Lost

by Sarah Prineas

  As the word left my mouth, I was hurled backward. I should have slammed into the workroom wall, but I didn’t. Sparks spun in front of my eyes; I fell through the air; huge blocks of stone hurtled past me, arrows of light shot upward then away. I blinked, and saw the black bird, its wings spread wide, swoop around me once and then tumble away, into the light.

  The magic spoke. Like a giant hand it surrounded me. Its voice vibrated in my bones and in my teeth like deep music. It said the same thing it had said before, but this time building from a low note up to a high shriek, three times, faster and faster, Damrodellodesseldeshellarhionvarliardenliesh—deshdeshdesh!

  The magic held me for another moment. Then it dropped me, and I fell.

  CHAPTER 15

  Down I crashed, lashed by twigs, bouncing off branches, until a bigger branch caught me and held me like a big bony hand.

  In the fall, my arm bone popped out of its shoulder joint; the pain of it speared into me. I blinked red flashes out of my eyes. I was in the courtyard tree. My apprentice’s robe was caught on a twig just above me, my body and legs were held by a spreading branch, and my head hung out over open space. I moved, my shoulder sending jabs of pain into me, and the branches holding me shifted. I kept still, trying not to breathe, because my breaths hurt going in. I closed my eyes.

  A fluttering noise came from just above, then grawwwk. I opened my eyes. The black bird had perched on a branch above me and pecked at my apprentice’s robe. Peck peck peck. The cloth twitched off the twig; my weight shifted, and the branches let me go.

  I bounced off another branch and splatted onto the cobblestones.

  My shoulder popped back in. And I went out.

  I woke up in a bed, my bones aching. White plaster walls, a tiled floor, and a high window; next to my bed, a table with a brown bottle and spoon on it. The medicos, I guessed.

  The door opened. Nevery came in. His face was grim, like it was chipped out of stone. He stood at the end of my bed and looked down at me. In his black suit, with his stone face, he was a stern, black column. He opened his mouth, about to speak, then he clenched his teeth, turned, and left the room.

  Oh, no.

  Slowly, creaking, I sat up and swung my feet off the bed. I was still wearing my clothes, but my feet were bare. My head hurt. My shoulder ached. My ribs on the same side hurt even worse.

  The door opened again and Trammel came in, wearing a white apron with blood spattered across the front of it.

  I stared at the blood spatters. They were dark red against the snowy white. Nevery stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

  “Stand up,” Trammel ordered.

  I stood slowly up. The tiled floor felt cold under my bare feet.

  “Raise your arms,” Trammel said.

  Ow. My ribs twinged. The shoulder that had popped out of its joint only let me raise that arm halfway.

  “Does this hurt?” Trammel asked, pressing against my side.

  Like being stabbed with a knife. I nodded.

  “And when you breathe in?”

  I nodded again.

  “Hmmm,” Trammel said. He turned and put his back to me, talking only to Nevery. “Dislocated shoulder, but it’s back in its socket. Cracked ribs. Keep him quiet for ten days. If you can. Now I have another patient to see to.”

  Trammel left the room, and without speaking to me, Nevery followed him out.

  Under my sore ribs, my heart was pounding. My pyrotechnic experiment had gone wrong, clear as clear, and Nevery was too angry even to speak to me.

  I found my boots and socks under the bed. Aching as I bent over, I put them on. I headed for the door and peeked out. The medicos hallway was empty.

  Every step sent a jolt of pain through my ribs and into my shoulder, so I walked carefully out of my room and down the hallway. The door of the next room was open a crack. I peeked in.

  Nevery was there, sitting beside a bed, his head in his hands. Trammel stood beside him, holding a grimoire and his locus magicalicus, doing a healing spell.

  Lying in the bed was Benet.

  Benet?

  His eyes were closed, his skin was paper white, and his head was wrapped in bandages; a patch of blood had seeped through in one spot. One of his arms lay on top of the covers, splinted and bandaged.

  I pushed the door open.

  Nevery looked up. When he saw me, he scowled. He got slowly to his feet and pointed at the door. “Get out.” I had never heard him so angry.

  His words hit me like a blow across the face. I stumbled back and leaned against the wall outside.

  Benet in the bed, hurt, maybe dying.

  What had happened?

  After a moment Nevery came out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. His face looked like thunder and lightning ready to strike.

  My heart shivered in my chest. Benet with his head wrapped up in bandages…“Is he going to be all right?” I whispered.

  “I don’t know. Trammel has spell-knit his bones, but he doesn’t know.” Nevery clenched his hands into fists. I expected him to hit me, but instead he turned and stalked away. Then he whirled and came back and shouted, “His skull is broken, curse it!”

  My stomach felt cold, as if I’d swallowed a misery eel. I stared up at him. Was it my fault?

  The door behind him opened and Trammel poked his head out. “Quiet, please,” he said in a sharp voice. “He must not be disturbed.”

  Nevery nodded, then turned back to me. This time he whispered, but it was worse than shouting. “Go to Heartsease and see what you have done.”

  I went.

  It took me a while to make my way through the tunnels and back to Heartsease. The ache from my ribs and shoulder jabbed through me with every step and every breath, so after every gate I went through I had to stop and lean against the wall with my eyes closed.

  At the Heartsease stairs I stopped to rest, hunched over on the step with my arms wrapped around my ribs, trying to hold them together so they would stop hurting. It didn’t work.

  Trying to take small breaths, I got to my feet again and climbed the stairs. At the top I stopped.

  Across the courtyard, Heartsease lay in smoking ruins. My workroom was gone, as if it had been scraped off the island, leaving nothing behind, just bare rock. And the rest of the building, Nevery’s study, the kitchen, the storeroom, my attic room—nothing but tumbled piles of bricks, scorched and splintered wood, chunks of sand-colored stone. Smoke spiraled up from the shattered walls where the storeroom had been.

  Benet had been in there when I’d done the pyrotechnics. The magic had protected me well enough, but it hadn’t protected him.

  While I’d sat on the steps the sun had set; the air smelled of the muddy river and of smoke. From the east, fingers of darkness reached across the sky.

  Inside me something strange was happening. Since becoming Nevery’s apprentice I’d built the thought of a home where I was safe and had enough to eat and a place to sleep. And inside me the idea of home crumbled into smoking ruins. It left behind a gaping, dark, empty space. Our home. My fault.

  Benet. My fault.

  The darkness inside me joined with the night outside, and everything went black.

  I woke up in the morning lying under the tree in the courtyard. When I opened my eyes I saw the black bird perched on my chest. It cocked its head and blinked one of its yellow eyes at me.

  “G’morning,” I croaked.

  Krrrrr, it said.

  I let my head fall sideways, to look toward Heartsease. The tumbled stones were rosy in the early morning light.

  In the gray shadows something moved, then crossed the courtyard toward where I lay.

  Lady, the cat. A little of the dark emptiness inside me went away. She padded up and sat down, eyeing the black bird. It hop-flapped down to my feet and perched there, ruffling its feathers. Lady came and put her paws on my arm, purring.

  I started lifting my hand to pet her, then let it fall again. Ow. All the pain from the d
ay before had stiffened and set into my bones; I felt like an old man who’d been run over by a cart. I would just lie here for a while, I decided. I closed my eyes.

  From down in the tunnel came the sound of the Heartsease gate opening and closing, then heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and step step tapping across the cobbles. I opened my eyes.

  Nevery.

  As he came nearer, I edged up so I was sitting against the tree trunk. The black bird flew up to perch in a branch over my head.

  Nevery stopped beside me, looking out over the ruin of Heartsease. He held a canvas knapsack. “He is no better this morning,” he said. His voice was flat and cold.

  I wrapped my arms around myself, then got slowly to my feet.

  Nevery dropped the knapsack. I expected him to shout at me some more, but he didn’t say anything, just stared frowningly at me.

  Across the courtyard, the piles of broken stone smoked. A chilly breeze blew off the river and across the ruins, bringing with it ash and dust.

  He’d told me not to do pyrotechnics, and I had.

  “I’m sorry, Nevery,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

  Then he shook his head. “It is too late for that. Now you must do what you must.” He turned and step-step-tapped away toward the ruins. Lady followed him. Clouds gathered across the river, over the Sunrise. Far away, thunder grumbled and rain began to fall.

  I picked up the knapsack and looked in. Food wrapped in brown paper packages. Plenty of food.

  I took a deep, shuddery breath, and my ribs stabbed me in the side.

  Nevery would never forgive me for destroying Heartsease. Never. It was his home; he’d grown up here. And Benet. He wouldn’t forgive me for that, either. He shouldn’t.

  My hands were shaking; I clenched them around the straps of the knapsack. Clear as clear, the magic had told me what it wanted. It wanted me out of Wellmet; it wanted me to go to Desh. I should have gone before, even without the envoyage. Staying here had been stupid.

  And now look what I’d done. The magisters and duchess would meet, and they would issue an order of exile. Nevery had warned me this would happen; he wouldn’t try to change their minds. He wanted me to go. The magic wanted me to go.

  So I would leave Wellmet.

  I’d never left the city before. As I headed slowly toward the eastern road, where I’d watched Rowan leave a few days before, my heart felt heavier than a bucket full of rocks. A grizzle-gray rain fell.

  The black bird came along with me, flying ahead and perching on something, and watching me creak-walk along the puddled streets with the knapsack on my back.

  At the edge of the city the houses ended, and the cobblestoned street ended, and a rutted muddy road began, leading down a steep hill and into a dark forest. I stood with my feet half on cobbled street and half on road. The bird flapped to a low stone wall beside the road and perched there, cocking its head to fix me with its yellow eye.

  Right. Time to go. I gritted my teeth against the sadness and lifted my foot to step forward, out of Wellmet.

  As I brought my foot down, the magic of the city washed up like a giant hand, pushing me from behind, and down I fell. I tumbled, my ribs stabbing me, all the way to the bottom of the hill.

  I lay there covered with mud, and looked up at the gray sky. Raindrops fell onto my face. My ribs ached. I didn’t feel like moving. What if I just lay there and didn’t go to Desh at all?

  I lay there for a while. The mud soaked into my clothes. The rain came down harder. I got colder. And hungrier.

  This was stupid. I didn’t have a home anymore, so I’d have to go on. Creaking, I sat up and wiped the rain out of my eyes, then stood. The knapsack had fallen off me a few paces away, so I trudged over, picked it up, and put it on.

  I looked back up the hill. The black bird sat in the middle of the road, where the cobbled street began. It hopped up, fluttering its wings, then settled down again. Awwwwwk, it called. Go away.

  “All right, I’m going,” I said, and I turned my back on the city and walked away.

  CHAPTER 16

  At the bottom of the hill, the forest began. In the gray rainy light the road looked like a tunnel leading into darkness. Brown-leafed bushes crowded up to the road, and over them loomed trees with knobbly bark, twisted branches, and dark leaves. Vines hung down between the trees, and a milky fog lay close to the ground. The air smelled of rotting leaves and mold. I walked slowly along, my boots muddy, the pack heavy.

  As I left Wellmet I felt the magic of the city getting farther away. It was like walking away from a warm fire. As the magic faded into the distance, the rain felt colder; my stomach felt emptier; the ache from my ribs and shoulder got worse with every step.

  The tunnel through the trees grew darker and darker until I realized that I could barely see the road under my feet. Time to stop. I walked along the edge of the road until I found a good place to sleep—a bush full of brown, rustly leaves, with a dry spot underneath, out of the rain. I crawled in, dragging the knapsack behind me, and crouched, leaves rustling around my head and twigs poking into my back.

  I opened the knapsack to see what Nevery had packed. A knife in a leather sheath. A packet of biscuits, one of cooked bacon, three apples, five cooked potatoes, a lump of cheese wrapped in waxed paper, and a canteen filled with water.

  The night had grown completely dark. It was never this dark in Wellmet; even on a rainy night, the werelights from the Sunrise reflected off the clouds and made the night glow pink.

  By touch, I brought out a biscuit and two pieces of bacon, made a sandwich, and took a bite.

  What was Nevery doing right now? I closed my eyes. He was across the table from me. He was eating chicken pie and pointing at me with his fork, telling me not to wipe my face on my sleeve. Use your napkin, boy, he said. Later we would go up to the study and I would ask him about the papers he’d written on pyrotechnics, the ones I’d nicked from his study. Lady would curl up on my lap and purr. Benet would bring up tea and then sit with his chair tilted back against the wall, knitting.

  I chewed at my bite of biscuit and bacon and finally swallowed it down, but the lump of sadness in my throat wouldn’t let me eat any more. Carefully, I wrapped up the biscuit again and put it back in the knapsack.

  I lay down to sleep, using the knapsack as a pillow, shivering because my clothes were damp. The leaves of the bush rustled, and drops of rain pattered down nearby. My eyes stayed open, and I stared at the black night. High above, the wind blew in the treetops. It sounded like somebody sighing, far, far away, alas, alas, alas.

  The next morning when I woke up, I felt awful. Not because I was tired, but because of something else. The inside of my neck hurt and my head felt watery and strange, like it was going to fall off and roll across the ground.

  I knew what it was. I was sick with a cold. In Wellmet I’d never gotten sick, ever, because the magic had protected me. But it couldn’t protect me way out here on the road to Desh.

  I sneezed and crawled out from under my bush. The rain kept up all day, just a drizzle that made everything damp but not wet. Wellmet’s magic felt very far away, just a warm spark in the distance. My cold got worse, my head aching with every step. My shoulder hurt. The road grew muddier. It led on, straight through the trees. If I followed it, I reckoned, and walked fast, I would catch up with Rowan and her envoyage. I wasn’t sure Rowan would let me join her, but one way or another I would get to Desh.

  I walked all the rest of the day, sneezing and sniffling and wiping my nose on my sleeve. Finally the night crept through the trees. Like the night before, I found a bush to sleep under, this one farther away from the road.

  I couldn’t feel the magic at all anymore, not even a glimmer in the distance. My ribs aching, my head aching, I crawled into the bush; even under its rustly leaves the ground was wet, but I wasn’t going to find anywhere drier. I’d spent wetter nights in the Twilight. After eating a potato and some cheese and telling my growling stomach it wasn’t getting any
more, I lay down to sleep.

  The night was empty, and darker than a cellar with the door closed. Nearby I heard rustling, twigs cracking, scurryings. What was it? Little animals, I guessed. Maybe rats. There were always plenty of rats around in the Twilight. Sometimes, if you slept in a dark cellar, they’d creep out during the night and nibble at your hair.

  My eyes fell shut and I went to sleep.

  Went to survey damage. Heartsease utterly destroyed. Nothing salvageable. Grimoire lost, curse it. Will have to rebuild from ground up.

  Benet has not yet woken. Trammel grows more worried, fears his brain injured when skull was cracked.

  Met with magisters. Discussed Connwaer’s exile. Order of exile issued. Discussed Shadows. Magisters grow more worried every day.

  Staying in Brumbee’s apartments in academicos. Uncomfortable; don’t like it. Can’t sleep. I fear something is deeply wrong, more than we know.

  CHAPTER 17

  Four more days of walking as fast as I could through the mud with my sore throat and my ribs aching, and sleeping under bushes. I ran out of food on the third morning, after eating the last crumbs of cheese and a half potato for breakfast. Living with Nevery and Benet, I’d forgotten what it was like to be hungry. My stomach felt hollow, and by the next morning my head did, too.

  Eventually the night came on. Instead of looking for a bush to sleep under, I kept walking, plod, plod, plod down the road in the dark.

  I caught up with the envoyage the next day. It was still early morning; the sky overhead was dark gray, and a light rain drifted down. My cold was a little better, but my head spun, from hunger and from relief. I stopped to look over the camp. It was a cluster of white canvas tents in a grassy clearing just off the road. A couple of fire pits were scattered around; the horses were tethered together and the wagon and the carriages were pulled up next to the road. I saw a few people, guards and servants, carrying firewood and buckets of water.