Frozen: Conceal, Don't Feel

by Jen Calonita

  “It’s my duty to watch over Anna,” Elsa recited diligently.

  “No,” Mama said. “It’s your job to be a good big sister, but also to protect yourself. What if Olina had walked in when you were using your gift?”

  Elsa noticed the worry lines on her mother’s forehead. She hated upsetting her. “She didn’t see me.”

  “But she could have,” Mama reminded her. “You must be more careful, Elsa. Papa and I know your gift is truly special, but until we know more about it, we want it to be our family secret. Do you understand?” Elsa nodded. “Your father has been trying to learn everything he can. He spends hours in the library reading.” She looked down at their hands and took Elsa’s in hers. “So far, we have found nothing that explains how you could have been born with such powers.”

  Powers. It was a word her mother had never used before to explain her gift. It did feel powerful, seeing the ice shoot out with just the slightest thought. Sometimes she didn’t have to think about the ice, and it just happened on its own.

  Mama held her hand tighter. “For now, we need you to promise to only use your gift when you are around your father, Anna, and me.”

  Elsa looked down. “Yes, Mama, but…sometimes I don’t know how to control the ice,” she admitted. “When I get upset, it’s even worse. I know Papa says to conceal, don’t feel. But sometimes when I feel too much, I don’t know how to manage the snow.”

  Her mother hugged her. “We will learn to control your gift so that it doesn’t control you. I promise!”

  “Really?” Elsa looked hopeful.

  “Yes, all we want is to keep you safe,” Mama said. “Both of you.”

  Just then, they heard Anna’s giggles coming down the hallway, followed by a big belly laugh from Papa.

  “I will be more careful,” Elsa whispered.

  “Good girl.” Mama kissed her cheek.

  They looked at the door as Anna and Papa burst into the room, Anna hanging upside down as Papa hung on to her ankles. “Who’s ready for a bedtime story?” Papa asked.

  “Elsa? Psst…Elsa? Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

  Elsa’s eyes remained closed. “Anna, go back to sleep.”

  She felt Anna climb onto her bed and dramatically collapse on top of her. “I just can’t. The sky’s awake! So I’m awake! So we have to play!”

  Elsa opened one eye and pushed Anna off her. “Go play by yourself!”

  She heard Anna’s body hit the floor and waited for the cry that would tell her whether Anna had hurt herself. That made her feel slightly guilty—until she felt Anna pulling open one of her eyelids.

  “Do you want to build a snowman?” Anna asked coyly.

  Elsa couldn’t help sitting up and smiling.

  It was the middle of the night.

  That meant the castle and all its occupants were fast asleep.

  She wouldn’t be seen. No one would be frightened.

  If there was ever a time for Elsa to practice her gift, that was it.

  Seconds later, they were out of their room, with Anna in boots and Elsa in her slippers, and they rushed down the stairs. Elsa kept shushing Anna while Anna kept whispering, “Come on! Come on! Come on!”

  They hurried into the deserted Great Hall. The room was massive, with large vaulted ceilings and ornate wooden details and wallpaper. Usually it was decorated for parties, but that night it was empty. They skidded to a stop in the center of the room.

  “Do the magic! Do the magic!” Anna jumped up and down with excitement.

  Elsa glanced at the doors to make sure they were closed. Satisfied, she started to roll her hands round and round. A snowball formed between her palms, surrounded by a blue glow. “Ready?” she asked, feeling the rush she got when she was about to use magic. She threw her hands up and flung the snowball high into the air. Snow started to fall from the ceiling, washing the floor in a blanket of white.

  “This is amazing!” Anna marveled, her giggles of joy filling Elsa with pride. Anna, more than anyone else, loved Elsa’s gift, and she begged her to use it often. Their parents, on the other hand, wanted her to keep it private. But if a gift like this could bring such joy, shouldn’t she share it? Besides, she loved impressing her sister.

  “Watch this,” Elsa said, and stomped her foot. Ice began to crackle and cover the floor, like it was their own personal ice-skating rink. Seeing Anna’s delight only made Elsa want to create more. She concentrated harder and snow kept falling, ice kept crackling, and the room soon became a winter wonderland. Next it was time to make the snowman Anna loved so much. They rolled his round bottom, then stacked two more snowballs on top. Elsa’s was perfectly round, but the head Anna made was more of a cylinder. Anna dashed to the kitchen downstairs to grab a carrot for the snowman’s nose and snag some coal for his eyes and belly. They snatched some twigs from the fireplace to create his arms and hair.

  Finished, Elsa stood behind the snowman as Anna watched from one of their parents’ thrones, and Elsa pretended he was alive. “Hi, I’m Olaf,” she said in a funny voice, “and I like warm hugs.”

  Anna jumped out of the throne and threw herself at the snowman, almost knocking off his head. “I love you, Olaf!”

  Anna wouldn’t let Olaf out of her sight, so Elsa pushed him around the room as Anna hung on, using him as her skating partner. Next Anna wanted to jump snow mounds. Elsa complied, making more and more snow so Anna could leap from one pile to the next.

  “Hang on!” Elsa told her.

  “Catch me!” Anna squealed with delight as she pounced from pile to pile in her green nightgown, jumping faster and faster. Elsa struggled to make snow quicker than Anna could jump. “Again!” Anna shouted.

  “Wait!” Elsa created the snow piles faster, but she was only one ahead of Anna now. “Slow down!” she cried, but Anna didn’t listen. Elsa backed up to give herself more room and felt herself slip and fall. By the time she looked up, Anna was already in midair with nothing beneath her feet. “Anna!” Elsa panicked, shooting the snow into the air as fast as possible.

  The stream of magic collided with Anna, hitting her in the face.

  Anna tumbled down the nearest snow pile. She wasn’t moving.

  Elsa rushed to her side. “Anna!” she cried, taking her little sister into her arms, but Anna wouldn’t wake up. A streak of white hair slowly wove itself through her red locks.

  Fear bubbled up inside Elsa, her breath caught in her throat, and her whole body began to tremble. “Mama! Papa!” she cried at the top of her lungs. The ice around the sisters began to crack and grow, covering the entire floor and crawling up the walls. It thickened and rumbled, knocking over Olaf, who broke into pieces. “You’re okay, Anna,” Elsa cried, cradling her in her arms. “I’ve got you.”

  When their parents ran into the room, they saw Elsa sitting with Anna’s motionless body. Mama looked so frightened Elsa’s terror grew, causing the ice to spread further.

  “Elsa, what have you done?” Papa shouted. “This is getting out of hand.”

  “It was an accident. I’m sorry, Anna,” Elsa said, her voice trembling as Mama took Anna from her.

  “She’s ice cold,” Mama said quietly, fear seeping into her voice.

  “I know where we have to go,” Papa said, moving quickly and motioning for Elsa and Mama to follow.

  “Is Anna going to be okay? Mama? Will she be okay?” Elsa whispered. She had never been more frightened. But no one answered her. Elsa choked back sobs.

  This was why her parents told her to be careful when using her gift. Look what had happened to Anna. If that was what her powers could do, she didn’t want them anymore.

  Why did her magic have to ruin everything? Why couldn’t she be normal like everyone else? Anger pulsed inside her, and she felt her heart beat faster. Snow started to swirl around her fingertips, and she couldn’t stop it.

  No! She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down.

  “Elsa!” her mother called.

  Elsa followed her mother in
to the library and watched her lock the door behind her. Mama wrapped Anna in a blue blanket and held her tight while Papa pulled books off the shelf, searching for something. No one spoke. If anything happened to her sister, Elsa would never forgive herself.

  “This is it,” Papa said, holding up a red book. It looked rather old, and Elsa didn’t understand the writing when he opened it in front of them. The book was full of symbols. There was a picture of a troll standing over a body with a blue spirit seeping out of the person’s head.

  “Yes, this is the one,” Mama agreed as a map fell out of the book and fluttered to the floor.

  Elsa noticed the map was of Arendelle, with markings that pointed to a place in the mountains.

  Papa touched Anna’s forehead. “She’s still so cold.”

  “We have to go to them,” Mama said. “We can’t wait.”

  “We can take the horses,” Papa said. “Elsa, come with us. Quietly, now.”

  “Mama, will Anna be okay?” Elsa asked again.

  “Hush now,” Mama said, and Elsa did as she was told. “We have to get to the stables unseen.”

  The castle was eerily silent, as if every part of it were shunning Elsa for her mistake. Elsa didn’t ask questions. She followed her parents into the stables and watched Papa saddle up their horses. He helped Mama onto one and placed Anna in her arms. Then he motioned for Elsa, and he picked her up and placed her in front of him on his horse. Seconds later, Papa raced out of the stables. Mama was right beside him. The two horses gained speed as they ran out the castle gates and into the night.

  Elsa concentrated on the path in front of her and tried to remain calm, but she kept freezing things around her without even realizing it. Papa clutched the map from the book and used the northern lights as his guide. Higher and higher into the mountains they climbed, the sea seeming to shrink away. At one point, she could have sworn she heard a boy’s voice, but when she turned around, all she saw was a baby reindeer. Seconds later, it was gone.

  “We’re here!” Papa said, stopping suddenly and dismounting. He helped Mama and Anna off their horse, then came for Elsa.

  Where was “here”?

  Papa stood in the middle of a grassy area covered with mossy boulders stacked in strange formations. Stone steps led down to the center of the area, as if there had been something there once upon a time. Steam eerily seeped from hidden geysers all around them. Wherever “here” was, it seemed mysterious. Mama looked more worried than Elsa had ever seen her before. This is my fault, Elsa thought.

  “Elsa, come here,” Papa said, and she ran into his arms. “It will be all right.” They were the first words he had said to her since they had been in the Great Hall. Mama was close behind, holding Anna in her arms. “Please!” Papa called into the darkness. “Help! It’s my daughter!”

  Who was Papa talking to? Elsa was about to ask him when she noticed the boulders beginning to rock, then roll down the steps, headed directly for them.

  Elsa pulled at Mama’s leg, burying her face in her dress. Papa pulled the three of them closer as the boulders moved in. Elsa peeked out from her mother’s dress.

  All at once, the boulders stopped moving, and up sprang dozens of small trolls. They looked as if they were chiseled from stone. The moss that had grown on their backs looked like garments, and different-colored crystals hung from their necks. They had small tufts of mossy green hair on top of their heads and large ears, and the whites of their close-set eyes glowed in the moonlight. The trolls reminded Elsa of hedgehogs.

  “It’s the king!” one of the trolls cried as they shuffled forward. A troll with a long mossy cape moved to the front of the pack. He had an intricate beaded necklace. “Make way for Grand Pabbie!”

  “Your Majesty.” Grand Pabbie bowed his head. He reached for Elsa’s hand. “Born with the powers or cursed?”

  Elsa inhaled sharply. How did he know?

  Papa seemed to be thinking the same thing. “Born,” he said, sounding nervous. “And they’re getting stronger.”

  Grand Pabbie motioned to Mama. She kneeled down and held Anna out to him, and he put his hand on Anna’s head. His bushy eyebrows furrowed. “You are lucky it wasn’t her heart. The heart is not so easily changed.” He shrugged. “But the head can be persuaded.”

  Papa looked at Mama in surprise. “Do what you must,” he told Grand Pabbie.

  “I recommend we remove all magic, even memories of magic, to be safe,” Grand Pabbie said.

  Remove all magic? “But she won’t remember I have powers?” Elsa asked, unable to keep quiet.

  “It’s for the best,” Papa said, touching her shoulder.

  Elsa’s circle of people she could trust was small already. If Anna didn’t remember she could do magic, who could she share the burden with? Her heart started to beat faster. Anna was her fiercest ally. Her baking partner. Her sister. They couldn’t keep secrets from each other.

  “Listen to me, Elsa,” Grand Pabbie said gently, as if he had heard her thoughts. “Your power will only grow.” He raised his hands to the sky and blue images filled the air. They turned into the outlines of people and a girl. The girl conjured up the most beautiful snowflake Elsa had ever seen. “There is beauty in it, but also great danger.”

  The snowflake turned bright red and burst.

  Elsa’s eyes widened.

  “You must learn to control it,” Grand Pabbie told her. “Fear will be your enemy.”

  The people’s outlines turned red while the girl in the middle stayed blue. Elsa could sense the girl’s fear. Was this meant to be her destiny? Would she be an outcast? The red crowds closed in on the girl. Elsa heard a scream, and the image shattered. She hid her face in her father’s chest.

  “No!” Papa said, and looked at Mama. “We’ll protect her. She can learn to control it. I’m sure. We’ll keep her powers hidden from everyone.” He looked at Elsa and paused. “Including Anna.”

  “No! Please, no!” Elsa begged. This was too much. “I won’t hurt her again. I promise.” She looked at Mama.

  “This isn’t a punishment, darling,” her mother said. “You heard your father and Grand Pabbie. We must protect both of you.”

  Elsa couldn’t believe it. She didn’t want Anna not to know the true her. Anna believed in her gift. Other than her parents, Anna was the only one she could share it with. Who would she make snow with? Without Anna, a gift like this wasn’t much fun at all.

  “She will be safe this way, Elsa,” Grand Pabbie reminded her. “You both will be.”

  Elsa tried to think of something that would change their minds, but she couldn’t even get her parents’ attention. They were focused on Anna. Elsa watched in agony as Grand Pabbie touched Anna’s head, then swept his hand into the air.

  Papa patted Elsa’s back. “I know this is hard, but you’re a brave girl. You want what’s best for Anna, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” Elsa said, but she was also thinking, I need Anna. She’s the only one who understands. “Yes, but Anna is the only one I can share my gift with. Don’t take that away.”

  “You’ll be fine, Elsa,” her father promised.

  There was a whistling, like the sound of wind, and then an icy blue cloud formed above their heads. It reminded Elsa of her own magic. She watched as images of her and Anna flashed by: the two of them playing in the snow in the Great Hall, ice-skating across its floor, and building Olaf…all the things they’d done that would have been impossible without magic. How had Grand Pabbie been able to pull those memories out of her sister’s head?

  Just as quickly, the memories of her and Anna changed. The Great Hall moment turned into one of Anna sledding outside. The two of them ice-skating indoors became an excursion on a nearby pond, and their time with Olaf indoors morphed into a scene of them building a snowman in the forest. Their memories were being erased. It was more than Elsa could bear.

  “No, please!” Elsa cried, feeling the warmth tingle in her fingertips. A blue glow hovered above her hands.

&n
bsp; “Don’t worry. I will leave the fun,” Grand Pabbie promised.

  But it wasn’t about fun. It was about the two of them sharing a gift Elsa had been given. And now the leader of the trolls was taking it away. Elsa watched in agony as Grand Pabbie swirled the images into a ball, just as she usually conjured snow. His hands slowly moved toward Anna’s head. Elsa already knew what would happen. When Grand Pabbie touched her, the new memories would replace the old ones. Anna and Elsa’s bond would be lost forever. Elsa couldn’t let that happen.

  “No!” she cried, pulling from her father’s embrace.

  Her hand connected with Grand Pabbie’s just as his fingers grazed Anna’s forehead.

  “Elsa, no!” Papa cried as Mama reached for her in a panic. But it was too late.

  An explosion of light vibrated off the boulders around them. Rocks began to crumble and fall from the mountains the valley was nestled between. The trolls ran for cover. The light grew brighter and brighter till it burst into what seemed like a million little stars. It was the last thing Elsa saw before her world faded to black.

  Elsa awoke from the vivid memory, gasping for air as if she’d been underwater too long. She inhaled deeply, trying hard to remember to keep breathing.

  “Elsa! Elsa!” Olaf was standing over her. “You collapsed! Are you okay?”

  Someone was pounding on her bedroom door. “Princess Elsa! Princess Elsa! Are you all right?”

  It was Hans.

  “Why isn’t she answering?” she heard him shout.

  “Princess?” It was Lord Peterssen. “Can you hear us?”

  “Yes!” Elsa called out, her voice sounding shaky. “I will be right there.”

  How long had she been out?

  “Elsa, what happened?” Olaf asked.

  Elsa sat up, her whole body feeling like jelly. The memory cut like a knife. Her powers weren’t new; her parents had known she’d possessed them all along, but somehow she’d forgotten them. The pain of that truth and what had happened almost overwhelmed her. “Anna was my sister,” she choked out. “My magic killed her.”