Always Upbeat / All That

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  Before I could say, “No, thank you. I’m all right. I got it.” He had gone and was back. And I was still not all right. I could not even drink the water. He was dressed in a Zaxby’s uniform and had a broom in his hand. He sat down on the other side of the booth.

  Brenton said, “What’s wrong?”

  “My life’s just falling apart,” I blurted out to my boyfriend’s cousin.

  Brenton and I went way back to elementary school. We used to be best buddies. When his cousin moved here in the ninth grade with his family, we drifted apart, like fall leaves blowing in the wind. I was his cousin’s girl, and I now knew that hanging out with boys wasn’t as good as hanging out with my girls. So we just lost touch. Knowing that he cared about me deep down, made me ready to open up.

  “It’s Blake, huh?” Brenton said.

  “What? What do you know? What … what aren’t you telling me?”

  “I’m just asking. I don’t know anything. I haven’t even talked to him since practice.”

  “I can’t find him. But even as scared as I am about what’s going on with him and where he is, I got bigger issues right now.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “I don’t understand men. Can you explain that to me, Brenton? Why do you guys cheat?”

  Boldly he said, “All men aren’t dogs.”

  “Yeah, some are snakes.”

  “But girls don’t want nice guys. They want the popular, crazy dudes.”

  “I’m not even talking about girls and boys now. I’m talking about grown men with families.”

  “I don’t know. I’ve asked myself that time and time again. My dad left my mom before I was born.”

  Wanting to hit myself for not being sensitive, I said, “That’s right.”

  It was already bad enough that I felt bad. I certainly did not want company in my misery. I remembered hearing that Brenton’s father had skipped out before Brenton was born.

  “It’s cool. Coach, my mom’s brother, is a great father figure. He’s a good man and husband.”

  “Well,” I immediately said, “don’t go giving my father any accolades.”

  “What? Something’s wrong at your house?”

  Replaying the awful ordeal over again, I said, “I just saw my dad with another woman.”

  “Oh snap,” Brenton said with a frown.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that. You won’t say anything, right?” I gave Brenton a stern look.

  “I never said anything about any of the stuff we shared.” Brenton looked serious.

  Finally figuring out where he was going with that comment, I said, “Oh, you mean when you kissed me in the closet in sixth grade?”

  “No, when you kissed me.”

  We just laughed. I couldn’t believe he had me laughing. My old buddy sure knew what I needed.

  Then all of a sudden, I started crying. Brenton came on the other side of the booth and draped his arm around me as my head collapsed on his shoulder. Blake was not answering my calls. He was out doing his thing—his cousin knew it; I knew it. Something just wasn’t right. My dad was doing his thing too. My mom was in her room locked away—she knew it; I knew it. Something just wasn’t right. My girls were out having a good time, not wanting to hang out with me—they knew it; I knew it. Something just wasn’t right. I wasn’t clueless, but I had no idea how to stop this wrong.

  Sobbing, I said, “I’m so sorry, Brenton. I’m sorry. I’ma mess. I’m crying in your arms. What am I doing? Oh my gosh. Forgive me.”

  “No, no. It’s okay,” Brenton said. He gave me a comforting squeeze.

  I was starting to feel so safe that I had to pull back because it just felt too awkward. I certainly did not want to give Brenton the wrong idea. I did not need to give myself anything extra to think about. When his phone that he had placed on the table started vibrating, I glanced at it and saw Blake’s name. Before Brenton even knew what hit him, I answered it.

  “What time you getting off work, cuz? You gotta come over to Bay’s. The party’s slamming.”

  I hung up on Blake before Brenton could say anything. Steam was piping from my ears. I was livid! He was partying without me. I had to confront him immediately.

  “Why you answer my phone like that?”

  “Why are you tryna protect your cousin?” I said to him. “Who is Bay and where does she live?”

  “Oh, he went to that party,” Brenton said, trying to act like he didn’t know.

  “Are you going? You guys are about to close.”

  “I don’t have a car.”

  “Problem solved because I’ve got one.”

  “Well, that’s probably why Blake called because he was supposed to be here to pick me up.”

  “So you knew he was supposed to connect with you?” I said to Brenton, hitting him in the arm for being evasive earlier. “Text him and let him know you’re covered.”

  “It’s just a party. It’s no big deal. You don’t have to get all mad at Blake, make accusations, and come up with stuff all in your head. Let it go.”

  “I wanna go to the party. Will you take me or not?”

  “You’re the one with the car.”

  “I mean, will you let me drive you there or not? I can drop you off and not even come in.”

  “You would do that?” he said, looking at me now like I was being evasive by not being accurate about my intentions.

  Actually, I did not even realize I was committing to something. I just said what I hoped would make him show me the way. I hoped he’d feel sorry for me and not hold me to what I said. If fibbing was what it was going to take for him to chill out and let me drive him to the party, then sure, fine, no big deal.

  “Yes, I will just drop you off,” I said, looking him square in the eyes.

  I had to wait in the restaurant parking lot for him to actually get off from work. He had some clean-up chores he had to do. It made me really realize that not everybody had it like me. I did not have to work. I had a brand new car. But maybe my parents did not really value our family. As I sat there waiting on Brenton, I just reflected on what I saw earlier. Was I imagining the whole thing? Was my dad into this other woman? I did not want to call the house and ask if he was home because if my mom grilled me about my questions, I would have to spill the beans and let her know what I saw. And there was no way I could do that because I couldn’t break her heart. At nine-thirty at night, there was no explanation for another lady to be in my father’s car other than hanky-panky. Seriously, that was just wrong.

  I heard a tap on my window. It startled me. I didn’t even realize my eyes were closed.

  When I unlocked the door, Brenton said, “You always need to be checking out your environment, girl.”

  As he handed me a shake, I said, “Wow, thank you. You didn’t steal it, did you?”

  “I work here. I get discounts. I do have dollars. I figured you’re giving me a ride that’s the least I can do. I figured that’s what you came in for. You used to always get a shake to make yourself feel better. I remembered strawberry cheesecake was your favorite flavor. It hasn’t changed, has it?” Brenton asked, fully concerned about me.

  “No,” I said, appreciating his thoughtfulness. “So if I ask you what’s really up with Blake, would you tell me or would it be this male loyalty thing?”

  He huffed. I certainly did not want him to go back down the road of: I don’t know why you like him. Can’t you just give me a try? Things were fine before he even moved here. You were supposed to be my girl. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

  It was not that I wasn’t sensitive or that Brenton was not adorable. It was just that … Blake was fine. Blake was mine, and I wanted things to stay that way. Brenton was quiet, and it was probably best for things to be that way. I’d already cried on the guy’s shoulder, for goodness’ sake. I did not need to bare any more of my soul.

  I was intrigued when he offered me an answer to an earlier question without me asking again. “Us guys just need to feel important somet
imes. We just need girls to be there all the time when we call. I think it’s probably the same for older men. I’m not saying your mom’s not as amazing as you are, because I’m sure you get it from somewhere.”

  I backhand popped him in the arm because Brenton was so sweet. It was the first time I thought that if I wasn’t with Blake maybe we could have something. He sure knew how to make me feel appreciated.

  I continued to listen as he said, “If your dad is doing anything, it’s probably because he feels like this other lady is there for him.”

  He did not have to say anything more at that point. I could connect the dots. Then he told me which direction to turn to get into Bay’s subdivision. I realized that Blake probably had been telling his cousin that lately, I was unavailable. Obviously, Brenton was telling me that in Blake’s mind that was unacceptable.

  I had to fix this. I was thinking that I’d pull up, drop Brenton off, tell him to go and get Blake, and just believe that my beau was going to want to talk to me, hear me out, accept my apology, and all that. However, when I saw Blake outside, leaning against his car with his arms around Jackie’s waist and her arms around his neck, laughing that same crazy way that my dad was doing earlier, I clutched my heart again. The laughter that I’d witnessed twice in one night seemed too illegal and immoral to be real. These men were supposed laugh that way only with the ladies they were committed too. Not other ones.

  I stopped the car right in the middle of the street, jumped out, and said, “What in the world is going on here? Get your hands off my man right now! Blake, what is this? I’ve been calling you and calling you. Obviously, nothing’s wrong with your phone because you called your cousin.”

  “Man,” Blake said to Brenton while he ignored me. “You were with Charli? You told her where I was and stuff? Man, what’s up, cuz?”

  “Don’t even get mad at him. This is between us,” I said, moving Blake’s face to mine.

  “Well, since he hasn’t taken your calls,” Jackie said, looking like the tramp she always dressed as, “that means he’s through. He’s not interested. He doesn’t want to be around you.”

  My eyes started to well up, but I had to stay calm. “Blake, can I talk to you, please? This is between you and me.”

  “Go ahead and talk to her,” Jackie said as Blake looked at her like he needed permission or something.

  “Man, you don’t even need to do the girl like this,” Brenton said to Blake.

  “You need to stay outta my business and give somebody a warning next time. Dang,” Blake said, shoving Brenton out of the way.

  Brenton stepped up to Blake as if he was defending my honor, and I pushed Brenton out the way. “Please, Brenton, let me talk to Blake. I have to fix this, please.”

  Brenton threw up his hands. I knew he was hurt. He walked into the party and did not look back.

  It took Blake no time to tell me, “Oh, now you wanna come around and act like we’re a couple and stuff? I’ve been tryna get with you for a couple of weeks. Things have been hard for my family, and I had no Charli to lean on. All you had time for was cheerleading.”

  Defending myself, with a cracking voice I said, “Yeah, it’s not like I was with another guy or something.”

  “Oh no? You come strolling up in here with my cousin, and you’re supposed to make me think that it’s nothing?”

  “No, there’s nothing going on. You know that. Brenton would never, nor would I ever. What are you talking about? Don’t turn this around,” I said.

  “You know what? There’s no need to explain. We’re through. I’m with Jackie now. She’s someone who always has time for me.”

  When he walked away from me, he went into a Jackie’s arms. She looked back and gave me a sly smile as they strolled away. My heart was racing.

  I lost my friends, possibly my dad, and surely my man. I’d gone from the mountaintop to the valley. Where was Charli Black? If I didn’t know it before, I knew it now. My life was horrible. What a reality check.

  CHAPTER 5

  Payback Hurts

  It surely did not feel good seeing Blake leave me. The fact that we were through was bad enough, but to see him with another girl just felt ten times worse. We had to fix this.

  I jogged over to him and said, “Please, Blake, please don’t let this be over. You love me. Come on.”

  Surprisingly, Jackie said, “Talk to her.” Even she must have known we had something deeply special. I actually thought she would completely leave the scene, but she just stood there with her arms folded. I had to take what I could. I had another opportunity to get Blake to see we were meant to be together. It was our time. It was supposed to be me and him, no one else. Whatever he was mad at me about, I could fix it.

  “Charli, this isn’t you. Don’t beg. Don’t follow me. Don’t try to change my mind.”

  “But you don’t know what you’re doing. You really want us. I know you do,” I continued, making my case as if I was a lawyer.

  “Doesn’t feel good, does it?” he asked coldly while Jackie gave me a hard glare.

  “No, this doesn’t feel right,” I uttered when I placed my hands on his face.

  He pulled away and lashed out at me, absolutely breaking my heart when he shouted, “I said we’re through. When I needed you to be there, you had other stuff going on. Now that I’ve moved on, you gonna try and make time for me? How many times do I have to tell you no?”

  “Blake, please.”

  I just fell to my knees, not caring that they might get scratched up—for a cheerleader to have yucky legs was for sure taboo. None of that mattered because in the pit in my stomach, I was dying. I closed my eyes. When I felt strong arms around me, I leapt to my feet and said, “I knew you cared!”

  “I never stopped caring,” Brenton said to me, making me step back some from his arms.

  I just took both of my hands and hit him in his chest repeatedly. “Why? Why? Why?”

  Others from the party were now surrounding me. Folks were laughing. I had always been the popular girl, and Blake and I were the bomb couple. Now I was the butt of the joke.

  I pulled away from Brenton and dashed to my car. I was so frustrated when I could not get the key to work. I just kept pushing the button and pushing the button and nothing would unlock.

  “Sounds like you’re relocking it,” Brenton said.

  Totally upset, I scolded him. “Why don’t you leave me alone? I got this, okay?”

  He took the key from me, pressed the button one time, and my doors unlocked. “Stay here with me and chill. You’re not okay. Forget Blake. He doesn’t understand what a great girl you are. His loss.”

  I grabbed my keys from Brenton, got in my car, and said, “Just leave me alone.”

  As I drove home, I realized I didn’t have to be that rude to the one person all day who had been on my side. However, at that moment it took all my energy to calm down so I would get home safely. I made it a point to apologize later.

  When I got home, my dad’s car was not there. All the lights were off. I peeked into my parents’ room. My mom was asleep. I got into my own bed and, after minutes of tossing, I drifted off too.

  The next morning I woke up feeling really sluggish. It felt like I’d been hit by three linebackers and could not get off the field. However, I did pull myself out of bed. I had cheer practice to get to.

  This was our last practice of camp. It was a Saturday. I had no pep in my step. I didn’t care about warming up.

  Coach Woods called out, “Captain Charli, you need to get them girls together. Let’s go.”

  I followed her instruction. However, the team didn’t follow my lead. After the third time of telling them to line up and not having them comply, Coach Woods took over.

  Coach said, “Ladies, this is our last full day together. I expect you guys to give me more than what you’re giving me now. How you practice is how you’re going to perform. We’ve got football games coming up, and we have a big competition. The first one is major because h
ow you rank determines whether you’ll have a hard or easy road getting to the state competition.”

  Whitney vented, “We’re exhausted, Coach. We’ve been at this for three weeks. Maybe you should blame our captain. She worked us too hard, and now look at her. She isn’t even giving her all.”

  She was right. I had lost my zeal. Cheerleading was everything to me, and yet I was in a leadership role unable to get my team to focus.

  “Charli, can I see you for a second?” Coach Woods said to me. “Play the dance over and over. Someone come up here and get it done.”

  “I’ll gladly do it,” Whitney said, flouncing her way to the front.

  When I got into Ms. Woods office, I accidentally shut her door rather hard. She wasn’t pleased at my melancholy demeanor. She crossed her arms and looked at me intensely.

  “What is going on with you?”

  I could not tell her my world was upside down. I could not say my heart had been stomped on. I could not tell her I didn’t feel like going on. I just looked at her.

  Coach said, “You made a commitment to this team and to these girls. They need you. I was behind you being captain because you have something special. I need you to dig way deep. I know we all get a little moody during that time of the month …”

  With that comment I checked out on her grilling me. Shoot, I knew how to deal with my menstrual cycle. What I didn’t know how to deal with was getting people to act right. My girls were mad at me because I was tough on them. Blake broke up with me because I was busy. My dad was abandoning our family because he needed someone to “understand” him. I mean, really, in addition to being upset, I was angry.

  All this happening to me at once made me feel like it was my fault. But I didn’t deserve any of this. Like Coach said, I had a responsibility, but so did everyone else in this world. I just had to find a way to go on without my life being as perfect as I was used to it being. I told Coach all she wanted to hear and jogged back out onto the floor, finished the rest of practice, and hoped my heart would stop hurting.

  Leaving the gym, I felt depressed. I had lost my team. I had lost my friends. And I had lost my man. However, I certainly did not want the world to know about it. When I heard Eva going on and on about Blake’s new adventures, I knew as soon as I stepped outside I was going to be hot for two reasons. Yeah, I knew ninety degrees was going to feel instantly miserable, but seeing Blake flirting with the world would tear me apart.