by Bry Ann
I swipe my hand over my face. “I should have never lied to her.”
Donald doesn’t say anything to that. “Another thing.” I look up. “That boy, Ajax Mercier, moved out. He didn’t tell her. She seemed rather upset about it. That’s why I wasn’t near her when she spotted Mr. Quantack. She went out the side door.”
Fuck, Goddamnit.
“Right. Thanks for letting me know.”
I see Donald studying me. He suspects I had something to do with Ajax’s abrupt departure and he’d be right.
“Where’s Rain?”
Donald gives a soft smile. “The usual.”
I nod. “Thank you, Donald. For everything.”
“Of course, sir.”
I make my way outside to the garden where I know I’ll find Rain at her favorite bench, painting her nails. I don’t say anything as I take a seat across from her. She doesn’t look up and that’s how I know she’s really struggling.
“Hey,” I say.
“Yup, hi.”
“I heard what happened.”
“I'm crazy, what’s new? I don’t know why Donald called you.”
“Rain, you’re not crazy.” I couldn’t feel any more guilty right now, or so I thought.
“Eh, it’s okay. I know I am. After all, it’s easy to leave someone who’s crazy. It explains a lot,” she mumbles.
… Turns out I can feel more guilt.
“Rain, that’s not true.”
She lets out a bitter laugh. “Oh, I assure you it’s true. Fuck!” she snaps as literally a centimeter of nail polish goes over her nail. “I can’t even fucking do this right. Screw it.”
She chucks the nail polish down on the grass and shoves to her feet. I notice she’s barefoot, which is rare. She starts charging off.
“Wait, Rain.”
She turns over her shoulder. “What, Dad?”
“Want to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I think there is.”
I see her body curl with anger. “With all due respect, I think you have no clue what the fuck I'm feeling right now. Nothing I say will change shit.”
With that, she leaves. I stare after her for a long time, feeling like I failed her as a father. Everything she’s suffering right now is because of me.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t let this set her back. Slipping my phone from my pocket, I debate who to call. At first, I think to call her therapist, but I know that would just piss her off. Then I think to call Kiki, but I don’t know. Something about that doesn’t feel right. I feel like this is beyond Kiki’s ability to help, which is rare. She’s truly been the perfect best friend.
I fucked up sending Ajax away. I hate that kid. I think he’s a coward, but Rain connects with him for some odd reason.
With a grumble, I grab my phone and click his number.
“Ajax speaking,” he says, sounding slightly out of breath.
“You were right.”
There’s a long pause. “Richard,” he says flatly.
“Someone was watching you with Rain. Rain came to see you today and he showed up.”
“Is she okay?” he asks immediately. I hear the sound of weights dropping behind him but then it goes quiet so I know he left the gym. “What happened? Is she safe?”
“She’s home. Donald was there.”
“She was at my place?” he asks. He tries to sound casual but I hear shock in his voice that has me curious.
“She was,” I say flatly. Hating it already, I say, “I made a mistake, Ajax.”
“Oh, you think?” He sounds pissed and rightly so. “Why are you calling me?”
I'm silent for a long moment before I confess the God’s honest truth. “I don’t know what else to do.”
It’s his turn to be quiet. “What do you want from me?”
“Rain won’t talk to me and she thinks you left because she’s crazy.”
“Damn it! You have no clue what you’ve done. You have no clue what happened before I left!” he shouts.
“What happened?” I ask immediately, bristling.
“None of your damn business, sir. I'm not at your beck and call. My life is in shambles enough without you fucking with it. I’ll ask one last time. What do you want from me?”
“I need your help reaching Rain.”
He sighs. “I don’t know that I can do that.”
“Unfortunately, I think you can.”
There’s a long silence on the other end of the line. “I'm doing this for her. Not for you.”
Click.
Snatching my phone, I call Rain’s therapist. “Good afternoon, Bright Horizons.”
“Hi, Lena, it’s Richard. I need your help.”
“Mr. Brown, hello. Yes, what can I do for Rain?”
Sighing, I admit, “This is for me.”
“Oh,” she says, sounding shocked. “How can I help you, Mr. Brown?”
“I’m looking for your recommendations for therapy… for me. I would want this kept private, of course.”
“Of course,” she says quickly. “Let me look into this for you. I have a couple names in mind that would be a good fit but I want to think it over, if that’s okay.”
“That sounds great. Thank you, Lena.”
“Anything you need, Mr. Brown.”
“Appreciate it. Have a good afternoon.”
“You too, Mr. Brown.”
Click.
The call ends. Part of me feels like less of a man for admitting I need some help too, because I'm a powerful man in this society. Men like me aren’t supposed to need help, but that’s just conditioning speaking. It’s the strongest of society who admit they need help and seek it. When I'm frank with myself, I realize I need to be as strong as my daughter and seek the help I need.
16
Ajax
I'm so fucking pissed off at Richard, but the tone of his voice when he called was the tone of a man who didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t give a shit about how he feels, but I can’t imagine how Rain’s feeling right now. Her father led her to believe the man who “raised” her is dead. Then to see him would make a person feel completely crazy. Which, I don’t know what’s worse, a monster from your past being alive or going crazy due to said monster.
My heart goes out to her.
Not to mention, well, she was there to see me. Part of me hopes she’s a little upset I up and left without talking to her. She faced what I know would be a fear of hers to talk to me after that kiss. God I would have loved to hear what she was gonna say.
Pulling up to the gate, I roll down my window.
“Ajax Mercier,” I tell the man standing there.
He nods. “Mr. Brown is expecting you.”
I don’t even respond to that. He damn well better be. I'm in the house in ten minutes. When I enter, Richard is talking furiously to three men. When he sees me, he says something to the men before making his way over to me.
“Rain just went up to her room.”
“Alright.”
He glances down at my sweaty body, clearly displeased. This man does not like me and it brings me an iota of joy knowing I was the person he had to reach out to. It brings me true happiness that he thought Rain would want me over everyone else.
“Come see me when you’re done speaking with her.” When I cock an eyebrow, he continues. “It’s about her biological father.”
“Alright. I want to hear what the plan is to catch him.”
“You will.”
With that, I turn on my heel and head upstairs. I love that Richard acts like I would have any idea where Rain’s room is in the mansion. I walk past door after door, hoping inspiration will hit… and then it does. Square in the face. I see a door with green leaves wrapped in lights surrounding it.
It’s beautiful.
Rain brings beauty to everything.
My fist lifts and I exhale as I bring it down. I'm nervous but I know that will go away when I see her.
> “I don’t want to talk!” she yells.
I smile a little. Not wanting to give myself away, I lift my fist and knock again. That makes a growl escape her lips. That almost has a laugh bursting out of me.
“What?” she snaps as she swings the door open. Her eyes immediately widen. “Ajax?”
Her wide eyes narrow into slits. I see her hand rise but she’s too fast for me to stop it—especially because I'm expecting a slap. But oh no. Not Rain. She doesn’t slap me, she punches me square in the face.
“Shit,” I curse, wiping my nose, but I don’t let it distract me long.
“Go back to where you came from,” she hisses as she rubs her knuckles.
The door swings shut but my arm reaches out and stops it. “Let me in,” I say in a low voice.
“That won’t work,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest.
Smirking, I say, “What won’t?”
“That broody, ‘I'm covered in sweaty muscles’ thing. It won’t work.”
“Oh no.” I smile, stepping forward until I'm just a couple inches from her, looking down at her. She’s so small compared to me. “Won’t work at all?” I whisper.
“No,” she squeaks. “W-won’t work.”
I want to touch her. I want to run my fingers down her soft cheek then down her chest where her tits rise and fall with her breath. I want to hug her and tell her she’s not crazy. I want to run my fingers down that long, dark, silky hair. But I can’t. Because of her monster.
“Shame,” I say, stepping away, fully into her room.
“W-what are you doing in here? Get out!”
I lay back on her bed, letting my arms rest behind my head. Damn, her bed is hella comfortable.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
I don’t say anything. I let her anger rise. What can I say? It’s amusing.
“Ajax… Ajax Mercier!”
I roll my head her way. “Yes?”
“Ugh! Today has sucked. Leave it to you to make it worse.”
I open one side of the covers. “It doesn’t have to be all bad. Join me.”
That makes her angry facade drop and her eyes widen, fearful and vulnerable. “Ajax, what are you doing?” she says quietly. “You left. You left without saying goodbye.”
“What if I'm saying goodbye now?”
“Are you?”
“No.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“Join me, chérie.”
“I'm doing this because I want to lie down like I was before you barged in.”
I chuckle. “Okay.”
Slowly, carefully, she climbs in next to me, being extremely careful not to touch me. She’s completely stiff. It’s like having a mummy next to me. She’s not moving, not breathing.
“Rain?”
“Yep.”
“Relax, ma chérie.” (Sweetie)
“I am relaxed.”
I stiffen my body completely and tuck my hands into my sides, sucking in a breath. “Me too.”
Rain laughs, which is music to my ears right now. “Fair.”
And her body starts to relax.
“Why did your day suck?”
“If you’re here, my dad told you.”
“I wasn’t trying to invade your privacy. He found out I told you I thought we were being watched. So he told me what happened today because of that.”
“Why in the hell would my dad let you in here? He hates you.”
“Oh, I know. I have no clue, Rain.”
“Where are you moving?”
“Utah, apparently.”
“Why?”
I sigh. “It’s complicated.”
“Mmm.”
We’re both quiet for a while, just staring up at her ceiling.
“I'm surprised you were coming to see me.”
“Shut up. I knew you wouldn’t drop it.”
I smile. “Mandi didn’t stay after that, you know.”
She’s quiet. “Good. I didn’t like her.”
I chuckle. “You weren’t jealous, though.”
“Nope.”
I pop up on my elbow so I'm leaning over her a bit. “I’d be jealous,” I admit softly, but there’s passion in my voice. “If there were another man here, I’d have decked him. I’d kiss you and stake my claim. Not that you did exactly that per se, right?”
I can tell she likes the way I worded that because her eyes reflect gratitude.
“I wasn’t staking a claim, as you say. That’s ridiculous.”
I lean in closer. “Is it?”
“Very,” she breathes.
“In that case, I think it’s only fair that I return the favor.”
“Ajax, I-I don’t know. I-I can’t do… that.”
“Let me show you. Do you trust me?”
“No.”
I carefully and very slowly trace a finger down her cheek.
“Do you trust me, Rain?”
Her eyes dart around, before she gives a stiff nod.
“I’d never hurt you,” I say as I lower down to her. “You have all the control.”
That’s the last thing I say before my mouth is on hers. Gentle. Slow. Very slow and careful. I use that same hand I traced her cheek with. I loosely grip her hair in my hand and cup her head. As much as I want to devour her, I pull away. She blinks up at me.
“I completely don’t know what I'm doing. I suck, I know. That’s so awkward. I'm sorry.”
“You did not suck. It wasn’t awkward, not to me.”
“You’re nice.” She starts to shift a bit. Catching the hint, I put some space between us.
“I'm honest, Rain. I'm not trying to flatter you.”
She’s silent once again. “I'm going crazy, Ajax. I saw my dead father. I hope this isn’t too personal, you don’t have to answer, but have you ever seen your parents since they passed?”
My heart skips a beat thinking of my parents. I try not to think of them, but Rain needs me to talk about it right now. Besides, it will distract me from telling her Richard’s lie. It’s not my place but I don’t know how long I can stand her thinking she’s insane.
“Yes and no. Sometimes when I'm really hurting or something, I think I see my mom standing beside me. I could swear she’s there, but when I blink, she’s gone. But, Rain, it’s not a fair comparison because seeing my parents is painful in a different way. I long for my parents with everything I am; it’s not a bad thing to see them.”
“So maybe I'm not completely certifiable. Maybe only half so. It was so real, Ajax. It was him. I could have sworn it was him. If I didn’t know my dad would never lie to me about something like this, I wouldn’t believe anyone who told me that wasn’t him.”
God, she’s gonna be devastated when she finds out the truth.
“Are you okay? I know nothing about your past, Rain, but I figure he’s not good news based on what little I know. And the fact that you live with your real father now.”
Her head rolls to the side and I get a rare smile directed at me. “Thank you,” she says quietly.
“For what?” I ask, brows furrowing.
“Saying it like that.” She shrugs, looking straight ahead again. “The man who birthed me is not my dad. I appreciate you not referring to my dad as anything but what he is because that man downstairs is everything to me.”
“I know, chérie. So, back to my question, are you okay?”
“How much do you know?”
“Nothing, except he was bad.”
“He was abusive.” I swallow, not sure I'm ready to hear it and honestly floored she’s about to tell me. “Like, pretty bad. My dad created a task force to rescue child abuse victims. He saw a gap in the justice system when it comes to rescuing kids who needed to be removed. Anyway, occasionally, he went on jobs back then. This was one of those times. The house they went to was mine. My biological father was gone at the time. I was in the closet, chained to brick or something. I just remember being so scared they’d beat me or
worse because they kept asking if anyone was home and I couldn’t speak loud enough for them to hear me. At the time, I just thought I was tired, but now I know it was severe malnutrition and dehydration. One of the police officers thankfully heard me and entered the closet. He called for my dad as soon as he saw me. When my dad came in, I was scared at first. He was the biggest man I’d ever seen and he looked so angry, but when he spoke to me, his voice was soft and kind. When he unchained me and carried me in his arms, I’d never felt safer. When I was hospitalized afterwards, I refused to let him leave me. It was the only way I felt safe. I guess he fell in love with me then. He never left and I went home with him. The rest is history.”
I stare at the beautiful woman next to me with a rage I’ve never felt before. “You were… chained?”
“Yeah. Trust me, the chain didn’t bother me that much. I preferred that to the other stuff.”
Other stuff? Jesus Christ. “Can I touch you, Rain?” I ask gently.
Rain looks at me. Her eyes are fearful but she nods. I slowly take her hand in mine and squeeze. That’s it. For now.
“What other stuff?”
“I watched my mom die,” she whispers, staring at the string lights across the edges of her ceiling. “That was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Being locked in a cage was bad. The physical ailments from ill treatment sucked. Being beaten was never fun. The…” She shakes her head.
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“Yeah, there was some sexual abuse too, okay? I'm sure that’s not a surprise, given how I am, but I don’t want to talk about that.”
My grip on her hand tightens. I have to focus on my inhales and exhales to control my rage.
“I don’t know the right thing to say. If he’s still alive, can I take first dibs ripping his head off?”
A shocked laugh bursts out of her. “I think I deserve first dibs.”
I nod. “Fair.”
“Then Dad. He’s had to put up with me all these years.”
“Again, fair. Third dibs then.”
“Yep, you get whatever's left.”
“Chérie?” I whisper, tightening my grip on her hand.
“Yep.”
“Glad he found you.”
“Me too, Ajax. Me too.”
Nothing else is said. What is there to say? I've never been someone quick to anger. Pain and emptiness have consumed my life since my parents passed, but right now, as Rain’s face lolls to my side, exhausted, rage like I’ve never known takes over me.
