Silver Bay Song

by Rutter, M J

  I spent the day trying to not think about it all, not think about him and wonder if he was okay. I tried, but nothing I did would take my mind from him. Not walking Misty across fields of wild flowers in the blazing sun, it only made me wish that he was with me. We stopped for ice-cream in town and all I wanted was to tell Kaden how amazing the vanilla tasted. He had gotten under my skin and I doubted I’d ever be able to shake him off.

  That night I turned on the TV to watch something, anything to take my mind out of the clouds and numb the ache in my heart. Only to find the airwaves filled with the news of SOS and the anticipated return of Max to the band. Pictures of him were all over the screens, he looked much better with short hair, he looked much better as Kaden.

  My cell buzzed in my purse, I routed around to find it and un-locked the screen. I had seventeen text messages, three voicemails and about twenty missed calls all from Kaden. I began reading through them.

  ‘We need to talk.” Was the first, then they got longer, pleading with me to at least listen to what he had to say. Then the tone changed, he was getting angry at my silence and the last caused my eyes to fill with tears.

  ‘Okay, so you’ve run away and left town again, fine, you don’t want to sort this out, fine. You can come back, I am leaving at the end of the week, if you want to talk then great if not, that’s up to you. At least I tried which is more than I can say for you.’

  After yet another bottle of wine I finally fell asleep on the couch. I dreamed of him that night, of us in the field of wild flowers, having a picnic on a red and white blanket and eating grapes from the basket. We were laughing and giggling and then he kissed me, it was amazing and when I woke up cold and alone, for the first time since I had closed the door after he left, I actually doubted that I had done the right thing.

  My hand shook as I dialed his number, he didn’t answer and to be honest, I didn’t expect him to. I couldn’t even bring myself to leave a message. I switched off my phone and placed it back in my bag. It was too late, I had lost him and because of my stubbornness I would never have another chance with him again.

  I dressed and took Misty for her slow walk through the field of flowers that had begun to wither and wilt in the heat. Drying up and shrivelling away to nothing but dust, similar to how I felt about myself. I pictured dying alone with no children or grand-children, I would still be known as Miss. Reynolds. I’d had two chances at true love and it looked as though I had thrown them both away. I didn’t deserve to be happy, I never would be happy again. This was my cross to bear and I had to wear it.

  I headed back to the house and sat on the back porch with Misty at my feet while I watched another day come to an end. The house phone ringing disturbed the silence that surrounded the house. I hurried inside to answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey,” Zoe said chirpily. “How are you?”

  “Uh, pass.” I sighed.

  “At least you got there okay.”

  “Yes, Jay bought me here one summer when we first met.”

  “Probably for July fourth, we always used to have a huge family holiday.”

  “Yes, that was the year your Dad set fire to the shed with the bar-b-que,” I smiled.

  “That’s it,” she chuckled. “The fire fighters said it was the first time out that day, they normally didn’t get a call out until the fireworks started.” She added. “So, uh, Kaden dropped by today, he uh, he is pretty messed up, honey.”

  “I tried to call him and he didn’t answer,” I stiffened.

  “He was driving apparently and when he tried to call back your phone was switched off.” She explained. “He thought that maybe you would have changed your mind and at least talked to him, he’s actually kinda nice and extremely cute.” Heat flushed my head, she was already on his side and I was the bad guy.

  “Yeah,” I snapped, “a cute liar.”

  “Skylar…”

  “I have to take Misty out for a walk, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “What about Kaden?”

  “He’s already told me he is leaving.” I sighed. “I am not about to try and change his decision.”

  “All he wants to know is that you are coming back soon, can I at least tell him you are?”

  “No, because I don’t know if I will ever come back.” I retorted and hung up the phone.

  Sixteen

  Kaden

  After sitting and watching the waves for a while, I figured Skylar would have cooled off enough to at least talk. But her car was gone and there were no signs of life except for a minivan parked across the highway, I realised quickly that it was a reporter and ran across the road to talk to him.

  I knocked on the glass, the window slid down, “What do you want?” I demanded.

  “A scoop would be awesome,” he replied with a slight smile. “So this is the new Max?”

  “No, this is the real Max,” I frowned. “How long have you been here?”

  “Since Beth and Parker left,” he answered. “Your uh, your neighbor left shortly after you headed out of her house. Is Skip right? Are you an item?”

  “No,” I frowned. “Did she take anything with her?” I asked almost afraid of the answer, he nodded.

  “She loaded the trunk with a case and a few bags, looked to me like she was leaving for a while.”

  “Perfect,” I snapped and turned to leave. “Do you have a video camera on that thing?” I asked pointing to his camera, he nodded. “Switch it on and I’ll give you your scoop.” He switched on the camera and held it up, “My name is Kaden Wright and I was Max West. I am sorry but I am never returning to SOS, if I ever release a record again it will be my own music and lyrics, the band and I have parted ways, permanently.” The reporter removed the camera from my face, “Got it all?”

  “Yes,” he nodded.

  “Good, now get out of here, there is nothing for you to see here anymore.”

  “Sure, uh, your neighbor went to this address,” he handed me a piece of paper.

  “Thanks,” I sighed and took it from him.

  I hurried inside and dialed her cell, of course she didn’t pick up, after the third attempt of calling her I left a message. I needed her to see why I lied without telling her about the MS. She had a right to know about that, but I didn’t want her to be with me because she felt she had to take care of me, I wanted her to be with me because she cared about me as much as I cared about her, not to be my nursemaid.

  How many times can you tell someone you are sorry? Plead with them to forgive you, how many times can you beg and still keep a certain amount of dignity? I called and texted and called again and I got nothing. If I wasn’t so worried that she might have actually called me back, I would have thrown my phone against the wall and smashed it into pieces.

  That evening Parker called to check on me, which was exactly why I didn’t want anyone to know. He also informed me that someone had leaked that I would be returning to the band. I only hoped the reporter I had confessed all to played the statement and soon, if Skylar saw that I was returning to the band, she would lose all hope and I couldn’t let that happen. I called her again and told her that no matter what she heard, I would never return to the band. I only wished she believed it.

  I didn’t sleep at all that night, I paced the living room floor and watched the moon glisten on the deep blue ocean. I saw a shooting star and wished that she would come back and forgive me. The longer she was away the more I came to realise that maybe they were right about me, maybe I had fallen completely in love with her. I could lie and say I hadn’t, that I felt a lot for her, but until she had left I didn’t know completely that it was love. All I wanted that night was the chance to tell her to her face.

  I finally drifted off to sleep as the birds began to sing outside. When I woke at ten, only five hours later, I wasn’t refreshed or well rested, I felt groggy, like I had a hangover, but I had to go to this person’s house and find out where she was. I pulled myself from my bed and took a cool shower to wa
ke me up. Because I felt so sick that morning I tried to eat some cereal, but promptly threw it back up. My hands were shaking again and I guessed the stress was playing on my health.

  Instead of leaving the house when I wanted to, I went back to bed and slept the best part of the day away. I woke after three and felt a little better. I called her cell again and told her voicemail that I would leave so that she could come home in some feeble attempt of reverse psychology.

  Driving across town towards the address the reporter gave me, I had no idea who she had gone to see and what I would find there. Maybe she was staying with them, maybe it was that Keith guy. I felt sick, but I had to see if she was there, or in deed if whoever was there knew where she had gone. I lifted my cell as I stopped the car. Skylar had tried to call and I had missed it. I slammed my fist against my steering wheel, dialed to call her back, but she didn’t answer.

  The small one story house was surrounded by a beautiful garden filled with fragrant flowers. A sprinkler ticked as it sprayed the lawn as I hurried up the garden path and when I knocked on the door a small white cat with a tan patch over its eye, rubbed itself between my legs. The door opened and a short brunet with brown eyes frowned.

  “Hi, um, have you seen Skylar?” I asked.

  “Oh my God, it’s you, Max, I mean, Kaden,” she beamed. “Please come in,” she stood back and allowed me to enter her house. “I see you met Biscuit.” She added as the cat followed me inside. “Would you like a drink or something?”

  “Uh, no, thank you.” I frowned.

  “Sorry, I am Zoe, I am Jay’s sister.”

  “Oh, I see,” of course she’d run to her.

  “No, you don’t see.” She shook her head. “I need to tell you something.” I swallowed and nodded my head. “Take a seat.” She offered, I sat at her table in the kitchen and gazed around briefly. The worn oak cabinets were dark but looked new, her walls were covered in pictures of fancy tea pots and fruit. “The day Jay died, I know that he was planning on calling the wedding off. He hadn’t loved her the way she deserved for a long time. They were fighting a lot and after his trip he was returning to call it quits on their relationship, only the Grim Reaper got there first. My brother was an asshole, he treated her so badly, she’ll lie and say he was perfect, but if she knew the truth, knew that he was going to dump her and break her heart, maybe she would move forward. But every time I try to tell her, I chicken out.”

  “It’s none of my business, but don’t you think she deserves to know the truth, she blames herself for his death you know.”

  “I know,” she sighed. “She wouldn’t believe me even if I did tell her the truth.”

  “So, uh, did she say anything about us, at all?” I enquired.

  She smiled warmly, “She likes you, a lot. I could tell, only Jay could make her eyes light up the way they lit up here yesterday. Even though she was angry and pretty pissed off, her eyes lit up like fireworks.”

  “She still left though,” I grumbled. “I have called her and messaged her, she’s not answering, then on my way over she tried to call me back, of course I was driving and missed it, when I tried to call her back she wouldn’t pick up.”

  “She’ll be back, she just needs to trust her heart again, until she does that, she will always run away.” She explained. “Are you sure you would you like something to drink?”

  “Actually, can I have a glass of water please? I need to take some pain killers.”

  “Sure,” she said and lifted a glass from her cabinet before filling it with filtered water. She handed me the glass. When I pulled out my meds she frowned, “You take prescribed pain killers?”

  “No, these are something else.” I replied. “I uh, I have a condition and I need these to keep it under control.”

  “So, like a heart condition?”

  “No, nothing like that,” I affirmed. She nodded and looked concerned. “I am not on meds to keep me sane either, I just need them, okay?”

  “Does Skylar know you’re sick?” she asked as I took the meds.

  “No and I’d prefer to keep it that way.” I stood to leave, she obviously wasn’t going to tell me where she was or how I could contact her. “I need to go, if you speak to her, please ask her to come back, we need to sort this out.”

  “She’s in Charlotte, at our family summer house. I can give you the number if you want to call her or the address.” It would be so easy to drive there and make her listen.

  “Maybe in a day or so, I’ll try her again on her cell and if I get nothing I’ll drop by tomorrow night, if that’s alright with you.”

  “Sure, Kaden, that’s fine, I will call her though, I need to make sure she got there okay.”

  “I just want her back,” I admitted. “I miss her.” Her eyes filled with sympathy.

  “I’ll be sure to let her know that.”

  “Thank you, it was very nice to meet you, Zoe and despite what you may have heard about Max, I am nothing like him.”

  “I can see that, it was nice to meet you too, Kaden.” She held out her hand, I shook it briefly and left.

  I wanted that number and address more than anything, but I hoped that the time she spent away gave her time to think about us and what she really wanted to do. Despite the fact that she didn’t know who I was and the fact that she said we were over, I hoped that she’d find it in her heart to forgive me.

  That night I worked on the lyrics I had started to accompany the melody I had playing over and over in my head. The words I wrote previously were light hearted and filled with love and tenderness, now, with pain in my heart and fear building with every second that ticked by, the lyrics became a heart breaking ballad filled with hurt and despair.

  I lifted the guitar and I began to sing, for the first time in weeks,

  I love the fire in your eyes, brighter than the stars in the skies,

  I love your warm smile and your electrifying soul,

  I’ll love you from now and will for evermore.

  You have set my soul alight, baby, be my guiding light,

  I don’t know how to live with this pain,

  I need you to come back,

  Back into my life again.

  Pain, emptiness of your absence is everywhere look,

  It feels like I’m staring at the blank pages of an unwritten book.

  You took my heart when you left and ran away,

  And never gave me a chance to explain.

  Soon I am leaving this world behind,

  I have the words I need to tell you in my mind.

  But words don’t come easy for me to say.

  And I can’t promise you the world if you choose to stay…

  The words flowed like melted ice-cream dripping off a spoon. I worked until three on the song and fell asleep on the couch when my eyes wouldn’t stay open a moment longer. The fear that I would never see her again burned at my soul and when I woke the following morning. I got up and showered, I left the house to go back to Zoe’s, I needed to talk to her, I needed that address and telephone number.

  Zoe was out and I had no idea of how to find her, but as I returned to my car the neighbor told me she was at work at a small coffee shop in town. When I arrived I could see her dressed in a peach colored uniform, she smiled and told me to take a seat.

  I lifted the menu and began reading it, I hadn’t eaten for three days and I wasn’t hungry until I read that list of food on offer.

  “I spoke to her last night,” Zoe said from my side. I looked up at her, “she is still pretty pissed, but I know she wants to sort this out.” Something about her eyes told me differently. “So, are you here for her number?”

  “I doubt she’ll answer the phone if I call,” I grumbled.

  “I’ll write down the address, maybe seeing you will help. Would you like something?”

  “Actually, I’ll take some Eggs Benedict and a large cup of coffee.”

  “Great, would you like that on toast, a biscuit or an English muffin?”

 
; “An English muffin, thank you,” I smiled slightly.

  She returned with a smoking cup of coffee and a piece of paper. “Your food will be ready soon,” she told me.

  “Thank you,” I smiled politely, “Can I ask you about her, why she’s so guarded? I mean, it’s not because of Jay, there is more to it.”

  She sat on the chair opposite me, “Skylar is an only child, her parents died the summer before she met Jay and then she had him to fill the void. When he died she got Misty, of course she is lonely, but she’s independent. She has spent a long time trying to prove to everyone that she can do anything she wants when in actual fact, she does nothing. She works and she goes home, she walks her dog but that’s it, she has no life.” She sighed. “That was until she met you, you put color in her cheeks and a spark in her eyes, she overreacts because she doesn’t feel she deserves to be loved, which is major bullshit and she won’t listen to me or anyone else for that matter. Skylar is an amazing, selfless person, but she’s built up walls to protect her and the first sign that things are going south, she runs away, she’s always ran away.” She smiled, “Don’t worry, she always comes back. This is her home, she’d never leave and never return, no matter what she says…”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What?” she frowned.

  “You said ‘no matter what she says’, what did you mean?” I asked.

  “Well, she uh, might have implied that she may not return anytime soon, but it’s just hot water…she always…”

  I stood from the table and placed a twenty dollar bill next to my untouched coffee. “Thanks for the address,” I muttered and headed for the door.