John Whopper

by Thomas M. Clark

  CHAPTER IV. AND LAST.

  HOW JOHN WHOPPER GOT ALONG AT THE NORTH POLE.

  I shall now give the general result of an exploration of the iceberg,which occupied me for several days. I use the word _day_ in the ordinarysense, as indicating a period of twenty-four hours; although, during mystay in the arctic region, the daylight was perpetual. This frozenisland, which was to be for a time my habitation, extended, so far as Icould judge, over an area of about five hundred acres; but there werecertain marks about the surface and cleavages on the sides, whichindicated that it was originally of much greater size. It was also veryevident that it had assumed its form, and been detached from the shore,at some point on the coast many degrees remote from its presentposition, and had then been driven towards the pole by someextraordinary current into which it had happened to fall. At some formerperiod, this iceberg must have floated, or been stationary, in a regionwhere game abounded and birds were plenty; where vessels sailed, andwhere vessels were wrecked; and, when it was launched from the shore, itcarried off with it not less than an acre of good, rich loam,--theeffect, probably, of a land-slide in the vicinity. It will, I think, beseen that it is only upon this general supposition, that we can accountfor what I found there. I may here observe, before proceeding further,that, while on three sides the walls of the berg rose almostperpendicularly out of the sea, yet on the remaining side there wasquite an easy and gradual slope down to the water; and this may alsoserve to explain how some of the things that I found on the island werethrown or lifted there.

  The food that I had brought with me from Canton was soon exhausted; andthe first great want that I experienced was the means of keeping my soulin my body. In the deep crevices of the ice, I found places where Icould manage in a measure to shelter my body from the cold while Islept; but what reasonable prospect had I of finding food in thisforlorn spot? I now began to feel the pangs of hunger; but, instead ofyielding to despair, with a stout heart I determined to search theregion thoroughly, and see if a kind Providence had not made someprovision for my wants. After roaming about for a while, my foot struckupon a little keg, partially embedded in the ice; and, to my joy, I readthe mark on the top, "Bent's Hard Crackers, Milton, Mass." It took mehardly a minute to kick it open; and there the crackers lay, as soundand sweet as when they were first packed. I do not know exactly how manyI ate, but I should say not much over fifteen. The keg was then put in asafe place, where I should be certain to find it by and by. In thecourse of the forenoon, I came upon a frozen bear; and I also found, inthe same vicinity, plenty of old barrel-staves, and broken hoops, andother pieces of wood, great and small, which I laid in a heap upon theearth. "Now," said I, "we will have a bit of roast meat for dinner, witha few toasted crackers for dessert." Before two o'clock, I had a brightfire burning, and a delicate slice of the bear roasting before it.

  The next thing to be done was to strip the bear of his skin; but this Ifound to be a difficult task. It had been a tough job to cut out with myjack-knife the frozen slice of meat upon which I had just dined; and itwas impossible to strip off the skin without tearing it in pieces. Abright thought now occurred to me, and I proceeded to kindle a fire allaround the animal; and when the heat had become strong enough just toloosen the hide from the carcass, I went to work, and, in an hour ortwo, had a nice warm robe to wrap myself in at night. At the same time Iextinguished the fire, as I did not care to cook the entire bear all atonce.

  My jar of water gave out the day that I was dropped upon the berg; andat first I thought that I could quench my thirst by eating small bits ofice, but I soon found that this only increased the difficulty. I thenremembered to have read in a magazine, that the amount of caloric takenout of the system in order to melt the ice in one's mouth was so greatas to only increase the feeling of thirst. All anxiety, however, on thispoint was soon at an end; for the sun was now hot enough, for an houror two at noon, to melt a sufficient quantity of the loose snow incertain localities to furnish all the water that I needed.

  With my bear-meat and Bent's crackers for food, and my bearskin for ablanket, I might now be considered for the present as above the reach ofabsolute want; and still it is not to be supposed that I was in a verycontented and happy frame of mind. I was very thankful for all themercies that I had received; and, when I looked back upon all thewonderful deliverances that I had experienced, I could not help feelingconfident that all would go well with me hereafter.[1]

  But the great want that I felt was _a home_, or at leastsomething,--some hut or hovel, or hole in the ground,--to which I mightretire when my labor was over, where I could eat my frugal meals, andlie down to slumber at night. I longed for a place in which I could feelthat I was _localized_, around which domestic associations mightgradually entwine themselves, and where I might sing in the twilight thesongs of my childhood.[2]

  The fifth day of my sojourn on the iceberg was the great day ofdiscovery. I determined, that morning, that I would now make a thoroughsurvey of the whole island. I knew that it would be rough work, andsomewhat dangerous; for, in some places, there were cavities fifty feetdeep, and I should have to climb over some very steep ice, where it wasas smooth as glass. Before starting, I pulled several nails out of thehoops that lay around, and drove them into the soles of my boots; and Iwas fortunate enough to find a good stout stick, into the end of which Ialso fastened one of the nails. Filling my pockets with crackers, andslinging a slice of cooked bear's meat over my shoulder, I started off,having been careful first to pile up several loose blocks of ice in theform of a pillar, so that I might be able to find the place again. Ithen struck--as it afterwards turned out most fortunately--for that sideof the berg where the surface shelved off gradually to the water. Abouteleven o'clock, I found myself standing on quite a lofty peak of ice;and, looking down, my eyes fell upon a sight that almost took away mybreath. Spread out before me on a level plain, there lay a large blackpatch, which looked as though it must be earth; and on the farther side,just where the berg began to slope towards the sea, I thought that Isaw something that looked like a building! Could it be that the islandwas inhabited? Running, sliding, slipping down, as fast as I could go,in a short time I found that I was not mistaken in supposing that itwas earth: for there lay, stretched out before me, an acre or so ofground, almost as smooth and level as a garden; and, at the fartherend of the plot, there stood,--not an ordinary house, not a barn, notan Esquimaux hut, not a country store, not a railroad depot, not ameeting-house,--but, what do you imagine? I will tell you as soon as Iget there. Rushing like mad across the ground,--oh, how pleasant it wasto feel the soft soil under my cold feet!--I came to what looked like adismasted ship, embedded clear up to the gunwale[3] in the ice. Therelay the whole deck of a three-masted vessel, unbroken and undisturbed;but, as I soon ascertained, there was no hull underneath, for the deckhad evidently been broken off from the lower parts of the ship, andthrown up the smooth, inclined plane of ice to the spot where I foundit, and then been frozen in there. What a discovery this was! I did notknow how to contain or how to express my delight; and, before beginningto explore the premises, the very first thing that I did was to rush upto the bell, that hung near the bows, and ring it with all my might. Youcan't tell how strange it sounded, up there in that solitary, silent,arctic sea, to hear the loud clang of the old bell sounding out over thewaters, as I tugged and tugged away at the rope. It would have done thehearts of "Hooper & Son, Boston, Mass.,"--whose name I saw printed onit,--it would have done the whole firm good, to have heard it. After Ihad ceased ringing, and slowly tolled the bell for a few minutes, sothat I might make it seem as if I were going to meeting in Roxbury, Isat down on the capstan to think matters over. Nothing had happened yetthat excited me like this. Jumping through the earth, and then gettingstuck in the centre; being blown through the axis, and lighting on aniceberg at the north pole, and all that sort of thing,--I looked backupon rather as a matter of course. But to find myself sitting here onthe deck of a three-master, with the cabins and offices at the stern alli
n good order, and the caboose-house in the centre, with the littlefunnel sticking out of the top, and a big boat close by it, covered withcanvas, and a huge anchor at the bows, and spare rigging and spare mastslying all along the sides, and a _real bell_ to ring,--this was alittle too much, even for John Whopper.

  What was I to find in the cabins, and the offices, and the pantries, andthe caboose-house? The caboose-house reminded me that I was gettinghungry, and that it was near dinner-time. I had expected to make my mealof dry crackers and cold bear-meat; but it occurred to me, that, on suchan occasion as the present, a luxurious repast would be moreappropriate, as well as more agreeable, and that very possibly I mightfind in the caboose-house the materials for gratifying my appetite. Idid not as yet feel quite prepared to visit the cabins at the stern, forI knew that I must become very much excited at what would be foundthere, and a good dinner would serve to strengthen my nerves, and set meup. I went, therefore, at once to the caboose, and slid back the door,which required considerable effort; and, sure enough, there was everything at hand that I expected, and a great deal more. The accident whichlifted the deck from the hull of the ship must have happened about themiddle of the forenoon; for there was the fire all ready to be lightedin the cooking-stove,--shavings, kindlings, and coal in place; and therelay the cooking utensils quite convenient. This was not all; thematerials for the dinner had been brought up,--a great deal more than Icould consume in a week. Immediately I took a match from mypocket,--there was a box of matches hanging on the wall, but I did notfeel sure that they would be in working order,--and lighted the fire.The next thing that I did was to go and select a lump of clean, clearice, to be melted in the kettle, that I might be ready to wash up mydishes properly after dinner. I tell you that I gave a big shout when Isaw the smoke curling out of the funnel. I now proceeded, verydeliberately, to select from the cans and bottles and jars, that werepiled up in the corner, the various items of which I would make mydinner. The first thing that I settled upon was a dish of "_Parker'sox-tail soup_," which I remembered to have eaten some time ago at thehouse of a benevolent gentleman in Washington Street, when he gave thenewsboys a lunch. My second course should consist of a pottedpartridge, with tomato sauce, desiccated turnips (I didn't know what_desiccated_ meant, but I took it for granted that it was all right),and one or two of Lewis's pickles. I would then close with part of a jarof preserved peaches. I did not need to do much cooking in getting upthis dinner; but I had hot soup, hot tomatoes, and warm turnips, whichgot a little smoked, and didn't taste very good,--perhaps, however, thatwas because it was desiccated. I enjoyed the dinner tremendously; andafter it was over, and my dishes were all washed and put away, my eyelighted upon a box, half full of cigars, on the shelf. My first thoughtwas, "Now I will have a cigar, as the gentlemen do that you see at thesteps of the Tremont House in the afternoon, and that will make it seemmore like home." But, upon second thought, it occurred to me that thiswould probably make me so sick for the remainder of the day, that Ishould be unable to do any thing, and that I couldn't spare the time. SoI decided not to smoke until I had leisure enough to be ill for a while.

  And now, with a throbbing heart, I turned my steps towards thecabin-door, and entered the gangway. There were two or three doors onthe sides of the narrow passage, which I did not care to open atpresent; and so I passed on to the central door that led into the mainroom. I had feared that I might be startled by the sight of dead bodiesor skeletons here; but there was nothing repulsive to be seen, nothingthat looked like disorder or confusion. There stood the centre-table,with a few books and pamphlets lying on it, and two or three chairsdrawn around, and a large lamp suspended above. There was the grate,containing a few half-consumed embers; there was the compass, swingingbetween the stern-windows. A nice Brussels carpet was under my feet; andthere were three doors on either side of the cabin, opening into thestaterooms. The vessel appeared to have been a first-class merchantman,fitted to carry half a dozen passengers; and how such a vessel as thisever found its way into these northern seas was a mystery. I justglanced for a moment into these rooms, and saw there trunks and valises,and all the usual articles of the toilet, mirrors, beds, and bedding,and all other things expected in a respectable apartment. Then I visitedthe captain's room and the mate's; the pantry, store-room, etc.; and allthe supplies and utensils seemed to be abundant and of the best quality.I tried to find the log-book, but that was missing; and from this Iinferred that the captain had made his escape in safety, taking it withhim. This thought gave me pleasure.

  No danger now of my suffering for want of the comforts or luxuries oflife; I could dress elegantly, sleep magnificently, and faresumptuously. I selected the captain's room for my private apartment; andhaving no luggage to transport, it required but little time for me totake possession.

  The sun had now sunk as near the horizon as it ever did in that regionduring the month of July, and what we called evening at home drew near.I prepared my cup of tea in the cabin, and spread my supper on thecentre-table; then went out to take a little stroll on the deck. Iclosed the door of the caboose-house, and, for the sake of appearances,fastened it; then went up to the bell, and struck the hour, just togratify a sentimental feeling that I had. Then I retired to the cabinfor the night; and in order to make it seem snug and cosey, I droppedthe curtains over the windows, and lighted the hanging lamp. Kindling afire in the grate, I sat down at the table and tried to read. Butsituated as I was, I found it impossible to fix my mind upon the book;and so I threw myself down upon the lounge to think over what hadhappened, and speculate as to the probabilities of the future. It mayseem strange to some persons; but, with all my comforts about me, I feltmore homesick than I did when I was lying on the ice in my bearskin, orwhen I was poking about in the bowels of the earth, trying to see how Icould get out. There was nothing to occupy my body; and that, I suppose,was one reason why my mind worked as it did. At about ten o'clock, Iwent to bed, and, after tossing about uneasily for an hour or two,managed to fall asleep.

  When I awoke in the morning, it took me some time to remember where Iwas. I thought, at first, that I was at home, and could hear the birdssinging by the window; and I believe that I called out "Bob!" once ortwice before I was fairly roused. But soon the real state of the casecame back to me; and, going into the staterooms, I hunted round until Ifound a suit of good clean clothes that would fit me, and dressed myselffor the day. The clothes that I had worn were now so dirty and torn thatI was very glad to get rid of them. After breakfasting heartily,--and anexcellent cup of hot coffee I had that morning,--I began to think what Ishould do with myself during the day. I had no longer to go trampingabout in search of food; and so I thought that I would take a littlestroll over my farm,--as I called the acre of loam that lay by the sideof my abode,--and see how the crops were looking. I must confess thatthe vegetation was not much advanced; and yet I could see, here andthere, little green shoots springing out of the earth, indicating thatthe summer sun was beginning to have its effect upon the soil. It thenoccurred to me how pleasant it would be to look out upon a greensward inthat icy spot; and remembering to have seen in the store-room a canvasbag marked "grass-seed," and a rake standing there, I went for them, andpassed the forenoon in agricultural pursuits. In a few hours, I hadquite a patch of ground nicely raked over, and sown for grass. In lessthan a fortnight, it had sprouted beautifully, and I began to be quiteproud of my arctic lawn.

  All the time, however, I was wondering how I should find my way back tothe abodes of man, and how soon I might expect to start for home. I hadpresumed, that, as the season advanced, I should begin to driftsouthward; and I hoped, that, before the winter closed in again, I mightreach those parts of the sea which are frequented by vessels, and sofind rescue. But whether I was moving or not, it was impossible as yetto tell, as there was no fixed object in sight by which a movement couldbe measured. I felt very certain that the iceberg was not grounded,because there would be, occasionally, a quivering of the whole mass,which showed that it was floating
on the water. It was also growingwarmer and warmer every day, which was a favorable symptom. If I hadknown how to use the sextant or quadrant, I could have settled thematter at once.

  Before long, I was satisfied, from the change in the appearance of theocean and of the sun, that I was indeed moving rapidly away from thenorth pole; and the fact that I was afloat was settled conclusively by avery alarming circumstance. I had observed for a day or two, that thehanging-lamp did not appear to be entirely perpendicular; and, inwalking the deck, I had the sensation that I was not treading on aperfectly level surface. Searching the mate's room, I found aspirit-level, and laid it on the floor. There was no doubt of the fact:the berg was undoubtedly tilting on one side. I then remembered, that,not unfrequently, these mountains of ice rolled over, and made acomplete somerset. This was now, sooner or later, going to happen. Whatcould I do? I found that the ice, on the side that was beginning toincline towards the sea, was much higher than elsewhere, and that thissuperior weight was gradually destroying the equilibrium of the berg. Ialso observed, that, between this elevation and the more level region,there was a narrow, deep fissure, extending almost entirely across theline of the lofty projection of ice.

  A great thought now flashed upon me. I remembered to have seen on thedeck, the day after my arrival, two or three casks, labelled "Dangerous!Handle very carefully!! Nitro-glycerine!!!" These casks I at onceremoved to a safe distance, marking with an upright stick the placewhere they were deposited. Nitro-glycerine!--I said to myself. It wasthat that blew up the "The European" at Panama. I remember it because Isold three hundred and nine papers by crying "Great Explosion." Anewsboy knows something. And nitro-glycerine will go off if you hit ithard enough.

  In the captain's room, there were several large, metallic flasks, madevery broad and flat, as I suppose for the purpose of better stowage inhis room. What they had formerly contained, I could only judge by thesmell; but they were empty now. This, then, was the experiment that Iwould try,--filling these flasks with nitro-glycerine, I would lowerthem into a crevice in the ice. Then, if I could, I must make a blockof ice fall on them.

  In two or three hours, my preparations were concluded. The flasks werejust large enough to fit snugly in the chasm. Above them, the precipicehung over a little. Half-hidden by the bulwarks of the ship, I firedthree bullets from the captain's gun into the projecting mass. Nothingfell. I loaded her again,--fired again, and a great block of ice keeledover and slid down. As fast did I leap down stairs into the cabin, as ifI should be safe there. As I landed, I felt the great iceberg tremble;then came a sharp, quick, terrible crash, as if forty thunders hadbroken all together right over my head, and the great hill of ice sankgrandly and slowly into the ocean below. For a minute or two, I couldhear the roar of the waters as they opened to receive the huge mass, andthe berg rocked as if in a great storm; then all was still again. Irushed back to my cabin, laid the spirit-level on the floor, and thelittle bubble stopped right in the middle of the tube. The danger wasover.

  Another week passed; and there was no longer any room to doubt that I_was_ moving, and in the right direction. At the pole, there was never abreath of wind; but now it blew quite strong. The compass began to showsigns of vitality; and, at midnight, I could see some of the brightestof the stars. The sun dropped nearer and nearer the horizon everyevening, and it was growing uncomfortably warm at mid-day. As I was nowgetting some information from the sun as to the points of the compass,I set up a vane on the deck, in order to find out, from day to day, thedirection of the wind. This put another idea into my head. Couldn't I dosomething to help the old berg along? Why couldn't the spare masts andsails, that lay along the sides of the deck, be put to some use? Theforemast of the ship was broken off about fifteen feet from the level ofthe deck, and I went to work to splice on a jury-mast. It was slow andpretty hard work. I had to arrange the blocks and tackles in the mostscientific manner, in order to lift the heavy timber to its place; andit required a great deal of strength to bring the ropes around the foreand jury-mast, so as to bind them securely together. I then managed torig a yard to the mast, and, in the course of another day, had quite arespectable sail set. The day after, I got up a jib, and then crownedthe whole by hoisting the American flag to the top of the mast. I didnot keep this flying all the time, but reserved it for great occasions.

  Here then, was a novel sight,--a great iceberg _under sail_, andprotected by the stars and stripes. Whether it helped us along or not, Iam unable to say: but it was a satisfaction for me to feel that I haddone what I could; and it gave me pleasure to go off a little distance,and look at the extraordinary spectacle. I could not help laughing tothink what the old salts would say, when I got down amongst the whalersand explorers, at the sight of _an iceberg under sail_!

  I have nothing more to tell of my adventures in the arctic seas. Aboutthe middle of September, I had reached the more frequented parts of theocean, and every day was on the lookout for some friendly barque, toliberate me from my dreary solitude. For months I had not heard thesound of a human voice, and I began to long for the society of myfellow-men. Every morning I posted myself, with a spy-glass, on thehighest peak of the berg, searching the horizon for a sail. My situationon the deck was becoming every hour more and more precarious. Themelting of the ice underneath had already caused the stern to inclinevery decidedly towards the inclined plane that led down to the ocean;and I felt that the slightest jar might, at any time, precipitate thewhole concern, myself included, into the sea. I suppose, indeed, thatnothing but the counteracting influence of the sails, which filled inthe opposite direction, had prevented this catastrophe.

  At last, after many a long and weary watch, I descried, in the far-offdistance, a sail; but the vessel moved off towards the horizon, and wassoon lost to sight. It was a bitter disappointment; and still I thoughtthat wherever _one_ ship was sailing, others would be likely to come insight before long. I kept the flag flying now all the time, and hardlyventured to sleep at all, lest some vessel might pass by unnoticed. Onthe twenty-fifth of September, as I woke from a short and brokenslumber, I descried, not more than two miles off, a ship, headingdirectly for the berg. As soon as she was near enough for the signal tobe observed, I lowered and hoisted my flag five or six times in quicksuccession; and, to my joy, I saw the signal answered. It was all rightnow: the only question to be solved was, as to the manner in which Iwould get on board the vessel. I anticipated that they would not ventureto bring the ship alongside of the berg, but would probably put out along-boat for my rescue. As soon as that came within hailing distance, Iwould establish communication with the crew; and, between us all, I didnot doubt but some way would be found for me to escape. In a shorttime, as I had foreseen, the ship lay to; and the boat came off, and wasrowed to the foot of the inclined plane. I never saw a more astonishedset of men in my life. They were staring at me and my extraordinarycraft, as if their eyes would start from the sockets; and the coxswainrose and shouted,--

  "Ahoy, up there! who are you?"

  "John Whopper," I replied, "eldest son of the Widow Whopper, nowresiding in Roxbury, Mass., U. S. of America."

  "Gracious me!" cried one of the men, "I know Widow Whopper."

  "I hope you left her well?"

  "Much as usual," the sailor replied.

  I was very glad to hear it.

  "Where are you from?" shouted the coxswain again; "and where did youget your rigging?"

  "I will tell you when I get aboard."

  "Come aboard, then."

  "I don't exactly see how to manage it."

  "Come down the plane, and we will catch you."

  It was too steep and slippery for me to do that; but, on the instant,another bright thought arose. "Pull off a hundred feet or so," I cried,"and I will be along."

  As soon as I saw that they had rowed to a safe distance, I went to themast, and suddenly let the sail go. In an instant, I felt the deckquiver; and it began to move, very slowly at first, and then with atremendous rush, right down the inclined plane.
I grasped a rope withall my might, and steadied myself for the shock that must come when mycraft plunged into the sea. But there was no shock at all; gently as aship slides on her cradle, when launched into the water, the old deckglided off upon the waves, and in five minutes I found myself safely onboard the long-boat. No sooner, however, had I left the strange craft,than it began to sink slowly into the depths; and the last thing that Isaw was the American flag floating on the bosom of the deep.

  What was said to me when I reached the ship, and what I said, I have nottime to relate; only I didn't tell every thing.

  The vessel proved to be a whaler, bound for New Bedford; where Iarrived in good condition, and took the cars for Roxbury, via the Bostonand Providence Road, _passing through Canton_.

  I found all well at home, and very much relieved by my arrival.

  FOOTNOTES:

  [1] It will probably occur to the reader, that some one of Johnny'sadult friends has touched up the style a little along here. J. W. saysthat this is true.

  [2] John informs the editor that he never wrote a word of the lastlines, and that he thinks it about time for him to take the bellowsagain.

  [3] Pronounced _gunnell_: "The uppermost bend which finishes the upperworks of the hull, and from which the upper guns, if the vessel carryany, are pointed."

  THE END.

  +--------------------------------------------------------------+ | | | Transcriber's note:-- | | | | Italics are represented in this text version by underscores. | | | | | +--------------------------------------------------------------+