by Bry Ann
Lena must catch something in my tone because she says, “Did it bother you to see him with another woman and possibly a woman who doesn’t look like you?”
“No, I couldn’t care less who he fucks, but does it have to be…? Ugh,” I huff, “Of course he’d go for some hot blonde.”
I cross my arms over my chest. I can tell Lena’s trying not to chuckle and it pisses me off.
“What is it about her being blonde that bothers you?”
“He doesn’t have to be so stereotypical.”
“You’re the most girl-power woman I know. It’s not her blonde hair or that she likes to go out and have fun that bothers you. What is it about her hair color that’s making you angry, Rain?”
She knows me too well.
“Guess I'm not his type,” I say quickly. “Anyway, she asked who I was and he said I was a family friend, which, what a way to minimize…” I shake my head. “He knows we connect beyond Kiki’s relationship with Anthony. I just got so mad. Before I could think, I was stepping forward and I-I kissed him. Something took over me, Lena!”
“Is it possible you were jealous?”
“Jealous!” Lena cocks an eyebrow, challenging me to be honest. “That’s possible,” I mumble.
“How did the kiss feel?”
Tension courses through my body. “Wrong. Guilty. Bad. But—um, his lips were soft. I didn’t expect that.”
Lena nods, understanding my past. Understanding why my body is now ramrod straight.
“When someone’s abused,” Lena says softly, “intimacy can be very confusing. Your mind tells you one thing and your body another.”
“It wasn’t a passionate kiss or anything,” I say quietly. “It was brief, but I wanted to do it again and I hate myself for that.”
A tear slips down my cheek. Lena subtly hands me a box of tissues.
“This is so dumb. He probably thought nothing of it and fucked her right after.” I sniffle.
“Rain, don’t cover your emotions by being crude.”
I know I'm pouting in my seat, but Lena lets me. She gives me a moment to be pissy until those feelings start to fade.
“What do I do, Lena? I need your wisdom here.”
“You’re not gonna like what I have to say.”
“Oh no.” I close one eye. “Tell me.”
“You two need to talk. You need to address how you feel with him. Otherwise, one of two things will happen, Rain, knowing you. One, you’ll avoid him completely and obsess. Or two, you’ll act like nothing happened and terrorize the poor guy.”
I smirk. “I like both of those options.”
“Those are not options, Rain. Those emotions you feel inside, the confusion, fear, guilt, humiliation, that will only be made worse by ignoring this, Rain. I'm not saying confess your heart to him. I'm just saying give him a call, stop by and see if he wants to grab a drink or something. Don’t let it sit unmentioned.”
“That’s good advice.”
Lena nods. “I hope you take it, Rain. Please don’t let this sit inside you.”
I swallow, grab my purse, and stand. “Thank you, Lena.”
Lena looks concerned. “You’re welcome, Rain. Take care of yourself.”
14
Ajax
“I think you should leave,” I tell a confident-looking, beautiful Rain at the door.
I don’t miss the way her face falls even though she tries to mask it. I read her well. “Am I—am I interrupting something?” she asks.
“Ajax, baby, who is it?” Mandi, this girl I was planning to hook up with, asks from my bedroom.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Rain doesn’t need to see this, but I don’t need to justify myself to her. We’re the farthest thing from together. She’s not just out of my league, she’s from another planet, one far better than mine. But still, I find myself wanting to make sure she’s… okay with this.
“Oh,” I hear her say.
I glance at her with soft eyes. “This is for the best, Rain,” I whisper.
… And it is.
Rain and I just stare at each other for a long moment. There’s fire in her eyes as she stares at me. Her mouth is opening when Mandi runs her hands down my back.
“She’s blonde, of course,” Rain mutters before Mandi can say anything.
“Who the hell are you?” Mandi cuts in. I don’t like Mandi’s tone with her, but if I say that, it’ll just make leaving harder for both of us. Rain needs to think I don’t care. I'm doing this for both of us. Even if it wasn’t for her father’s intervention, this is for the best.
I look down before meeting Rain’s eyes again. “She’s a friend of the family. She was just leaving.”
Rain’s shoulders roll back. Oh, she’s pissed and I understand why. Plus, Mandi is really laying it on thick. She’s climbing all over me. Under normal circumstances, I’d appreciate it, but with Rain here, it feels wrong. Really wrong. Not to mention, I know how uncomfortable Rain is with sexual interactions, even though she tries to mask it.
“You’re right,” Rain says with a smile that warns me she’s up to no good, “I'm a close family friend.”
She walks up to me. Before my brain can process how close she is, her lips are on mine. My brain doesn’t even compute what’s happening until she’s pulled away.
“Bye, friend,” she says sarcastically, making sure to give me a show with her hips on the way out.
She kissed me. Rain Brown kissed me. I stare out the doorway where she just left. I want her back. I want to ask her why she did that. I want to confirm that she was jealous. But mostly, I want to kiss her again. I want to feel those soft lips on mine. I want to feel that soft body vulnerable beneath my fingers, knowing I’d never do a thing to hurt her.
There’s a sigh from beside me but I'm too transfixed. “Go after her.”
“What?”
“Look at me,” Mandi demands. She grabs my shoulders and turns me.
“I'm no angel, but I can’t sit here and stand between love, alright? That shit’s bad karma.”
“What? Love, no.” A fake laugh escapes my lips. “Come on, let’s, uh, head back.”
“Tempting.” Mandi smirks. “Ajax, go. You haven’t stopped looking for her.”
“I can’t,” I admit.
“God, this is so unlike me to play matchmaker,” Mandi groans, “but why? You’re two beautiful people whose sexual tension is off the charts.”
I know, at least to the second part. I wouldn’t say I'm a beautiful person. But that’s what makes my stomach turn. Somehow, I don’t feel Rain would take well to feeling any kind of sexual interest in me.
“It’s complicated.”
“Isn’t it always?”
“This really is. Besides, I'm moving Wednesday.”
Mandi straightens. “Does she know?” My lips tighten. “She doesn’t know! Go tell her, Ajax.”
My head falls. “I can’t.”
Rain
“What are your plans for today?”
“Not sure yet.” I shrug.
Dad grabs his briefcase and takes a step towards me. “Have you thought about what we talked about the other night, about going back to school?”
I twist my hands together. “I don’t know if I'm meant for school, Dad.”
His eyebrows furrow. “I don’t think it’s healthy to have no purpose, Rain. You don’t have to go to school, but… I think it’s important that you have something that’s yours.”
“This is a little deep for nine in the morning, don’t ya think?”
He gives a little smile. “Think about it, Rain. Have you spoken to Kiki recently?”
“Ummm…” I sing-song.
He cocks his head. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” I give him a flat smile. Yes, this is a lie, but hopefully not for long because for once, I'm going to take my therapist’s advice.
Dad glances at his watch and gives me a nervous look. Story of his life, torn between his career obligations an
d his worry for me.
“Go, Dad. Really, I'm fine.”
“I love you.” He kisses my forehead.
“Love you, Dad.”
An hour later, I'm in the car with Donald, fully glam, nails freshly painted. I needed that to calm down. This is gonna be so awkward. I want to avoid it but my therapist is right. Besides, if anyone will go easy on me for this, it’s Ajax. He’s gentle with me.
“Ajax’s?” Donald asks as we pull out of the gates.
“How did you guess?”
“Call it a hunch?” he chuckles.
“Is this stupid?” I whisper.
“I don’t know the situation fully, Rain, but healthy communication is never stupid.”
“So don’t tell him he’s a complete fucking idiot.”
“Maybe not a good starter.”
I chuckle. “I’ll save that for my exit line.”
“Perfect.”
I laugh way too loud at that. “What would I do without you, Donald?”
He looks back at me through the mirror, eyes crinkled around the corners. “I enjoy driving with you too, Rain.”
He always says driving with me because one time when I was, like, thirteen, he said he enjoyed driving me around and I broke down crying out of guilt. I literally cried all day. I told Dad I didn’t want a driver anymore. It took both of them sitting me down and explaining that Donald enjoys driving me and gets taken care of (a.k.a. paid well) to do so. I know that now, but he’s still careful with what he says. It’s sweet.
“We’re here.”
My gaze snaps over to the big white building. I exhale a deep breath, feeling my heart rate rise.
“This suckssssss!” I yell before opening the door.
I spend a solid two minutes flattening out my skirt, fluffing my hair, and making sure my clothes are all where they’re supposed to be. It’s nerves. When I'm nervous, I turn to beauty. Alright, I'm fine. I’m being fucking ridiculous.
Placing one heel-clad foot in front of the other, I head up to his unit. When I reach his door, I knock a few times. Then a few more. Then I start to pound on it.
“Ajax, open up. It’s… Rain.” My heart rate is a million miles an hour. I need him to let me in. “Ajax, please!”
I pound on the door harder. “Ajax!”
“Who are you looking for?” a gruff voice says from behind me.
I turn to find a man with thick grey hair and a slight build standing behind me.
“Um, Ajax, Ajax Mercier. Do you know where he is?”
His eyebrows furrow. “He moved out. I can’t remember if it was yesterday or a few days ago, but yeah, this place is on the market.”
“No, no, no, that’s wrong.”
I turn back towards the door and lift my hand. I'm about to knock again when a rough hand lands on my wrist, sending a burst of ice through my veins, making me freeze before I realize it’s the grey-haired man.
“Here.” He jiggles keys and places them in the door. “I’ll open it for you. I'm the property manager,” he adds when he sees my brows furrow.
“He didn’t move,” I tell him as he swings the door open. The man gives me a look full of pity that I ignore.
As soon as the door is open, my stomach drops. The place is empty. Completely empty except for one stupid dumbbell in the corner. Ajax and his stupid weights. I feel the need to cry but my throat is too clogged and I can’t wrap my mind around this. He left… he left without saying goodbye. I know I kissed him but… still.
It takes me a moment to realize the property manager is waiting on me. Shaking my head and wiping my face clean of emotion, I turn to him.
“Thank you.”
He nods. “No problem. You okay?”
“Of course.” I give him a fake smile.
My heels click as I leave the room. I walk out the side door of the building; I need a moment before being back in the limo with Donald. The cold air washes over my face, allowing me to take my first deep breath since I was in Ajax’s apartment. A sense of calm is starting to overtake me for a brief moment in time when I get the strong feeling I'm being watched. Remembering Ajax’s words, my gaze shoots up and I find myself face to face with a man with virtually no hair left except for a bit around his ears, with dark eyes and a protruding stomach. I know those dark eyes. I know those dark eyes.
“Donald!” I scream, stumbling back. “Donald!”
My back falls into the stucco and I curl up in a ball, shaking all over. Whimpers escape my lips. I can’t speak anymore, can’t scream for help. I'm about to pass out from fear when I hear footsteps round the corner. There’s a pause while I hear the footsteps exploring the area. See, Donald is ex-military. He’s my driver, but I suspect also my bodyguard. When the footsteps start to slow, I feel a body by my side, knowing better than to touch me, especially now.
“Rain, what happened? Please, Rain.” When I don’t answer, he whispers. “I should call your dad.”
It takes me a second, but I shake my head. “Don’t disturb him.”
“You won’t bother him, Rain.”
“Did you catch him?” I whisper.
“Catch who, Rain? What happened?”
“I saw my dad, my biological one.”
Donald freezes. See, I don’t think Donald knows everything about what Dad saved me from but he knows enough. He knows enough to stand and subtly demand I do, too.
“Are you sure?” he asks as I force my shaking limbs to stand. I start to wobble so Donald reaches his arm out, not touching me but there if I need him. I love him so much. I’d be embarrassed to say it but he’s kinda like my grandfather. “Rain, take off those damn shoes,” he says when I continue to wobble.
Even with everything going on, I smirk a bit at that. I strip my heels from my feet and sigh when they’re flat on the ground.
“There ya go,” Donald says. “I don’t know how you wear those all the time.”
I shrug. “Makes me feel good.”
“Whatever you say.”
I don’t miss the way he blocks me from view as we walk or the way he stands behind me as I climb in the car.
He goes to the front and locks the doors immediately.
“Am I finally losing it? My birth father’s dead.”
“It was probably someone else with similar features. You’re not crazy, Rain.”
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that… It’s not reassuring.
“I could have sworn it was him, Donald. I even had the same visceral reaction. I don’t have reactions like that anymore.”
Donald doesn’t say anything. That leaves a weird feeling swirling in my gut. Is my biological father, my monster… alive?
No, Dad wouldn’t lie to me. Not about this.
“I'm gonna call Mr. Brown, Rain.”
I want to scream why? Why would you call him if it was nothing but a mistake? But that would mean I don’t fully trust my dad’s word and I do. So I pretend he’s just calling ‘cause he’s worried for me. Because I can’t accept the alternative.
15
Richard Brown
“This is bullshit!” I snap, but my attorney quickly silences me, taking over the conversation. He’s about to interject and destroy the dumbass in front of me when the door opens. I have to exhale so I don’t snap at Jenny. She knows not to interrupt me in a meeting, especially one like this.
I shoot her a look that has her cowering slightly. Then I feel a bit bad.
“I’m very sorry to interrupt,” she whispers, “but Donald’s on the line. He tried to call your cell phone. He said he would like to speak with you.”
I furrow my brows. Donald wouldn’t interrupt unless it was an absolute emergency.
“Excuse me, gentlemen.”
I step out of the room with Jenny. “I'm sorry, sir. He didn’t say it was an emergency but his tone… I wouldn’t have interrupted, but something felt wrong.”
I look into her concerned eyes and force myself to look relaxed because all these women here make me th
ink of Rain now, damn it. “It’s okay. Thank you, Jenny.”
“Of course, sir,” she says as I answer the phone. “Donald,” I say.
“Good afternoon, sir, I'm with Rain and we wanted to tell you about something a bit odd that happened today. Rain was going to visit a friend and she thought she saw Reggie Quantack, sir.”
Everything freezes. “What?” I hiss.
Donald clears his throat. Shit, he’s with Rain, that’s right.
“Everything’s fine. It was probably the lighting or something, but maybe you should come home for the day.”
“I’ll be home in ten minutes.”
“See you soon, Mr. Brown.”
When he hangs up, everything around me seems to move in slow motion for a moment before the rage sets in. I’ve never been a man prone to violence but I want to kill this man. I want to kill him myself. How he’s stayed under the radar with me searching for him all these years is beyond me. He’s an idiot to come for Rain now.
That will never fucking happen.
I'm furious she even laid eyes on him. How will I explain this without making her believe she’s crazy?
I snatch my briefcase from the back and head out, letting Jenny know to alert my lawyer of my absence so he can handle the abrupt exit, not that I really give a shit right now what those old bureaucrats think. My daughter doesn’t even have a normal life now. How is this going to affect her?
My head falls into my hands as the car I just stepped into takes off. The guilt I feel for never being there with her, for failing her, eats me alive. I didn’t take away her pain. I didn’t give her the normal life I promised. She still has nightmares. She still doesn’t touch people, for God’s sake.
I’d give up my entire empire if it meant I could give her a hug without her tensing.
When we arrive home, I check the driveway. Rain’s car is there. She’s home. I rush inside and find Donald pacing by the front door. I look around for Rain. When I don’t see her, I step in close to him.
“Was it him?”
“I didn’t see him, sir, but Rain screamed for me, Mr. Brown. Screamed. She was terrified.”
