Keeping Score

by Shannon Stults

  “Oh.” Logan clutched her hand to her chest and felt like the wind was being knocked out of her. All this time, she’d been constantly reassuring herself that Jacob would make her truly happy. But not once had she wondered if she could possibly make him happy.

  “This isn’t going to work,” she said quietly, turning back to him sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her.

  “What isn’t?”

  “This…us.” She looked down at the sparkling ring on her left hand. “Jacob, I’m so sorry.”

  He stared at her, but no words came out.

  “I’ve been so selfish. All this time I’ve been clinging to you, to this relationship, because I knew that you were the best thing for me. But I never stopped to think about what was best for you.”

  “What are you talking about?” He stood slowly. “Why does this sound like you’re breaking up with me?”

  “You’re asking me to change for you, and I did once before. But you shouldn’t settle for someone like me, someone who has to pretend to be the perfect girl for you. You deserve someone who doesn’t need to change to be perfect. You deserve the real thing.”

  Slowly, she pulled the ring off her finger. She took his hand in hers before she placed the ring in his palm. She looked into his eyes. “I love you, Jacob. But I’m not what’s best for you.”

  “Don’t do this,” he whispered.

  She bit her lip as she looked into his pleading eyes. She was hurting him, and she, too, ached as she let go of the best thing she’d had in the last four years and the future she’d thought she was supposed to have. But along with that ache came a strange sense of calm and relief.

  This was right. She knew it, and deep down he had to know it, too. “Your perfect girl is out there still waiting for you. It’s not fair of me to hold on to what’s hers.”

  Jacob was still as she wrapped her arms around him. His shoulders tensed at first, but they slowly relaxed as he let out a heavy breath. He embraced her, burying his face in her neck. His breath tickled her flesh. “I wish I could convince you you’re wrong, but I don’t think I can.”

  They stood, unmoving, holding each other, and Logan waited for the tears to come. Only this time, there were no tears. Surely, it made her an awful person, but standing here in his familiar hold as she said goodbye, she felt oddly at peace.

  Logan pulled out of his arms and kissed his cheek softly. “I’ll miss you,” she said.

  “I’ll miss you, too.” His arms fell away from her. He shoved the ring he held deep into his pocket and grabbed the doorknob, glancing at her over his shoulder. “Goodbye, Logan.” Then he walked out, closing the door gently behind him.

  “Goodbye.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Louise stepped back and examined the wall in front of her. “I think we should do another coat of paint after it dries, just to be safe.”

  Logan set her roller down in the paint pan and wiped the sweat from her forehead. They’d been in the gallery all week, slowly but surely getting it back to its former glory and hopefully even better once they finished. Together they’d cleaned every inch of the place and, aside from updating the electrical system, the whole process had been almost painless.

  In just one week since they’d started, they’d completely transformed the place.

  Logan wiped her paint-speckled hands off on her old, faded jeans, adding to the collection of light blue smears on her thighs. “This color definitely opens the place up. And it’s a perfect contrast to the exposed brick on the back wall. It was a good choice.”

  Louise nodded her agreement. “So, when are you going to start telling people that you and Jacob broke up?”

  Logan sighed, turning to face her. “How did you know?” So far, the only people she’d told about their breakup two weeks ago were her mom, dad, and Carly, and she’d made them swear not to spread the word until she was ready.

  “Well, for starters you haven’t been wearing your ring. And then there’s the way your eyes dart around the room whenever anyone mentions him. That’s a long time not to tell anyone your engagement is over. So, spill.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t want to ruin Carly’s wedding.”

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  Louise put a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “And maybe because of Cole?”

  “I just…it doesn’t seem right. After all we’ve been through, he deserves to hear it from me first, doesn’t he? I don’t want someone else to get the word to him before I can.” Not that it would fix this new rift between them. Despite how kind and understanding he’d been when she chose Jacob, she didn’t think he could ever forgive her for how she’d treated him. Could she even blame him?

  “Sounds reasonable to me. So, what’s your plan now? Still going to look for gallery jobs in San Francisco?”

  “Probably not,” Logan said. “San Francisco was Jacob’s dream, and I always just planned to go wherever he went. I’m not sure where that leaves me now.”

  “Well, you’ve got a job here as long as you want it. And there’s nothing wrong with sticking around town for a while. Especially if there’s someone here worth sticking around for.” She nudged Logan’s side.

  Logan shook her head. “Whatever Cole and I had, it’s over. I told him as much before he took off.”

  In their small town, it hadn’t taken long for news to spread that Cole was taking some time off work after the fire and staying out of town for a while.

  Logan knew the real reason, of course.

  “Do you really believe that? That it’s over?”

  He told her he just wanted to see her happy. And if you really think he’s the one who’ll do that, I won’t try to stand in the way. And then, for the first time in their lives, he’d forfeited their bet. If that wasn’t a sign he was done, she didn’t know what was. “He knows it’s over, too. And I think the fact that he skipped town is proof of that.”

  She expected Louise to understand, offer words of comfort and assurance. Instead, the gallery owner let out a long sigh.

  “That’s got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m sorry. It’s just, we all know you and that boy were made for each other. The sooner you admit that the sooner you two can go on with your happy lives together.”

  “Not you, too.” Louise was starting to sound a lot like Carly.

  “I can’t help it. I went to Wade’s just like everyone else. I heard all about the games, and I can’t say it surprises me. I saw something between you two a long time ago, and I’ve been rooting for him ever since.”

  Logan’s eyes rolled. “How? You barely even know him.”

  “Do you remember that day he followed you in here? It was only a few months after you’d first wandered in here yourself.”

  Of course she remembered. Logan remembered everything when it came to Cole Tucker. He’d sauntered in, pretending to look at some art when really he’d just wanted to annoy her in what had started to feel like a safe haven. Even as a sixth grader, he’d won Louise over quickly with his smile and charm.

  Louise smiled. “That was when I knew.”

  “Knew what?”

  “That he was crazy about you. Maybe not the kind of love he feels now—who truly understands love that young? But I could see just how much he cared about you.”

  “How? All he did was look around at the paintings and call me weird.”

  “That’s what you saw,” she chuckled. “I saw a kid who genuinely wanted to know more about you and what you like. I saw how mesmerized he was when you started talking about that sunflower painting, the way his face lit up whenever yours did. That boy’s heart was a goner long before he ever stepped foot in here.”

  Logan stared down at her paint-smeared shoes. “You saw what you wanted to see. There is no way he already had feelings back then.”

  Louise crossed her arms over her chest. “You know, he came back to see me again the next day.”

  “He did?”

  She nodded. “The next
afternoon, he came in, said he was thinking about getting one of the pieces for his mom since Mother’s Day was coming up. I told him to look around awhile and see what caught his eye, but he shook his head. He knew exactly which one he wanted.”

  “The sunflower painting,” Logan muttered quietly. How had she not guessed it? She’d seen her favorite painting on the wall of his mother’s house, and she’d never made the connection to the time she told Cole it was her favorite.

  “I teased him a little, asked how he knew his mom would like it since he admitted he wasn’t the artsy type.” Louise smiled at the memory. “And you know what he told me?”

  Logan shook her head.

  “He told me that if you liked it, it was perfect. So I rung it up, and he paid me with cash right there. He didn’t care how much it cost. I think he was just happy to have something you cared so much about.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “He asked me not to. I think even back then he was afraid you’d find out how he felt.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Unbelievable. So just like everyone else in this town, you knew how he felt but never told me.”

  Louise’s head tilted to the side, a sharp edge in her tone. “Is that what they taught you at that school of yours in Texas? To blame everyone else for your problems? ’Cause the Logan I know would never play the victim like this.”

  Logan’s face grew warm. She’d valued Ms. Snyder’s opinion since middle school, and to hear the disappointment in her voice now was like taking a scolding from her own mother. Maybe even worse.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry,” she told Louise. “I’ve been putting this on other people, but really it’s my own fault. My fault for not seeing what was right in front of me the whole time. My fault for running out instead of just talking to Cole that morning before I left. If I hadn’t done all that, maybe…”

  “Things would be different,” Louise finished for her. “Is that what you want? For things to be different?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Then make it different. You can’t change what happened, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fix the mess you’re in now.”

  “It’s not that easy. Cole and I already missed our chance.”

  “I don’t believe that. Nothing in this life happens that isn’t supposed to. If you two are truly meant to be, then you haven’t missed anything.”

  Louise grabbed her right hand and squeezed it. Logan’s eyes fell to the black letters on her wrist. Not once had she looked at them without thinking of the man they belonged to, but it wasn’t until now that she realized how perfectly they represented the impact he’d had on her all these years. Bold, permanent, a reminder that he would always be there, that he would always be a part of her.

  If she meant even half as much to him, maybe there was still hope for them.

  “You and Cole haven’t missed your chance,” Louise went on. “If anything, your chance is still coming.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Logan was exhausted. She didn’t think she’d sat down once since the start of the ceremony, spending almost the entire reception running around grabbing this and that for Carly or whoever. She’d spent a good hour cleaning up the bridal suite of the church and another half hour with the groom’s brother and best man, decorating the car the newlyweds had just driven off in.

  Not that she minded. She slowly made her way back to the church’s reception hall behind the other select guests who’d come out to see Carly and Darren off. She wiped at her eyes, removing the tears of joy and sadness she hadn’t been able to fight.

  Logan stopped at the door to the reception hall and took a deep, sobering breath. Inside, a blast of music and cheering hit her at full force. The crowd had dwindled down some now that the happy couple was gone. Many stood around chatting and laughing, and a small mixture of kids, teens, and likely very drunk adults were cheering each other on while jerking and grinding away on the dance floor to the end of an old Nelly song she remembered from middle school.

  Logan caught a glimpse of her parents in one corner of the room, and her painful four-inch heels clicked against the hardwood floor as she made her way to them.

  “There you are, wild girl. I feel like I’ve hardly seen you all day.” Her mom raised a hand to Logan’s dark hair, trying to smooth a spot in her tight, complicated updo. The chief went back to his beer.

  “I wanted to find you and tell you that your daddy and I are going to leave. He wants to go back to the house to get out of his monkey suit, and then the two of us are going to drive over to Dublin to catch a movie and maybe get some drinks somewhere.”

  Logan checked her watch. “Seriously? It’s almost nine o’clock at night.”

  “Don’t sound so surprised,” Daddy said, snaking his casted arm around her momma’s waist. “Your mother and I have been known to have a good time out every now and then. We aren’t geriatric just yet. And besides, where do you think that wild side of yours comes from anyway?” He nuzzled her ear playfully.

  “Ew, get out of here before you two make me sick,” Logan half teased.

  “Love you, wild girl,” her momma said, pulling her into a hug. “We’ll see you later tonight.” She turned, and the chief practically chased his wife out of the hall and to the car.

  Logan hadn’t stood there more than two seconds before Leon, Darren’s cousin and one of the groomsmen, sauntered over to her with two beers in hand and a sleazy grin on his face. “There you are, pretty lady. I’ve been looking all over for you.” He offered her one of the bottles.

  “No thanks, I still have to drive home after this.”

  “Not necessarily. You could be coming home with me.”

  She cringed as his gaze roamed over her strapless, burgundy bridesmaid’s dress. “Still, it’s probably best I don’t.”

  “So where have you been?” he asked, leaning closer.

  Logan’s eyes wandered around the room, hoping to find someone she could use as an excuse to get away. “Oh, you know, helping with a few odds and ends.”

  “Well, I hope you’re done because I’ve been waiting to dance with you all day.”

  Dammit. The DJ was slowly winding the party down, which meant music was on the slower side right now. The last thing she wanted to do was stand pressed against him while his hands tried to roam to intimate and inappropriate places. And she suspected from the alcohol on his breath that he wouldn’t be so easy to shut down.

  “I would, but…” She struggled, trying to come up with something, some excuse to let him down gently.

  “There you are.” Logan jumped when a muscular arm came from behind to rest around her waist. She turned, and her heart thumped up in her throat as she was greeted by the familiar sight and smell of Cole Tucker. His smile was carefree and easy, nothing like the last time she’d seen him on her front porch. It was accompanied by a clean-shaven face and neatly combed dark hair.

  He wore a dark suit and tie over a light blue shirt, something she had never in her life seen him wear. And the way he looked in it tonight, it was a damn shame it had taken this long.

  Cole pulled her into his side. “Nice to see you again, Leon.”

  Leon nodded with a tight smile. “Tucker.”

  “I don’t mean to interrupt, but didn’t you promise me a dance?” Cole asked her.

  She was so overwhelmed by his closeness and the wave of heat radiating from where his hand gripped her hip that it took her a minute to understand what he was saying.

  “Sure did. I was just about to tell Leon here that, while I would love to dance with him, I’ve already committed myself.” She turned to Darren’s cousin, trying to look apologetic. “Sorry.”

  “No worries. I’ll just have to get the next one.”

  She blanched at the threat as Cole led her out to the dance floor and took her hand in his. He kept his eyes on Leon while he pulled her close and placed his hand on the curve of her lower back.

  She’d had no idea how much she�
�d missed being this close to him. Her skin tingled all over. Still, she could feel the tightness in his arms and shoulder where she’d placed her hand, and it was clear now that his easy smile had been forced.

  Neither of them spoke or looked at each other, and the tingle quickly turned to an uncomfortable itch to say something to ease the tension.

  “Thanks, by the way.”

  Cole tore himself from whatever thought was occupying his mind and met her eyes. “For what?”

  “For saving me back there,” she said, nodding her head at the redhead watching them on the edge of the dance floor. “You’re getting really good at this whole rescue thing. I guess that comes with being the town hero.”

  “You know, they’re talking about giving me an award for running into that bar. How crazy is that?” His eyes lit up. Thank God she could still put a real smile on that face.

  “I don’t think it’s crazy at all. You saved the chief of police’s life. Daddy’s even asking if he can be the one to give it to you.”

  “I didn’t do anything any of the other guys wouldn’t have done.”

  “That’s not the point. What matters is that you were there, and you risked your life for his. And you’ll never know how grateful my family and I are for that. Thank you.”

  Cole’s smile fell a bit. “You know I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I couldn’t live with myself if I ever let anything hurt you like that.”

  Logan looked away and tried to focus on something else before the tears could surface. They danced quietly again for a minute, and Logan only spoke once she’d regained her composure.

  “When did you get back?”

  “This morning.”

  “I didn’t know if you’d make it in time for the wedding.” She stared at his perfectly knotted blue tie, unable to bring herself to look up at him. “You left so suddenly, and none of us knew when you were coming home.”

  “I had a lot of thinking to do,” he said soberly. “Honestly, I thought I’d be gone a lot longer. But I couldn’t let myself miss Carly and Darren’s big day. Plus, I sort of promised Tater I’d be her date, and I was never going to hear the end of it if I didn’t make it. Especially after leaving town and missing her first prom.”