goes on nearly the entire drive to the other side of the island where Paradise Found is located. I don’t know whether I’m glad or upset that Diana’s car is in the parking lot. On the one hand, I hate for anyone to see Ellie in this worked up state. On the other, it would be nice to pawn her off on Diana and step away from her for a minute.

  Ellie forces me to drag her up to the shop. She’s got herself so wrapped up by now it might take a nap before she comes down to her regular, sweet self. Right now, I can’t believe she was ever a sweet child.

  If Blake showed up right now I’d hand her over willingly. If Blake showed up right now, he’d run screaming from this little banshee.

  I burst into the shop clutching the ball of fury’s hand. Diana whips her head from the sheet of numbers she’s been studying on the check-out counter. She scowls at Ellie, points her finger and says, “That’s enough.”

  Ellie stops pulling, blinks her wet eyes at Diana and lets her mouth drop open.

  Diana holds Ellie’s gaze and silence fills the shop. After a short interval Diana tilts her head back and studies Ellie. “What’s the main pain, El?”

  Ellie’s lower lip pokes out. “I don’t wanna go to work today.”

  Diana raises one eyebrow. “That so?” She cocks her head toward me. “You want your mama to have to be here all by herself?”

  Ellie shrugs. “She’s a grown up. She’s supposed to work.”

  Diana nods. “Maybe. But what about me?”

  Ellie sniffs. “You’re a grown-up, too. You can work.”

  Diana gives Ellie an up and down. “And you think all you got to do all day is play?”

  Ellie looks justified. “I’m a kid.”

  “Well,” Diana moves from behind the counter toward Ellie. “If your mama has to work and you want to play why don’t you play with me?”

  Ellie considers that.

  Diana holds up her hands and flexes them, as if she’s getting ready to grab Ellie. “I say you stay here with me and I won’t do work like a grown up. I’ll play with you.”

  Ellie eyes her but doesn’t relent.

  Diana lunges for her. Ellie squeals and spins out, running around the rack of rash guards.

  I catch Diana’s eye and mouth a thank you while I slip out the door and head for the tank shed.

  Chapter 32

  Blake

  I can’t imagine where Erika would take off to. I start at the hotel and ask the valet. It’s the same guy we saw the day before and he remembers Erika. He says she took a taxi about an hour ago. Of course, he doesn’t know where she went.

  All of her things are still in the room. But they would be, because she snuck out on Diana. I jump in my golf cart car and take off for the other side of the island and Paradise Found. The traffic is maddening. This is a vacation paradise, for fuck sake, but it seems everyone is on their way to jobs. Tourists sure as hell aren’t up and around at nine o’clock. I don’t know why I’m going to the dive shop, but I need to make sure Lauren and Ellie are okay. Maybe Diana has remembered something Erika might have said that would give us some idea where she is.

 
By the time I fight through the buses and beat-up island cars and get to Paradise Found, the boats are on their way out for the first dive. I know it’s my imagination because Lauren’s head is shaved, but I swear I see her, her blonde hair flying in the breeze from the ocean, standing at the back of the boat watching me.

  Lauren. At least I know she’s safe for the next few hours. By the time she returns to dock, Erika will be on a plane heading north. That is, if I can find that crazy bitch.

  I jog up to the dive shop in time to see Diana galloping around the dock with Ellie whooping and hollering on her back. She trots over to me when she sees me. “Did you find that lunatic?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t know where she would go.”

  “What did you do while she was here? Any place special you two might have together?”

  Nothing. I can’t even think of any place in New York I’d associate especially with Erika. She’s been hanging on my arm for two years and it’s as if I never knew her. Like an old t-shirt that gets mixed up with your stuff when all the roommates move out. You don’t really know where it came from but you wear it because it’s right there.

  Maybe Erika used me. But I sure didn’t treat her that well. A part of me was always longing for Lauren. I’ve got to make my peace with Erika as much as possible and send her on her way. I don’t think that right now she’ll understand how much better off she’ll be without me, a man who could never love her as she should be loved.

  Diana is watching me while she trots in slow circles around the dock. Ellie keeps yelling, “Hee-ya!”

  That little girl makes my heart do flip-flops. Those soft curls and the impish grin that looks so much like her mother’s melts me. Technically, it’s Kylie’s grin, but since Kylie and Lauren look so much alike, it makes me think of Lauren and what her little girl would be like. Our little girl.

  Ellie looks up at me and points. “I want to ride that horse.”

  I need to go find Erika, but I give Ellie a ride up and down the dock and even kick off my flip-flops to take her into the water. She doesn’t mind her shorts and shirt getting wet.