MB09 - You Stole My Heart Away

by Joan Jonker

  She was putting a light under the kettle when she heard Nellie muttering, and she cocked an ear. ‘I don’t know, we’ve been all round the bleeding houses thanks to her. She might know a lot of words, but she’s not half slow. She’s had me dead, not in her house, mind, I had to go in me own house and die on me own couch. And she said I had to do the job properly and leave a note for George. She wouldn’t half get her eye wiped, because my George would die if he saw a letter from me, he’s never had one off me in his whole life. And there isn’t enough room on my couch for two dead bodies, so it would be the floor for George.’ Nellie was talking to the flowers on the wallpaper. ‘I’ve gone all through that, without any complaint, and still haven’t got a bleeding drink. It reminds me of a picture I saw once, where the goodie had been dragged halfway through a desert by the baddie, and left there to die. I forget who the film star was now, but he was crawling through the burning sand, with the sun beating down on him, and he was crying out for water. The silly nit should have known there aren’t no taps in the desert. I think he was hoping to come across one of those osis things, so he could have a drink. I thought it was a bit far-fetched meself, but I have to say I know how he must have felt. I’m dying of thirst meself right now, and I’m not even in a bleeding desert!’

  Molly was standing just inside the kitchen, listening. She didn’t make a sound in case she interrupted her mate, for she found Nellie’s tale very interesting. When she was in the mood, there was no one who could come up to Nellie for entertainment. It was a great pity she couldn’t write, for she would make a fantastic author.

  Molly poured the boiling water into the teapot, then carried it through and stood it on a stand so it could brew while she was seeing to the cups. ‘I remember that film, Nellie, and I’ve racked me brains trying to think who the star was. I can see his face, dark-skinned and black hair, but I can’t for the life of me remember his name.’ She turned to go back to the kitchen, when she had a thought. ‘Oh, by the way, the word yer were looking for was oasis.’

  ‘I wasn’t looking for no word, girl, it was Tyrone Power what was looking for it.’

  ‘Ooh, ye’re a dark horse, Nellie, when yer want to be. Yer knew it was Tyrone Power all the time!’

  ‘I did, girl, but me mouth was too dry to say it. I could do with an osis meself right now.’

  ‘It’s oasis, Nellie, that’s what yer want.’

  ‘No, it’s not, girl, I know what I want better than you know what I want. I’m beginning to think ye’re losing yer marbles. Yer fetch a pot of tea in, no cups, mind, and tell me I need an osis!’

  Molly threw her hands up in the air. ‘I give in, sunshine, I surrender.’ She made for the kitchen and the cups, muttering. ‘She’ll have me as bad as herself if I don’t watch out. I should have known it was going to be one of those days when I opened the door this morning. She had a face like thunder on her. And there was me, full of the joys of spring, thinking it was such a lovely summer’s day you couldn’t help but be happy. How flipping wrong I was.’

  ‘I can hear what ye’re saying, girl, I’m not deaf. And I’m not a slowcoach, either! It doesn’t take me half an hour to make a visitor a cup of tea. Ye’re taking so long I’m beginning to think the blinking tea is begrudged.’

  ‘Ye’re right and wrong there, sunshine,’ Molly said as she came in with the tray. ‘Ye’re wrong in saying I’m taking a long time to make yer a cup of tea, and ye’re right in saying it’s begrudged. Now if it’s not too much trouble, will yer pour the tea while I see if I can rustle up a few biscuits for us.’

  Now, they were magic words to Nellie, and she brightened up. ‘Aye, girl, yer were right about it being a nice day. Just look at that blue sky. It makes yer feel happy, and interested in life.’ She had two biscuits in her hand before Molly had time to put the plate on the table. ‘Are we going to Doreen’s to see the baby? She might have some news for us.’

  ‘Nellie McDonough, ye’re as crafty as a boxload of monkeys. Yer can’t bear to be left out of anything. Yer can’t ask Doreen questions she might not want to answer.’

  ‘Oh, I won’t ask her outright, girl, I’m not that hard-faced. No, I’ll do it in a roundabout way, so she won’t even know I’m being nosy.’

  ‘If yer tell her yer saw her crossing the road to the Corkhills’, she’ll know yer were watching through the window.’

  ‘If God didn’t want us to be nosy and keep tabs on what was going on, then He wouldn’t have invented windows, would he? Now, find an answer to that if yer can!’

  ‘That’s easy, sunshine, because God didn’t invent windows.’

  ‘Who did, then?’

  ‘How the heck do I know!’ Molly was getting frustrated. ‘I don’t know anything about windows, but I can tell the time, and it’s marching on. We should have been out ages ago. So you put yer chair back while I carry these dishes out.’

  Nellie lumbered to her feet, picked up the carver chair and put it back in its place at the side of the sideboard. And as she turned round, she caught sight of Jill putting the brake on the baby’s pram outside Doreen’s house. ‘Ay, girl, your Jill is over the road, so I’ll have two chances to find out what was going on last night.’

  ‘Look, Nellie, why do yer have to have something to worry about over the wedding? Why don’t yer leave Phoebe and the young ones to get on with it? They want to keep everything secret, and I can understand why. So why don’t we older ones have our secrets? It’s about time I had something to cheer me up, something nice to look forward to.’

  The goings-on of the future bride and bridesmaids were forgotten as Nellie sensed excitement and intrigue. Rubbing her hands in anticipation, she said, ‘Whatever yer’ve got in mind, I’ll go along with ’cos it sounds good to me! So out with it, ’cos I’ve been starved of excitement for too long, and I’m raring to go.’

  ‘First of all, we’re going to do what we always do, and that is to call to see Doreen, Jill and the babies. Talk to Victoria about anything but the wedding. No questions, Nellie, don’t ask, please. Then, after spending time with the babies, we’ll start our normal routine of shopping. And when we pick up our bread from Hanley’s, we’ll start the cheering up process by treating ourselves to a cream slice, which we’ll have with a cup of tea this afternoon.’

  ‘Ooh, ay, girl, ye’re really breaking eggs with a big stick. It’s not like you to go mad and buy yerself a cake. And yer never make me a cuppa in the afternoon.’ Nellie looked into Molly’s face. ‘Are yer feeling all right, girl?’

  ‘I’ve never felt better, sunshine. I’ve been lost lately, with nothing interesting happening to keep me mind occupied. I don’t half miss the noise and laughter there used to be all the time, before the girls and Tommy got married. I know I see them most days, and they were bound to marry and leave home some time, but I can’t help the way I’m made.’ She let out a sigh. ‘When you were sitting muttering to yerself before, I gave meself a good talking to. I need something to spice up me life, something to look forward to. And I suddenly thought about the wedding. I know I won’t have a big part in it, not like you’ll have being the groom’s mother, but the Corkhills are like family, we’ve known them since we’ve lived in the street. And I’ll be going to the wedding, I’ve already had me invitation, along with Jack. So if it suits you, Nellie, we could start preparing for it, and that will give us both something to look forward to. We’ll have plenty to talk about and do. What do you think, sunshine?’

  ‘Yer mean we’ll be going into town to buy our hats and dresses?’

  Molly nodded. ‘We’ll have a chinwag this afternoon, and discuss when we’ll have enough cash to look around for something that takes our eye. But we won’t let on to anyone, we’ll be as secretive as the girls are. Then on the day of the wedding we’ll all get a surprise.’ She chuckled. ‘A nice one, I hope. We can’t keep up with the young ones, but we’re not too old to look nice. I fancy meself in a dress that’s the height of fashion, and a stunning hat to catch the eye.’
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  ‘Ay, I’m the one what needs to stand out, girl, so give me a break, will yer? I’d like a hat as big as a – er – as big as a bicycle wheel! How about that, eh? That should give them something to talk about.’

  ‘We’ll pool our ideas this afternoon, sunshine, when we’ve done our shopping and got the dinner on the go. Jack said he fancied a ham shank, so I’ll cook that with peas and pearl barley. If Tony’s got any ham shanks, that is. If not I’ll get a lean breast of lamb and cook that with the peas and barley. We could put them on a low light, and leave them to boil for a few hours. Are you having the same, sunshine?’

  ‘Don’t I always, girl, don’t I always?’

  ‘Well, if that’s settled, we’d better go across the road and see the family. And not a word out of place, Nellie, d’yer hear?’

  ‘I can’t go there and not open me mouth, girl, they’ll think there’s something wrong with me. But I promise I’ll watch every word what comes out, and if I think it’s wrong, I’ll push it back in and use another one.’

  ‘I think yer’d be better watching Bobby than yer words, sunshine.’ Molly smiled as a vision flashed through her mind. ‘We don’t want a repeat of seeing yer with yer knickers round yer ankles.’

  ‘Ooh, yeah, that wasn’t half funny. But I’ll keep me eyes on the little tinker from now on. It’s to be hoped he grows out of it, ’cos he’ll get plenty of black eyes if he keeps it up when he’s in his teens. It doesn’t bear thinking about, does it, girl?’

  ‘Then why are yer, sunshine?’ Molly tutted. ‘Mention it in the butcher’s, Nellie, and so help me, I’ll throttle yer.’

  ‘Have yer put yer ham shank on a low light, sunshine?’ Molly asked when she opened the door to Nellie at half two that afternoon. ‘It’ll boil all over the place if yer haven’t.’

  ‘Go and teach yer mother how to milk ducks, girl. I know I’m not very clever, but I’m not daft, either! Of course I’ve got the pan on a low light, and the peas and barley are in with the shank. In two hours my little kitchen will smell delicious.’

  ‘I’ll go one better than delicious, sunshine, just get a load of this.’ Molly wiggled her nose. ‘The aroma pervading the Bennetts’ kitchen will spread through the house, causing the family to become deliciously hungry, and they will be fighting their way into the kitchen, with their noses twitching like the Bisto Kids’.’

  ‘It’s no use yer showing off, girl, because yer’ve picked on the wrong one to say it to. It would be the price of yer if it was your pan what boiled over, and then the Bennett family would have something to make their noses twitch all right. They wouldn’t be getting a delicious meal, they’d be getting a burnt offering.’

  ‘It’s not likely that I wouldn’t smell me pan boiling over, is it?’ Molly asked. ‘I’ve got a good sense of smell and good hearing. I’m lucky in that respect.’

  Nellie’s face was straight when she said, ‘Well, what’s all the spitting and banging I can hear? It sounds like a pan lid going up and down to me.’ When Molly pushed her chair back with such force it toppled over, there was a smirk on the chubby face. And she muttered, ‘Even a ruddy dictionary didn’t do her no good there.’

  ‘Nellie Mac, ye’re hearing things.’ Molly picked her chair up and sat down. ‘The dinner is simmering away, just as it should, and it smells good already.’

  ‘Oh, yer’ve come down in the world, girl,’ Nellie said. ‘Yer dinner just smells good now, does it? A few minutes ago it was delicious and yer nose was twitching with the room.’

  ‘Me nose twitching with the room!’ Molly asked. ‘How can me nose twitch with the room?’

  ‘How the hell do I know, girl! Yer use so many strange words I don’t know what ye’re talking about. But I do know yer’ve done nothing but jabber since I came in, and I’m waiting for me tea and me cream slice. So d’yer mind getting off yer chair again, and seeing to yer visitor? Yer were full of talk about what we were going to discuss regarding our clothes for the wedding, but at this rate the wedding will be over before we start.’

  When the tea was finally ready, Molly carried it through. ‘The cakes are on a plate near the sink, Nellie. Will you bring them in while I pour out? Oh, and I know now how yer made a mistake about me nose twitching with the room. I didn’t say room, I said aroma.’

  Nellie’s face was comical. ‘Oh, dear,’ she said in what she hoped was a posh voice, ‘I ham sorry, how silly of me. Hi should have known yer said haroma.’

  ‘It’s not haroma, Nellie!’ Molly was beginning to get exasperated until she noticed the devilment in her mate’s eyes. ‘I’m a fool, I am, ’cos I fall for it every time. I ought to know by now that when yer have that certain look in yer eye the alarm bells are ready to ring. But can I just ask that we be serious for a while, and talk about the reason for you sitting at my table at this time of the day?’

  Nellie shuffled forward on her chair, and to show she was really interested she lifted her bosom on to the table and folded her arms round it. ‘I’m all ears, girl, so go on, tell us what the reason is for me being here?’

  Molly was so taken aback she outdid Nellie for facial contortions. Her voice cracked when she asked, ‘What d’yer think ye’re doing here, Nellie? Haven’t yer the foggiest idea what yer came to talk about, or are yer pulling me leg again?’

  Nellie’s face changed to her angelic look. ‘I’m not pulling yer leg, girl, I’m sitting here nice and comfortable, just waiting for yer to start telling me when we’re going to start this exciting life yer mentioned. So why don’t yer begin, because my ears are waiting. In fact they’ve been waiting so long they’ll be dropping off to sleep soon, and then I won’t hear a word you say.’

  ‘I’ll let yer off this time, sunshine, because as yer say, time is marching on. So I’ll just have a look in the kitchen to make sure the shank’s not boiling over. I want it to simmer so the peas and barley don’t clog up together. It’s starting to smell nice, and I’m going to enjoy it. I won’t be a second.’

  ‘Will yer have a look at mine while ye’re at it?’ Nellie joked. ‘Give it a stir for us, save me getting off me chair.’

  Molly came back with a satisfied smile on her face. ‘It’s doing just right, simmering gently.’

  ‘I wonder if I should nip home and make sure mine is okay?’ Nellie asked. ‘Every time I cook any kind of stew, I burn the backside off the pan. I’ve thrown dozens of pans in the bin over the years.’

  ‘Why did yer have to throw them out?’ Molly asked. ‘I’ve burnt the odd pan meself over the years, but I’ve never had to throw one out. A bit of elbow grease and a piece of wire wool, they come up like new. Money is too hard come by to be throwing it away.’

  ‘Yer’ll not catch me standing for an hour trying to get the burnt goo off the bottom of a ruddy pan what is as black as the hobs of hell. Easier to throw it out and buy a new one.’

  ‘Does George know what yer do with his hard-earned money? Yer’d spend a couple of bob on a new pan, just because yer can’t be bothered to scrub it? Yer should be ashamed of yerself, Nellie McDonough.’

  ‘Oh, I am, girl, I am! I’m downright ashamed of meself. Just think of all those cream slices I could have bought with the money.’

  ‘Nellie, I don’t want any wasted money on my conscience, so go and check on yer dinner.’

  ‘I’ve got a good idea, girl, to make sure me pan doesn’t get burnt.’ Nellie sounded eager. ‘I could bring me pan in here, and put it on your stove. That way we can keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn’t boil over.’

  Molly fell back on her chair. ‘Well, yer’ve pulled some stunts over the years, sunshine, like cadging sugar when yer ran out of it, a penny for the gas meter so yer could cook yer dinner, and getting down to the shops only to hear yer say yer’d come without yer purse and would I lend yer some money till we got home. Then I’d have to wait until yer were too ashamed to make any more excuses on why yer couldn’t pay me back.’ Molly took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. ‘But wanting to cook
yer dinner on my stove is the cheekiest yet. I’ve never known anyone with the nerve you’ve got. Yer don’t give a continental for anyone. Yer wouldn’t care if yer backside was on fire.’

  Nellie was quick to put her hand up. ‘Ah, now yer can’t say that, girl, ’cos of course I’d worry if me backside was on fire. I’ve only got two pair of knickers, and if one pair went on fire I’d be in a right state. It wouldn’t be so bad in the summer because I could wash them at night and they’d dry out on the line in time for me to call here for me morning cuppa. But it would be terrible in the winter only having one pair, they wouldn’t dry quick enough.’

  ‘There is a way round that, Nellie, yer could buy yerself another pair of knickers. And the next time yer burn a pan, don’t put it in the bin. Scour it out yerself, and with the money yer save by not having to buy another yer could buy yerself a few pair of bloomers. Yer’d be well off then, yer’d have a stock for emergencies.’

  ‘Did yer go all through that just to tell me I can’t bring me pan in here? Well, don’t talk to me about wasted, ’cos yer’ve just wasted half an hour, and yer breath!’

  Molly couldn’t help but chuckle. ‘Ye’re a case, sunshine, no doubt about it. I’ve never known anyone like yer for cheek. But yer can talk till ye’re blue in the face, and ye’re still not bringing yer pan in here.’

  ‘Oh, I got that message long ago, yer miserable beggar. So as I need to go to the lavvy, I’ll use yours, then slip home and see if the house is on fire. I’ll go out of your entry door, and into mine. I’ll be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail, and then perhaps we can talk about our wedding hats. As long as yer remember mine has to be bigger and brighter than yours, seeing as I’m the groom’s mother, and all eyes will be on the creation I’m wearing.’

  ‘Nellie, if yer don’t move now, yer’ll miss the ruddy wedding and won’t need a hat!’

  Nellie waddled to the kitchen door. ‘Yer can time me if yer like, girl, and I bet I can do it all between five and ten minutes. Keep yer eye on the clock and yer’ll see. I can move when I want to.’