A Longtime -And at One Point Illegal- Crush

by Janette Rallison

  “Wouldn’t miss it,” he said. He seemed sober. Mostly. He was thin and wiry, with a flash of black hair and skin that looked too yellow to be healthy. His eyes were red, either from emotion or from not being quite sober. He hugged his daughter and looked at her in wonder.

  The pastor peered around the group. “If you’re ready, we’ll have everyone line up now.”

  Olivia and her father headed out, her mother close behind still adjusting and primping over ribbons on Olivia’s dress. Elsie followed in the wake of lace and ruffles and made her way to the chapel doors. Kye was there already, looking heart-stoppingly handsome in a black tuxedo and emerald green cummerbund. He was clean shaven and his normally mussed hair was sleek and perfectly in place. He looked so smooth he could have been in a cologne ad.

  There is no us, Elsie reminded herself.

  Elsie took a breath, smiled calmly, and walked over to Kye. His gaze ran over her approvingly. She wore a long, green taffeta dress, which vaguely reminded her of something a Barbie doll would wear. Pretty, but too poufy to be practical.

  He held out his arm to her. “I believe I was supposed to use some charm on you. Was it my cowboy charm or my math teacher charm? I can’t remember which.”

  “Cowboy charm. Math teachers don’t actually have any charm.” She had meant in general. After all, very few romance novels sported pictures of math teachers on their covers.

  Kye raised his eyebrow at her in disbelief. His look seemed to say, Oh really? You found me charming enough to kiss.

  She looked away from him, concentrating on the door and waiting for their cue. It came a moment later: the sound of the organ playing. An usher opened the chapel doors and Kye and Elsie moved forward, taking slow, measured steps toward the altar. It was easy to smile at Carson today. He looked so proud, so nervous, so unlike himself dressed in a tuxedo and standing at the front of the church.

  Elsie survived being in Kye’s charm-zone during their walk together, and she made her way to the bridesmaid side of the chapel. The hard part was over. Now Kye didn’t have a reason to talk to her and the two of them could go back to ignoring each other.

  There hadn’t been a point to having a bride’s side and a groom’s side of the chapel. Not in a town where everyone knew everyone else. Elsie only saw a few clumps of people she didn’t recognize—friends and family of Olivia’s, mostly. Several young, beautiful women were sprinkled through the crowd. One of them was Lisa. Elsie couldn’t help trying to pick out Kye’s girlfriend.

  Lisa couldn’t be the woman with florescent pink stripes in her hair that matched her fingernail polish and lipstick. Too flashy. Too look-at-me for Kye. Lisa also wasn’t the bleached blonde wearing too much makeup and a low-cut maroon dress. That wasn’t Kye’s type either. He would pick someone intelligent; someone who was pretty, but confident enough about her looks that she didn’t overdo her hair and outfit; someone more practical than the brunette who’d worn four-inch heels and a miniskirt to a winter wedding.

  Elsie narrowed it down to an elegant-looking redhead and a woman with shiny black hair who exuded a high IQ. Really, Elsie should have had the forethought to hire a model to pretend to be her date. Or at least begged one of her guy friends to come here with her. The truth was, she had never dated anyone seriously at college. Between work and school, she never seemed to have the time. And besides, most of the guys in her classes seemed so . . . uninteresting.

  Three of Olivia’s friends joined Elsie on the bridesmaids’ line and the groomsmen took their place alongside Kye. Then Olivia and her father walked down the aisle. The most noticeable thing about the bride wasn’t the yards of lace and ruffles or the ringlets in her hair. It was a smile that radiated her joy. That’s what love felt like when it was reciprocated—it lifted you up and made you glow.

  Elsie was happy for Olivia and Carson, happy in a way that made her feel sentimental and weepy. It brought the ache inside her to sharp focus. Would she ever glow with joy like that?

  The pastor read off the vows and Olivia and Carson gave their “I do’s”. With a two-second kiss, her brother and sister-in-law started their new life together—blissfully holding hands.

  When the wedding ceremony ended, everyone moved to the reception room for food, toasts, and finally dancing. There wasn’t a live band, just a guy programming music into the sound system, but the younger couples didn’t care, and the older couples sat around talking and sipping raspberry sherbet punch.

  At first Elsie kept busy helping with the refreshments—putting out more food, gathering up empty cups and throwing them away. She didn’t give the dance floor much consideration except in passing when she checked to see who Kye was dancing with.

  She wanted to see if she was right about her girlfriend prediction. Every time she spotted him, though, he was dancing with a different woman. Apparently Lisa didn’t mind sharing him with all the bride’s friends.

  Kye was a good dancer. His steps were smooth and fluid, his rhythm flawless. Maybe that should have surprised Elsie, but it didn’t. Somehow she had always known her math teacher knew how to move.

  Eventually there wasn’t anything left to do, and then Elsie stared out across the room at the ribbons and flowers and the soft glow of the twinkle lights. At all of the dancing couples. She was standing here alone. It had definitely been a mistake not to hire a male model.

  She wondered if anyone would miss her if she slipped away with a book for awhile. Probably not. Carson and Olivia were happily oblivious to most of what was going on around them.

  “Do you want to dance?”

  Elsie didn’t have to turn around to know it was Kye who stood behind her. She tensed and tried to think of a plausible excuse not to dance with him. He didn’t give her the chance. Before she could speak, he took a hold of her elbow and towed her out onto the dance floor. She supposed it had never occurred to him that she would turn him down.

  Well, fine. She would get through this dance and then leave. She was only a few verses and choruses away from freedom. A slow song was playing. Kye stopped on the outskirts of the dance floor, took hold of her left hand, and put his other hand on her hip. She felt the heat in his fingers, the possibilities. He had large hands, calloused by ranch work. That had never bothered her. It had seemed like a badge of honor. The hands of a strong man.

  She ignored the feel of them against her body, blinked away the possibilities.

  “So Elsie,” he said when they had danced for a couple of minutes, “how long are you planning on avoiding me?”

  She feigned surprise. “What makes you think I’m avoiding you?”

  “You’ve never come home from college in the summertime—”

  “It’s easier to find work in Missoula,” she said. Which was true.

  “Every time you came home for Christmas and I went over to your house to see Carson, you never set foot out of your room.”

  She hadn’t thought he would notice or remember this fact. “I was busy reading. Sorry, you can’t compete with Rochester or Mr. Darcy.”

  “You never went anywhere you would see me, including church . . .”

  She shrugged it off like it was a joke. “I became a vampire at college. I’m not supposed to step foot on hallowed ground.”

  “Which would explain why you’ve hardly stayed in one spot since the wedding.”

  “I’ve been helping.”

  “You won’t look me in the eye.”

  She met his gaze to prove she could. He was staring at her. His blue eyes were intense, penetrating in a way that made it clear he wasn’t thinking about math. The heat from Kye’s hands seemed to increase, seemed to tingle from her hip up her back. She looked away.

  He let out a disapproving grunt. “See,” he said as though she’d proved his point. “You can’t even look me in the eyes.”

  Well, what did he expect when he looked at her like that? It was worse than staring at chocolate when you’d been starving for years.

  He pulled her closer so he could s
peak into her ear. “Elsie, you’ve got to stop this. Your parents live here. Your brother wants me to be his children’s godfather. He’s considering taking a job as foreman for my ranch. Are you going to avoid your family just so you can keep avoiding me?”

  “What I do with my family isn’t any of your concern.”

  He made another grunting sound. “I can’t believe you’re still acting this way. You know, I don’t think my cows surrounded your car on accident. I think they staged an intervention.”

  He smelled so good. He wore the same aftershave he’d used when she’d been in high school. It made her feel like she was walking back through time. All the old familiar feelings of longing were stirring around inside her, promises of a summer that never happened. It was dangerous dancing with him this way. She gazed around the room to clear her mind. “Shouldn’t you be dancing with Lisa? Where is your girlfriend anyway?”

  “Lisa is just a friend, and she ended up not coming.”

  “Then where were you last night and all today?”

  He looked at her in surprise, as though she should already know. “I drove to Billings to find Olivia’s dad and bring him here.”

  “You did?” Elsie not only met his eyes, she held his gaze. How sweet. How thoughtful. It made the ache inside her all that much worse. Kye was wonderful and he had never been and never would be interested in her.

  Kye’s hand tightened on her hip possessively. “You would have seen me come in with Olivia’s dad if you hadn’t been hiding in the bride’s room.”

  “I wasn’t hiding.” Okay, she sort of was, but she wasn’t about to admit it. “I was seeing if Olivia needed anything.”

  Kye pulled Elsie closer to avoid another couple. “Which brings us back to the topic at hand. We were talking about your inability to let go of the past.”

  “No we weren’t.” She looked over his shoulder at Carson and Olivia dancing, at all the couples clinging to each other. “You were lecturing me, and I was ignoring you. I’m not your student anymore. I don’t have to listen to you.”

  Kye sighed, then stopped dancing. She had no idea what he meant by it, or what she was supposed to do now. He wasn’t watching her any more, though. He was gazing at the door. Still holding Elsie’s hand, he led her across the dance floor, weaving around other people.

  “Where are you taking me?” she asked.

  “We’re going to fix this once and for all.” He kept heading toward the door.

  She could have pulled her hand away. Part of her wanted to. It was arrogant of him to assume that she would just walk out of the room with him. But another part of her was curious. How exactly did he think he could fix this?

  Kye took her down the hallway that led to the pastor’s office. It was dark there, but Kye didn’t flip on a light switch. He didn’t stop until they’d nearly reached the pastor’s door, until the two of them were swallowed up in the shadows of the hallway. People coming and going from the reception wouldn’t be able to see them down here. Elsie’s heart began to beat faster, although what she expected to happen, she couldn’t say.

  Kye still kept hold of her hand. In fact, he took hold of her other hand too. His eyes looked darker here in the shadows, coal-black almost. “Back when you were eighteen,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone, “you were feeling overly-emotional about me rescuing you, and you did something you regretted. You kissed me.”

  Elsie shifted away from him. “Yeah, I remember. I was there.”

  “Don’t interrupt,” he said. “Apparently you’ve been so embarrassed by my reaction to that kiss, you haven’t been able to face me for the last three years.”

  “Maybe I just stopped liking you,” she said.

  He took a step toward her, closing the gap between them. A hint of a smile played on his lips. “You’re interrupting again.”

  “Sorry,” she said.

  “So,” he said, “I have no choice but to remedy the situation, to equalize our positions.” Then he leaned over and his lips came down on hers.

  For a moment she stood there so shocked, she was incapable of reacting. He let go of her hands and put one of his hands on her back and the other on her neck. The feel of his fingers against her nape sent a shiver tingling down her spine.

  Nearly as quickly as he’d kissed her, he let her go. “Now we’re even,” he said, stepping away from her. “You kissed me. I kissed you. So you don’t have to feel awkward about it anymore.”

  She stared at him, stunned and sputtering. “What do you . . . ? Why would you . . . ?” He had given her a pity kiss, and in his mind that made things even? Her indignation grew, snapping her restraint like a dry twig. “Do you think this is some sort of math equation and if you add the same variable to both sides, the answer is kept in cosmic balance?”

  He sighed, and when he spoke his voice was soft, a whisper almost. “No, you’re definitely more complicated than a math problem, or I would have figured out how to make things right between us a long time ago.”

  The hurt of the past years welled up inside of her. It was as though she was back in the nurse’s office at the Mathematics Decathlon, back feeling the blazing pain of rejection again. “This doesn’t make us even. I idolized you for ten years and you rebuffed me like my attentions were an insult, like I wasn’t worthy of your time. You acted like I was some sort of teenage skank trying to get you fired. One conciliatory kiss on your part doesn’t equalize things.”

  “Okay then,” he said, “I’m willing to do more.”

  She should have expected what happened next, should have moved away. She didn’t, though. She thought he’d give her a longer apology. Instead, he stepped forward and kissed her again. This time his momentum ended up backing her into the wall. It wasn’t a quick kiss like the last time. It turned from gentle to insistent in seconds. He wanted this, she realized, wanted to hold her and press his lips to hers. This wasn’t just about evening the score so she could get over the bad ending to their first kiss.

  It didn’t matter what he wanted anymore, though. It wasn’t his choice now. She wasn’t a groupie he could kiss whenever the mood struck him.

  Elsie put her hands on his chest meaning to push him away, but then somehow ended up grabbing his shirt front and holding onto him instead. Kye had not only awakened the rejection she’d felt three years ago, he’d awakened the desire too. That part of her seemed to have a mind of its own. It wanted this too. She let his mouth move against hers, answered his kiss, melted into his arms.

  He ran his hand down her back, pulled her closer. He was apparently more than willing to try to give her a kiss equal to ten years of longing, and he was doing a good job of it. Everything else seemed to melt away: the hallway, the music filtering out of the reception, the chill in the air. There was only the warmth of Kye’s arms around her, his lips caressing hers, teasing a response from her. Or maybe just making a point about his power over her.

  Finally she pushed him away. By that point her heart was knocking against her chest in a frantic rhythm. This was absolute madness. She’d gone from the girl who’d had a foolish crush on Kye to the woman who was willing to make out with him outside the pastor’s office—which had to be some sort of sin in and of itself.

  “This is your way of fixing things between us?” She took a deep breath and smoothed down her hair in the places where Kye had been running his fingers through it. “Now I’m not supposed to feel awkward when we run into each other?”

  “You never needed to feel awkward.” He was near enough to her that he didn’t have to step closer to put his hands on her shoulders. She hadn’t realized how tense they’d been until he gently massaged them. “You were eighteen and vulnerable. I knew that. It would have been wrong for me to respond to you, even if I wasn’t your teacher. The fact that I was your teacher made the idea unthinkable.” He kept massaging her shoulders, kneading away the tension there.

  She supposed she should have always known that Kye wouldn’t respond to that first kiss. But still, it had hurt
to be unloved, unwanted by the guy she’d loved so desperately. Now with his hands making ripples of pleasure across her shoulders, with the taste of his lips still on hers—raspberry sherbet punch—all her anger at the event drained away. Instead she knew she had to be honest. “I didn’t kiss you just because you saved me. You sent me away at the dance, so I went with that Bono guy to make you jealous.”

  Kye’s fingers froze on her shoulders. “You . . . you what?” His voice rose, incredulous. “That was a stupid thing to do.”

  “I know,” she said. “I realized that pretty quickly.”

  Kye went back to massaging her shoulders. “You didn’t need to do it. I was jealous before you ever left with him.”

  Elsie cocked her head, checked his eyes to see if he was teasing her. The amusement that played at the corners of his mouth so often was absent now. He meant it.

  Kye pressed his fingers into the tight muscles along the bottom of her neck. “You were smart, beautiful, and could discuss any subject and make it seem interesting. You had everything I wanted in a girlfriend except for the right amount of years.” His hands moved up her neck, caressing the skin there. “And every day you sat in my class and stared up at me adoringly. You’ll never know how hard it was for me to push you away when you kissed me. It made me feel like some sort of predator. I had to make frequent calls to Carson to remind myself that he would tear out my entrails if I so much as touched you.”

  Elsie felt her heart lift, saw the memories of that time in a new light. He hadn’t thought she was a pathetic groupie. He’d been attracted to her—he still was, judging by the way his hands were massaging her neck.

  “Why didn’t you say anything to me after I graduated?”

  “You were still so young.” One hand left her neck and went to her face. His thumb traced the curve of her jaw. “I figured you would go to college, look around, and realize you could do better than me.”