by Mercy Amare
Aiden Dixon was turning out to be even nicer than I thought.
AIDEN
That night, I laid awake, staring at my ceiling. Roxy Gibson was doing strange things to my heart, and I was starting to question my judgment.
I was here for one reason, and one reason only... To get an education. My family was going to come first. I had to get my siblings out of that trailer. I had to give my overworked, and underpaid mom a well deserved break. She was working herself to death, literally. I had to keep my priorities straight. I wasn't going to let a girl, even one as beautiful as Roxy, distract me.
What was I thinking? Agreeing to go to lunch with her on Friday? Ugh... I know what I was thinking. One look into her smoky green eyes, and my heart was a goner. I was falling fast for her, and it was a problem.
My roommate, Gary, came back around midnight.
“What's up?” he asked, flopping down on his bed.
“Not much. I just can't sleep,” I answered.
“Are you coming to the party on Friday night?” he asked. All Gary ever thought about was football, drinking, and sex. He lived to party. “There are going to be some hot chicks there, and you, my friend, need to get laid.”
I laughed. “I don't know. Parties aren't really my thing.”
“After a couple of shots, you won't care,” he promised.
“Maybe,” I said, once again thinking of Roxy. Maybe she could come with me. She didn't seem like the partying type, but maybe she was. I learned more about her every time we talked.
Gary smiled, obviously satisfied with my answer, and then he shut off the light. I stared at the shadows on the dark ceiling and thought about her.
Roxy was like a puzzle. It was going to take a while to put all the pieces together, but I would, eventually. Eventually she would open up to me. I needed to fix her.
FOUR
ROXY
I avoided Aiden since Tuesday night. I felt silly for the way I acted with him. I was like a lovesick teenager, and the thought made me sick. That wasn't me. I never acted like that, and I certainly wasn't going to start acting like that with him.
He sent me a text on Thursday, right before I went to therapy. Hey, was all it said. I decided I should probably send him a message back so it didn't seem like I was avoiding him.
Hey, I sent back.
Want to meet up for coffee? My phone vibrated again a couple seconds later.
Can't, I have an appointment. I hit send, but then I regretted it. I wanted to see him, so I texted him again, Maybe later?
Not two seconds later, I got a reply. Sounds good :).
I couldn't help but smile at his virtual smiley face. I could imagine him smiling as he sent the message to me.
“Roxy,” I heard Dr. Lewis call my name. I looked up from my phone to see her smiling at me. “Are you ready?”
I picked up my hoodie off the chair next to me and followed her inside her office. I had been so into my text conversation with Aiden that I didn't even notice the patient before me leave. That was a first for me.
“When did you start texting?” She asked, clearly amused that I was uncomfortable. I could feel my cheeks growing warmer.
“I've always had a cell phone,” I said sarcastically, trying to lighten up the conversation. “Everybody texts.”
“But you had this silly grin on your face, and I know that smile,” she leaned closer for dramatic effect. “It's the smile a girl gets when a guy is texting her.”
I chose to ignore her. Really, it was none of her business.
“Was it Aiden?”
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. “So what if it is? Am I not allowed to have friends? Isn't that what the challenge was all about?”
“I'm proud of you,” she said, nodding. “This is good progress.”
“So maybe we could cut our visits down to once a week instead of twice?” I asked, hopeful.
“Not yet,” she answered. “But, maybe soon.”
I felt very excited by her words. For the past 3 years, I had spent way too much time in therapy. No matter how many hours I spent in there, nothing would undo my past. I wasn't even sure that coming had helped me any at all. Forcing me to talk about what my mom did to me was torture, and some days I left here feeling a lot worse.
I would never get over what happened to me. I would always have nightmares about it. Some things in life were just inevitable.
I was walking home from school. I wasn't at all surprised when I walked into the apartment and saw the broken glass all over the floor. I immediately began to sweep it up, but then I heard my mom screaming. I ran into the kitchen, where she sat on the floor. Around her, there was a circle of blood. She had cut her arm, but I couldn't see how bad it was.
“Mom?” I could hear the quiver in my voice. I hated that I was scared.
“Don't you come any closer you devil!” she yelled at me.
“Mom, it's me. It's Emma.” I took another step towards her.
“NO!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Stay away from me. You're not Emma. You're a demon. You're just disguising yourself as her. You're trying to trick me.”
I began to cry. “Mom, please.”
“STAY AWAY!” she yelled. She then began chanting. I couldn't understand what she was saying. I knew that it was nothing more than gibberish. “You can't hurt me while I'm in the circle.”
I woke up screaming, and I was covered in sweat. I was thankful that my roommate hadn't came home. I didn't want to explain to her that I was having yet another nightmare. She already thought I was a freak.
I looked at the clock. It said 5:00 am. I knew there was no way I would be going back to sleep. I got up, took a shower, and got ready for the day. I tried hard to forget my dream... no, nightmare. The nightmare that used to be my reality.
After my shower, I wrote on my arm. I am strong. I will not be controlled by my past. I am not a monster.
AIDEN
When I called home Thursday night, I couldn't help but be worried. My mom sounded tired. She said she was just tired cause she pulled a double shift, but I knew it was more than that. She worked more than one person should. She worked 2 jobs, took care of Grace and Aaron, cooked, cleaned, and made sure that all the bills were paid. It was too much for her.
My mom never graduated high school. She worked as a waitress during the day, barely making minimum wage, and she bartenders on the weekends. And all for what? She had a beat up car that only worked half the time, and a single-wide trailer. I hated that she had to work so hard to have so little.
Aaron begged me to come home again. It was hard to explain to a 7 year old that I didn't have the money. He said he would give me all the money in his piggy bank, which broke my heart. I was suddenly wishing that I would have went to the community college close to home, that way I could be with him. But when I mentioned to mom I was thinking about quitting school here, getting a job at home, and going to school there, she flipped out. She said I would do no such thing. She wanted better for me.
Tonight was the big game, Auburn versus University of Alabama. They were our number one rival school, and tonight's game was definitely a big deal. It was going to be packed.
The coach had us doing an early morning practice. Which was the only reason I was up at 6 o'clock. I had no early class on Friday, and it was my day to sleep in. Coach McGill was tough.
At lunch, I met up with Roxy and her parents. It felt a little awkward, meeting them.
“This is my friend, Aiden Dixon.” She turned towards me. “These are my parents, Steve and Emily Gibson.”
“It's nice to meet you,” I said, then shook both of their hands. At first, I was shocked by how different Roxy looked than them, but then I remembered what she said about being adopted.
“The Aiden Dixon?” Steve asked. “As in the wide receiver for the football team?”
I nodded. “Yes, sir.”
“Call me Steve,” he insisted. “And you are a legend.”
&n
bsp; I half laughed. “I don't know about all that.”
Steve turned to Roxy. “Did you know that he was on the football team?”
“Yeah...”
“Why didn't you tell me? This is... fantastic,” he smiled.
Roxy rolled her eyes. “I apologize in advance.”
ROXY
As expected, my dad talked football with Aiden all through lunch, but he didn't seem to mind. I could tell that he really loved playing football. I already knew he was here on a scholarship, but apparently he was the star of his football team back home. He had multiple offers for different colleges, and I couldn't help but wonder why he chose Auburn. Truthfully, our football team wasn't that great. My dad knew more about Aiden than me, which was kind of sad.
After lunch, Aiden had to go. Apparently the football team was going to start warm ups early. When Auburn played University of Alabama, it was always a huge deal. My dad bought these tickets the second they went on sale.
Mom and me decided we wanted to shop, and Dad had a school board meeting he had to attend, so Emily and I hit the mall. It was nice to have a little girl talk with somebody besides Dr. Lewis.
“How is therapy going?” Emily asked as we pulled into the parking garage at the mall.
I shrugged. “It's ok. Dr. Lewis said I may be going down to one visit a week instead of two.”
“That's great, sweetie.” She looked genuinely happy. “I know you hate going, but I can see that your doctor is really helping you. I've never seen you so... happy.”
At that moment, I actually felt happy. “I am happy, sort of. College is good for me.”
“I loved college. I felt so independent.” She paused before adding, “You know I met Steve in college.”
I couldn't help but laugh.
“He was a sophomore and I was a freshman,” she began. “I was dating the quarterback of the football team at the time. Your father, he's not the most athletic person, but he loves football. We met at the football game, but I didn't pay him any mind. He had the biggest crush on me, but I was dating Mark Stevens. I thought we were in love.
“You see, Mark and I dated all through high school. But he wasn't the most honest guy. I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend. Steve helped mend my broken heart, and I just happened to fall in love with him.”
“Do you think I'll ever fall in love?” My voice was quiet when I asked the question.
“Yes, I do.” She patted my arm gently.
“Do you think that somebody will love me back? With... me... being the way I am?”
She sent me a sad smile. “Roxy, there is nothing wrong with you. And one day, when you're least expecting it, you're going to fall in love... And the lucky boy would be crazy not to love you back.”
I wished so bad that I could believe her, but how could I? She was obviously biased, being my mom and all. Could anybody else look past my crazy hair? Could they see beyond the writing on my arms? Would anybody ever love me for me? I was certain that the answer was no.
FIVE
I've never actually watched Aiden play before. Sure, I've been to every home game since freshman year, but I had never actually paid attention before. I just came to hang out with my parents. I didn't really like football, which was probably considered a sin in Alabama, but it just seemed so pointless to me... A bunch of guys running around, jumping on top of each other, and fighting over a ball? No thanks.
But, now that I'm watching... I mean really watching... I can definitely see the appeal. I never noticed how good Aiden looked in those little pants. They're really sexy.
Oh God, what am I saying? This is Aiden!
As the first quarter came to a close, I watched him take off his helmet. His blonde locks were wet with sweat, and he gently shook his head. I watched his shaggy hair fall perfectly into place, as if he hadn't ever had the helmet on. Who knew sweat could be so... hot?
“So who is winning?” I asked Steve.
He looked at me with a look of confusion, but quickly smiled. “We are. 7 to 0.”
“Cool.”
As I watched the game, I didn't really pay attention. I mostly just watched Aiden, and his really tight pants. It was no wonder he was in such good shape, running up and down the field like he did.
“I don't think I've ever seen you so interested in the game before,” Steve commented just as the fourth quarter started.
I was slightly embarrassed that he was paying attention. I hoped that I wasn't drooling. “I'm just trying to have school spirit,” I said, hoping he would drop the subject.
“And it has nothing to do with the wide receiver? I've noticed you have been staring at him nearly the entire game.”
“No. It has nothing to do with Aiden. He's my friend, that's it. I'm just here to hang out with you. That's all.” It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.
“Ok,” he said. “But, if you did have a thing for him, you'd have my blessing. Anybody smart enough to choose Auburn over Alabama is definitely smart enough to date my daughter.”
I nearly choked on my Coke. “Dad!”
He laughed. “Just speaking the truth.”
I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but smile. Steve was the best father a girl could ever have. I was very lucky to have him and Emily as my parents. I definitely didn't deserve them.
AIDEN
We won. 15 to 14. Not by a lot, but still, we rocked.
“Are you coming to the party tonight?” Gary asked.
I looked in the stands. Roxy and her dad were about to leave. I had to catch her before she left.
“Maybe,” I shouted at Gary as I ran towards the stands. “Roxy!”
She turned towards me, and smiled. Her smile was breathtaking, and for a moment, I imagined what it would be like to kiss her lips, but I quickly shook off the thought. I was not going to think of her that way.
I watched her push her way through the crowd and walk towards the front of the stands. “Hey,” she said, shyly.
“Hey,” I said, almost at a loss for words. Why did I come over here again? Oh right... I wanted to hang out with her more. “So there's a party tonight... You know, to celebrate us winning. Do you want to come with me?”
She didn't say another word for about 30 seconds. I was scared that she was going to turn me down, but finally she said, “I'd like that.”
“Awesome! Meet me in front of the dorms in about 30 minutes.”
30 minutes later, I stood in front of Lane Dorms waiting for Roxy to come out. I once again began to question my judgment. What was I doing with her? Sure, she's absolutely gorgeous, smart, and wonderful in every single way, but I shouldn't be falling for her. I can't let anything stand in the way of my dreams. Especially not a beautiful woman.
But then I saw Roxy walk out the front door. Her black hair was blowing in the breeze, and I knew then that I was a goner. There was no going back. She had somehow made her way into my heart, and now that I had her, I was never letting her go... Not that I had her. We weren't like that. Not that I didn't want to be.... Gah, now I sounded like a girl. Roxy and me were friends. I was allowed to have a girl as my friend. It was normal. Lots of guys and girls are friends without being romantically involved.
“So, I have a confession,” she said as we walked to my car. “I've never actually been to a party before.”
“Really? Not even in high school?”
She shook her head. “I've kind of always stuck to myself.”
“In high school, I partied a lot. I thought I could drink away my pain,” I admitted. “My dad was an alcoholic. That's how he died, he was drinking while driving.”
“Oh my goodness. I had no idea,” she put a hand on my shoulder. “I'm sorry about your dad, Aiden. I don't know how it feels to lose a parent to death, but I do know how to feels to lose a parent.”
“What happened to your real mom?” I asked, not expecting an answer.
“She's in a high security insane asylum.” I could hear the heaviness in her voice.
“She's never getting out, and I'm not allowed to visit her.”
“Do you want to?” I opened the passenger door for her.
She sighed. “I probably shouldn't want to, but I do. I miss her.”
I walked around the car and got in the driver's seat. “So why can't you see her?”
“It was court ruled. She can't have any visitors, at least not now anyway.” She paused before adding, “Maybe they're afraid I'm like her. If they keep us separated, I may be less likely to turn out like her.”
“You're not crazy,” I quickly replied.
“She wasn't always crazy either, I'm sure.” She rubbed her arms, they were covered in ink, as always. “I don't want to be like her.”
“You won't,” I promised. I parked the car, but before getting out, Roxy turned towards me.
“One day, I will be brave enough to tell you about me, and when I do, you will run away.” She got out of the car before I could respond.
I quickly got out and ran after her. “Roxy, nothing could ever make me run away from you.”
She held up her arms to me. The words 'I am not a monster' were wrote over and over again. “I'm completely screwed up.”
“I don't care that you write on your arms. So what?” I challenged her. “You're different. It's ok to not be like everybody else.”
“But I want to be!” she screamed at me before she started to cry. She tried to run away once again, but I grabbed her, and pulled her close. “I want to be normal,” she cried. “Is that so wrong?”
I pushed her back so I could look her in the eyes. “Why be ordinary? Seriously. You are the most extraordinary person I know. You're better than everybody else. Can't you see that?”
She actually smiled through her tears, but didn't say anything.
“I couldn't say that to anybody. Only you, Roxy.”
“Thank you.” I could tell that she was done with the conversation, and needed me to change the subject.
“You ready to your first college party?” I asked, putting my arm around her.
