Always Upbeat / All That

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  Unfortunately, it was my right shoulder, and that was the arm I threw with. I felt like my world was over. Like everything I worked for meant nothing. Like all my dreams were gone and dashed in an awful second. I had opened my mouth about Landon and Wax not giving full effort, but I was the one lying there helpless. My teammates rushed over to me. Tears filled my eyes as I knew my season was gone.

  I yelled like a loud cheerleader, “I broke it. My bone is shattered.”

  The home team was responsible for the paramedics. Their trainers came out onto the field with the emergency folks and the gurney. My dad, Coach Grey, and our trainer were out on the field too.

  “Just relax, Blake. Quit fighting the pain, son,” my father said, holding my left arm still.

  I kept pounding and pounding and pounding it in the ground. My dad grabbed my fist and made sure it did not move.

  I could not believe this, and as I was being carted away I heard Waxton say to the offense, “That’s what he gets, non-supportive self. Now who’s on the ground, acting like a b—”

  Landon cut him off and said, “Dang, man. He’s hurt. You got to go there?”

  Wax fussed back, “You should want to. He was saying you ain’t got no skills. He’s supposed to be your friend, and he talks to you like he’s the doggone coach. Well, Mr. All That might as well get used to not being in the spotlight. He’ll be on the sidelines.”

  At that moment I realized I had been over the top. I should not have been so cavalier with them. I could not tell my teammates, who I needed on my side, anything hurtful and unnecessary.

  My dad was standing beside me as I was helped on to the gurney. The paramedics started asking me questions and checking me out. For him it was like adding insult to injury. I knew this was more than he needed right now. Feeling the pain in my shoulder, I knew this was more than I needed too. Half or all of my season would be gone with a broken shoulder. It was more than I could bear.

  I saw all my dreams disappear before my crying eyes. I was devastated, knowing that an injury to my throwing arm could ruin my future. The dream of me having a break-out junior season and attracting major college scouts, was gone. The chance of being offered entry to several D1 college camps next summer vanished. The opportunity to start my senior season listed as a first-team All American was snatched away. Signing a D1 college scholarship in my senior year and having the opportunity of playing on Sunday nights at a D1 school was not in my favor.

  As they were starting to wheel me off the field, I moaned, “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m sorry.”

  My dad said, “Injuries happen, son. You were playing your hardest. I’m not mad at that. Son, if you broke your arm, man, … seems like you would be in a lot more pain.”

  “Look like he’s not as tough as the rest of us if he can’t take a little stinger,” Leo called out, ticked with me too.

  None of my boys walked up to me to make sure I was okay. Though Landon had my back a little when the dude tried to call me out, I knew he was salty with me because he did not make sure I was all right. Getting rolled off the field of play seemed to take forever. The paramedics started messing with my arm again, and I screamed that I couldn’t move it. I knew something wasn’t right with it, but when my dad came over and popped me in the head, I was actually glad to hear him give me hope.

  My dad said, “Boy, it is not broken.”

  “It’s not, Dad?” I tried to get up but I couldn’t.

  “Nah, but it’s badly sprained. What’s hurting you is the initial shock,” the paramedic said, as he put some ointment on it and wrapped it up.

  My dad jogged back over to the team, and they continued the scrimmage.

  “How long am I going to have to be out?” I asked the guy working on me.

  “Your dad wants me to take you to the hospital and x-ray it anyway, but I feel pretty confident you can play in two to three weeks, probably, if my diagnosis is right. I’m not a doctor though. I’m just a paramedic, but I think you’re going to be all right. I was watching you too, man. You got a pretty good arm. You were balling during warm ups and those first couple plays. If that one cat would’ve caught the ball, y’all would’ve had a TD.”

  Then I immediately thought about how mean I was to Landon, breaking him down, making him feel like he was a scrub. Now I was out of the game and on my way to the hospital and not even able to watch. I was the one who needed help.

  When I got to the emergency room, my mom was there. Here she was going through her own thing, but she was there for me. It was just another sign that I needed her in my life.

  “Baby, are you okay?” my mom said, rushing up to me.

  Trying to calm her I said, “Mom, I could’ve walked in here. I’m all right. My arm isn’t broken. The paramedic thinks I’m going to be able to play in a couple of weeks …”

  “We better make sure you’re fine first! I don’t want to hear nothing about football from you or your father. Let’s get you well first!”

  “Where’s Lola?”

  “She’s at the house. She had a ton of catch-up homework to do from missing her first week of school. She wanted to come, but when your dad said he didn’t think it was that serious, I told her she’d see you at home. She was worried about her big brother. I’m actually happy to see you two so chummy. Thanks, Blake,” my mom said, saying more than the words she spoke.

  When we were waiting for them to x-ray my shoulder I said, “Mom, it was my arm.”

  She rubbed my brow and said, “I know. You must have been scared, baby.”

  “Yeah, I thought it was broken. I know the guys are ragging on me, but it hurt so bad at first that I just knew it was shattered. Mom, what would I have done if my arm was broken?”

  “Son, listen to me, and I want you to understand this. I know you and your dad put a lot of emphasis on football. And you’re good at it, son, you are. However, that’s not all that you can do. Football takes an awful lot out of people. Your dad wants to coach college ball and maybe one day professional football. It takes a lot to get to those levels, but he has a great track record and played in the NFL. This game is just not that simple, and it is not everything.”

  “I don’t want to be a coach. I want to be an NFL player.”

  “I know, son, but so do a whole bunch of other little boys out there. Particularly little black boys thinking the only thing they can do is get out there and run. My son has options.”

  “I know, Mom. I’m smart, and you’ve always told me I can do whatever it is I want to do. I want to play. If that’s taken away from me, I don’t have nothing else,” I said passionately.

  The nurse came in and said, “Ma’am, we’re going to go ahead and take his x-ray now. If you don’t mind, please wait in the waiting room.”

  “No problem,” my mom said to her.

  After the results were in and it was confirmed that my arm was not broken, the doctor recommended that I didn’t practice for a week. For a guy like me who lived, breathed, slept, and ate football, how was it going to be possible not to train?

  When I got home, I did not have one phone call from my boys. I had gotten hurt, and no one made sure I was okay. Looking back over how I treated everybody, I knew I was too harsh. I had my own issues, which I took out on all of them. I was supposed to be a leader. I was supposed to show them how to care. They should not want to just pick up and move on without me.

  The next day at practice I did a little physical therapy with the trainer. My team was doing their thing, going through drills, working out, and running; the last person on any of their minds was me. I did not like being alone. Not because I couldn’t handle it, but because I was supposed to be with my teammates. I guess they were going to show me better than they could tell me that I had been a jerk. I was getting their message loud and clear.

  Jackie hadn’t even called—probably because I hit it. I hadn’t even talked to her since the night of the party. Having to look inward was hard; however, I had to face the fact that I was a jerk in so many w
ays. Ever since the day my sister came home, I knew she was having a hard time dealing with my mom’s news. We bonded that first night, but I hadn’t asked her anymore about how she was coping. Yeah, I loved to pass judgment on other people. Looking in the mirror, I needed to work on that guy and fix his broken soul.

  CHAPTER 7

  Way Maker

  Son, let me tell you, I have seen you at practice the last couple of days looking like you lost your best friend. I know you hate not being able to get out there because you’ve been injured. Also seems like something else has you down. From what I hear from Brenton, the team feels like you got the big head,” my dad said, as we sat in his office after practice. “But here’s the thing, I probably deserve to share some of the blame for who you are. I blame myself. I have always insisted that you have high standards. I never want you to apologize for that. You are blunt, and I think as a leader you need to let people know when they’re slacking. You think you’re the best, and I’ve always taught you that you are. A lot of these men didn’t grow up that way. That’s not in them. When they see someone who’s confident, they take it as cocky. Maybe the scales for you might have got tipped in the wrong direction,” he added. “I’m not saying your head didn’t get inflated when you threw down in the seven on seven, and you went up there at the Combine and got the honor of being one of the top ten quarterbacks in the South. You have been doing some things. Legitimately, you have bragging rights. Just remember that does not mean you actually have to go brag. You know what I’m saying?”

  “Yes, sir,” I responded quickly, knowing that I had been doing a lot of self-reflection on my own.

  “But I never had to motivate you. You always had that drive, that tenacity, and that I’m going to make it happen! spirit. If you find out a way to pass that on to your teammates versus pointing out what they’ve done wrong, then maybe that’s the missing ingredient you need to soar. You know what I mean, son?”

  “Yes, sir. It’s been over-the-top hard. Not just you pushing me, but you’re right, the pressure I put on myself is tough to live up to. Now all the stuff with mom … me being injured … took me over the edge, I guess. I have taken a couple of steps back, Dad. Though I’m the leader of this team, I’m not the team.”

  He smiled and nodded. “Go make them understand that. Your mom has got her first radiation treatment today.”

  Heading out of my dad’s office, a few of the guys were finishing their showers. Some were already dressed. I wanted to catch folks before they headed out.

  I yelled out, “Can I have everyone’s attention?”

  “No!” somebody yelled.

  I said, “I deserved that.”

  And they were going on their merry way when Landon blocked the exit and said, “Stay y’all. Our quarterback is tryna tell us something. Dang.”

  Leo and Brenton also got people to sit. Wax wanted to leave, but I gave him a sincere stare, and he leaned up against a locker and motioned for me to talk. When they all huddled around, I knew it was my time to be transparent and speak from the heart.

  I said, “I just wanna apologize to you guys for being a jerk. Telling you we’re not gonna be anything wasn’t called for. Calling a few of you names was totally unacceptable. Thinking that I was the best thing—and the only thing—this team had going for itself, is far, far, far from the truth. I don’t wanna admit this, but I guess I’m my dad’s son.”

  “Strong,” a freshman yelled out.

  “Strong,” a lineman repeated.

  “Strong!” three different players yelled in unison.

  “I just want to say, watching you guys lately, I understand that we’re all gifted. We are a phenomenal team when our skills are put together. I want to lead you guys again, and it’s not because I’ll be throwing the ball and calling the plays. No, I want to lead by having your respect. I know that has to be earned, but maybe this is the first step toward it. I thought I was big and bad, but I ain’t too big and bad to apologize. I think we can run the table this year. I know if we’re united, we can win state. Forgive me, you guys? Anybody with me? Can we do this together?”

  “Can you play?” Wax yelled out. “I need a quarterback who’s gonna throw me the ball. When I run this thing, they aren’t going to know what hit them. Dual threat.”

  I smiled, knowing that if Wax was cool, everyone else would follow our senior stud. “My arm’s gonna be right. I’m ready. Lions, Lions …”

  “Lions, Lions, Lions,” the team all started cheering with me.

  After the hype, the guys started filing out of the locker room. I spoke to different players, apologizing to some, and giving others positive pointers. I knew there was a couple more guys I needed to rap to.

  Landon was almost to his car, and I jogged over there to catch him. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

  “What’s up, man?” Landon said in an uptight tone, confirming the air between us wasn’t clear.

  “I just owe you a bigger apology in addition to the one I gave the whole team. I would not have even been able to talk to them if you hadn’t quieted them down and got them to stay.”

  Surprisingly, he said, “You called me out. I wasn’t playing with true heart. I ain’t mad at you for that.”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t have to be so rough about it. You my boy.”

  Landon pointed to my shoulder. “I think you got what was coming to you when you got knocked on your tail the next play.”

  “You right, the whole ordeal definitely made me appreciate all I do have going on. I need you as my partna. I don’t like us not hanging out. We cool?”

  “Me and you straight. You need to work it out with him,” Landon said, giving me five and then pointing over to Brenton. “You must not have heard what happened in school today.”

  “No, I’ve been trying to get this shoulder right, going to see the trainer in between classes. I am hoping I can play Friday night. What’s up?”

  “He likes your girl.”

  “I knew that. He has wanted Charli since nursery school.”

  Landon shook his head. “Oh, so you got jokes? You aren’t gonna be laughing long.”

  “Why you say that? You think she likes him?”

  “News flash, cuz. He kissed her today in the cafeteria. Everybody saw and was tweeting.”

  That info struck a cord in me that wasn’t a nice sound. I looked over at Brenton, and he was frowning my way. He walked over to us.

  I asked, “You need a ride home, B? Hoping we could talk while we rode.”

  Nonchalantly Brenton said, “Nah, I’m straight. Landon’s got me.”

  Landon said, “Nah, nah, ride wit’cha cuz. Y’all need to talk.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Brenton said, waiting for Landon to open his passenger door. “You gonna take me home, Landon, or what?”

  Landon shrugged his shoulder at me, like he tried to help. I nodded to let him know it was cool. Shoot, I didn’t want to force my cousin to speak to me. Before I knew it, Landon unlocked the door for Brenton. They got in the car, and the two of them were gone.

  “I know you mad. He wants your girl bad,” Leo said, sneaking up behind me. “But maybe you don’t care. Hottie Jackie telling everybody she with you now. I guess I need to give you some dap. You found a way to get you some, huh? So you can’t be sweating Charli; she just tryna hold hands. That’s right up Brenton’s alley.”

  Leo laughed. I did not laugh. So much was happening, and I did not know how I felt about it all.

  “Wow, Brenton is really going after Charli. Interesting.”

  Leo said, “You have always been a pretty boy, but you ain’t player material.”

  “You right. I really don’t need to be focused on no girl anyway. I’m trying to handle business on Friday nights. Plus, I’ve got some AP classes now that I gotta be on top of,” I said. I bowed my head as I realized that I still cared about Charli. I wished I didn’t.

  “Look, man, I just came over here to tell you I’m happy you said wh
at you said to the team. We need you. Don’t go tripping again and go work things out with Brenton because he’s the leader of the defense, and we don’t need our two leaders at odds over a girl who you say you don’t care about. But whatever, I do not believe that.”

  “I hear you, man. I’ll talk to him,” I said, knowing it was my responsibility to make amends. We slapped hands before Leo took off with some other players.

  I looked over at my dad’s car. He gave me a thumb-up, and it was just a little gesture, but it was one that meant a lot. He told me earlier that he was proud of me because I challenged my teammates. Letting them see I was vulnerable, he smiled approvingly, being proud of me for that too.

  Driving, I thought of the love square I’d created with Brenton, Charli, and Jackie. What was I going to do with that? And why did love have to mess up a brother anyway?

  It was the first game of the season. All I’d been working on for months was upon me. How you get out of the gate counts. If you want to stay on the top of the leader board, you got to produce early in the season.

  Our band was rocking. Fans were filling the stands, and the cheerleaders looked so sweet, particularly Charli. I was trying to not let my mind think of her. However, since I found out my cousin placed his lips on hers, I was stressed about it. I wasn’t mad at either of them. From what I heard though, she didn’t pull back. I couldn’t be mad at him for going there because he had always told me if I didn’t behave, he was going to be there to take her.

  The dance team was in the end zone performing a number. When they were done, Jackie headed over to me on the sidelines as I was getting some Gatorade. I had to stay hydrated so I wouldn’t cramp up. Though it was a night game, it was still hot in Georgia. Since I was not one hundred percent sure that my shoulder was ready, I needed the rest of my system to be on point.