Vice (Tortured Heroes Book 1)

by Jayne Blue

  “Who the hell are you trying to fool?” Floyd said as he wiped his hands on a towel then threw it over his shoulder. He stood with one hand on his hip and the other resting on his beer belly.

  I let out a breath and bit my lip. Floyd might know me better than the others, but he was also the most discreet and mature. There was no point trying to lie.

  “He’s not here?” I pointed with my thumb over my shoulder to Jase’s empty workstation.

  Floyd knit his ruddy brow. “It’s Monday, Dev. Jase’s off on Mondays. You need me to get him in here anyway?”

  “What? Uh. No. We should be all right. I just forgot what day it was for a second.”

  “Like hell you did.”

  Floyd’s tone stopped me cold. He threw a towel down on the counter and crossed his arms in front of him. His nostrils flared, reminding me of a bull ready to charge. Something about me seemed to set him off like a red cloak.

  “What the hell, Floyd? What did I do to piss you off this early in the day?”

  “You’re careless. That’s what.”

  “Excuse me?” My turn to cross my arms. I took two steps toward him and wished I had a ladder. I wanted to meet him nose to nose. A muscle jumped in his temple and his face reddened, nearly matching his flaming hair. He wasn’t used to people confronting him. Well, he could scare the waitresses, but he wouldn’t scare me. This was my bar and he worked for me.

  He scratched his chin and shook his head. “It’s bad news. That’s all I’m saying.”

  “What? Spit it out, Floyd.”

  “You and that … dishwasher!” He pointed toward Jase’s empty workstation.

  Stars swam in front of my eyes and I realized I’d clenched my jaw so hard I’d forgotten to breathe. Rage broiled through me and I took another step toward Floyd. This wasn’t like him at all. Floyd mostly kept to himself except when he was yelling at underperforming waitresses. But he’d been with me the longest. We never talked about my father, but the love between them ran deep. Floyd cried harder than either Mandy or me the day we buried him. I could appreciate his concern if it didn’t piss me off as bad as it did. I took a steadying breath.

  “Look, I appreciate you worrying about me. But save it. There’s nothing going on.” I felt like a shit for lying. Especially since we both knew Floyd wasn’t buying it. But the simple fact was this was none of his ever-loving business.

  Floyd shook his head. “Jase isn’t the kind of guy your uncle or your father would want you hanging out with and you know it.”

  “What does that mean? What kind of guy? Hard working? In other words the complete opposite of my father?”

  Floyd shook his head but didn’t say anything else. He paced in front of the line and picked up his towel, wringing it into submission. I’d known him long enough to know he was done talking. So was I. I wanted to tell him I really did appreciate his concern. Not many people in this world looked out for me. As wrongheaded as Floyd was right now, I couldn’t deny the sweetness of it too. I didn’t have time to tell him so as the bar was already starting to fill and Roy needed me out front. With Kinney gone he’d have his hands full. Floyd and I left it with a tight-lipped nod to each other before I headed out the kitchen doors.

  The beer gods smiled down on me that night, keeping the place filled all the way to closing. I didn’t want to think about Jase or what happened last night. I just wanted the solace of hard work where I could shut my brain off and know exactly where I was needed. I almost got my wish. Almost.

  Bar gossip spreads quickly. Maybe Georgia or one of the others overheard my argument with Floyd. Maybe Roy just assumed. But by ten o’clock that night, I’d borne the brunt of a dozen sideway stares, and winking thumbs-up from the waitresses. Leslie ended up being the one to actually come ask me straight to my face. I got the impression she’d lost a bet.

  “Uh … well done, boss,” she blurted at the end of the night while I helped her fill ketchups. I heard a clang and a giggle behind me as Georgia clumsily tried to make herself scarce by racing for the kitchen.

  I wouldn’t let her off that easily. “You too. You guys killed it tonight. That was nuts for a Monday.”

  “Oh. Yeah. Thanks. But that’s not what I mean. You and Jase. Right?”

  I screwed a bottle cap on and set it down hard enough to nearly tip the table. Leslie grimaced and flipped her palms up, shrugging.

  “What about me and Jase, Leslie? What does everyone think they know?”

  “Well … there’s a rumor going around that you and he … uh … well … that. Look. Anyway. None of our business. We get that. I’m just saying I think it’s great. It’s nice to see you, well, having a life. Outside of this place, I mean. We’ve all been a little worried.”

  I opened my mouth to deny it, then clamped my jaw shut hard. What could I say? I knew I had to say something. Georgia and two of the hostesses poked their head around the kitchen door.

  This was bad. Disastrous. I never wanted to be the center of The Dive Bar gossip mill. I was their boss, dammit. Ugh. And I was Jase’s too. This crossed every kind of boundary I tried to maintain. And I had no one to blame but myself. Except I bloody well couldn’t stop thinking about him, that’s all. Leslie seemed able to see it in my expression. Her smile widened and she reached out to squeeze my shoulder.

  “It’s good, Dev. Relax. No one here thinks any less of you. We’ve all been secretly rooting for it. It’s been obvious from day one the two of you were into each other. You should see the way he looks at you. One hundred percent sexy alpha male. Georgia’s mad jealous.”

  “Leslie, I …” I wiped my hands on my jeans and took a step back. How could I answer her? How could I maintain any semblance of credibility with any of them ever again? And for what? I still had no idea what the hell last night with Jase even meant. Or what I wanted it to mean.

  “We’re done here,” I finally said. I meant both with the ketchup bottles and the conversation. Mercifully, Leslie got the hint. She gave me a weak smile and scurried back to join the rest of the cackling hens in the kitchen. My only saving grace was Floyd’s earlier departure. The last thing I wanted was another standoff with him about my sex life. I grabbed my keys, shut the lights, and locked the door.

  My heart pounded halfway in my throat as I rounded the block and walked into my apartment building. Was Jase home tonight? Past one o’clock in the morning, he had to be sleeping even if he was home. I paused in the hallway, seeing a sliver of light beneath his door. I raised my fist to knock but then thought the better of it. It was late. I was keyed up. I hadn’t planned what to say to him.

  I turned from his door to mine and back again. On the third pass, his latch clicked, shattering the relative silence of the hallway and piercing through me like a gunshot. I turned to face Jase.

  He leaned casually in the doorway shirtless, his black drawstring pants slung low on his hips. He stretched one languid arm and gripped the top of the doorframe. His hooded eyelids blinked away the sleep as he focused on me and his mouth curled up in a sly smile.

  “Good morning,” I finally said, smiling back.

  “You’re making a hell of a racket out here.”

  “Sorry. No. Really. I just got done for the night.”

  He nodded. “Busy one?”

  “Yeah. Actually.” I pointed with my thumb over my shoulder. “I’m just gonna head on in. I really didn’t mean to wake you up.”

  “Devin,” he said, dropping his chin and fixing those dark eyes on me.

  I let out a breath. I was going to leave. I should have. But I was too keyed up to sleep and certain things needed to be said.

  “Jase. Look. I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of anything. I swear to God. And I’m still not trying to. It’s just, there are ramifications, you know? Boundaries we should set.”

  Jase nodded. “Definitely.” He shifted his weight; crossing his feet at the ankles and his arms in front of his chest, he leaned back against the wall.

  “I’m not like that
. I mean … how I was last night. That was … uncharacteristic. You work for me. Kinney, Georgia, all of the others. They have certain expectations. And they jump to conclusions. I’ve worked really hard to put a team together and get that place humming, you know?”

  Jase raised a brow. “Naturally.”

  “And you’re part of that. I mean. I hope you think you are. I don’t want to mess any of that up.”

  “Devin …”

  I started to pace. I had to get this out. Jase remained stoic, leaning in that doorway as if he alone held up the building with the strength of his back. The remembered feel of it beneath my fingertips flashed in my mind.

  “Just listen. Please. People assume things about me. You know?”

  “Oh?”

  “And I know I kind of perpetuate their assumptions. They see the hair. The attitude. And that’s all me. It is. I’ve had to be tough, downright bitchy half the time. Otherwise people walk all over you. It’s just been me, by myself for so long, Jase. But I’m not what people think I am. I mean, I am, but it’s not all of what I am.”

  “Devin …”

  “What I’m trying to say is, despite what you might think, what happened last night was a rarity for me. I don’t just hook up. Like … ever. And certainly not with anyone from the bar. I’ve had exactly two boyfriends my entire adult life. Both huge mistakes. Both barely serious. Oh God. And I’m not saying I’m thinking of you as a boyfriend. I’m just, trying to give you some context. That’s all.”

  Jase straightened, pushed himself off from the wall and took a step toward me. He caught me mid-pace with two firm hands on my shoulders. He turned me to face him. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip as I craned my neck. Then I opened my eyes. His held a glint of amusement in them as he stared down at me.

  “What if I told you I don’t either? Randomly hook up, I mean. And I don’t have a string of ex-girlfriends.”

  I took a breath to say something but words just flew out of my head. My cheeks puffed with air, I finally exhaled in a great sputter that made Jase’s smile widen.

  “Okay,” I said. It seemed both woefully inadequate and somehow perfect.

  “Okay. And you’re probably right. There are a million reasons why last night was a bad idea.”

  “Right.”

  “Except it didn’t feel like a bad idea to me. It felt … perfect.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut again and kept them that way a beat longer than I meant. “Devin, look at me.”

  I did. Jase’s eyes shone with wonder and an emotion I couldn’t place. Maybe that’s a lie. But right then, I was too scared to define anything.

  “I want to kiss you again.”

  “Okay.”

  He didn’t. Not then. Instead, he kept his hands on my shoulders. We both seemed suspended in time, on the precipice of something big. For those few beats before either of us moved, I think it settled in for both of us we could never take it back. Last night was different. Pitch dark with an air of adventure. This was different. We each had our eyes wide open.

  Then Jase leaned down. I rose on my tiptoes to meet him halfway. At first, he came to me with the light press of his lips against mine. Gentle. Timid. A question. I slid my hands around his neck and gave him my answer. He kissed me harder. Strong lips. Probing. Urgent. So perfect. I felt that kiss all the way down to my knees.

  We parted. My chest heaved as I fought to breathe. I felt like I could drown in him. I stepped out of his arms and placed my palms against his chest.

  “Jase,” I whispered. His eyes glinted and he smiled down at me.

  “Yes, Devin?”

  I bit my lip and thought about how to say what I needed to. I should have turned and said goodnight. Because this was different. The lights were on and my eyes were open. But as Jase held me in his arms and I saw that a furious pulse beat near his temple, nearly matching the frenetic pace of my own, there was really only one thing to say.

  “Oh, the hell with it.” I flung my arms around his neck again and let him lift me off my feet as we crashed through the open door to his apartment.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jase

  She was liquid fire. Her lips. Her touch. I slid my arms behind her knees and lifted her off her feet. Devin let out a little squeal as I spun her around and headed for my bedroom door.

  Her fingers skittered across my shoulder blades and we kissed like we were starved for it. We were. We became a jumble of limbs and clothes as I slid out of my pants and she tore her shirt over her head. She wore a pink satin bra fringed with little rosebuds. Her panties matched. I set her down on the bed and she scooted backward. Her lilting laughter sent goosebumps down my spine. I reached for her, dragging her panties down. She brought herself up on her knees and kissed me, trailing her lips down my chest.

  I stood before her at the edge of the bed, threading my fingers through her wild hair. I loosened the rubber band holding her mass of curls in place. Wave after wave spilled over her shoulders as she made her way down, down.

  I arched my neck toward the ceiling as Devin closed her mouth around me. She was warm and soft. Hesitant at first. Then she found a rhythm that drove me nearly out of my skin. God. She was perfect. She used her tongue and her lips on me. It took everything in me not to spill myself then and there. But I wanted to savor it. Savor her. We’d spent hours together last night but this was different. This time, we both really meant it. I rested my hands over the curve of her skull and struggled not to let my knees buckle as she stole a glance up and met my eyes. A wicked blush colored her cheeks then she settled her mouth back around me.

  I meant what I said. There were a thousand reasons why taking this further was a bad idea. But none of them mattered then. I just wanted. I couldn’t have stayed away from her for anything. Devin was beautiful, perfect, and mine.

  The room fell silent but for the sounds of the sweet torture she delivered to me. My cock surged and jumped in her mouth. When she looked up at me again with that sinful smile, I nearly lost it. But Devin knew just how far to push me then reined it back in with delicious skill.

  Finally, I couldn’t take it. Oh, I wanted to. But not before I gave her the same treatment and watched her lose herself in the pleasure I gave her. I gently pulled her up until she knelt on the bed before me.

  “Lay back,” I whispered. She kissed me deep then went back down. When she turned to crawl toward the head of the bed, again I almost unraveled at the sight of her perfect, round ass. Mine. All for me.

  I reached down and put a hand on each of her knees and spread her legs wide. She bit her lip and her eyes traveled toward the ceiling. Watching her anticipate what I meant to do to her was almost as good as actually doing it.

  Almost.

  My Devin was sweet as honey as I kissed her and slid my tongue around her sensitive little bud. The way she squirmed and arched her back into me thrilled me to my core.

  “Stay with me,” I whispered when I felt her limbs tighten and she gripped the sheets. I would take her pleasure, all of it. But not yet. I wanted to go slow.

  “Jase,” she cried out. I loved the sound of my name on her lips. Especially when she said it like that. Pleading. I knew she couldn’t hold on much longer. All my plans to take it slow went straight out the window when Devin laced her fingers through my hair and drove me down. I controlled her but she controlled me too. And she tasted so good as I swirled my tongue around her and drew her out.

  “Jase!” She screamed my name and every muscle in her body tensed as I tasted her. I teased her clit with my tongue, flicking her there over and over. She bucked and writhed, spreading her legs even wider. Devin gave herself to me with trust and abandon. I wanted to be worthy of it. I wanted to be worthy of her. I licked her slow and gentle, letting her savor the sensation. Then I felt her little bud grow hard beneath my lips and a gush of fluid heated her. She arched her back and gripped the sheets, bracing for the crescendo her body craved. She shuddered out her climax. I raised myself up on my elbows and
watched her.

  My Devin.

  She pounded the mattress with her fist and cried out. Her knees trembled and her sweet little folds opened for me, inviting me. I kept my breath even, holding myself back so I could just enjoy the view.

  As her body settled again, it was time for me to take my turn. I slid my hands beneath her supple ass and brought her further down on the bed. When I sheathed myself inside her hot wetness, lightning went through me. Devin found the strength to wrap her legs around my waist. I smoothed the hair away from her face and we locked eyes.

  Again, my plan to go slow failed. I glided into her, pumping faster, stronger as she groaned and spurred me on.

  “Please,” she begged and it sent me over the edge. I felt her walls clench and spasm around me as a second orgasm ripped through her. My body went rigid as I spilled my seed and Devin coiled herself around me even tighter, only too eager to receive it.

  She was everything. That moment. I wanted to freeze it in amber forever. It was real and true. For the first time in months, in maybe my whole life, I knew who I was and what I wanted.

  Devin. We belonged to each other. I squeezed my eyes shut as the last wave of pleasure rippled through me and went into her. She lay before me. Open. Willing. I just prayed that when she knew everything, she’d want me anyway. Even though I knew that was a hopeless fantasy.

  I wrapped the sheet around her and pulled my Devin close. She was already half asleep as she snuggled against me and started to snore. I kissed her forehead one last time before letting sleep take me too.

  It didn’t last long. It seemed only a few seconds before the first rays of sunlight stabbed through the slats in the window blinds. I woke with Devin still curled against me, snoring deeply. She pouted in her sleep. Her dark brows furrowed then straightened. I could watch her like this all day if she’d let me.

  If she’d let me.

  I was selfish. Again, I took what I wanted from her without telling her the truth. It wasn’t fair and I felt like a shit for it. Except I knew who she was. Or who she wasn’t. The evil swirling around her bar had nothing to do with her. I believed that in my soul. If I could just finish this job and help Stan bring a solid case against Cy Marsh, Devin would be free of it. But would she ever be able to forgive me?