by Andi Jaxon
“I assume you haven’t been eating again. How many times do I have to tell you I will gladly have groceries delivered? I’m happy to do it.”
“You’re not buying me groceries. I’m fine.”
“If our situations were reversed, would you buy me groceries if I needed it? Or pay my rent? Or anything else?”
“Of course, but that’s not the point.”
“It’s exactly the point! Why is it okay for you to pay for things for me but not the other way around?”
“How did we get on this topic? I’m not arguing with you about this again. I need to know what to do about my situation!” I lay the pity on a bit thick, but I really need her help here. “You know I have zero experience.”
“I’ve never kissed one of my teachers, so how the hell should I know what to do?” Letting out a sigh, I lean back and lay on my sad excuse for a bed—damn it's freezing in here. “So, just go off of what he does?”
“That’s probably the best. No one knows anything about his relationships on campus, so keep this close to your chest. Not that you’re a blabbermouth or anything.”
“Who would I tell? You’re my only friend.”
Chapter 15
Ben –
It’s been almost a week since I was in his apartment and he almost kissed me. We haven’t talked to each other since that night, which is probably for the best because I can’t get him out of my head. My desire for him has only intensified, has me stirred up and crazed. Something has to give soon, or I will explode. Looking at the paper in my hand isn’t helping.
I failed. The first big test of the term and I bombed, hard. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I shove the paper in my backpack so I don’t have to stare at it any longer. My cheeks are hot with embarrassment and shame. I want to hit something, get into a fight to release some of the anger I have toward myself. I’m a failure. Dan told me that enough times that I should be used to it by now. I will end up sleeping on the damn street because I can’t pass this stupid math class. I was born on the street, so I guess I’m destined to die there too.
The entire class I’m fuming in my shame—the unfairness of life. Nothing has come easy for me, I’ve had to fight for the right to survive since the day I was born. What made me think this was going to be any different? Maybe it’s time to whore myself out, try to fuck Mr. Bennet so he gives me a good grade. I hear it works for girls and I’ve seen the way he watches me, he almost kissed me, he wants me. I could suck his dick if he gave me a C, just enough to pass so I can graduate.
The thought of having his dick in my mouth makes my dick twitch. I’ve never been with a man, but I’ve thought about it, fantasized about what it would be like to be taken and take in return. Mr. Bennet is always starring in my dreams and fantasies. Would he be a gentle lover, slow and careful? Or would he be hard, deep, and fast? Would he be demanding, growling orders at me, or would he be submissive and waiting for my orders? I don’t know which I want more, for him to fuck me or for me to fuck him.
I’m rock hard, confined behind faded dark jeans while I wait for class to end and everyone to leave. I can’t think past the blood pounding in my ears, my mind full of visions of Mr. Bennet taking me on his desk right here in the classroom.
Suddenly, everyone stands and collects their things before shuffling out of the room. A few students remain to ask him questions about the test. I don’t know how he’s so calm with them, but he never shows anything but patience. My eyes are glued to him, the way his muscles flex beneath his button-up shirt when he writes on the board. One by one, as he answers their questions, the students leave. It seems to take forever, but I’m finally alone in the room with him.
Tension fills the space between us, our eyes are locked on each other as we wait for the other to make the first move.
“Ben,” Mr. Bennet starts. I can’t stop the shudder at the way my name rolls off his tongue. A tongue I want to feel on every inch of my body. “I think a tutor is necessary in order for you to pass this class.”
“You tutor me. I’ll work around your teaching and office hours. I don’t want to learn from anyone else, only you.” My eyes are stuck on the bare skin showing through his open collar. When did I get so bold? When did I become a predator stalking prey?
I can hear his voice but can’t understand the words over the blood pounding through my ears. Standing, I stride directly to him. When I’m in front of him, I look up into his eyes and put my hands on his chest.
His lips stop moving, and he sucks in a breath. Beneath my palms, his heart thunders, his breathing ragged. Leaning forward, I place a kiss on his breastbone, between his pectoral muscles. Goosebumps form under my lips and a shiver racks his body.
His hand pushes inside the hood of my sweater and grips my hair, bringing my mouth to his. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I cup his ass and bring his hips to mine. Fuck he’s got an amazing ass, I’ve been dreaming of squeezing the firm muscles for months, so I let myself have this moment, grinding my hard-on against his. I can’t count the number of times I’ve wanted this.
The groan rumbling in his chest vibrates my own, making my tip start to leak, damn near ready to explode. He spins us, pushing my back against the whiteboard, the pen tray digging into my lower back, but I don’t care. Bending his knees, his free hand grips the back of my thigh, an encouragement to hook my leg around his hip. He’s grinding against me, his cock against mine and it’s taking all of my self-control not to cum in my jeans. My grip on his ass tightens as I struggle for control over my body as my fantasy comes true.
Ripping his mouth from mine his eyes are closed tight.
“We have to stop.” His words are breathy as his forehead meets mine. “Anyone could come in and catch us.” We’re trembling and breathing hard, but have stopped grinding against each other, my thigh still being held in his hand.
Closing my eyes, I can’t look at him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have touched you. I don’t know what came over me.” I’m embarrassed and more turned on than I have ever been, but I just molested my teacher.
He chuckles before I feel his lips on my forehead. “It’s alright. I didn’t mind.”
Dropping my leg and taking a step back, my gaze is on the tile floor. “I know I need a tutor. Please help me. Please.” I’m afraid to beg, but I’m more afraid of not passing this class and being homeless.
He’s quiet for so long I’m afraid he won’t respond.
“Okay,” he whispers. My eyes snap to his, unsure I really heard him.
“Really? You’ll tutor me?” I’m so relieved, I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to hug him, but I’m afraid to touch him again.
“Send me an email with your class schedule, and we’ll figure out a time. Sound good?” He’s laughing at my excitement, the smile in his eyes is a dead giveaway, but I don’t care, I have a chance of passing this damn class.
Chapter 16
Alister –
Watching Ben leave my classroom was harder than it should have been. While I enjoy checking out his ass, I wanted to be inside of it more. I still can’t figure out what it is about him that has me so worked up, so possessive. I want him to be mine, I crave him, to kiss him, fuck him, sleep curled up with him. He’s so broken, down to his soul, and I want to fix it.
Shaking my head, I grab my stack of papers and head back to my office. He does need help, since math is not his strong suit. I feel for him, I know I’m lucky in the sense that math has always come easily to me. Most college students live in fear of the math class they are required to take to graduate, but I took extra math classes as elective credits. If I didn’t get at least a B+, I took the class again.
Unlocking my office, I lock the door behind me and keep the overhead light off to deter students from lining up outside and blocking the hallway. Starting a cup of coffee, the aroma fills the small space as I hit the voicemail button on my phone.
“Hello Alister, this is your Thursday reminder. See you at dinner! I hope you have a
marvelous day and I can’t wait to hear all about Ben!” Her voice makes me smile; I love that woman.
Thinking of Ben has the smile dropping from my face, what the hell am I going to do about him? I can’t be caught dating a student. It’ll be career over for me. And if anyone finds out I kissed him, it’ll be just as bad. I’m sure my name will be drug through the mud. I never imagined having this kind of an issue when I accepted the job offer. I assumed I would meet a guy and fall in love slowly, giving me plenty of time to switch jobs before anything serious happened.
I rub my chest absently, the spot where Ben’s lips touched my skin is tingling. I haven’t spent much time alone with him, I barely know him, but I feel a need I’ve never felt before—a need to know him.
The drive to my parents’ house is quick as my mind races in circles. The what-ifs making me crazy as the different outcomes swirl around. By the time I’m parking in the driveway, I’m frustrated and damn near ready for a fight—a rare state for me to be in.
Alex opens the door, standing with his arms crossed over his chest, that smug smile on his face. Right now, I hate seeing that stupid smile on my face looking back at me. A growl rumbles in my chest as I step on the porch and Alex raises an eyebrow at me.
“What’s eating you?”
“None of your business,” I snap, stepping around him. His laughter follows me into the house. Running on autopilot, I kiss my mother’s cheek and say hello to my father. It’s not until I’m standing in the kitchen that I realize I don’t have flowers or beer. I’ve been so wrapped up in my head I forgot to get them on the way over. Closing my eyes, I suck in, and then release, a deep breath.
“I’m sorry Mother, I forgot your flowers.”
“I don’t just want you here for the flowers, Alister. I want to see my son,” she informs me very matter-of-factly.
“Your boyfriend break-up with you?” Alex’s voice comes from over my shoulder.
“I don’t have a boyfriend. Drop it.”
“Then who pissed in your coffee?”
“It’s none of your damn business! I said, drop it!” It’s been a long time since I’ve yelled, the last time was probably in this house when I was a teenager and full of testosterone and raging hormones.
Everyone stops what they’re doing to look at me, but no one says a word. I can’t take it, everyone expecting an explanation from me. Shoving against Alex, I stomp past him, heading down the hallway to my old bedroom. Slamming the door once I’m inside, I lay down on my old bed and stare at the ceiling. I know my mother will come up here in a few minutes to tell me I need to apologize for blowing up at my brother, who I’m lucky to have. She’ll work some magic and get me to spill my guts, and I won’t even realize it.
Right on cue, there’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” I holler, sitting up against the headboard. Mom walks in, closing the door softly behind her. She brushes at some invisible speck of dust before folding her hands in front of her and looking at me. Her face is carefully blank, no accusation or anger anywhere.
I sigh and drop my chin to my chest, and once again I’m fifteen. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not the one who deserves an apology.”
“Yes, you do, I came in angry and looking for a fight. I had no right to come in here like that.” When the bed dips, I look up to see her sitting.
“You won’t ever have to apologize to me for having emotions, but you will have to apologize for not handling them well.”
All I do is nod, I’ve heard this line about a thousand times in my lifetime.
“Are you going to tell me what has you so worked up, or are we going to dance around it all night?” She looks at me expectantly, but I know she will take me at my word if I tell her I don’t want to talk to her about it. It’s one of the reasons she’s so easy to talk to. There’s never any pressure to talk, but there is always an ear to listen.
“It’s Ben.” At my words, she nods, fully aware of where my issue is stemming from. “I don’t know what to do about him.”
“In a perfect world, what would you want to happen?”
“He would be mine. The university wouldn’t care. I was with a man, a former student. I like my job, but I wish they were a little more open-minded, or at least didn’t care so much. I would be able to date or marry anyone I wanted, and it would have zero effect on my employment.” When I look at her again there is a knowing smile is on her face. “What?”
“So, if I understand you correctly, you’re torn between exploring a relationship with Ben and your job?”
“In the simplest form, yes.” Why is she smiling? What has she figured out in five minutes I haven’t been able to in weeks?
“Tell me this, does your happiness depend on your current job or do you imagine you could be just as satisfied at another college?” She sounds like this is a very simple question, which the question itself is, but what does it have to do with anything?
“I’m sure I could be just as satisfied at a different location…”
“And do you think your current job will ever be accepting of a homosexual relationship?”
“No, I don’t—” But she cuts me off before I can finish my sentence.
“Is your job worth your happiness?”
“Mom, what are you getting at? Just spit it out.”
“Answer the question, is your job worth your happiness?”
“No! No job is worth anyone’s happiness!” I shout, frustrated at the mind games she makes me play and frustrated when they work. “I hate it when you do that.”
She’s smiling again, a knowing smile that all mothers have when they know they’ve won. “If I had come in here, sat down, and said ‘no job is worth your happiness,’ you would have huffed at me, not believing it for a second. This way, you came to the same conclusion on your own, and you believe it.”
Standing, she brushes her skirt, then opens the door. “I do believe you owe your brother an apology. You’re lucky to have him, you know.”
Shaking my head and following behind her. “I know, Mom.”
Chapter 17
Ben –
He kissed me. Alister Bennet kissed me. He was hard for me…
Chewing on my bottom lip to hide the ridiculous smile on my face is going to leave me with a raw, painful lip, but I can’t stop. Before getting on my bike to head home, I text Kristen saying we needed to talk as soon as I get to my apartment. I’m definitely not talking about this in public, no way in hell. Plus, it’s hard to talk while on my bike.
The ride is short, ten minutes at most, and I’m into my neighborhood. Since it’s raining, my hood is pulled up, and my backpack is heavy tonight. I have a lot of studying to do this weekend. I don’t have Friday classes this week, so I have three full days to devote to school work. It helps that I don’t have a TV or computer to distract me either.
I get to the gloomy, rundown building I currently live in, with chunks of the concrete steps missing, and carry my bike up three flights of creaky stairs. The entire building is disgusting, probably ready to fall or go up in flames. Honestly, I’m surprised it hasn’t been condemned. Finally getting to my apartment, I unlock the door, bring my bike inside and secure the door behind me. I drop my backpack on the floor and pull my phone out of my pocket to email Mr. Bennet my class schedule when the screen lights up with an incoming call from Kristen.
“Hey, bitch.”
“Hey right back. Are you home? Can you talk?”
“Alister Bennet kissed me.”
The line goes quiet for a second. It’s not very often that I get to surprise her like this, and I am enjoying every second of it.
“What the hell did you just say? Because I know it wasn’t Alister Bennet kissed you.”
Falling back to lay on my bed, I laugh at her response. I love her so much. “That is, in fact, what I said.”
“Bullshit!”
“No bulls were involved.”
“Tell me everything! Where, what, when, why, and how?”
“Wait. You demanded he tutor you?”
“Yeah, I really have no idea where that came from. Anyway, I walked up to him and kissed his chest.”
“What the actual fuck? Who are you and what have you done with Ben?”
“Stop interrupting! He kissed me right after, like pushed me against the whiteboard, hand in my hair, wrapped my leg around his hip. I’ve never been so turned on in my life. I really thought I was going to blow a load in my pants. But he pulled back and had to be smart, said anyone could walk in and see us.”
“I am so insanely jealous right now. Your day was way better than mine.”
I laugh again, who needs therapy when you have a best friend who makes you laugh? “Trust me, before that my day was shit.”
“Hang on a damn second. Are you saying I never turned you on? We dated for almost four years.”
“Sorry to break it to you, but vaginas do nothing for me.”
She fakes outrage by sucking in a loud breath. “So, you used me? How could you do such a thing to little innocent me?”
“Ha! Innocent my ass. You corrupted me, slut.”
She starts laughing. “You’re damn right I did. Someone had to.”
“You’ll forever be my one and only straight fuck though.” My voice sounding reminiscent.
“You’ll forever be my gay lover. Which is a good thing ‘cause boy, you don’t know what to do with a vagina. At. All.”
“Are you serious right now? I had zero experience! I bet I could rock that shit now.”
“Yeah? Been playing with a lot of vaginas since I transferred?”
“No, but I know the power of Google. And porn.”
