Huckleberry Spring

by Jennifer Beckstrand

  Adam stepped around the fire. “Are you okay?”

  “What?”

  “I heard you shout.”

  He hadn’t seen the flying marshmallow of destruction. “Jah, I am fine. Something startled me, that’s all.”

  He looked at her stick. “Do you want a marshmallow?”

  “Um, jah. I would like a marshmallow.”

  “I’ll get you one.”

  Adam jogged to his cooler and retrieved a marshmallow for Emma. She should have brought her own bag. She had a feeling she’d need several test marshmallows before she managed to achieve golden-brown perfection.

  What did it matter? A perfect marshmallow wouldn’t bring anybody any happiness. Not tonight.

  When Adam handed her another marshmallow, she stuck it right into the flames and let it catch on fire. Then she pulled her stick from the fire and made no attempt to extinguish the marshmallow. She held it away from any flammable objects like her dress or Dinah’s hair and let it burn to a black stump at the end of her stick. Then, after being careful to let it cool a sufficient amount of time, she closed her lips around her mouthful of ash and pretended to enjoy it. Ben wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing her struggle with marshmallow after marshmallow, giving him one more reason to be glad he’d broken off the engagement.

  “Do you like them burned like that?” Adam asked.

  She hadn’t realized he’d been watching. She must quit fixating on Ben. “Delicious” was all she said.

  “I like mine toasty warm and gooey,” Adam said. “They taste better in a s’more that way.”

  Emma could only nod. Melted chocolate and a golden-brown marshmallow between two graham crackers sounded like about the most wonderful thing in the world. Her mouth tasted like she’d stuck her tongue in the ash can.

  Ben, without his bucket, nudged her with his elbow. Her heart carried on like a bass drum tumbling down the stairs. She hadn’t seen him coming. “I like roasting them but I don’t like eating them,” he said as he slipped a s’more into her hand.

  The marshmallow inside was golden brown and melty, and the soft, warm chocolate puddled between the two crackers. Nothing ever looked so good. She studied him in surprise.

  Why would he even . . . ?

  Before she could thank him, he practically sprinted to the other side of the fire and started a very important-looking conversation with Eli.

  Why did he pull something like that when she was trying so hard to steel herself against him?

  Emma choked back the tears, found a spot to sit, and ate every bite of that perfect s’more. Adam roasted two marshmallows and made a double-decker s’more. After stuffing his roasting stick into the bag, he trudged across the sand to sit by her. “Did you get a s’more?” he asked, holding his out so she could see it.

  “Jah, I did,” she said, wishing Ben hadn’t made one for her. She’d never be able to eat a marshmallow again without thinking of him.

  “The haystack supper went good. My mamm said it’s one of the best we’ve ever had. There are lots of people at the lake this time of year. We got about fifty tourists.”

  “The tourists love to see the Amish.”

  Adam scooted closer. “Denki for coming with me tonight,” he said, taking a big bite. “I think I’ve wanted to date you ever since I was in the second grade.”

  “You used to throw snowballs at me.”

  “How else was I supposed to get your attention?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. By saying hi or carrying my lunch cooler home from school.”

  “I’m glad Ben suggested I ask you out. At first I didn’t believe him when he said you were over him. I mean, it’s obvious to everyone that he’s moved on, but I wasn’t so sure about you.”

  Emma felt like a cold, empty house. Adam should just stop talking.

  “But he urged me to ask you out, as if it meant a lot to him. I guess he thinks it’s his fault that no one dares to date you.”

  “Does he?”

  Adam took another bite of his s’more and scattered crumbs all over his green shirt. “You know how nice Ben is. I’m sure he felt bad about breaking up with you like that. I don’t wonder that he won’t be able to marry or even date until he’s sure you’ve moved on. Maybe not until you’re married.”

  Emma thought she might turn to stone. Why hadn’t she realized this before? When Ben had left, she had tried to put on a good face, not only for Dat and Mahlon, but for Ben as well. Even though he didn’t love her, he had a tender heart. She knew he’d never be able to live with himself if he found out how profoundly hurt she felt. She loved him, heaven help her, and she would rather have done anything than let Ben be hurt by her misery.

  But it never even crossed her mind that Ben might not be able to move on with his life unless he saw that she had moved on with hers. That might even have been why he had come back to Bonduel. Maybe there was a girl in Florida he was interested in, but he had to secure a husband for Emma before he could even think about dating someone else.

  The thought of Ben loving someone else immersed her in an ocean of pain. She hadn’t thought her sorrow could go any deeper. She was drowning.

  The lights flickering from the dying fire started to blur as tears clouded her vision. She pressed her fists to her eyes and shoved the tears back. Ben had told her that he wanted to see her happy. She hadn’t realized what that meant. He couldn’t be truly happy, truly free, unless Emma married and went on to live a life of bliss with another man.

  Mahlon and Lizzie had been wrong. Her dating another boy would not make Ben jealous. It would make him happy.

  And Ben’s happiness was all she wanted.

  Chapter 11

  Ben stared into the small orange bottle. Three pills left. He’d only been taking two a week. How could he almost be out? Whenever he took one, he felt as if he were swallowing pure gold nuggets. Each pill cost ten dollars.

  The doctor said he needed them if he wanted to slow the progression of the disease, but money was running out. What would he do when he couldn’t afford to take those expensive little pebbles anymore? Probably crawl to a hospital, where they would put him in a bed and leave him to die.

  He clamped his eyes shut, shook his head, and tried to banish such thoughts from his mind. God would not want him to despair. God would not want him to crave death. God would want him to keep hoping, to seek for all the beauty and happiness he could.

  Or at least that’s what Ben told himself God would want. What God was truly thinking continued to be a guessing game. God refused to heal him, so he would have to fumble around in the dark and make the best of things. But how could he see any beauty in the world when he couldn’t have beautiful Emma? How could he be happy when he’d lost everything he held dear?

  Ben shook his head again. Harder this time. He’d let his doubts overtake his faith this morning. He shouldn’t second-guess God.

  My ways are not thy ways.

  In truth, he should have been happy. Emma had turned some sort of a corner in the last week since Adam Werngerd’s bonfire. The pumpkin in Mammi’s garden was the size of a small volleyball. The tomatoes and beans were coming on so plentifully that Mammi would be canning until Christmas. Emma’s social life had been active as well. From what he heard from Lizzie, Emma and Adam had spent a lot of time together since the bonfire. They played board games almost every night, and they were going to the fireworks tonight at the airport.

  Lizzie broke the news yesterday that Adam had taken Emma to the lake twice and on a bike ride once. The lake and a bike ride! Did Adam have a brain in that thick skull of his? Emma was unpredictable when she got around water, and Ben had never seen her ride a bike without falling over. That explained why Emma had shown up this morning with a skinned hand. Why hadn’t she told Adam no when he proposed something as dangerous as a bike ride? And why did she have that brace around her ankle last week?

  Ben knew he was being foolish. He couldn’t protect Emma indefinitely, even though he still worried.
Emma would need to learn to take care of herself because it was obvious Adam couldn’t be trusted to do it.

  He should have been happy that Emma and Adam were getting along so well, but all he could feel was regret that he had ever suggested Adam take Emma out. Adam was all wrong for Emma. He never paid attention to ways that Emma could get herself into trouble. He’d been chatting like an old hen when Emma had tried to set the entire east shore on fire, and he hadn’t even noticed when Emma almost fell face first into the dirt. Adam wouldn’t have been so cavalier if Emma had broken her nose. Ben would find somebody else.

  He slumped his shoulders. There wasn’t anybody else. The only person who loved Emma enough to look out for her was Ben.

  In truth, he couldn’t stand the thought of Emma being with anybody else. Of course Adam didn’t measure up. Ben didn’t want Emma to be anybody’s wife but his.

  Emma hadn’t cried in Ben’s presence once since she had started dating Adam. It appeared that she had found love again, and that made Ben very happy.

  Very, very happy.

  He tipped the pill bottle over and one of his precious pills slid into his hand. He’d figure out a way to earn some extra money once he got back to Florida. For now, he’d make do with the two remaining pills.

  Ben walked into the great room where Dawdi rested in his recliner. He didn’t look much worse for wear. The swelling in his mouth had gone down considerably since his surgery yesterday. The oral surgeon had screwed a special screw right into his bone. With the screw anchored like that, Dawdi would be able to attach a false tooth that would probably be more immovable than a real tooth.

  Amazing what they could do nowadays.

  “Where’s Mammi?” Ben asked. “Oh, never mind, Dawdi. Don’t try to talk.”

  “I can talk fine,” Dawdi said, enunciating around the wad of cotton in his mouth.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Like a fifty-year-old.”

  “Keep this up, Dawdi, and all your body parts will eventually be brand new. You’ll probably feel like a youngster again.”

  Dawdi held up his hand to stop Ben from saying any more. “Whatever you do, don’t encourage your mammi.”

  “Can I get you a drink or anything?”

  “Could you find me a gute book? I’ve already read the paper twice.”

  Ben searched through the stack of books next to Dawdi’s recliner. “How about The Stargazer’s Guide to the Night Sky?”

  Dawdi leaned back and closed his eyes. “I don’t have a telescope.”

  “The Horse that Worked for God?”

  “Already read it. Three times.”

  “History of Mennonites in Virginia?”

  “Nope.”

  A little book at the bottom of the stack caught Ben’s attention. “Diagnosis and Management of Central Nervous System Diseases. Planning to go to medical school, Dawdi?”

  Dawdi shifted in his recliner and studied Ben’s face. “Just doing a little research. That’s all. But don’t tell your mammi. She’ll suspect something is wrong and have me on about five different medications.”

  Ben grinned. “My lips are sealed.”

  The front door flew open and banged against the wall behind it. Lizzie stood on the threshold with flushed cheeks and wild eyes. “Ben,” she gasped. “Emma is missing.”

  Emma sat on a boulder and reread the note.

  Emma, I must talk to you in private. Meet me at our old secret spot at three o’clock today. Lizzie

  She had no idea what was so urgent and so secret that Lizzie couldn’t simply come to her house. Even if she wanted to talk about Mahlon, he worked all day. It wouldn’t be difficult to avoid her brother altogether if Lizzie wanted to.

  Emma suspected that Mahlon was exactly what Lizzie wanted to talk about. She and Mahlon had been so busy scheming to get Ben and Emma back together, they had been almost oblivious to the relationship blossoming between them. But Emma had noticed, and it made her happy. There were very few things that brought her joy these days.

  Emma studied the tiny watch she had brought with her. Almost 3:30. Where was her best friend who so urgently needed to talk to her?

  Even though she hadn’t been to the secret spot for almost a year, she was certainly in the right place. She remembered to turn right at the ancient tree with a knot that looked like a pig’s snout and had passed the particular stone rounded in the center and jagged at the edges. She’d forded the trickling brooklet and passed beneath the twin aspen trees. She wasn’t lost, was she?

  Maybe so. Lizzie wasn’t usually this late.

  Being scatterbrained was such a bother.

  She’d been lost in the woods before. Twice. Well, three times if she counted that one time in Walmart, which she didn’t. One time she found her way out on her own before Mamm even missed her. The other time the whole family had to abandon their picnic to look for her. She made it a point never to wander in the woods by herself. She had a terrible sense of direction.

  She sighed loudly so that any bears or wild rodents would hear the noise and stay away from her. She’d rather not figure out how to escape from a bear today.

  If she were still with Ben, this never would have happened. Ben had an excellent sense of direction plus an uncanny ability to sense when she was in trouble.

  Don’t, don’t, don’t think of Ben.

  Whenever Ben’s face popped into her head, she tried to drive it away with thoughts of Adam and chocolate. Thinking of Adam didn’t usually chase Ben from her mind, but thinking of her mamm’s chocolate truffle brownies did the trick about half the time.

  This whole trying-to-be-happy thing wasn’t working out all that well. Adam was a nice boy, but he wasn’t Ben. Like a lot of Mahlon’s friends, Adam lived to have fun. He didn’t have a serious bone in his body. He joked so much that Emma often couldn’t tell when he was being scornful and when he was being serious. She didn’t like the sarcasm so much.

  Every time she saw Ben on Huckleberry Hill, she told herself to give it more time with Adam. They’d only really been seeing each other for two weeks. So far she’d seen little to recommend Adam as a husband, but Ben seemed more comfortable around her, as if happy to see her safely in the affections of somebody else.

  If Ben was happy, she was happy. It wouldn’t hurt to give Adam a few more weeks. She could always break up with him after Ben left for Florida.

  Emma studied her surroundings. Should she wait longer or hike back to the road before it got dark? Would Adam come looking for her when she didn’t show up for fireworks? He’d probably be having so much fun that he’d forget he invited her to go with him.

  Lizzie and Mahlon would come looking and probably Mamm and Dat too, if she went missing overnight. She leaned back on the generously sized boulder and let her face soak up the sun. The woods were beautiful, lush and green this time of year, and in this secluded spot, she wouldn’t have to put on an act for anybody. She could be as miserable as she wanted, and no one would ever know.

  She heard Ben calling her name again and again as if he were lost and didn’t know how to find her. She tried to answer him, but her lips wouldn’t move. Her whole body felt as heavy as lead.

  His voice sounded louder now. “Emma,” he called, as if his heart would break. “Emma!”

  She awoke and sat up with a start. She still reclined on the rock, which hadn’t made for a very good bed, judging by the grapefruit-sized knot in her back. How long had she been asleep? Kneading her shoulders, she studied the sky. It couldn’t have been later than four. She pulled out her watch. Three fifty-six.

  Lizzie obviously wasn’t coming. Whatever had been so urgent this morning must have been forgotten by this afternoon. She’d give that girl a piece of her mind when she got home.

  “Emma,” someone called through the trees and almost made her jump out of her skin. Okay, she hadn’t dreamed the voice or even the desperation that lay behind it.

  “Over here,” she called back.

  She might as
well have been dreaming. Ben jogged into the clearing looking like some hero from biblical verse—like David must have looked before he slew Goliath—handsome, fierce, and resolute. Except instead of a sling and a stone, Ben carried a shoe.

  She held her breath as he came nearer.

  “Are you okay?” he panted, as if he’d been running through the woods for hours. As if he actually cared about what happened to her.

  She narrowed her eyes. “Ben?”

  “When I found your shoe back there, I feared you’d sprained an ankle or something and weren’t able to walk.” He looked down and furrowed his brow. Both shoes were still firmly attached to her feet. He handed her the shoe. “Isn’t this your shoe? It still has the paint splatters on it from last year when we painted the shed.”

  She turned it over in her hands. It was one of her shoes, just not the pair she currently wore. How had it traveled this deep into the woods without being attached to her feet? “I don’t know,” she said, still befuddled from her nap and bewildered that Ben had awakened her.

  He took her face in his hands. She could feel him trembling. “I’m just glad you’re safe.”

  She tried to ignore the sparks that passed from his fingertips to her skin. “Jah. I am safe.” Even as she said it, she wasn’t so sure.

  “Can you walk?”

  Did she look crippled? Although she longed to savor his closeness, she put her hands over his and pulled his fingers from her face. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “I’m relieved I found you before it got dark.”

  “Was I lost?”

  As if he couldn’t resist, he raised his hand to her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Did you hit your head?”

  “You thought I was lost?”

  “Lizzie found your abandoned buggy by the side of a dirt road. She got worried because there isn’t a house within three miles of here and the woods are mighty thick. She thought maybe your horse threw a shoe and you got the notion to take a shortcut through the woods.”

  Emma furrowed her brow. Had she misread Lizzie’s note?