by Mercy Amare
Roxy had fallen asleep in the car. When we got back to the dorms, I picked her up and carried her to my room. No way I was going to sleep without her tonight, or any night for that matter.
When I walked into my dorm room, Gary was lying in his bed doing homework. He shot me a knowing look and then looked back down at his book..
I put Roxy on my bed and she instantly scooted over so I could lay beside her. I put my arm around her, smiling at how perfectly we fit together.
“I love you,” I heard her mumble. I was pretty sure she was asleep, she had never said those words to me before. I couldn't help but smile.
“I love you too,” I whispered, and quickly drifted off to sleep with Roxy in my arms.
ROXY
I didn't want to be one of those clingy girlfriends, but on Monday morning when we went our separate ways to class, I couldn't help but feel a little sad. We both had classes all day, he had football practice at night, and I had my Monday appointment with Dr. Lewis. Before leaving, he told me he was going to miss me, and that made me smile. I was going to miss him too.
During class, I had problems concentrating. I had spent the most amazing weekend with Aiden, and I was a little sad it was over. Plus, I kept thinking about the body shots, the hot tub, the counter, my bed, the shower... It was like once we started, we couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. Just thinking about it made me want to skip class, and attack Aiden.
The day seemed to drag. At 6 o'clock, I found myself in the all too familiar office of Dr. Lewis. I sat down in the chair across from her.
“How are you doing, Roxy?” she asked me.
I smiled. “Well, I haven't had any nightmares since Tuesday, and I haven't had a panic attack since Thursday night. But before that it had been 3 days. I really think they're getting better.”
She looked at my arms, and smiled. “You look happy.”
“I really am. I had a great weekend at home.”
“Did Aiden go with you?” I knew that she already knew the answer before she asked.
I nodded. “I told him. About me. About my mom.”
“That's good, Roxy. I think it's good that you're finally opening up to somebody besides me, and your parents. It's progress.” She smiled. “I am still worried though. I don't want you using him as a crutch.”
“I know, and honestly, I think I was, but not anymore.” I felt confident in my statement. “I think I've had the strength inside of me the whole time, it's just he gave me a nudge. I really feel like I'm making big improvements. I mean, I know I have a long way to go, but still, this is progress.”
Dr. Lewis looked at me like a proud parent. “How about after Thursday, we go down to seeing each other once a week? We can drop our Monday appointments, and just see each other on Thursday.”
I couldn't help but smile. Was I dreaming? I'd been waiting for this for so long. “Really?”
“Yes. Was seeing me really all that bad?” she joked.
“No,” I laughed. “Honestly, I was scared. I felt like coming here somehow made me crazy. I know that I'm not. I won't ever be like her.”
“How do you feel about this breakthrough?”
“Free,” I answered, truthfully. “I've never felt so light, and truthfully, I never realized I was so weighed down until now. I couldn't have done it without you, Dr. Lewis.”
As I left Dr. Lewis' office, I couldn't help but be excited. In just another hour, I would get to see Aiden again. I went back to my dorm, got a quick shower, and grabbed some clothes.
“You going to be here tonight?” my roommate asked.
I shook my head. “I don't think so.”
She raised her eyebrows at me. “You and Mr. Hottie finally did the dirty?”
Oh my gosh, how can she tell? Do I look less virginal? I felt my face flush. “That isn't any of your business.”
She laughed. “I can tell by the look on your face that it's a yes. Well, I'm happy for you. You look very happy, of course, I would be too with him. He's hot.”
I wanted to punch her. That was my boyfriend she was talking about. “I am very happy,” I finally said, keeping my temper under control. There was no need to be jealous over what she said. He didn't want her, he wanted me.
My phone vibrated in my hand. I looked down to see a text from Aiden.
Meet me on the roof? ;)
Be right there, I sent back immediately.
“See you later,” I told my roommate, as I walked out the door.
I practically ran up the stairs to the roof. As soon I opened the door, I flung my arms around Aiden and gave him a tight hug.
“I missed you,” he said, hugging me tightly.
“Me too,” I agreed. “Today was the longest day ever.”
Aiden pulled back from our embrace, and I immediately missed his warmth. “Monday's are officially my least favorite day.”
“How cliché,” I joked. Suddenly, I remembered what Dr. Lewis said about not having to come on Monday's anymore, and I brightened up. “Actually, next Monday won't be as bad.”
“Why is that?” he asked.
“Dr. Lewis cut me back to one day a week.” I couldn't help the excited squeal that escaped my mouth. I didn't care that I looked stupid.
“That's awesome,” he said, dropping a kiss on my lips.
“So, why are we meeting on the roof?” I asked, when he pulled back.
“Gary said to give him 30 minutes. He was having some girl come over.” Aiden looked at the time. “Actually, it's been 35 minutes. We can probably head back.”
Aiden grabbed my hand, and we walked back downstairs to his room. When we opened the door, I let out a gasp as I saw my roommate, Rachel, pulling up her jeans. She turned to me and said, “Don't tell Danny,” and then walked out as quickly as possible.
Don't tell her boyfriend? Why is she telling me now? I've never said 2 words to him before, why would I start?
“Your roommate is a whore,” Aiden told me, like I didn't know.
I laughed. “I know.”
Gary cleared his throat. “You look different,” he said, pulling a shirt over his head. He looked between Aiden and me, and suddenly broke out in a huge smile. I started to question him, but Aiden started talking.
“Slumming it?”
“Not everybody has a hottie that they can have their way with whenever they want,” he winked at me. “If you get bored of him, call me.”
Aiden rolled his eyes. “Stop flirting with my girlfriend.”
AIDEN
Roxy and me went to sleep early that night. Both of us had a long day, and there was no way I was going to have sex with her when there was a chance Gary would come back. Knowing him, he would ignore the sock on the door.
When my alarm went off that morning, I didn't want to open my eyes. It was way too early.
Suddenly, my brain became aware. That wasn't my alarm clock. My cell phone was ringing. I looked down to see that I had 14 missed calls from Mom. My heart thumped fast in my chest as I looked at the time. It was 2 in the morning.
I started to call back when my phone started ringing again I instantly answered it. “What's wrong?”
“Aiden?” I heard Grace on the other end. Her voice broke, and I heard her start sobbing.
“Grace, what's wrong? What is it?” Before she could answer, I was already packing my bags and throwing clothes on.
“It... It's... Mom...” she sobbed. “She's... sick... We're at... the hospital... In Mobile.”
“Calm down, Grace,” I tried to soothe her. “What's wrong with mom?”
“I don't know.” Grace was breathing hard. “She just... passed out and... started having a... seizure at work.”
“I'm on my way. I'll be right there. Everything will be ok,” I promised her, though I didn't know if it was a promise I could keep.
“Aiden? Please, hurry.”
I ended the call and looked up to see Roxy staring at me. “What's wrong?”
I looked away. I couldn't deal with her rig
ht now too. I had to take care of my family. “I'm sorry, but I have to go. Somethings wrong with my mom.” I zipped up my bag. I didn't notice Roxy get up and put her hand on me.
“I'll go with you.”
I shook my head, unable to look at her. “No, you can't. I'm sorry, but I have to do this on my own.”
“Please, Aiden,” she pleaded. I could hear the sadness in her voice.
“I don't want you to come, Roxy.” Without another word, I turned and walked out, slamming the door behind me. At that moment, I didn't even care that I was being a complete ass to Roxy. I took off in my car, and don't stop until I got to Mobile, Alabama.
FIFTEEN
ROXY
Aiden just slammed the door in my face. He didn't want me to go with him.
His words played over and over again. I don't want you. Why would he say something so mean to me?
Suddenly, I felt dizzy. My world spinned, and I felt myself hit the floor.
I was walking home from school. It was 3 miles, and it was 18 degrees outside, but I didn't care. I liked the walk. More time walking meant more time away from my mom. Sure, we didn't live in the best neighborhood, but I couldn't seem to make myself care.
The front door was locked, as usual. I didn't have a key. My mom didn't trust me with one. I had become very good at picking locks. Seconds later, I walked in the door, and it was completely empty. No furniture, nothing. I ran to my mom's bedroom. Everything in there was completely gone. Then, I ran to my bedroom. It was empty as well, except for my mom. She was rocking in the corner, and her head was in her hands.
“Mom, what happened to our stuff?” I asked.
She glared at me, and I swear if looks could kill, I would have been dead in an instant. “That's all you care about! Stuff! I'm sitting here crying, and you ask where your stuff is? Could you be anymore selfish? You little shit!”
I felt my legs giveaway as I fell to the floor and started crying. I heard my mom shuffle. She stopped in front of me, and I looked up. “You're a big, fucking baby,” she said, then proceeded to slap me across my face. Everything turned black for a second, and I woke up in time to feel my face hit the carpet floor. It burned.
I was too scared to get up. I laid there, praying she would leave. Then I heard her laugh.
“We got evicted. I'm going to the shelter.”
I started to get up, to follow her, but she pushed me back down. “I don't want you. You're on your own tonight. Maybe next time you'll think about it before you act all high and mighty.”
She spat on me, and then walked out of the room. I curled into a ball on the floor and cried.
When I woke up, my head was pounding. I sat up, and felt dizzy. I almost fell back over. A sick feeling washed over me, and I crawled as fast as I could into the bathroom. I hung my head over the toilet as the chunks came up. When I stopped vomiting, I shoved my fingers down my throat. With every passing second, I felt like I was gaining control.
I kept pushing, and pushing, until there was nothing left inside of me. I looked at my hand, and it's covered in blood. I realized then that I was vomiting up my own blood, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I laid down on the bathroom floor, and fell asleep. Or maybe I passed out, I'm not really sure.
AIDEN
When I got to the hospital in Alabama, I was relieved to find out that my mom was ok. She was suffering from extreme exhaustion, and dehydration. The doctor had IV's in her, and gave her something to help her sleep. She slept for 24 hours straight.
While I was in the hospital with her, I had a lot of time to think. I felt like shit for the way I treated Roxy. I couldn't believe that I pushed her away like that. I tried calling her a hundred times, but I couldn't get a hold of her. Each time it went straight to voicemail. I threw my phone on the table and sat in the chair by my mom's bed. I put my head in my hands. I knew that I had fucked up bad. She would probably never forgive me, and I honestly wouldn't blame her if she didn't.
My phone started vibrating. I picked it up, and was disappointed to see Gary's name pop up. I wasn't surprised though. I hadn't been there all day. He was probably just checking up on me to see why I was missing practice.
“Hey.”
“Where are you?” I heard his anxious voice.
“I'm in Mobile.” I remembered he was still at school. “Hey, will you check on Roxy? I haven't talked to her since Monday, and I think I made her mad.”
“Aiden, what did you say to Roxy before you left?”
“Um, I just... I said some pretty mean things that I shouldn't have.”
“Shit.” I heard him mumble. “Look, I was scared as hell. I found her passed out on the bathroom floor Tuesday morning. There was blood everywhere. I think... I think she was making herself throw up. When I woke her up, she was saying some crazy shit. She kept saying I'm wanted. When she finally woke up, she looked at me and apologized. She begged me not to tell, she cleaned up the bathroom, and then left.” He paused. “I haven't said anything, but I am worried about her. She's acting weird.”
I looked at my mom lying in the hospital bed. How could I choose between Roxy and my family? It wasn't fair that I had to make the decision.
Suddenly, I wanted to punch myself. I didn't have to make the decision. I was the one who pushed her away.
“I fucked up.”
“Yeah, you did man. You need to get back here and fix it before you lose her.” With that, the line went dead.
“How did you fuck up?” I heard my mom's frail voice ask.
“Mom.” I smiled, even though I felt like I was dying on the inside. “About time you woke up.”
“You didn't answer my question,” she pressed.
I sighed. “I said some things to Roxy that I shouldn't have. I messed up real bad.”
“You love her, don't you?”
I nodded.
“What are you doing here, Aiden. Go fix it.”
“Mom, I can't leave you here...” My voice broke off.
“I'm fine, and I'll be here when you get back,” she promised. “Go get her back.”
I leaned over and gave her a kiss. “Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
“Love you too.” She waved me on. “Now, go!”
ROXY
I spent all day Tuesday on the roof. It was cold, but I couldn't feel it. I was completely numb, emotionally and physically.
I was mad. Not only at Aiden, but at myself. I had made so much progress, and just like that, I went right back to how I was as a kid. I hadn't made myself throw up in almost 2 years. Why now?
On the roof, I made a promise to myself. I wouldn't go back to being that girl. I didn't need Aiden. I was strong on my own, and if he didn't want me back, I would just have to live with that.
Wednesday, I went back to classes as normal. It was a struggle. The pain was almost overwhelming, but I refused to let it keep me down. Each breath felt like a knife stabbing my heart. But I kept pushing.
When I went back to my room Wednesday night after class, Rachel was getting dressed up in a super short dress. If she bent over, even an inch, her ass cheeks would hang out.
“Where are you going?” I asked her. I had to talk to somebody.
She looked stunned for a minute, but then answered. “Party. Want to come?”
I realized at that moment what I needed, to get super wasted. I wanted to feel nothing.
“Yes.”
Rachel immediately went to her closet, and handed me a short pink dress. It looked similar to hers, but skimpier, which I didn't think was possible. “Put that on.”
I didn't argue. I quickly got undressed and put it on. It was a little longer than her dress, but only because I'm shorter than her. It was tight on my boobs, and showed way too much cleavage, but at that moment, I didn't care.
My hair was already straightened, so I left it. I was about to put on my converse when she handed me a pair of 4 inch heels. I put them on without a second thought.
Say hello to the new, and improved Roxy.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I did look hot. “Yes, I think I am ready.”
The party was an off campus party. It was at a rich jock's house. He only lived about 5 minutes away. Rachel drove, and I was glad. I wanted to get drunk without worrying about driving.
We walked into the house, and was met with the strong smell of alcohol. A few guys were staring at me, and I waved at them.
“Wow. They have a bar,” she said. “Let's get something to drink.”
I followed Rachel to the bar. She got a shot of tequila. I started to as well, but then I remembered shots with Aiden. I no longer wanted tequila.
“Whiskey, please,” I told him. I grabbed the shot and threw it down. I hated the taste of whiskey, but I didn't care. I wanted something strong. “More.” I said, and then downed 3 more shots.
“That's enough,” Rachel pulled me away from the bar. “You don't want to get too drunk too fast.”
Yes, I do, I thought, but didn't say it out loud. It was probably good she pulled me away, because I was already feeling my alcohol.
I let Rachel pull me out to where everybody was dancing, and her and I danced together. Though we didn't dance together long. We were both quickly grabbed up by guys.
“What's your name?” the guy asked, as I grinded on him.
Shut up, I thought, but instead said, “Roxy.”
“Aiden's girl?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Not anymore.” It hurt to say the words, but they were true.
“I'm Thomas.”
I don't care.
He started to say something else, so I cut him off by kissing him. His kiss was nothing like Aiden's, but I didn't care. I just wanted to feel nothing.
AIDEN
When I got back Wednesday night, I went straight to Roxy's room. Nobody was inside, so I tried calling her. It actually rang, but then I heard something vibrating. I realized that she left her phone on her night stand. I hung up the phone.
What now?
