In Too Deep

by Mary Connealy

  “Can you get my horse, too, Steele? Unless you want to hold the baby.” Ethan smiled at the grizzled old-timer, who took both sets of reins and grumbled but did a top job of stripping leather and brushing down the horses.

  “Have you had any luck hiring more men? Rafe looked in town today, but there wasn’t anyone hunting for work.”

  “I’ve taken on a couple of new men and put the word out for more. We’re set pretty well for now. Rafe said in about two weeks he’d be ready to take on hands, so we can see how they shape up here before we send ’em over.”

  “Sounds good. And Seth filed on a claim today. He doesn’t need to live over there for a while, so we might put off building him a house on his new property, but it should be up before the snow flies. You’ll stay with us for a while, right, Seth?”

  “Well, sure.” Seth looked confused, and Ethan wondered if he remembered filing a claim at all. “I want to live here at home, Eth. What are you going to build? Another house for Rafe? He don’t need two.”

  Ethan slid his eyes to Steele, who had some idea of how strangely Seth had been acting.

  A barely perceptible nod from Steele assured Ethan the foreman would see that Seth got inside and didn’t end up hanging from the rafters like a bat, or whatever crazy notion took him.

  Ethan wanted just a few minutes in the house with his wife and children. Strange business having a wife and children with barely any notice.

  They walked in and Ethan found things in good order. “Let’s lay the little ones down. The room Rafe slept in is in good shape. I can pull the mattress off the bed and they can both sleep on that. Then if they roll out of bed, they won’t get hurt.”

  Audra nodded and followed Ethan upstairs. He noticed Rafe had changed the railing. The old one had been made of a slender young pine. Now it was carved wood. Rafe had taken his tools to his own place, so Ethan knew he had a lathe and a fine set of razor-sharp wood chisels.

  They reached the top of the steps. “There are three bedrooms. I put Seth toward the back of the house the few times he’s slept over here. I was afraid he’d run off and figured I had a better chance of catching him if he had to walk past my door.”

  They were in a hallway with three doors opening off it. Ethan’s room was closest to the top of the stairs on the right. It was the room his folks had slept in and stretched the length of the cabin. The bedroom straight across from his would be for the children. That room was about half the length of the cabin. Down the hall a second door opened to the left into Seth’s room.

  Ethan swung the door open, and holding Maggie in one hand, he dragged the mattress off Rafe’s bed with the other.

  “I think I’ll put Lily in one of those drawers.” Audra pointed at a chest. “Can you pull the largest drawer out and put a blanket in it? I’d like her to be somewhere with sides. She can’t roll yet, but I’d just feel better about it.”

  “She didn’t sleep anywhere with sides at your other house.”

  “No.” Audra gave him a sad smile. “She certainly didn’t. I’d like to do better for the children now.”

  Ethan pulled the drawer out with a whisper of polished wood. “Rafe made all this furniture since I left. There are nice things all over the house.” Ethan set the drawer down, found a small quilt he remembered his mother using, and lined the drawer with it. He took Lily from Audra and laid her in the crib. Neither of the children so much as stirred.

  “I’ll show you our room.” Ethan led the way out and entered his own room. The nicest bedroom in the house by far. When he got inside it, he noticed Audra hadn’t followed him. Just as he was beginning to wonder where she’d gotten to, she came in hesitantly.

  “It’s a pretty room. It’s got a nice view of the yard and we get shade most of the day. The house stays cool in the summer, and we’ve got shelter from the wind in the . . .” He noticed Audra’s silence. “Don’t you like it?”

  “No. I mean yes, I like it. It’s not that. It’s just that . . .” She looked at him and her cheeks were flushed pink. Her hands twisted together until her fingers had to hurt.

  “What’s the matter?” Ethan smiled. He solved all his problems by smiling.

  “Ethan, you know I just had a baby.”

  “Uh, yeah. I just laid her down. I’m not likely to forget her.”

  “I . . . I can’t be with . . .” The flush turned redder. Her eyes seemed to plead with him to understand.

  “Can’t be with what?”

  Audra gestured toward the bed. “You. I can’t be with you. Not as a wife. Not so soon after—”

  “Oh, wait. Stop. Sure, I understand.” Ethan didn’t exactly understand. “Look, Audra, that’s fine.” It wasn’t fine, except he didn’t really know what she meant by not being with him. The ways of married life were a mystery to him. Did she want to sleep with the children?

  His ma sat around and cried a lot. His pa worked the cattle or took off to check his traplines. That’s all he knew about marriage. Oh, he knew about man-woman things in a general sense. He lived on a ranch after all. He’d helped deliver his share of foals and calves, and he’d certainly known how the babies had come to be in there. But beyond that, he was ignorant.

  “Look, Audra. You’ll have all the time you want. We need to get used to each other for a while before . . . before . . .”

  The downstairs door opened and slammed shut. “Ethan?”

  Seth.

  With a sigh of relief, Ethan veered his mind away from before. Or more honestly, he veered it away from after, or really the truth was he had to veer it away from during.

  “Anyway, you’ll have all the time you want.” For whatever she was thinking about. Before whatever was supposed to happen happened. “So stop worrying. Let’s go down and see about getting some supper.”

  Audra smiled and looked so relieved it irritated Ethan for no reason he could understand. And that made about the tenth thing he didn’t understand about being married.

  She turned and fled from the room.

  Ethan decided to just chalk it up to the woman being hungry.

  He was a little hungry himself, though food didn’t seem to be the exact right solution to his hunger.

  Chapter

  6

  “Ethan, you have yeast!” Audra turned from the cupboards and threw herself into his arms.

  It was at that moment Ethan decided being married was going to work out fine.

  “I can get you all the yeast you want, little darlin’.” And he meant every word. Her arms were strong and warm and the rest of her was real nice, too. He hugged her back hard just to make sure.

  Audra laughed, then whirled away to go through the rest of the cupboards.

  It wasn’t long before he sat chewing on a thick, savory venison steak, eating the smoothest mashed potatoes he’d ever tasted. She ladled on steaming hot gravy and set biscuits on the table straight from the oven.

  “We’ll have bread for breakfast, but I had to make do with biscuits tonight.”

  Ethan smiled at her and their eyes caught. “It’s all real good, Audra. Thank you for this fine meal.”

  Her smile changed to something warmer and kinder. Her eyes widened. And for a second Ethan thought she might be able to smile and cry at the same time.

  “I’m never gonna say a kind word to you again, woman, if you start crying.”

  That made her laugh for no reason he could understand, but if threatening her made her happy, he’d go ahead and do it real regular. Women were a mystery.

  “My last husband never complimented a thing I did. You just took me by surprise is all. I won’t cry a single tear, not even tears of happiness.”

  “See that you don’t.”

  She laughed again and whirled back to the stove in such a pretty way it was almost dancing.

  “I think she’s a good trade for Rafe, don’t you, Eth?” Seth was smiling while he scooped food into his mouth.

  “We’ve done well for ourselves for a fact, little brother.”


  Audra looked over her shoulder and grinned, then went back to work. She straightened from her pots with a plate of food for herself and then sat down with them.

  “Ethan, something’s been worrying me and I’d like to ask you what you think.”

  Her smile was gone, and Ethan braced himself for some new strange female request. “Go ahead.”

  Audra rested her fingers on her lips while she gave Ethan a worried look. He decided then and there he’d do anything to keep her smiling. “I’ve told you about my little sister and brother, haven’t I?”

  “I know you’ve worried that your pa might not treat your little sister right.”

  “Her name is Carolyn. She’s eight now, so I don’t think Father would force her to marry anyone for a few years.” Little worry lines appeared on Audra’s brow.

  Ethan wanted to reach over and smooth them away. “What can we do to get her away from him?”

  That did it. The lines disappeared. Ethan was surprised by the feeling that he’d performed some heroic deed.

  Audra’s smile returned. Not so full and carefree as before, but a beautiful smile all the same. “Thank you, Ethan.”

  “I haven’t done anything yet.”

  “Yes, but knowing you want to and you’re willing to help makes all the difference.” Audra drew in a slow breath, as if she was working up the nerve to say something. Ethan waited, hoping he could rescue her again.

  “Do you think we could . . . get her and bring her to . . . to live with us?”

  Ethan was quiet, thinking of how to get to the girl, get her away from a pa who might not want to give her up, get her all the way out West. How long would it take? Who should go?

  “We don’t have to, Ethan. I’m sorry.” Audra cut into his thoughts.

  “What?” Ethan had been lost in his planning. “What are you sorry for?”

  “I can tell you don’t want to do it.” Her brow was wrinkly again.

  “I was just planning whether I should head for Texas myself and snatch her away and bring her home, or take you with me. Reckon she’d be scared if I showed up. If she didn’t want to go, I’d be kidnapping her.” Ethan looked at Seth. “The law might take a dim view. But if I take you, Audra, then I have to take the babies—”

  Audra cut off his planning by laughing. “So we can do it? We can bring her here?”

  Ethan nodded. “Sure. She’s my sister now, too. Your pa sounds like a polecat, so we’d best get her away from him. And we probably oughta fetch your little brother along. Your pa’s gotta be a mighty bad example of a man for him to grow up learning from.”

  Audra leaped out of her chair to throw her arms around his neck. He scooted back in time to make room for her to end up on his lap. And a whole lapful of Audra Kincaid was one of the sweetest things Ethan had ever known. Ethan decided he was taking to this husband business right quick.

  “There’s no rush.” Audra kissed him on the cheek, then stood up way too soon to suit Ethan. She sat back down in her chair. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears, but Ethan decided they weren’t all that scary, so he didn’t scold her for them.

  “You want to bring your ma out, too?”

  Audra laughed.

  “Because if it’ll get a kiss and a hug out of you, I’d probably let you move your whole family into the house.”

  “Probably not Mother.” Audra giggled as if she couldn’t quite get herself under control. “I suspect she’d kick up a fuss if we stole her away. But thank you for offering. Now let’s eat. The food’s getting cold.”

  They were about halfway finished with the meal when the first baby cried.

  “Lily’s awake.” Ethan pushed his chair back. “I’ll fetch her.”

  He left the kitchen quickly, thinking to prevent Maggie from waking up, but it wasn’t to be. By the time he swung the door open, Maggie was crying, too. She was sitting on the edge of her mattress on the floor, her little bare feet hanging down. She looked forlorn in her little white dress, all crumpled from sleep, rubbing tear-stained eyes, her bottom lip trembling, her fine white hair sticking up in all directions like thistledown.

  Lily lay on her back in the drawer, her arms and legs kicking, working her way up to a temper tantrum. Ethan needed to get a crib built for the baby. Maybe a big one for Maggie, too.

  He smiled at Maggie and she instantly smiled back. Ethan picked them both up without coming even close to dropping one of them on her head. He was real proud of his handiness.

  When he got downstairs, Audra already had potatoes dished up for Maggie.

  “I heard her.” Audra smiled at him as if they were a real team at being parents, and Ethan liked being married even more. “Hang on to them for just a second, Ethan, while I pour some milk. Then I’ll take Maggie.”

  “I’ll take one of them.” Seth reached out his arms.

  Maggie smiled at him and stuffed about eight of her fingers into her mouth. Ethan looked at Audra, who gave him a very hesitant nod of approval.

  With Maggie on Seth’s lap, Ethan could finish his meal and bounce Lily at the same time. Audra scooped potatoes into Maggie’s wide-open mouth.

  Except for Seth ending up splattered with potatoes, the meal went well.

  Ethan figured they’d feed them and tuck them back into bed. But he still had a few things to learn about children. They were rested.

  The evening grew late as Maggie played on the floor in front of the fireplace. Seth applied himself to keeping her out of the blazing fire while Ethan bounced a fussy Lily. They had one rocking chair, which Ethan sat in until Audra came in from cleaning up the supper dishes. Then Ethan scooped up Maggie and took her along as he grabbed a chair from the kitchen for himself.

  Ethan came back in with his chair just as Audra sat down in the rocker. She gave a worried look, and Ethan wondered what was sitting uneasy on her pretty little head this time.

  She nodded at Seth.

  Without Maggie to distract him, Seth had turned to sit, staring at the fire as if it held the meaning of life.

  Ethan put his chair beside Audra’s, wondering what his little brother was so interested in. “Seth?”

  There was no response. No sign Seth had heard Ethan say his name from a couple of feet away.

  “Seth!”

  No reaction.

  Ethan gave Audra a worried look. He reached forward and grabbed Seth’s shoulder. “Seth, what’s wrong?”

  With a shout, Seth whirled and leaped to his feet, stumbling backward almost into the flames. He clawed for a gun that wasn’t there.

  Ethan was mighty glad it wasn’t.

  Seth froze, looked between Ethan and Audra as his eyes focused. “Uh . . . I-I’m sorry, you startled me.”

  Ethan wondered just how dangerous Seth could be. “What were you thinking about?”

  Seth shoved both hands deep into his hair, then turned to face the fire. “I . . . I guess it was the war.” Staring hard at the crackling flames, he said, “When fire talks to you, Eth, what do the voices say?”

  Ethan’s throat went dry. “Uh . . . fire can’t talk, Seth.”

  He exchanged a glance with Audra, who gave a tiny shrug.

  “Sure it can. If you listen real close, it calls to you. In the war we were always burning something. A house, sometimes a whole town. The people would run, the ones we didn’t kill. But the houses would howl like the flames caused them pain. And the fire would laugh, like it was having fun. And sometimes it would call to me, tell me to join the fun.”

  With a short, hard shake of his head, Seth turned from the fire, almost as if he had to wrench his eyes away. “You can’t hear it?”

  Ethan thought maybe there was a right and wrong way to talk to Seth right now, but he’d be switched if he knew what it was. He decided to just tell the truth. “Nope. I think maybe this is a notion you’ve got in your head from being burned so bad when you were a kid. Then the war made it worse. The idea that fire is alive and wants you is coming from inside your head. Fire’s just fire. It doesn�
��t have a voice.”

  “I wonder if you’re right.” The tension left Seth and he sank back to the floor, turning away from the fire this time, resting his back along the warm stones of the hearth. “Reckon I oughta give up trying to make sense of what it says to me, huh?”

  “Might as well.” Ethan leaned back in his chair, trying to act calm.

  Maggie squirmed to get off Ethan’s lap, and he left her to toddle around. Seth kept a watchful eye until the little girl started to yawn and finally tugged on Ethan’s leg to be picked up. She fell asleep in his arms. Seth fell asleep leaning against the fireplace. Ethan nudged him with the toe of his boot and told him to go up to bed.

  When Seth’s bedroom door clicked shut, Ethan said, “He might be dangerous, Audra. We need to take care.”

  “How do we do that?”

  “I think I’ll start by putting the guns somewhere kinda hard to get at, so he won’t ever grab one in a bad moment.”

  “Good idea.”Audra swallowed hard. “Take Maggie up to bed. You might as well get to sleep, too. I’ll nurse Lily and hopefully she’ll settle for a few hours.”

  Ethan went upstairs, but he had no plans to sleep while his wife was up working. That was his last thought before the long day caught up with him.

  Ethan jerked awake when Audra came slipping into the room. “How late is it?” he asked.

  Audra squeaked and pressed both hands to her chest. “I didn’t mean to wake you, I’m sorry. I’ll get my nightgown and go change in the girls’ room.”

  It was a strange business having a woman walk into his bedroom.

  “I’ll just turn my back. No need to leave.” Ethan slid to the far side of the bed and rolled to face away from her. He listened for the door to open when she left, but that noise never came. Instead, she said, “O-okay.”

  It was a strange business having a woman stirring around, dealing with her clothes—right in the same room with him. They’d brought Audra’s meager clothing, as well as that for the girls. It had been mostly diapers and not too many of them. He needed to buy Audra more clothes. Fabric probably. He couldn’t remember much female fabric in the store in Rawhide. He probably ought to make the long trip to Colorado City before long.