by Kenna Grace
I watched as Amanda made a small incision in his skin and abdomen wall. Slowly, she made another incision through the uterus’s protective membrane. Putting the scalpel down on the tray next to her, she reached inside his uterus and pulled out the baby. Our baby.
Suddenly, a rush of emotions flooded over me and I nearly choked on my own breath as I saw our child for the first time. His tiny cries made my skin burn hot and I wiped a tear from my eye. I looked down at Lachlan, who was already staring back up to me. “You did it.” I bent down and gave him a kiss on his forehead.
“Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?” Amanda asked me with a smile on her face.
I let out a chuckle and she passed me the scissors. I snipped the cord and she passed the baby to the nurse on her right, who briefly took him out of the room. Lachlan let out a sharp exhale as they left and leaned down to console him. They’ll be right back, it’s just standard procedure. They’re just going to clean him up and record his weight.”
Lachlan seemed to accept this and leaned back down and shut his eyes to relax. His hand still gripped mine firmly. I watched him in amazement. I’d delivered hundreds of babies, but none of that could have prepared me for seeing the birth of my own.
A moment later the nurse walked back in with our baby and I felt my heart throbbing in my chest. A sense of overwhelming love took over my body. I just wanted to stare and study every feature of our child and memorize all his details. It was an instant of happiness and joy and then the tears came back. Knowing the delivery was high risk, it was almost surreal seeing our child. Lachlan and I had gone through so much, and seeing this little bundle of joy that we had created made it feel like an extra special miracle.
“Would you like to hold your baby?” the nurse asked Lachlan, who was still lying down with his eyelids shut.
“Lachlan?” I said, giving his hand a squeeze when he didn’t reply. “Our baby wants to meet his daddy,” I added, leaning down so my face was only a few feet away from his. Again, he didn’t reply. I brushed my hand over his forehead. It was cold and clammy. “I think something’s wrong, “I blurted out in a panic.
Suddenly, the machine next to him started to beep. “Shit, he’s crashing,” Amanda said, rushing over to the machine to get a closer look at the reading.
“What’s going on?” I demanded, fearing for my non-responsive omega.
“Part of the placenta grew too deeply into the uterine wall,” Amanda informed me before calling in members of a surgical team.
“Placenta accreta?”
Amanda nodded.
Fuck. She had informed us during our last visit that Lachlan’s placenta wasn’t descending properly and I knew that this was a possible concern. Typically with child birth, the placenta detached from the uterine wall, but with placenta accreta, part of the placenta remained firmly attached and became difficult to separate. “What can I do?” I asked, knowing how serious the condition could be depending on the severity and depth of the placenta attached.
“I need to remove his womb, Donovan. It’s the only way to save him.” Just as she finished her sentence, a few members of the surgical team started to pour in. “I need you to approve the surgery.”
“Do it,” I replied without a second thought. “Whatever it takes to save him.” I hated making the decision for Lachlan, but if it was the only way to save him, I had to make it. I’d already lost him once, and I wouldn't let that happen again. We had a baby now, and he needed Lachlan in his life just as much as I did.
I wanted to stay by Lachlan’s side, but the lead surgeon made me sit in the waiting room until they had news.
It felt like hours before Amanda finally came out. I feared the worst but hoped for the best.
“He’s alright,” Amanda told me before I could even ask how it went. “It was a complicated procedure, but he’s going to be alright. He’s going to need to stay for a few days so we can monitor his condition.”
I let out a sigh of relief and wrapped my arms around her tightly. “Thank you.”
25
Lachlan
After a few days in the hospital, I was finally told I was in a stable enough condition to leave. Donovan came to visit for a few hours every day and brought our baby along with him each time. It took some back and forth to decide on a name, but we finally settled on Xander. I gave Donovan a call and asked how Xander was doing and to let him know that I was cleared to go back home. He told me that he was sleeping, but that he could get him ready and come pick me up.
It was a nice gesture, but I decided to refuse and take the hospital patient transportation back. Donovan protested at first, but I assured him that I didn’t want him to wake Xander. He needed his sleep and it wouldn’t take long for me to get home anyway. Ultimately, Donovan agreed.
By the time I got home, Xander was already awake and Donovan was playing peekaboo with him in the living room. He didn’t notice that I was home already so I just leaned against the door frame to the living room and watched them . Seeing Donovan play with Xander tugged at my heartstrings. I shifted my weight to my other foot and just as I did, the floor board let out a creak.
“Lachlan, you’re home!” Donovan exclaimed as he turned and noticed I was standing only a few feet away from him. He got up and gave me a hug, being careful not to squeeze me too tight in his arms. “I guess our little man couldn’t wait to see you. He woke up a few minutes after you called.”
“Is that right, Xander? Are you excited to see Daddy?” I leaned down and tickled him under his chin. He let out a little laugh and returned to trying to grab the mobile hanging above his reclined seat. Having not moved much the last few days, I could already feel myself become a little weary, so I lowered myself down to the couch and took a seat.
Donovan sat back down on the floor near Xander and played with him and the mobile. “How are you feeling?”
“Not horrible. Probably going to be a few more days before my energy builds back up though.” Truthfully, I was feeling a little depressed, but I didn’t want Donovan to know that. The last few days were an absolute whirlwind. I was feeling depressed about my hysterectomy, but I didn’t want to say anything. Donovan made the call and gave the hospital permission to go on with the surgery and it was the right thing to do. I wouldn’t be here if they didn’t. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have another child or not, but I felt down knowing that now, it was no longer a possibility.
It wasn’t just the hysterectomy that had me feeling not quite myself though. I also missed the birth of my child. The only child I’d ever be able to give birth to. I was conscious during the delivery, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t remember anything. I couldn’t even remember what it felt like to see my child for that first time.
As I watched Donovan play with our child, I couldn’t help but smile. He may not have admitted it, but I knew he was nervous about becoming a father. Seeing him now though, it just looked to come naturally to him.
Suddenly, Xander started to cry. “Uh, oh. Did someone have an accident?” Donovan said aloud with an animated voice.
Just as I was getting up to change him, Donovan interrupted me. “Sit and relax. Don’t worry, I got this. Besides, I’m sure they’ll be plenty of times when you’ll have to change him yourself.” He gave me a wink with that last comment.
Donovan picked Xander up from his reclined seat and took him into the baby’s room. The entire way there he walked with a little bounce and made shushing sounds. He returned a few minutes later empty handed.
“What, you got rid of him already?” I joked.
Donovan let out a laugh. “Figured I’d put him down for a nap.” Donovan went to take a seat next to me, but just as he was about to, Xander started to cry gain.
“He sounds real tired,” I joked again, though it came out a little ruder then I imagined in my head.
Donovan didn’t seem to notice. “Maybe he’s just hungry. I picked up some formula a few days ago.” He laughed again. “Damn near took an hour to decide
what brand to buy. Was standing there looking at them all, picking up each one and looking up reviews online.” He started to walk back to Xander’s room.
“Wait,” I called out. “I remember reading somewhere that when your baby starts to cry, you’re supposed to ignore it for a while so it doesn’t create a dependency issue.” I read it in one of my baby magazine subscriptions a few weeks prior. At first it seemed a little excessive and mean to just let them cry, but the author was a doctor, so who was I to argue with his recommendation.
He turned around and shot me a smile. “Yeah, but that doesn’t refer to the first three months after their birth. Under three months of age, cries usually mean they need something.” He gave me a wink. “It’s only after the first three months that their crying might be because they’re starting to get a little spoiled.”
“Huh, good to know.” I jotted that little tidbit of information down in the back of my head and Donovan headed back into Xander’s room. It was great that Donovan knew so much, but I hoped I’d be able to stick with appreciating his knowledge and not becoming annoyed at every comment or suggestion.
Over the next few weeks, I started to feel more like myself again. During the time, Donovan really stepped up to the plate and kept both Xander and I going. I appreciated that more than I could form into words.
When I started feeling better, I was able to help out more and really start to form a bond with Xander. Truthfully, I was a little worried that during those first few weeks Xander wouldn’t bond with me properly. Fortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case. When I got my energy back, I started taking him on a daily walk in his stroller. I figured not only would it allow me to spend some more time to bond with him, but it would also allow me to lose a bit of the baby weight I had gained. I was a little self-conscious about it, but Donovan assured me I looked great.
As I sat on the rocking chair in Xander’s room, I held him in my arms and rocked back and forth gently as I fed him from his bottle. Looking down at him, his light blonde hair lay flat against his head and his blue eyes were covered by his heavy eyelids. His gummy mouth suckled lightly against the nib of the bottle. He was so light it was like he wasn’t in my arms at all, but each day that passed, I swear he seemed just a tiny bit bigger.
I put a finger in his hand and he squeezed it gently. My heart fluttered at that. I’d never seen something so adorable or loved someone so unconditionally before.
As the days went by though, old insecurities started to resurface and creep into my mind. Donovan was still staying at my place and though I was on mat leave and didn’t know for sure, he didn’t seem to be looking for a new place to live yet. Still, not looking for a place to live and wanting a romantic relationship together were two entirely different things.
Donovan still hadn’t made any mention of our future and it made me feel more confused than ever. Was it together? Was it separate? I wanted to bring it up and ask him, but I was almost too afraid. Despite not knowing for certain, right now everything seemed right. I tried to remind myself that we would discuss it when the topic came up, but it was hard to silence those thoughts.
From the view of someone on the outside, we gave the illusion of a perfect happy family. Donovan certainly acted like we were together, but then again, he also acted like we were together before he split. For now, I’d have to put up with not being sure about what we were, but I knew it was something we had to discuss sooner than later. I wanted Donovan in my life and I loved the way he treated me and took care of Xander, but I knew that we couldn’t keep juggling around the topic and keeping each other in limbo.
“Donovan, I’m home,” I called out as I stepped inside the house. I’d taken to going to the gym and doing some light exercise at the recommendation of Amanda. I brought up that I was feeling a little self-conscious about the baby weight and she proposed the idea of hitting the gym a few times a week.
Not only was I feeling better about myself since starting, but the exercise also seemed to speed up my recovery. I felt like my old self again and relished in my found again sense of independence.
“Xander’s room,” he called back out to me.
When I walked into his room, Donovan was getting Xander changed into a cute pair of overalls with a white shirt printed with small anchors. He placed the tiniest baseball hat I had ever seen on top of Xander’s head. “How’s our little man doing?” I asked, walking over to them and playfully poking Xander’s button nose with a finger. He laughed and started to babble at my touch.
Donovan chuckled at Xander’s babbling and the corners of his lips tugged up into a smile. “Little man is good. Just woke up from a nap.” He turned to face me and licked his lips. “I was thinking about taking him for a drive. I’m sure we would both love some company.” He paused for a moment. “I mean, unless you have plans already.”
“No, a drive sounds nice,” I immediately replied. The limbo of waiting for Donovan to clarify what our future together had in store was still weighing on my mind and I thought a nice drive could give us some time to talk it over. The thought of bringing it up still terrified me, but not knowing was almost worse.
Donovan picked up Xander and we made our way out to his car. Donovan settled Xander in the car seat and buckled him up while I hopped into the passenger side. “So, where to?” I asked when Donovan got into his own seat and shut the door.
He raised his eyebrows and took a second before replying. “Oh, you’ll see. It’s kind of a surprise.” He started the car and pulled out of the driveway, heading out of the neighborhood.
The thought of a surprise destination intrigued me. I wasn’t much one for surprises, but I decided to just roll with it.
After a bit of driving, Donovan pulled into a neighborhood full of Victorian style homes. I’d had a few clients that purchased homes in the area, so it wasn’t entirely unfamiliar to me. I always marveled at their beauty when I’d give showings. I twirled my thumbs together as he pulled down a few side streets. I tried to bring up the topic of what we were and our future, but I couldn’t seem to spit the words out of my mouth.
Donovan started to slow down on one of the side streets until he pulled up to a beautifully restored Victorian and put the car in park. “We’re here,” he said enthusiastically.
I let out a sigh of what I couldn’t decide was relief or frustration of not having brought up the conversational piece I needed to get out of my mind. Looking out at the restored Victorian, I got lost in its attention to detail. I imagined that if I was a child and saw the place, I wouldn’t be able to distinguish it from a small castle.
The mosaic walkway led up a few stairs to the large white home that had the cutest white balcony that extended the entire length of the place. Inviting cream lights poured from the large windows. But what really caught my eye was the garden. Roses and yellow tulips lined the front of the home just below the balcony along with some other plants that I couldn’t distinguish by name. In all, the place looked like it could be on the cover of some home magazine.
“What do you think?’ Donovan asked, snapping my attention back to him.
Needless to say, I loved the place. “It’s beautiful.” My eyes gravitated back to the picturesque home.
Donovan cleared his throat. “We should go inside.” He stepped out of the car and opened the back door to grab Xander out of his car seat. Following suit, I stepped out as well and shut the door behind me.
We walked together up the driveway and along the mosaic walkway towards the front doors and made our way up the steps of the balcony. I still couldn’t say for sure why Donovan brought us here, but I figured he’d taken us to visit his omega father, Henry. Henry had been more involved in our lives recently and stopped by a few times a week just to check up on us and see his grandson.
Stepping inside the front door, I was shocked to see that the place, though just as gorgeous on the inside as it was on the outside, was completely empty and unfurnished. Confused, I looked over to Donovan and perked up my eyebrows.<
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His lips moved into a smile at my curiosity. He licked his lips and spoke in a soft tone, “The new home.”
New home? I swallowed the lump that had risen to the back of my throat as I tried to process the situation. Our new home? His new home? I wasn’t sure, but I felt more vulnerable than I had in a while. Wanting to protect myself, I decided to ask for clarification. “Are you moving out?”
Donovan stayed silent for a moment longer, but his smile didn’t fade. “No.” A soft chuckle came from the back of his throat. “Our new home.” He paused for another moment. “For you, me, and Xander.” He glanced down at our little bundle of joy in his arms and held him out straight so he would look around him. Then, Donovan looked back at me. “I mean, as long as you like it.”
My jaw hung slack and a mixture of confusion, surprise, and happiness sprawled across my face. “Like it? I love it,” I said, finally mustering up the words. Just like that, all my anxieties fled from my thoughts. “I didn’t even know you’d been looking for a place,” I added, still amazed that this was the place that we would call home. The place where Donovan and I would be a family and raise Xander.
His lips still pulled into a smile, he reached his free hand down and took mine in his. His touch jolted all my attention back to him. “I would have told you sooner and I wanted it to be a surprise. I didn’t want to say anything until I signed the contract with Tanya.”
“Donovan… I…” I felt at a loss of words. I darted my eyes down to the floor and took a deep breath before shifting them back to meet his. “I love it and I love you.” The words came out easier, and I felt liberated telling him what I had been feeling for so long now. I let out a giggle as they echoed in my head. I wanted the whole world to know. “I love you, Donovan.”
Still looking into my eyes, he squeezed my hand a little tighter and pulled me in closer so that both Xander and I were held against his chest. “I was going to say that first,” he confessed and then laughed a little. “Lachlan, I love you too.”
