Professor Feelgood

by Leisa Rayven

  “Sarah Jessica? As in Parker?”

  “Oh, yeah, you didn’t know? She’s my Godmother. She has a bunch of single girlfriends, so she’s hoping this new matchmaking app might turn around their tragic dating lives. I forgot to ask, did you learn anything more about Jake’s woman today?”

  “A little. They met somewhere called The Zen Farm in Bali.”

  “Holy crap! I’ve been there. Amazing place. I’ll take you one day.”

  I could use a trip there now if it helps me find even a little inner peace.

  I hear Gerald say, “We’re here, Miss.”

  “Sorry,” Jo says. “About to go into my life drawing class.”

  “What? I didn’t know you could draw.”

  “I can’t. I’m the nude model. Time to get my naked on. Later!”

  I shake my head and drop my phone back into my purse. If only I could live her life for just one day.

  She’s right, of course. I need to find a way to deal with Jake, so we can have a more productive working relationship. But apart from full personality transplants, I just don’t see how that would happen.

  _______________

  Ten minutes later, I head up the stairs to my sister’s office, inside the bustling hub of Pulse magazine.

  When I open the door, I’m not surprised to see the usual flurry of activity. The online news and entertainment site employs a few dozen people, and since my sister was promoted out of the clickbait department to take over as head of features, they’ve increased their readership by more than twenty percent.

  You’d think that would be a good reason for her hardass boss to be grateful and go easy on her, but as I nod to the receptionist and head into the main area, it’s clear that’s not the case.

  I can see Eden in Derek Fife’s office, hands on her hips in what I recognize as her stubborn stance. Derek is matching her, both hands flat on his desk as he chews her out about something or other.

  As I get closer, their voices come into focus.

  Derek levels his finger at my sister. “I told you to drop the goddamn story, Eden, because it would cost us advertisers, and it did!”

  “And I told you that I wasn’t pulling it! Some stories are more important than money!”

  “And some aren’t! Good luck publishing your passion pieces when we go out of business!”

  Derek spots me and straightens up. Obviously, he doesn’t care if his staff witnesses their regular spats, but an outsider is another thing.

  “Your sister’s here. We’ll finish this later.”

  Eden’s face lights up when she sees me lingering awkwardly in Derek’s doorway. “Ash! Hey.” She gestures to me to come in then gives me a quick hug. “I’m running a little late.” Wow, she’s able to go from being mega-pissed to smiley in just a few short seconds. I’ll have to ask her how she does that. “I just have a couple of things to wrap up, and then I’m all yours.”

  “No problem.” I notice Derek is watching us. He still looks irritated. I give him an apologetic wave. “Sorry for the intrusion.”

  Eden laughs. “Thank God you interrupted us. I have no time to get busted for murdering my boss today.” Derek shoots her a dirty look then takes a seat behind his desk. I guess the verbal sparring match is done for now.

  Eden grabs a file off his desk and turns to me. “So, do you want to wait for me in the break room, or …”

  “She can wait here,” Derek says as he grabs his tablet and taps the screen. “I doubt she can be any more annoying than you.”

  Eden makes a scoffing sound. “Clearly, you don’t know her very well.”

  I swat her arm. “Hey! And just for that, I will prove I’m not as annoying as you by staying here with Derek and not yelling at him.”

  Eden looks at me dubiously. “Are you sure? There aren’t any bears with anger issues you can spend time with? No rabid dogs? Sociopathic mountain lions?”

  Derek glares at her. “Get out.”

  She gives him a warning glance. “Okay, but you’d better be nice and pretend you have manners. I’ll be back in ten.”

  She hurries down the hallway toward her office. I look over at Derek. He glances up from his screen and frowns. “Are you going to sit down?”

  I check out the leather chair in front of his desk. “No, thanks. I’m good.”

  “Suit yourself.” He clicks a button on his desk, and the glass walls of the office instantly go opaque.

  “Neat trick.”

  “Close the door. We don’t want all the animals who work here gaping at you.”

  I do as he asks. When I turn around, he’s staring at me.

  “How was your day?”

  “Hellish. Yours?”

  “About the same.”

  He places his tablet on his desk then comes and stands in front of me. He’s so close, the hairs on my arms stand on end. Despite Eden’s endless vendetta against Derek, I’ve always found him attractive. Sure, he’s older than most of the men I’ve gone out with, but he has an air of power that’s undeniably hot.

  “I feel like I haven’t seen you for years.” He moves forward, and I instinctively push my back against the door. He places his hand next to my head and gives me a thorough once over, from head to toe.

  “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you in person, I’d almost forgotten how beautiful you are,” he says, his voice dropping. “I’ve been thinking about kissing you all day.”

  He leans forward to brush his lips against mine. A rush of warmth hits me as I put my hand on his chest. “We can’t. She’ll be back soon.”

  “I don’t care.” He pushes his head into my neck, and his warm breath tickles my skin. “We need to tell Eden the truth about us. She’ll understand.”

  When he slides his hand into my hair and tightens his fingers, I make a noise and pull him down to kiss me. It’s a cautious we-could-be-caught-at-any-moment kiss, but it still leaves me breathless.

  “You’ve met my sister. I’m sure she’ll have no problem with me lying to her for months about the identity of my French lover. Who’d run Pulse if she bludgeons you to death with her fake Pulitzer?”

  “She’ll get over it. I’m tired of being Phillipe.” He presses against me, and I revel in the weight of him. Why can’t I tear his clothes off and have my way with him like a normal woman? Why is my body already manufacturing tension at the thought of having sex?

  When I’d run into Derek at the Paris Book Fair, I knew how much Eden disliked him as a boss, but in a foreign setting, I’d found him charming, attentive, and way hotter than I’d remembered. Dinner together on the first night of the fair turned into the sort of connection I haven’t felt for a long time, and it was clear he felt the same. We ended up spending every spare moment together. When I realized I was falling for him, I’d prayed to any deity that would listen to allow us to be intimate without my brain interfering.

  If only.

  Despite him being an amazing, patient lover, my body failed to cooperate. Too ashamed to admit my problem, I pretended to enjoy myself. And now, here I am, stubbornly clinging to the hope that my feelings for him will override my stupid cockblocking anxiety issues.

  “I want you,” he whispers. “I miss you.”

  “I know.” I stroke his handsome face. “I’m sorry. Work is … crazy.”

  “How’s your new author?”

  “Talented, but infuriating.” I haven’t told him the full story about me and Jake. It’s too exhausting to go into that much detail. “Today felt a hundred years long, and it’s not over yet.”

  “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “Buy me copious amounts of grain alcohol and Valium?”

  “Done.” He gives me a soft kiss, and for a moment, I forget about all the ways I’m letting him down.

  He pulls back and leans his forehead against mine. “You’re one of the most intelligent, driven women I’ve ever met, and I know you love what you do. I have faith you can figure out how to make even the most untenable situation
work.”

  Yeah, any situation that doesn’t involve sex is a walk in the park. Figuring out how to be intimate, however …

  There’s a knock on the door, and Derek and I step apart before he grumbles, “Come in.”

  The door opens to reveal Eden’s best work buddy, Toby. He looks at me in surprise. “Hey, Ash! I didn’t know you were here. How are you?”

  “Great, Tobes. And you?”

  “Great!” He smiles down at me with way too much interest, like a giant, cardigan-wearing Golden Retriever. I’ve always known Toby had a crush on me, but I never encouraged it for the exact reason I shouldn’t have let things develop with Derek: He works with my sister, and the last thing I need is to be the source of any kind of awkwardness between my sister and her colleagues.

  “Waiting for Eden?” Toby asks.

  I nod. “Yep.”

  He glances at Derek. “In here?”

  Derek levels him with a glare. “Did you have a reason for being here, Jenner?”

  “Oh, yeah.” Toby holds out a folder. “These are my stories for next week.” Derek is old-fashioned when it comes to running his online magazine. He still insists all the writers submit their drafts in paper form. Eden thinks it’s because he loves the power of wielding his red editing pen like a weapon. She often conflates Derek’s overbearing management style with the theory that he’s somehow compensating for having a small dick. I can attest that she’s very wrong.

  Derek takes the folder and peruses the documents inside. “Do you want a medal for doing your job? Get the hell out of here.”

  Toby nods then looks at me. “See you tonight?”

  I give him a smile. “Absolutely. Can’t wait.”

  Toby has been moonlighting at Romance Central as their technical director, and is the coding genius behind the new matchmaking app they’re launching. Eden has always said he’s the smartest person she’s ever met, and now, he’s proven it. Even before the app hits the market, he’s being hailed as the next big programming superstar.

  As Toby goes, he gives me one last wave. When he’s gone, I close the door and turn to Derek.

  “How is that you’re so sweet to me and such a hardass to your employees?”

  He takes my hand and kisses it. “I learned a long time ago that no one respected me when I was nice. It’s screwed up, but it’s a fact.”

  “But they think you’re a dick all the time. Eden has a theory that you get your grump on every morning by kicking puppies before breakfast.”

  He shrugs. “I don’t care if my employees think I’m an asshole. My family and friends know I’m not. You know I’m not.”

  In France, we’d had long discussions about how his marriage had broken down, and I was surprised that he was still on good term with his ex-wife. They were high school sweethearts who simply fell out of love. No cheating. No animosity. Further proof that in a world of petty men, he’s a rare exception.

  He gives me one more kiss before throwing Toby’s folder of articles onto his desk. “Do you think there’s any way we can blow off this event tonight and just spend some time alone?”

  I shake my head. “Even if I didn’t have to babysit my author, Eden would kill me if I didn’t go. And you’re one of the major sponsors for the event, so there’s no way you can’t make an appearance.”

  He nods but doesn’t look happy about it. “I’d rather slice off my ears than attend, but if I don’t go, your sister may actually nail me to my office door.” He puts his arms around me. “Of course, if we come clean about our relationship, I could go as your date. I’d be able to pick you up, bring you flowers ... dance with you. That alone would make going worthwhile.”

  The romantic inside me swoons. I can just imagine how handsome Derek would be, all decked out in his tux. I get a mental image of us dancing in slow motion, all eyes on us as we gaze at each other.

  I stroke the back of his hair. “Your text earlier said that you’re staying in Manhattan tonight?”

  He smiles. “I’ve booked a suite at the hotel.”

  “Then, maybe after you’ve fulfilled your sponsor obligations, and I’ve finished with my author, we can leave the party early. Eden will be staying over at Max’s, so she won’t notice if I don’t come home.”

  “I love the way your mind works.” He kisses me, slow and sweet. Making out with him is fabulous. It’s when we go further that I get worked up. Which is why I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not going to get better unless I attack the issue head on. So, tonight, I’m determined to make love to this man until all my intimacy issues pack up and go home. I don’t care how long it takes. I need this relationship to work, because if a man as amazing as Derek can’t check all my boxes, then what hope do I have?

  There’s a knock on the door, and we break apart right before Eden enters.

  She frowns at us. “Why’s the door closed?”

  Derek gives me a look, and for a second I’m terrified he’s going to expose us. But then he composes his face into an expression of disdain.

  “I was trying to keep out people who annoy me, but clearly you didn’t take the hint.”

  Eden gives him a sarcastic smile. “Stop making me fall in love with you.” She holds up her makeup bag. “Okay, sis, let’s hit the bathroom, so you can work your magic.” She waves at Derek. “See you tonight, boss.”

  “Yeah, see you then.” He glances at me. “Nice to see you, Asha.”

  The affection in his gaze gives me goosebumps. “You, too, Derek. See you around.”

  As we leave his office and head toward the ladies’ room, Eden nudges me with her elbow.

  “Okay, so … tell me about today. How awful was it? Did you end up murdering Jake? And if so, do you need help hiding the body?”

  I laugh then launch into the details of my horrible first day. Eden listens intently and makes appropriately snarky, sympathetic comments in all the right places.

  SEVENTEEN

  ____________________

  Burn Book

  I GRUNT AS I DESPERATELY try to zip up my vintage Valentino dress. The damn thing has stuck halfway up, and no matter how much I contort myself trying to budge it, I can’t.

  “Come on, baby,” I say. “I’ve been saving you for a special occasion. Don’t do this to me, tonight of all nights.”

  It’s a gorgeous, sapphire-blue floor-length gown I found for a bargain basement price at one of my favorite retro stores, but alas, zippers in second-hand fashion are notoriously unreliable. Usually, I’d have Eden on hand to assist me, but she’s already at the event helping Max set up. Another bummer is that this is the only formal gown I own, so if I can’t get it to zip, I may be arriving in my underwear.

  “Come on … you … sonovabitch!” I tug it so hard, my arm spasms. “Ahhh. Damn it!”

  I slump onto the bed and massage the twitching muscle. This night was supposed to be a time for me to leave the tension of the last few days behind. Now I have to top off the stressful day I’ve had with Jake with an equally stressful night.

  I stand and stretch my arm in preparation for zipper-tug, 2.0. When I turn, I catch my appearance in the mirror. My hair is swept up and fabulous, and my makeup is on point. All I need is to get this gorgeous dress zipped up, and I can be on my merry way.

  I hope Sid organized a tux for Jake. If he arrives in jeans and a t-shirt, Eden will hit the roof.

  I reach behind me to grab the zipper again and pull with all my strength, but it still refuses to budge.

  Okay, bitch. Now, it’s personal.

  I grab a wire hanger and slide the hook into the hole on the zipper. “Let’s see you resist this.” Even though I gain some extra leverage, the zipper remains stuck. I’m in the middle of an impressively long string of curse words when my phone rings.

  It’s Jake. I roll my eyes and put him on speaker.

  “What?”

  “Wow. Is that any way to greet your date?”

  “You’re not my date. You’re my responsibility.”
<
br />   “And also your favorite author.”

  I change my position and pull the zipper from another angle. Still, nothing. “Jake, I know that what I’m about to tell you is true for every moment we interact, but believe me when I say, I’m not in the mood for your crap tonight.”

  “And yet, you’re professionally obligated to put up with it. What time do you want me to pick you up?”

  I laugh. “Never. I’ll meet you there.”

  “Sidney wants us to arrive together. Photo ops, remember? I’m not wearing this tux for my health.”

  I shake my head and press my lips together as I give the zipper another yank. “Then I’ll meet you at the Starbucks near the venue in half an hour.” Providing I’m fully clothed by then.

  “Yeah, that doesn’t really work for me. I’ll pick you up at your place. Sid’s organized a car for us.”

  The zipper moves a tiny bit then stops again. “Jacob, I don’t care if Sid has organized an F14 flyover by the British Royal Marines. We’re not going together. This isn’t a date. Do not come here.”

  It’s bad enough that he’s invaded my place of business. I’ll be damned if he invades my home, too.

  He pauses for a second then says, “Too late.”

  There’s a loud knock at the door.

  No. No way.

  “Jacob.”

  “Sorry. Gotta go. Have to pick up my date.”

  The line goes dead as another loud knock echoes through the apartment.

  “Jesus,” I mutter. “Now I know how the three little pigs felt.”

  I stride down the hallway and look through the fish eye in the door. It’s dark.

  “Do you have your hand over the peep hole?”

  “No.”

  “How do you even know where I live?”

  “I have my ways.” I hear a rustling sound, and then Jake’s voice is softer. “Also, there’s an elderly woman out here with no teeth giving me the stink eye. She has a broom. Open up.”

  I have two elderly neighbors: Mrs. Eidleman who’s almost as cool as my nan, and Mrs. Levine, who likes to police our hallway like it’s a demilitarized zone during the Cold War.

  Through the door, I can hear Mrs. Levine’s crotchety voice. “What are you doing there? How did you get in here? Are you George Clooney?”