Broken Beauty

by Bry Ann

  I go to leave but his voice stops me.

  “I have an offer for you.”

  I glance over my shoulder. “Yes?”

  “I can give you a fresh start. I know you lost your only family. I know you’re in pain.” He glances at my abdomen for a brief moment. “I can offer you money, a place to live, a new identity, everything you’d need to start again in life.”

  I sigh. “You want me away from Rain.”

  He doesn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

  “Can I ask why?”

  He cocks his head. “You’re not good for Rain.”

  “What have I ever done to Rain?”

  Richard straightens his suit and steps towards me. “You want it straight?”

  I step up to meet him, man to man. I'm done cowering to powerful men. Look where it got me last time. I nod.

  “Rain in particular? Nothing, but she’s done stuff for you. Rain doesn’t get attached to people lightly. She latches on and won’t be told no.” He smiles a bit at that. “You’re a man who allowed his family to abuse another woman because you were too much of a coward to stop it. You don’t know what you want. Although I respect the success of your businesses, you don’t have your life together.”

  Let’s flash back to my trashed apartment.

  “Rain needs a man. She needs someone who pursues her and takes care of her, who loves her for everything that she is. Not someone who she needs to take care of. Not someone who she knows more about than he does her.”

  Ouch, but fair.

  “I haven’t pursued Rain, sir.”

  He sighs. “Yes, well, Rain’s pursued you. And that’s the issue.”

  “I can’t leave my businesses.”

  “I understand that, but this is a chance to expand. I can offer the funds to staff the office here and start up a second office there. Personal training can be done virtually.”

  I stare down at my feet. What do I have left here? My clients, but I only have two left and they’re each only a week from their show. With my recent injuries, I haven’t taken on anyone new. I have no family. No friends—Rain doesn’t count. She’s… I don’t know why she’s talking to me.

  “I’ll do it, but my clients have their shows next week. I need to be there.”

  “Of course, I'm not kicking you out. I think this is best for you as well.”

  “This isn’t about me,” I say a bit harshly. “This is about you controlling your daughter.”

  “Get out,” he demands. “This is about me protecting my daughter from her past and making bad decisions.”

  I roll my eyes. He’s treating her like she’s one of his employees. If she wants to hang with me, she has a right to, and I don’t mean that selfishly. Unless I’m a threat to her, why does he have to intervene? She’s an adult. As for her father, I agree we should wait until we can confirm it, but once we do, she has a right to know. She one hundred percent has a right to know.

  “Gladly, Mr. Brown. You want to pay me to leave? Fine. Their shows are on Tuesday. I can be gone by Wednesday, so feel free to have the money by then.”

  “Ajax,” he calls one last time as I leave.

  “Yes?” I sigh.

  “I'm only trying to do what's right for my daughter. I'm also giving you an opportunity here, to expand, to start over…”

  “I know, Mr. Brown.”

  He nods, and I'm out of there.

  13

  Rain

  “Not a word,” I hiss at Donald as I step into the pet store.

  He smirks. “Yes, ma’am.”

  I glare at him. “I just need a peek. I'm just saying hi.”

  “Rain, just buy one. You’ve been coming here for years.”

  “Shhh, you don’t understand,” I whisper as Rhonda, the manager, notices me, shakes her head, and grabs one of the big black-eyed beauties from their cages. “I couldn’t raise the little angel right. I don’t have enough love in me. And what if I run out of crickets and it dies?”

  Rhonda hands me a yellow and purple gecko. When it’s in my hand, its little face turns to me and I shit you not, it smiles.

  “Did you see that?” I squeal at Donald and turn so he can see the gecko’s face. “It smiled at me!”

  “Rain,” he chuckles, shaking his head.

  “I won’t keep you here long. I promise. Just a few minutes.”

  I take a seat on the bench and stare at the lizard as it crawls up my arm. I giggle because its tail tickles when it runs across the underside of my arm. This is my happy place. When I was a little girl living in an abusive household one of my teachers, before I got pulled from school, had a gecko. I loved it so much. When things were bad at home, I’d count down the hours until I could see the gecko again. From there, it kind of became an obsession. I’d envision geckos' cute faces when my biological father hurt me. When I came to live with my dad, I didn’t leave the house without being right by his side for a year or so. It wasn’t until I was a young teen that I started going places with my driver, Donald. He’d take me anywhere I wanted to go. I was at the shoe store next door when I found this pet store and I’ve been coming here ever since. Rhonda always makes sure there are geckos here for me and I tip her well for letting me come all the time without making a purchase.

  “Okay. I won’t make you suffer anymore, Donald,” I say after a few minutes, feeling a tinge of sadness in my heart.

  “Rain, just get one. Tell Mr. Brown geckos are the love of that guarded little heart of yours.”

  “No,” I say harshly. “If I hurt it, I’ll never forgive myself. What if it feels trapped with me? I won’t do it.”

  Donald shakes his head. I know he’s dying to tell my dad, but I made him pinky swear not to when I was young and innocent and now he’s tied in. Everyone knows you can’t break a pinky promise.

  “Thanks, Rhonda,” I say on our way out.

  “You got it, honey.”

  I slip a couple twenties in her tip jar when she’s not looking and head out.

  “Where to now, Rain?”

  “I should probably check on the big idiot.”

  Donald is quiet for a long moment. “This is the second time you’ve visited him.”

  “Yeah, so? What’s it to you?” I snap defensively.

  “I’ve only ever seen you visit Kiki. Even then, she usually visits you.”

  “Again, if you have a point, make it. Otherwise, I can walk just fine.”

  “Your shoes aren’t cut out for walking.”

  “You know I’ve mastered heels.”

  “Much to your dad’s dismay.”

  I laugh. Dad hates how I dress. I think it’s because, well, beauty attracts men and he knows how nervous that makes me. But I don’t dress up for them, I dress up for me.

  Leaning back, I sigh. “Yeah, please take me to Ajax’s place. I need to check on him.”

  “Alright, Rain.”

  This doesn’t mean anything, I just feel for the guy. He stayed with me when I was young, hiding in a closet. Yes, he’s a coward and I blame him, but I also get it. He lost everyone. Anthony is the last person he ever loved.

  There is literally no one left.

  And he doesn’t have friends.

  Honestly, when I saw the state of his condo, I knew things were bad. Really bad. I have Dad to pick me up, and Kiki, but I also understand the loneliness. Dad’s always gone. Always. And Kiki, well, although I wouldn’t trade it for anything, she’s finding her happiness. We haven’t spent as much time together.

  Which is great. I'm just lonely. Like him. Except if I fell, Dad and Kiki would be there. No one’s there for him. So that’s why I open the double doors that lead to his condo. That’s why I knock. That’s why my jaw drops when he opens the door shirtless.

  Shirtless.

  Holy shit. My hands start to shake as an unfamiliar feeling washes over me. There’s sweat dripping down his chest and abs and the look of it has my hands shaking and my heart rate rising. I mean, I imagined he looked good, given how serious
he is about working out, and I’ve seen his muscles through the clothes he wears. But this… this is wow. I don’t think I’ve ever felt attraction before. I want to leave, but I don’t want to be obvious.

  “Rain,” Ajax cuts through my thoughts, brows furrowed, “what are you doing here? Does your father know you’re here?”

  Well, that has my head snapping from his chest to his face. “Am I thirteen? No, my dad doesn’t know I'm here. Should I call him and ask for my curfew?”

  And can you please put on a damn shirt!?

  “Rain.” He runs his hand over his head. “I think you should leave.”

  I can’t help the way my stomach drops. “Am I—am I interrupting something?”

  “Ajax, baby, who is it?” an annoyingly shrill woman’s voice sounds from inside.

  I swear the blood drains from my face. “Oh.”

  He looks at me with soft eyes. “This is for the best, Rain,” he whispers.

  I narrow my eyes at him. I'm ready to explode and give him a piece of my mind when some blonde woman walks up behind Ajax and runs her hands down his bare back.

  “She’s blonde, of course,” I snap under my breath.

  The woman narrows her eyes at me. “Who the hell are you?”

  I look at Ajax. He looks down and sighs before meeting my eyes again. “She’s a friend of the family. She was just leaving.”

  The woman is practically climbing on him. God, go back to the room. I can tell she’s a one-night-stand deal because she’s not offended by me, but she’s still waiting on me to leave.

  “You’re right,” I say with a saccharine smile, “I’m a close family friend.” I walk up to Ajax and before I can think about what the hell I'm doing, I kiss him. “Bye, friend,” I say as I walk away, letting my hips, curve-hugging dress, and designer heels do the rest of the talking.

  It’s not until I'm back in the car that it hits me. Holy shit. That was, well, that was my first kiss. I'm such an idiot. What’s wrong with me?

  “Rain, you okay back there, hun?” Donald asks.

  “Me? Oh yes, great.” I pause a moment, letting the steam build. “You know what? No. No, I'm not. Why are men completely oblivious?”

  Donald lets out a low chuckle. “Oh, isn’t that a tale as old as time? I’d say it’s usually one of two things. One, men are direct. You need to straight up tell us what you think, not expect us to read your mind. But more likely, in this case,” he mutters that last part, “he chooses to ignore the obvious because he doesn’t feel he deserves it.”

  I'm quiet for a while. “There’s nothing obvious. I don’t even know…”

  He lets my words trail off without saying anything. Well, of course he doesn’t. He doesn’t know what the hell is going on.

  I run my fingers over my lips. His lips were surprisingly soft. The little bit of stubble was scratchy on my soft skin, but it made a tingle spread through my body. I wanted to run my finger down his thick abs to know what a man like that would feel like. The feelings scare me. I know it’s natural, but not to me.

  I lean my head against the seat and close my eyes. I’ll rest. Just for a moment.

  My eyes flicker open. We’re home. I look up to see Donald adjusting the air conditioning. The car is idling.

  “Did you wait for me to wake up?” I ask in a sleep-tired voice.

  Donald looks back and smiles softly. “You needed the rest. Did you sleep okay?”

  “Yes, thank you. I'm sorry. I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

  “It was no problem. Mr. Brown is waiting for you inside. He didn’t want to wake you either.”

  “My dad’s waiting for me?”

  “He is.”

  I try not to squeal as I fumble with my seatbelt. “Thank you, Donald!” I call as I rush inside. I hear his chuckle as I twist the key in the door and swing it open.

  “Dad!” I call.

  He enters the room with a phone to his ear but smiles and ends the call when he sees it’s me. His smile dies when he looks in my eyes.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I forgot my dad can read me too well.

  “Nothing.” I give him a fake smile. “What has you home on a Tuesday afternoon?”

  Dad studies me for a moment before nodding. “I cancelled my meetings for the day.”

  I frown. “Why would you do that?”

  “Honest answer?”

  “No, lie to me.”

  Dad chuckles. “I realized it’s been a long time since we sat down just the two of us.” He scrapes his hand down the side of his face. “I swore I wouldn’t become this guy when I, well, when you became my daughter.” He hates the word adopted. He thinks it minimizes our relationship and I agree. “And I’ve kind of become him.”

  “Become who?”

  “The man who works so much he has no clue what’s going on with his kid.”

  I swallow. I want to assure him he’s doing nothing wrong because he’ll always be my hero, but I can’t. He’s never here.

  “It’s okay,” I whisper. “You know I completely understand. You’re important.”

  “No, Rain, you’re important.”

  “Okay, well, this is awkward,” I sing-song. “What do you want to do today?”

  He smiles. “Our favorite restaurant.”

  My heart lightens. This is exactly what I need after what happened with Ajax.

  “That sounds perfect, Dad.”

  “Good. Let’s go, kiddo.”

  I love him. So much.

  Lunch with Dad yesterday was exactly what I needed. The feelings of guilt, self-hate, jealousy, and confusion still swirl in my gut but they’re further down now. I'm debating if I should tell Kiki and my therapist what happened. I don’t want anyone to know. I'm so humiliated and confused, but I’ve told Kiki everything and as much as it would kill me to say it, I know my therapist could help me work through some of these feelings. After thinking it through while doing a morning manicure, I decide not to tell Kiki. As much as it kills me to keep a secret, I know she’ll look too much into it. Emotionally, I couldn’t handle her bringing it up ever again and she would. She’d mean well, but she would. But my therapist… I owe it to my dad to tell her. This kinda thing could set me back. I need someone outside the situation to help me figure out what these feelings are and how to cope with the self-hate and confusion. I need that and she’s the only person I can talk to who, one, wouldn’t tell my dad and, two, would never bring it up or try to push me and Ajax together.

  “Rain.” Lena smiles as she walks out. “Come on in,” she says as she gestures to the room.

  Lena’s an incredible woman. I'm so grateful to my dad for finding her when I was just a little girl. She specializes in trauma recovery and even worked to recover women and children from human trafficking for years. I admire her. I hope to be half the woman she is one day.

  “How are you?” she asks as she closes the door.

  “Ummmmmmm…” I sing in a pitched voice.

  Lena chuckles. “Oh boy. Take a seat, hun.”

  I sit and take a deep breath. “I kissed someone.”

  Lena’s eyes widen. Even she can’t help it with all her years of experience. She knows what a huge, gigantic deal this is for me. Taking a deep breath, she says, “Okay. How do you feel about that? What happened?”

  “I don’t know where to start.” I fidget. I’ve never told her about Ajax.

  Lena’s face softens. “Where we always start, Rain. The first relevant point that you feel comfortable sharing.”

  I take a deep breath. “Okay, it started in middle school.” Lena nods. “When I went to school for the first time. Remember when the boy bullied me and I hid in the closet?”

  “I do,” she confirms.

  “Remember that boy who found me and got the teacher?”

  “Yes.”

  “His name was Ajax, Ajax Mercier. The first time I met him, I felt, um, comfortable around him, but before I could figure out why, he was gone. He was adopted, you see. Wel
l, fate came into play because the family that adopted him was Kiki’s evil ex-husband’s, so I met him again through her.”

  “Wow, that’s quite the coincidence.”

  “Right?! Ugh,” I grumble. Her lip tips up a bit. She has a knowing look in her eye. “He changed. He, uh, became a bodybuilder. He was quiet. His eyes were distant. I connected to that. Well, long story short, you know what happened with Kiki’s ex.”

  And she does. To a certain degree. I left out the whole getting the mafia involved and leaving Anthony for dead part, but I think she knows. I told her he’s not around anymore.

  “Anthony was all Ajax had, so I guess I’ve felt kinda bad for him. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Dad, and Kiki, so I’ve been visiting him a bit. Oh, he was also stabbed! A lot. The stubborn fuck wasn’t going to his appointments.”

  “Wow, how did that make you feel when you found out he was stabbed?”

  I glance down at my hands, remembering the ice-cold panic that ran through my blood when I heard Ajax’s weak voice.

  “A bit concerned, I guess. I mean, he was stabbed. That’s natural.”

  “Rain…” she lightly reprimands.

  “I was worried, okay?” I quickly glance up at her. “I was scared, happy?”

  “What scared you about losing Ajax?”

  I twist my fingers together. “He gets it,” I whisper.

  “Gets what, Rain?”

  “How it feels to be broken.”

  Lena softens. “So that connects you to him.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” I nod. “He doesn’t make me feel different… or bad for being me, even when I'm crazy.”

  “You’re never crazy, Rain. You’re doing so well.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah…”

  She chuckles. “So, continue on. What happened that led to the kiss?”

  “So, like I said, I’ve been visiting him. I was out with Donald and decided, hey, why not? So we drove over. He was, um…” Should I tell her he was shirtless? No, oh my God. Get it together, Rain. That is soooo irrelevant to this therapy session. “Well, there was some blonde there.”