Hold Me Now

by J. H. Croix

  Russell

  “I don't know,” Janet said. She looked over at me, cocking her head to the side. “Why are you asking?”

  “Paisley's my roommate, and I work with her,” I said, shifting my shoulders slightly.

  Janet narrowed her eyes. “You're being nosy. That's not really a guy thing.”

  “Sorry to break it to you, but you're nosy.”

  Janet shrugged unabashedly. “I am, but that's my thing. I run a coffee shop, and I have to stay up to speed on any rumors. I consider myself the unofficial mother of everyone who comes in here.”

  I recognized Graham's laughter as he approached from behind me. “That you do. Does Russell need some mothering?”

  I rolled my eyes. “No, my own mother does plenty. Not that I mind you mothering me,” I rushed to add.

  Janet grinned. “I know you don’t. You’re a good boy. Let me start that coffee.”

  “What’s up?” Graham asked as he rested his hip against the counter.

  “I’m getting coffee. What about you?”

  “Same,” he replied with a shrug. At that moment, the door to the café opened, and his girlfriend entered with his daughter.

  “Group outing?”

  Graham smiled. “Always.” Madison and Allie had stopped as Allie pointed at something on the screen of her phone.

  “You seem pretty happy these days,” I commented.

  Graham looked at me, curling his lips in a slow smile. “I am.”

  I grinned and cuffed him on the shoulder. “You deserve it, man. Madison’s awesome and good for you. You’ve even been nicer since she’s been around.”

  Graham dipped his chin, shrugging a little sheepishly. “I suppose I am.”

  “She and Allie seem to be getting along well,” I observed as I glanced over at them.

  “They are,” he agreed.

  “Are you officially moving in together yet?” I teased lightly just as Janet passed my coffee to me across the counter. I fished out some cash, handing some to her and stuffing several bills in the tip jar. “If there's any change, you can put the rest in there,” I added.

  Janet nodded, and Graham glanced at her. “My usual.”

  Janet winked. “I’ll start it and wait for the girls to order.”

  “I'm covering everything,” Graham noted.

  Graham looked back at me. “We’re not officially moving in together, but I suppose we might as well.”

  “You were gonna do some work on your place anyway, weren't you?”

  “I was planning on it. We're right next door to Madison, so we'll figure out what works best.”

  At that moment, Madison and Allie made their way to us. “Hey, Russell,” Allie said, bouncing lightly on her feet.

  Madison smiled. “Good morning. Did you already order for us?”

  Graham shook his head. “I didn't know what you wanted.”

  Janet chuckled as she handed Graham his coffee. “What will it be, ladies? I know it'll be some kind of hot chocolate for Allie.”

  While they ordered, I happened to look over when Graham slid his arm around Madison's waist. Even though they were a new couple, the intimacy between them was clear. It was good to see Graham with her. He was an absolutely solid guy who’d been raising his daughter by himself since a mere month after she was born.

  A hollow feeling passed through my chest. I hadn't been walking around craving a relationship, but just now watching them together, I wondered what it might be like to have that. Of course, the only woman I could think of was Paisley.

  My cell phone buzzed, and I glanced down to see a text from my mother, asking me if I could stop by. She needed help moving some furniture in the house, so that would give me something to do. I said my goodbyes and left.

  I hadn't counted on my mother bringing up relationships or her opinion of my lack thereof in that regard. My mom was turning one room into her sewing room and needed more light. I was only halfway through moving the guest bedroom furniture from one bedroom to another when she asked if I’d gone on any dates lately.

  I looked over at her. “Seriously, Mom?” I grunted as I shouldered through the door with a small dresser in my arms. I set it down by the wall where she’d already directed me.

  “What's wrong with me asking about your dating life?”

  “Nothing’s wrong with it. It's just annoying. In fact, it makes me less likely to share anything about it if you want me to be honest.”

  My mother sighed. She wrinkled her nose, pressed her lips in a line, and rolled her eyes for good measure. “Fine. Don't let yourself get too old.”

  “Jesus, Mom. I'm only thirty-one. That's not exactly old.”

  “When I was your age, you were already seven.”

  “Well, people got married a lot younger and had kids a lot younger back then,” I countered.

  “Graham has Allie,” she offered pointedly.

  “Oh, my God, Mom. Graham has Allie because he got his girlfriend pregnant in high school. Don't get me wrong, he's an incredible dad, but I doubt that's what you were hoping I was planning on. Also, it's too late for that because I'm well past high school. Dad lectured me about birth control more than once and used Graham as an example for crying out loud.”

  My mother laughed. “Very true. How is it working out with Paisley at the lake house?”

  She had that tone, one I knew well. She was trying to be all casual, but my mom was terrible about that. She was totally being nosy.

  “Paisley’s fine. Anything else you want to know about Paisley while you're asking?”

  My mom shrugged slightly, looking out the windows like she didn’t even care about our conversation, which I knew was bullshit. “Do you mind having her at the lake house?”

  I walked past my mom and down the hallway to fetch her new sewing table from the garage. When I returned a moment later, I replied, “Of course I don’t mind her at the house.”

  I wasn't about to fill my mom in on the details of just how little I minded having Paisley around. Of course, thinking about Paisley brought back that call with her brother and her reluctance to even talk about him.

  “Well, I'm glad it’s working out for her to be there. You know how hard it is to find a rental around here in the winter.”

  “It's hard all the time, Mom,” I pointed out.

  She nodded. “I know. Thank you for dealing with the water heater guy.”

  “Of course. Switching to the on-demand water heater is a good move. It will definitely save us some money on heating expenses.”

  My mom's phone rang, distracting her and leaving me to put everything away on my own. I was just finishing up when my phone buzzed again. I glanced down at the screen, surprised to see a text from Paisley.

  Paisley: What kind of beer did you want me to get at the store?

  I chuckled. She was not a fan of beer. I quickly typed out a response. As I slid my phone back in my pocket, I realized it made me way too happy to have her pick up beer for me. There was an intimacy to mundane errands.

  Fuck. Things were feeling complicated.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Paisley

  “Um, I talked to him just last week. Surely, you've seen him around town since then?” I prompted.

  I’d just started driving after Phoebe and Susannah dropped me off at my car at an exit near the highway where we’d met up before driving together for our shopping trip. I could practically picture my mother's face right then. There would be a little crease between her brows, and she would blink before she could press her lips together.

  “I haven't seen your brother around town. And, you know, I'm worried,” my mother replied.

  “Worried about what?” I countered, trying to keep my tone light while my gut was churning.

  “A mother's intuition. I don't have any reason, but I just have a bad feeling about what's going on.”

  “What's going on? I don't even know what you're talking about, Mom.”

  I didn't specifically, but then
I did.

  “Nothing’s adding up. Your brother's constantly traveling for work. He doesn't stay in touch like he used to, and I ran into Chris. You know, his old friend? He looks terrible and was vague when we spoke. Ryder doesn't even play in the local baseball league anymore like he used to. When I asked him about it, he lied to me. I know there's tension between the two of you as well. Can you tell me what's going on?”

  I clenched my teeth to keep from groaning out loud. It was true that I'd wanted to move to Alaska anyway. It was true that I loved being a hotshot firefighter. Yet it was also true that I had been beyond relieved to discover an opportunity to leave my hometown and put over two thousand miles between me and the mess my brother had created. I didn't like lying for him, and I hated knowing the truth.

  “Mom, I think you should talk to Ryder. We’ve had our ups and downs. He doesn't love my career choice and thinks it's too risky.”

  That was also true, and that was fucking rich coming from him—a guy whose accidental career choice was a designer drug dealer.

  My mother clucked—she actually clucked. “Paisley, your job is risky. We know you love it, so we support it, but your brother worries.”

  Oh. My. God. She had no idea the mess he was dealing with, yet she was siding with him on his worries about my career.

  “Ri-iiight,” I said slowly. “Tell me how Dad's doing.” Changing the subject was my best option to stop this interrogation.

  “He's busy as ever. That drug case is wearing him down, and it worries me.”

  “I know, I know,” I offered soothingly. “Tell him I miss him. I need to go, Mom. I love you both.”

  “Love you too, honey. Talk to you next week.”

  The line went quiet in my car, and I tapped to turn the speakers off before letting out a heavy sigh. My hands were clenched on the steering wheel. I stretched my fingers and shook the tension loose. I was tempted to call my brother, so very tempted, but I refused. He was going to have to figure this out. A few minutes later, I turned onto Main Street in Willow Brook. Maybe I'd only been here a short while, but it was starting to feel good to come home.

  The sign for Firehouse Café was bright and cheerful in the late afternoon. I saw Maisie walking down the street with a coffee in one hand and her son's hand in her other. She lifted her coffee cup as I passed by with a wave. As I drove past Willow Brook Fire & Rescue, my lips tugged into a smile.

  Now that Russell and I had managed the tension between us—if burning it off skin to skin was “managing” it—I felt good about work. Well, minus the temptation to ogle Russell. I'd have to be more careful.

  As I drove past Wildlands and turned down the road that led to the lake house, a subtle sizzle of anticipation vibrated through my body. I wondered if Russell would be home, and I was already impatient for tonight. During the day, we were keeping our boundaries clear, but all bets were off at night. Those hours were ours.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Russell

  I was in the middle of checking on the chicken I was roasting when I heard the door open. As soon as I heard footsteps entering the kitchen, awareness sizzled up my spine, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood.

  Paisley was carrying a giant box, and I hurried to take it from her. “Why’d you carry that in? It’s too big for you,” I scolded as I slid it on the counter.

  Her cheeks were pink from the cool air as she shook her arms out. “I overestimated the length of my arms, but I got it in here.”

  I looked down at her arms and smiled. “They're not as long as mine.”

  “No shit,” she teased.

  “I'll help you unload,” I said, following her when she turned to walk out again.

  I was stepping into a pair of boots by the door as she answered, “You don't have to.”

  “Already on the way.”

  I was wearing a short-sleeve T-shirt over my jeans, and I shivered the second I stepped outside. We were deep into fall, which meant chilly evenings with early sunsets. The temperature tended to drop fast once the sun disappeared from the sky.

  “How’d your shopping trip go?” I asked when we stopped at the back of her car.

  I immediately reached for another large box. Paisley shrugged when I glanced her way. “It was a shopping trip. I went grocery shopping, and Phoebe and Susannah took me to a little café, and I got a salmon burger. They were out of halibut, though.”

  “Ah, halibut’s good. I should make some. Have you had fresh halibut?”

  She shook her head when she reached for the door with her free hand. She was carrying a smaller box and held it open for me while I walked through. “I haven't. Tell me what you do with halibut.”

  We set the boxes down on the counter and started putting away the groceries. “We have plenty of options. A local favorite is halibut tacos.”

  Paisley's eyes brightened. “I love tacos.”

  “That's what we're having for dinner tomorrow night then.”

  When she looked up at me with her pretty jade eyes and pink freckled cheeks, I wanted to kiss her, so I did. Her lips were cool but warmed instantly as soon as they met mine.

  I couldn’t resist a quick glide of my tongue against hers before straightening. Her cheeks were even pinker now.

  “Well, hello,” she murmured.

  I grinned. “It’s good to see you.”

  After I finished helping her unload the groceries, she poured a glass of wine and sat down on a stool across from me while I finished getting dinner ready. When I pulled the roast chicken out of the oven, she exclaimed, “Oh, wow, you made one of those yourself!”

  “It’s not that hard, I swear.”

  “It seems like it.”

  “I’d offer to teach you to roast a chicken, but I’m thinking you wouldn’t go for it.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t think cooking is for me.”

  “It’s just a matter of learning.”

  She eyed me skeptically and took a long swallow of her wine. “I enjoy having you cook for me. You’re such a manly man.”

  “Should I get an apron?” I teased.

  “Maybe.”

  After we finished eating, the blasted phone rang again, and I suddenly recalled her brother’s message. “Your brother wanted me to let you know he called.”

  Our relaxed evening dissipated. It felt as if a cold wind blew through the room.

  “Oh. When did he call?”

  “Not long after you left.”

  I wanted her to talk about whatever weirdness was going on with him, but I didn’t want to push. “He told me to keep an eye on you,” I added. While he had said that, as soon as I relayed it, guilt jabbed me. I was frustrated she wouldn’t explain, which confused me because she didn't owe me anything. We’d said “no strings.”

  Yet I thought we were at least friends, even though I knew I felt a lot more than friendly toward her. My heart felt a little achy, and I ignored it.

  Paisley took another swallow of her wine. “He likes to play the big-brother role now and then,” she finally said.

  “Can I ask you something?” As soon as my question slipped out, I bit back a curse. Asking anything was probably going to annoy her.

  She surprised me, though. “Go for it.”

  “Why doesn't your brother call your cell phone? I mean, it's kind of a miracle we even have a landline here. Do you even know the number?”

  Paisley leaned her head back and let out a sigh, shaking her head back and forth as she lifted it and met my eyes again. “No, I don't. I know you want to know what's going on with my brother, but I promised him I wouldn't say anything to anyone. He doesn't call my cell because I blocked him. And if that doesn't tell you enough about how fucked up our relationship is, then I don't know what will.”

  Worry twisted in my chest. “Are you okay? Should I be concerned?” Uneasiness slithered through me.

  She shook her head quickly. “My brother's an idiot and made some poor choices. I got caught in the middle between him and my paren
ts, but that's not why I came here. For anyone who likes to work outdoors, Alaska is a dream. Coming here was definitely on my bucket list, but it was also convenient because I could get away from dealing with him. You don't need to worry about me. I appreciate you passing on the messages for my brother. I don't even know how he got this number.”

  “I'm sure he looked it up. My parents used to rent this place out every summer, so the info’s available online.”

  Paisley chewed on her bottom lip. Even though I was unsettled with how I felt about her and whatever the hell was going on with her brother, I was relieved. I wished she’d tell me more, and it stung a little that she wouldn't tell me the whole story. But at least she was honest enough to give me an outline of the situation.

  Even with all of that spinning through my mind, when she bit her lip, my thoughts derailed. Fuck me. This woman was tapped into the heartbeat of my desire.

  “I get it.” I heard myself saying, somehow managing to keep the conversation on track.

  Paisley's eyes lifted to mine, a mix of uncertainty and guilt swirling there. Her brow furrowed slightly, and she kept worrying her bottom lip before she finally let it go.

  I swallowed, feeling a strange tightness banding across my chest.

  “You do?” she pressed.

  “I think so. Obviously, I don't understand all the details, but I understand someone asking you to keep something private, and I respect that.”

  The phone stopped ringing, and we both swiveled to look at it for a moment. “I should probably just unblock him on my cell phone,” she said.

  “Maybe not. This is a way to have a break from him. When you're not here, you don't have to worry about unexpected calls.”

  She smiled just a little. “That's why I blocked him.”

  She took a shaky breath, letting it out before reaching over, catching my hand, and lacing her fingers with mine. I didn’t know when I’d walked around the counter to her, but there I was.

  I stepped closer and lifted my free hand to palm her cheek.

  Her eyes searched mine. “How are we doing on the no strings thing?”