Professor Feelgood

by Leisa Rayven

  I pull on the coat and belt it over my damp clothes. Then I push my hair back, wipe one last stray smear of eyeliner from my cheek, and pretend I’m feeling a whole lot better than I am, both mentally and physically.

  “Okay,” I say to my slightly less-disheveled reflection. “Time to kick ass and chew gum, and I’m all out of gum.”

  ELEVEN

  ____________________

  Oh, No He Didn’t

  BY THE TIME I GET back into the conference room, Sidney is in full flight detailing his kazillion point plan for getting the word out about the professor. His face lights up as he talks, and Jake seems impressed. He can probably tell that like a lot of people here, Sidney truly does enjoy his job.

  I take my seat as unobtrusively as possible, ensuring I don’t interrupt Sid’s flow.

  “We plan on announcing the book deal later today, and we’ll reinforce that Asha was in fact the person who discovered you to put to rest all the rumors to the contrary.” He smiles at me then turns to Jake. “As soon as the official release hits the news outlets, you can tell all your fans.”

  Jake gestures to his phone. “Seems like the coverage about the bidding war tipped them off. My phone has been blowing up with messages all day.”

  “Well, great,” Sid says. “The more buzz, the better.” He passes around copies of the draft press release. “This is what we’ll send out in a few hours. And Jake, we’re going to need to organize a photo shoot with you ASAP, to get publicity shots. I’ll liaise with Asha to make sure we slot it into the schedule.”

  After everyone has a copy of the release, Sid shifts in his seat so he’s fully facing Jake, and I can tell we’ve reached the deeply-personal-questions portion of today’s meeting. “So, Jacob … in the spirit of getting to know you better, tell us about yourself.”

  Jake blinks a few times, and I can feel the tension from across the table. “Not much to tell.”

  Wow, four words. This is going to be even worse than I thought.

  “What about your family?” Sid prompts, with the calm, encouraging demeanor of a seasoned therapist. “Tell us about your parents.”

  Jake shifts in his seat. I’ve never seen an author flat out refuse to answer personal questions before, but there’s a strong possibility it could happen today.

  As if sensing Jake’s unease, Sid’s tone becomes even more soothing, and he talks to him like he’s a wild animal preparing to bolt. “It’s okay. You don’t need to share anything you don’t want to. But as soon as your real identity is out in the world, your private information is going to be fair game to press and fans. We’ve found it’s best that we control the flow of information right from the start.”

  There’s another few seconds of awkward silence on Jake’s part, and then he says, “I grew up in Brooklyn.”

  “And your dad raised you, yes?”

  He shoots me an accusing look, no doubt guessing I’ve already spilled some of his personal details.

  “Yes. He was a police officer, but after he got hurt on the job, he retired on disability a few years ago.”

  “Are you and he close?”

  He doesn’t even hesitate before saying, “No.” That says everything about how things are with his dad.

  They never had what you could call a congenial relationship. A big reason Jake spent so much time at our place when he was a kid was so he could avoid his dad after he’d been drinking, which was often. I know I had issues with my dad being absent from my life, but that was preferable to Jake’s situation. His was constantly on his back about something or other. He never talked, he only yelled. On more than one occasion when Mr. Stone was drunk, Jake would climb through my bedroom window with bruises, a busted lip, or a black eye. My first experience with makeup was stealing Mom’s concealer, so the kids at school wouldn’t ask Jake too many questions about what happened.

  Of course, as soon as Jake got big enough to fight back, the beatings stopped. At least, I think they did. It was around that time we started drifting apart. His dad met a new woman, and suddenly, Jake had a new stepmother and brother.

  Jake hated Jeremy so much, he went berserk when we started dating. Perhaps it was for the best. We’d reached that awkward point in a boy-girl friendship when it was obvious we were biologically incompatible to be friends anymore.

  “And what about your mom?” Sid asks, still with that soft vocal tone that invites confession.

  “Never really knew her,” Jake says, acting flippant, but I can see the slight tick in his left eye. “She left when I was three.”

  Jake doesn’t talk about his mom. Never did. Doubt he ever will. He and I shared the pain of an absent parent, but we rarely discussed it. Even though I resented my dad for leaving us, at least he made it clear he loved me, and his leaving wasn’t my fault.

  For Jake, it was the opposite. On more than one occasion, I heard Mr. Stone yelling that Jake was the reason his mother abandoned them. His battle with alcohol started after his wife left, and the breakup was the reason Mr. Stone moved them back to their family home in Brooklyn. I also think she was the reason Jake’s been angry with the world for as long as I can remember.

  “No sisters or brothers?” Sid asks.

  Jake shakes his head. “Nope.”

  Okay, so we’re just not even acknowledging Jeremy’s existence now? Understandable. To be honest, I have no idea where Jeremy and his mom are these days, and my care factor about their whereabouts is in the negative digits. They were both peas in a rotten pod, and I hope that somewhere, karma is making their lives hell.

  “Anyone else of note during your upbringing?”

  Jake shoots me the briefest of glances. “I did have a best friend when I was growing up.”

  “Oh? Tell us about him.”

  “Her, actually.” Okay. That’s all we need to know. Move on. “She lived next door.”

  Stop talking, Jacob. Stop talking now.

  Sid leans forward. He smells a meaty story. “That’s sweet. Is she still in your life?”

  Jake pauses, and in that moment, I imagine approximately forty-seven ways I could murder him with my pen before he rats me out.

  Thankfully, after a tight sigh, he says, “No.”

  Sid tilts his head. “That’s a shame. What happened?”

  “Usual story. We outgrew each other. At least, she outgrew me.”

  “How so?”

  Jake’s clearly uncomfortable, and I hope he’ll fob off the answer or change the subject. However, after a moment of clenching his jaw, he continues. “When we hit high school, she decided I wasn’t cool enough to hang with her anymore, so we fell out.”

  Oh, no he didn’t.

  “Really?” Shawna asks. “She was that shallow?”

  Jake shrugs. “She had an opportunity to be a part of the in crowd, and she took it. I thought she was better than that, but I was wrong.” He looks right at me as he says it, and I cough as dozens of indignant protestations catch in my throat.

  “That sounds like a pretty subjective take,” I manage to say. “Surely there was more to it than that.”

  Jake cocks his head. “Like what?”

  “Maybe she was feeling insecure and looking for validation. Maybe she just wanted to expand her world to include more people.”

  “Maybe,” Jake says. “And maybe she was trying to ditch her past at any cost, regardless of who she left behind.”

  I pause. If we were playing Battleship, that would have been a hit.

  “Wow,” one of the interns says. “Some people are the worst. I can’t believe a so-called friend treated you like that. So cold.”

  Jake looks down at the table. He doesn’t mention that he was the one who demanded I choose between his brother and him. When I refused, he chose for me.

  Sidney is staring at Jake with a frown, and I can practically hear him formulating narratives about this mysterious female ‘friend’ in his head. “Was there anything romantic between you?”

  Jake’s lip curls. “No.” An
image of prom night swims to the surface of my memory, but I weigh it down with cement shoes.

  Sid isn’t convinced. “Did you want there to be?”

  Jake turns to him. “She was my best friend. The closest thing I had to a sister.”

  “Well then,” Sid says, disappointed he didn’t land anything juicier. “Let’s move on to more recent times. How did you become Professor Feelgood and bare your soul on the internet?”

  Jake leans back in his chair. “When I started travelling after high school, I posted pictures on Instagram as a kind of journal. Then, I met a girl, fell in love, and when it ended …” He clasps his hands. “I felt like my emotions were choking me, so I started writing poetry. But writing it wasn’t enough. The only relief I got was by posting online. Kind of like screaming into the abyss, I guess. I never expected anyone to read it.”

  “But read it, they did,” Sid says. “And clearly, your passion for your lady love resonated with people. How long were you two together?”

  He looks down. “A few months, but it seemed like longer.”

  “Tell us about her.”

  He shakes his head, and the tension is back in his shoulders. “Talking about her is … tough. She’s hard to describe. She’s like no one I’ve ever known.”

  “Why did you break up?” Joanna asks gently.

  Jake blinks a few times before focusing. “Uh … lots of reasons, but the main one was she didn’t love me as much as I loved her.”

  Shawna is shocked. “How can that be?”

  He pauses for a second, as if weighing up whether to continue. Then he sighs and says, “I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I know that. When we met, my track record with relationships was abysmal, and … it showed. She’d just broken up with a guy. He’d wanted to marry her, and she thought things were moving too fast, so she freaked out. Then, she met me. Even though we had a real connection, I knew I was a rebound. I fell in love with her anyway.”

  “So, what happened?”

  He shakes his head. “What happens when any two people don’t work out? We wanted different things, and there came a point when we couldn’t ignore that anymore.” He pauses for a second, his face drawn. “There’s nothing worse than falling for someone and realizing you don’t have all of their heart. It’s even worse watching them realize it. The first time she told me she loved me, she also admitted she wasn’t over her ex. I tried to get her to stay with me, but she couldn’t. Her life was elsewhere with another man, and I had to respect her wishes.”

  The room is silent for a second, and then Joanna says, “Wait … she went back to the other guy?”

  Jake glances at her. “I assume so. We agreed it would be better for us to not stay in touch, so I don’t know for sure. If she’s chosen to have a life with him, I don’t want to screw things up for her.”

  There’s a heaviness in the air. Tension from Jake seeping into the rest of us.

  Serena puts down her pen. “Do you ever think she made the wrong choice?”

  I expect Jake to blow off the answer, but he doesn’t.

  “Of course. There’s not a day goes by I don’t wish she’d chosen differently.”

  “Maybe there’s still a chance for you guys,” Jo says, voicing what I was thinking. If this were a romance novel, there’d be some big twist where she shows up on his doorstep one day and admits her mistake. Then they’d declare their love for each other and live happily ever after.

  “What if she tells you she loves you and begs your forgiveness?” I say, curious to see Jake’s reaction. “What would you do?”

  Hearing that, Sid’s eyes light up. I know he’s thinking if there were some way to orchestrate that sort of fairy tale ending, it would create a hurricane of publicity that would catapult this book into the stratosphere.

  Jake stares at me, eyes hard. He probably thinks I’m goading him, but I’m not. I genuinely want to know.

  After a couple of seconds, he swallows and looks away. “If she wanted to be with me, she would have chosen me. As much as it sucks to say, some people don’t get a happy ever after.”

  Joanna gives him a sympathetic look. “There’s always a chance things will still work out. I mean, you love her, right?”

  That makes him stop dead. “Even if I do, it doesn’t matter. Whether or not you love someone is irrelevant. The difference between heaven and hell is them loving you back. If they don’t, you can’t do a damn thing about it except pack up your heart and move on.”

  “And have you?” Serena asks. “Moved on?”

  Jake’s gives her a rueful smile. “You’ve seen my Instagram. Clearly, not. But I’m trying.”

  The room goes quiet, and I notice everyone is leaning toward Jake a little more than they were a few seconds ago. Even I have a twinge of sympathy. As much as Jake gets on my nerves, I wouldn’t condemn anyone to live without their true love. I believe everyone deserves happiness. Even him.

  “Well, then,” Mr. Whip says, clearly impressed by Jake’s candor. “One final question: Why did you choose to call yourself Professor Feelgood?”

  Jake sits up straighter, and I can see him trying to shake off his emotion. “After everything went down, I tried to purge the bitterness I felt over losing her. Mediation, yoga … everything I came across. Calling myself Professor Feelgood was part of it. Trying to reinvent myself, I guess.” I’m thinking about how non-Zen he is when he glances at me. “I’m a still a work in progress.”

  Understatement.

  “Well,” Mr. Whip says with a chuckle. “That seems like a good note on which to wrap this up. Sid, I’ll leave you and Asha to work out upcoming promotional events for Mr. Stone. Thank you very much, everyone. I look forward to us all working together to make this project a huge success.”

  There’s a buzz of chatter as we all pack up, and after Mr. Whip and Serena say their goodbyes to Jacob, they usher everyone else out of the room.

  “Okay,” Sidney says with a sparkle in his eye. “We have a bunch of promo appearances in the pipeline for you, Jacob, and the first one is tomorrow night. I’ve managed to get an invite for one of New York’s hottest events. Do you happen to own a tux?”

  I almost snort. The only time I’ve ever seen Jake in a suit was prom night, and that one belonged to his dad. Jake in a tux would be like asking a lion to wear a tutu.

  “No,” he says. “No tux.”

  Sid writes something on his notebook. “No problem. I’ll organize one for you.” He looks Jake up and down. “You about a 42 long?”

  “I have no idea.” Jake glances at me, then back to Sid. “What’s this for?”

  “A fantastic event to launch a new matchmaking app. There’s going to be a ton of press there, and considering the romantic nature of the app, the event is very on-brand for your book.”

  I immediately tense up. “You’re not talking about the Romance Central event?”

  “That’s the one. Your lovely sister was kind enough to include Jacob in the celebrity lineup.”

  Jake looks confused. “What’s Romance Central?”

  I look at him. “My sister’s boyfriend runs a successful dates-for-hire business. In a nutshell, you can hire professional boyfriends and girlfriends for special events and companionship.” Jake’s eyes widen, and I know what he’s thinking. “There’s no sex. Just romance and companionship.” He gives me a skeptical look but doesn’t say anything, so I continue. “Part of their business model is a new dating app. Our friend Toby came up with this crazy-good algorithm, and the success rate is incredible. From everything Eden and Max have told me, the launch is going to be huge.”

  “Which is why,” Sid says, “getting Jacob on that red carpet would be worth its weight in gold.”

  “Well, great,” I say, a little weirded out that Jake will now be going. “Hope you guys have fun. Good luck with the photo ops.” I’m sure I can avoid him. The Four Seasons ballroom is huge.

  “But you’re going, right?” Sid asks.

  “Uh … yeah
.”

  “Great! Then you can chaperone Jacob.”

  Um … what now?

  “Don’t you usually chaperone authors?”

  He sighs. “I’d love to. But Shawna and I are representing Whiplash at the Brock awards that night.”

  “There’s no one else from your department available?” I ask. “I mean, I’m just an editor. I’m sure Mr. Stone would prefer someone with publicity experience.”

  He closes his notebook. “You’ll be fine. I’ll give you instructions. All you need to do is steer him in the right direction and be your usual warm and supportive self.”

  Jake looks at me. “I think it would be a good opportunity for us to bond, Miss Tate. Unless you have a problem with that.”

  I smile over gritted teeth. “No, I just thought you might be more comfortable with someone ... else.

  “I wouldn’t. I’m your author, and when I signed with Whiplash, you promised to do everything in your power to help me through this process. Was that all talk?”

  “No, of course not,” Sid says, throwing me a look. “We’re all devoted to making this as painless as possible, right, Asha? Besides, you’d be great for the optics. You’re gorgeous. He’s gorgeous. A gorgeous couple writing a book together is hot.”

  I almost choke on the speed of my reply. “We’re not a couple.”

  “I just meant a couple of people. No judgment on your private life.”

  “I have a boyfriend, Sid.”

  “Oh, that French guy? Really?” He leans closer. “But it’s been a couple of months. You’re due to break up with him, right?”

  I blink a few times and take a breath. “Email me what you need. I’ll get it done.”

  “Great,” Jake says. “Then it’s a date.”

  I give him my most insincere smile. “Well, it’s a business function.”

  “Wonderful.” Sid packs up his stuff and stands. “I’ll get everything sorted from my end and let you know final details tomorrow.” He goes over to Jake and shakes his hand. “A pleasure, Mr. Stone. We’ll talk soon.”

  Once he’s gone, Jake and I are alone. We sit on opposite sides of the conference table, which is good, because if he were next to me, I might be tempted to smack him.