by Mercy Amare
I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. It was Gary. “I can't find Roxy.”
“I know where she is, and you might want to get here fast.” He rambled off the address, and I hung up my phone.
5 minutes later, I walked into Thomas Newman's house. His daddy was a big shot lawyer, and he was often out of town. He threw the best parties.
“What took you so long?” Gary asked.
“I got here as fast as I could.”
“I'm just going to warn you, you're not going to like what you see, but she's extremely drunk and won't listen to reason.”
Just as I rounded the corner, I saw Roxy with Thomas Newman. She was sitting on his lap, basically kissing his face off. Fury ran through me and I ran over to her and pulled her off of his lap.
“Hey!” She said, stumbling backwards. I steadied her. She turned towards me, and all I could see was pain in her eyes. “What do you want?”
“I want to know why my girlfriend is making out with another guy!”
She rolled her eyes. “You don't want me, remember? I can make out with whoever I want.”
I shot Thomas a look, and he bolted.
“You can't scare away every guy!” she screamed at me, and once again, she almost fell down.
“How much have you had to drink?”
She looked like she was thinking. “Like, maybe... 5 shots of whiskey, 1 shot of vodka, a beer, and... um, I forgot what else.”
I took off my jacket, and then proceeded to throw Roxy over my shoulder. I put my jacket over her legs so nobody would see her butt hanging out of the dress. She kicked and screamed the whole way out, but I didn't budge.
“Put me down!” She said, punching my back. It didn't hurt.
I put her inside my car, buckled her seat belt, and shut the door. Then, I walked around to the drivers side, got in, and then took off. I watched Roxy as she tried to unsuccessfully take off her seat belt.
“This is kidnapping!” She yelled, furiously.
I wanted to scream, but I knew it wouldn't do any good. “This is for your own good, Roxy.”
“Why do you care? You don't want me anyway!” She began sobbing.
“Roxy...” I reached for her hand and she quickly pulled away.
“Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me!”
We pulled up to the dorms. “I'm sorry, for what I said.”
“Why does nobody ever want me?” her voice was slurred. “Am I not good enough?”
Her words hurt. It felt like she was stabbing a knife into my heart. I made her feel like this. “Don't let anybody tell you that you're not good enough.”
Roxy looked up at me, her eyes were glazed over. She opened her mouth, like she was going to say something, and then vomited on my lap. I couldn't be mad though. I totally deserved it. She laid her head on the side of the glass, and I heard a soft snore escape her lips. I sighed, and then walked around the car. I lifted her out, and carried her to my dorm room. She wasn't in bed long before she ran towards the bathroom. I held back her hair while she vomited.
I felt my heart breaking.
SIXTEEN
ROXY
I was in Aiden's bathroom vomiting again. It was deja vu, only this time, Aiden was in there with me. He was holding back my hair for me. I was still pissed at him, but right now, I was too drunk to really care.
I heard myself whimper. I just wanted to stop puking. I felt Aiden's fingers grab my hand, and squeeze it tightly. He didn't let go, but I didn't have the strength to pull away
“Why are you here?” I asked him. I was shaking, and I was not sure if it was because I had just puked my guts up, or if it was because Aiden was there, holding my hand. I was so mad at him, but at the same time, I was so in love with him I couldn't think straight.
“Because I love you.” He sounded like he was saying the truth. But his words come back to me. I don't want you to come, Roxy.
I couldn't hold back my tears. “No you don't.” I was sure that my voice was slurred. I had so much alcohol, but I didn't want to say something that I would regret.
He gently pulled up my chin, so that I was looking at him. “I'm sorry,” I heard him say softly.
As much as I liked his hand on my face, I knocked it off. “What are you sorry for?”
“For being a complete dick, and breaking your heart.”
“Too bad for you, I don't give a shit.” I tried to push myself up, but I fell back down. Aiden stood up, and gave me a hand. I ignored it and instead crawled out of his bathroom. I pull myself up using his bed, but I wasn't able to stand. My legs gave away, and I fell back onto his bed. I waited for the room to stop spinning before I spoke again. “What makes you think you broke my heart? That's awfully arrogant of you. For you to have broke my heart, you would have had to have it to begin with.”
“Roxy...” he sighed my name, and I felt the bed sink down as he sat beside me.
Now, I was furious. “So you think you can use me, hurt me, apologize, and things will be all perfect? I hate to break it to you, but it's going to take a lot more than you flashing me a pretty smile, and looking at me with those pretty blue eyes for me to fall back into your arms.”
“What will it take?” he was practically begging as his eyes bore into me. “I will do anything.”
I felt confident that I could walk now, so I pushed myself off his bed. “If you want my forgiveness, you have to gain my trust back.”
“I promise you, I will.”
I stumbled past him, and out the door. I was vaguely aware that he was following me as I walked downstairs to my room, but I didn't care. I opened my door, and collapsed onto my bed. I saw him peek his head in, and then leave. Soon after, I drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up the next morning, the room was spinning. I gently pushed myself up. On my desk, there was a plate of food, a glass of water, and a note. I attempted to stand up. My head began to pound, and I tried to remember just how much I drank last night. The whole night was kind of a blur, but I didn't forget the conversation with Aiden. On top of the note was 2 Aspirin.
Roxy,
Take these pills, eat all the food, and drink all the water. Trust me, it will make you feel better, because I know you're going to be in pain when you wake up.
I'm sorry. I know I said it already, but I regret what I said to you. I didn't mean the words. I was upset about my mom, and you didn't deserve it. I will hate myself forever for hurting you, and I promise I will spend forever making it up to you.
You can tell me to go. You can push me all you want. But I'm not going anywhere. That's a promise.
I love you.
-Aiden
I hated that his note made me smile.
Damn him, he's going to play dirty.
AIDEN
On Thursday afternoon, I saw Roxy getting coffee. She looked very hung over. When she saw me, she discreetly flipped me off, but she smiled. It was at that moment that I knew, no matter how pissed she was at me, she wanted me to try.
She walked out, and I chased after her.
“Roxy!” I yelled.
She rolled her eyes as I ran up beside her. “What do you want, Aiden?”
I smiled, because she said my name. It sounded so good coming from her lips. She stopped walking, and was now looking up at me annoyed. She tapped her foot, waiting for my response.
“Let's hang out tonight.”
“I can't.” She started to walk off, but I gently grabbed her arm to stop her.
“Why not?”
She didn't look me in the eye when she responded. “Because it's Thursday, and I'm crazy. Remember?” She turned and walked off again. This time I let her go. She had an appointment with her therapist, and she was embarrassed to remind me.
So we are back to this?
I got a call later that night from an unknown number. Normally, I wouldn't answer if I didn't know who it was, but I did this time.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Aiden?” I heard a familiar voice, but I was
n't sure who it was.
“Yes?”
“Hey. This is Emily Gibson, Roxy's mom,” she started. “I'm calling because I haven't been able to get a hold of Roxy since Monday night. Is she ok?”
I sighed into the phone. “I don't know. I screwed up real bad.”
“Oh no...” I heard the panic in her voice. “What happened?”
“I said something I shouldn't have.” I was ashamed to admit it, especially to her mom.
“What did you say?”
My voice was tight when I responded. “I don't want you.”
She was silent for a minute. “Her mom used to tell her that.”
I felt like I got punched in the gut. “I didn't know. And I didn't mean it. I was scared, and I wasn't thinking.” I proceeded to tell her the call I got from Grace, and about my mom being in the hospital. Then I continued to talk. I told her about my dad, and how he was an deadbeat, alcoholic. I told her about him dying. I told her how I promised myself I would make everything better. How I came to college for my family. How I didn't want to fall in love. “But then, I met Roxy. She changed it all. And I felt like, when I got that call, I had let my family down. But I know that I didn't. Nothing has changed, I've just added her into the mix. She isn't holding me back. I'm such a fucking screw up.”
Emily didn't comment on the fact that I had just dropped the f-bomb. “You love her.” It wasn't a question.
“More than anything,” I answered her non-question.
“Then you need to fix this.” She paused before adding, “She's different. You've helped her so much, and I'm worried that all the progress she's made was set back.”
“I know.” I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping the pain in my chest would subside.
“She loves you.”
“I know,” I repeated back to her.
“Keep in touch.”
With that, we ended the call, and I fell to my knees. My chest was hurting, and I bawled like a girl. I hated myself for what I did to her.
ROXY
I faked everything at my appointment with Dr. Lewis. If she could tell, she didn't say. I smiled at all the appropriate times, I told her I was fine, when really, I was not fine. I was definitely not fine.
When I got back to my dorm room, Rachel wasn't there. I sighed in relief. I needed some time alone, but didn't want to go to the roof in case Aiden was up there. I pulled out my guitar, and I began playing it right there in my room.
Will I ever be ok?
Will I ever be fine?
This pain that I feel,
will it subside?
I'm screaming, and crying
I feel like I'm dying
I'm damaged, I'm bruised
I'm lost, and confused
Your words, they cut deeper than a knife
I feel them slowly taking my life
You promised me everything
But now I know, it was just pretend
Your laugh, your smile
It was all just a game, and I lost
I stopped playing when I started crying. I tried to tell myself that Aiden wasn't worth my tears, but that was a lie. He was worth every tear that I shed.
SEVENTEEN
AIDEN
It had been almost one month since I hurt Roxy. While she hasn't gotten drunk anymore, I still had not made any progress. She refused to talk to me, so I continued to leave her notes. Every morning, I snuck into her room before she woke up. I left her a note, with coffee. Sometimes I even made paper roses for her. Gary always laughed, and called me a pussy, but I didn't care. I would do anything for her, and I think he knew that, so he never pushed too hard.
It was almost Christmas break, and finals were upon us. Since Roxy wouldn't talk to me, I had all the time in the world to study. And I did study, but I often thought of her. I wondered how she was doing. I saw her around campus. She smiled, but it didn't quite meet her eyes, and I knew she was hurting. She couldn't hide it from me.
She's made friends. Her roommate, Rachel, and her seem to have made some kind of a bond. They have become inseparable. I often saw them at parties together.
I hated seeing Roxy dance with other guys. But I saw the look on her face. She didn't like any of them. She was just trying to forget. She would do anything to forget. I was just thankful she didn't kiss any of them. Not that they didn't try, she always pushed them away.
My mom was better. She came home from the hospital after about a week. She was back at work, and she still worked hard, but not quite as many hours. I was glad she learned her lesson, I was just sad she had to learn it the hard way. She always was stubborn. Though, if she wasn't stubborn, she wouldn't have been able to put up with my father.
I snuck into Roxy's room early on Monday morning. I was about to go take my first final, which I felt confident about. She was sleeping, and it was the sexiest thing in the world. I missed her so much.
I was about to set my note down when I saw an envelope. It said Aiden. I quickly picked up the note, and put my own down beside her daily cup of coffee. I stole one more look at Roxy before I closed her door.
When I got outside of the dorms, my hand was shaking so bad. I sat down on a bench outside, and opened the note to read it. It simply said:
Aiden,
Please, don't give up.
<3 Roxy
The words were so simple, but they warmed my heart. I couldn't help but smile at them. I read the words about 20 more times before I folded it up, and put it in my pocket. I felt like I was floating as I walked to class.
ROXY
When I got up, there was another note and coffee sitting on my desk.
“That boy is persistent,” Rachel said. “And romantic.”
I quickly put the unopened note in my desk with the rest of them. I couldn't bring myself to read what he had to say. I hadn't read a note since the first one. I was just waiting for him to give up, and move on. He needed to.
But as much as part of me wanted him to give up, the other part of me didn't. Though, I would never in a million years admit to that.
“He's also annoying.” I added an eye roll.
I had been pretending for a month. I smiled, but really, I was dying on the inside. I gave Aiden what was left of my heart, and he shattered it. I kept waiting for the pain in my chest to subside, but if anything, it grew worse daily.
“I have 2 finals today,” Rachel said. “What about you?”
“Ugh...” I groaned. “I have 3. It's like they plan them to torture us. Why can't they be spread out?”
“Well, I don't know about you, but tonight I am going to a party and getting wasted. After I take those tests, I'm going to deserve it.” She paused to put on lip gloss. Only she would put lip gloss on to go take finals. “You game?”
“Yeah,” I smiled at her, though it was forced. I hated parties. I hated how guys were always throwing themselves at me. I thought at first it was because of the way Rachel dressed me, but even when I put my foot down and wore my own clothes, they still did. I've come to the conclusion that guys are pigs... Well, not all guys. Aiden's not.
I glanced at myself in the mirror before leaving to take my finals. My hair was up in a messy bun, and I was wearing sweatpants, and a hoodie. I didn't even take the time to put in my contacts, and I wore my black framed glasses.
8 hours later, I walked into a party that was way too crowded, and the music was much too loud. I pulled down my very short dress, hoping by some miracle it had grown longer between now and the last time I pulled at it. I stumbled, nearly tripping over my own feet. My shoes, or Rachel's shoes, were way too tall. I did like the height they gave me, but even in them, everybody was still taller than me.
Rachel always told me that heels made my butt look good. She also told me that it was really small, and it needed all the help it could get. I wanted to be offended, but I wasn't. I think it's the way all girls are. They say mean things to make them feel better about themselves. I just told her that not everybody can have tight, firm asses
like she did. Since then, she hadn't said anything mean to me. I think she got a new respect for me.
“Let's take a shot!” she yelled over the music.
I followed her to where the liquor was, but I had no intention of drinking. She handed me a red solo cup that looked like it has about 3 shots worth in it. I shook my head, and she pouted.
“Come on,” she pushed it into my hand. “You deserve it.”
She got the salt, and a couple of lime wedges. I immediately thought of Aiden, and wanted to start crying. I needed to feel numb. I licked my hand, and put salt on it.
“Here's to surviving the first half of our sophmore year!” She tapped my cup, and we both downed our drinks.
I smiled as her words sunk in. Just 2 more finals, and I would be done with my first semester of college.
It didn't take long for me to feel the alcohol. It doesn't take much tequila to get me drunk, and I was worried that I had drank too much. I quickly decided I wouldn't drink anything else for the rest of the night. No way would I let there be a repeat of the previous time I got drunk. I didn't think I could handle it if Aiden rescued me again.
I felt a hand tap my shoulder, and I turned around. I was about to tell the person to get lost, but then I saw Gary standing there. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't help but think about the last time we spoke.
“ROXY!” I heard somebody shout.
I was dizzy and my eyes fluttered open. I looked around, and there was so much blood. MY BLOOD. I looked up to see Aiden's roommate, Gary. He looked scared.
“Are you ok?” He was shaking as he kneeled down beside me.
“I'm fine,” I whispered because I couldn't talk. My throat was raw.
He pulled out his phone. “I'll call for help.”
I quickly snatched it from him. “Please, don't,” I whispered as loud as my voice could. “You can't tell anybody. Please.”
He looked at me, unsure.
“I'll clean up the mess. I promise. Just you can't tell anybody.”
