Hold Me Now

by J. H. Croix

  “Yes, it's that obvious,” he said with a slight grin.

  I leaned my head back, thumping it against the wall. “I'm a dumbass.”

  “Hey, I've been stupid too,” he offered. “Sometimes, men are stupid at the worst possible times.”

  I pushed away from the wall. Clapping him on the shoulder, I nodded. “You’re right on that. Catch you later.”

  I missed Paisley so much it hurt, and I felt like an idiot. I also felt like she'd been holding something back. All of it circled back to her brother. I only hoped maybe if she was going to see him, she would finally straighten that out. In the meantime, all I could do was wait. And fucking miss her.

  That very evening, the house phone rang. I stared at it like it was a grenade about to explode. Stalking across the kitchen, I lifted the receiver quickly.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Russell, it's Ryder. Is Paisley around?”

  “No. As far as I understand, she went down to visit her family.”

  “You're fucking kidding me,” he muttered.

  “Nope, definitely wouldn't kid about that. How come you don't know?”

  “Because I'm a fucking asshole,” he said flatly.

  “I appreciate the honesty. So, obviously you're not there then?”

  “No, I'm not. I'm in Anchorage at the airport.”

  “What? You didn't let her know you were coming to visit?”

  “Obviously not,” her brother countered quickly.

  “You need a ride?”

  “Nah, I already have a rental. Mind if I crash in her room?”

  I turned that idea over in my thoughts before replying, “Fine by me.” I planned to take advantage of this opportunity to get some answers out of him.

  Approximately an hour and a half later, I was sitting in the kitchen with Ryder. He shared Paisley’s coloring, but that was all they had in common.

  “What the hell is going on?” I asked when I pushed the pizza box toward him.

  Ryder held my gaze for a moment that stretched before he shrugged, almost to himself. “I'm in trouble, and Paisley’s been keeping it from our parents. She feels like shit about it.”

  “She texted me that if you called to ask you to call her cell.”

  What I thought was guilt flitted through his eyes when he shook his head. “I know she's a much bigger person than me, and I don’t want to pull her further into my mess.”

  “Dude, you came here to see her,” I pointed out, annoyed with him.

  After finishing a bite of pizza, he said, “I know, but now I know she’s down there, so I don’t want to make things worse.”

  “You gonna tell me what the hell is going on?”

  “Probably not, but I'm going to call our parents. I'm assuming she's there. Do you know when she left?”

  Fuck. This felt weird. I sure as hell didn't want to tell her brother about the tension between us. I didn’t know what he saw in my expression, but his eyes narrowed.

  “Something’s going on between you two,” he stated bluntly.

  “It's none of your fucking business if there is,” I countered swiftly.

  “I'm her brother. Of course, it's my fucking business.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I think Paisley would disagree.”

  He chuckled dryly, shaking his head as he tore off a bite of pizza. “You're in love with her.”

  “What?”

  I knew I was in love with her, but I wasn't about to fess up to him about that. Paisley would fucking kill me. I hadn't even told her.

  “I know you're not gonna talk to me about it. I'm just saying. I know the look.”

  “What look?”

  “I've been in love before,” he replied.

  I rolled my eyes. “Somehow, I doubt that.”

  “And how would you know?”

  “How about we skip this topic?” I returned after a brief stare down with him. I was unsettled and angry with him about whatever mess he’d landed Paisley in. Dwelling on my feelings for her wasn’t going to solve anything. “Why don't you go ahead and call your parents?”

  “Why is it so important?”

  “Because I'd like to know Paisley arrived safe and sound, you asshole.”

  Ryder’s brows hitched up, but he shrugged. We ate in silence, and then her brother finally called their parents. Only seconds after he greeted whoever answered the call, dread settled in a cold ball in my gut.

  “What do you mean she's not there?” Her brother pressed his palm into his forehead before glancing over at me. He nodded along to something. “I gotta go. I have an idea where she is, and I'll call you once I sort it out.”

  “What the fuck is going on?” I asked the second he hung up the phone.

  “I think my sister probably thinks she knows where I am. Except I'm not there. I'm here instead. I need to go.”

  “I'm going with you,” I stated flatly.

  Ryder opened his mouth to argue, and I laid it on the line. “You're right. I'm in love with Paisley. And I'm fucking pissed at you. I also don't trust you to make sure she's okay. I have a friend who's a pilot. We can probably get a private flight down there faster than any commercial flight.” Her brother’s eyes widened. “I’m a hotshot firefighter. I know lots of pilots. Let me give my friend a call.”

  I tried to call Paisley, but she didn't answer. I was torn between fury at her brother and fear that she wasn't safe.

  “You mind telling me what the fuck is going on, for real this time?” I asked once we were in my truck, and I was hauling ass down the highway to meet Nate at the airport.

  Nate wasn't going to fly us, but he'd gotten us onto a private business flight. Another friend, Alex Blake, was an airplane mechanic, and he knew this flight had room.

  “Because I'm a dumbass, I started making money hand over fist in college selling high-end drugs. It’s continued to be a good source of income, but now I need to get out. I'm trying to do exactly that,” Ryder explained.

  “Are you using the product?” I asked sharply.

  “Fuck no,” he said. “I haven’t partied since college. I hardly even drink. I get why you might not believe me, but it’s the fucking truth.”

  I didn’t know why, but I believed him. There wasn’t even an ounce of defensiveness in his tone. I moved on. “Isn't your father a district attorney or something?” I could’ve sworn Paisley had mentioned something like that.

  As soon as I slid my eyes sideways to meet Ryder’s gaze, I knew I was right. “Yeah.”

  I let out a low whistle. “And Paisley's been carrying the secret for you.”

  “Dude, she found out by accident. I did not burden her.”

  “You're her brother, and you're doing dangerous shit. She's intensely loyal, so she obviously feels like shit because she's probably keeping it from your parents.”

  Her brother let out a weary sigh. “I fucking know. Dude, why do you think I'm trying to extricate myself from this situation?”

  I shook my head and drove. I tried calling Paisley again before the plane took off. This time, I left her a message that I was with her brother and we were on the way to her.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Paisley

  The old summerhouse was dark when my headlights arced across the front of it, illuminating the dormer windows peeking out like eyes in the night. Disappointment settled inside me, churning into the worry that had been chasing its tail in my thoughts.

  I was positive my brother might’ve been here. Okay, maybe not positive, but reasonably confident. We used to spend summers here back when everything seemed easier. Those halcyon days felt a million miles away in the rainy darkness.

  I turned off my headlights and left my rental car running because it was cold and raining.

  “Where are you?” I muttered into the darkness.

  Getting a call from my brother's friend had me deeply worried. The relief I'd felt at realizing my father finally knew what was going on had quickly been washed away. My brother was protecting me mor
e than I’d thought. I hadn't been so foolish to think he told me everything, but I sure hadn't realized one of his best friends was in deep with him.

  I fished inside my purse, pulling out the key to this place. When my parents spent a few weeks here every summer, I usually joined them for a weekend or two. Just as I was about to turn the car engine off and climb out, I saw a glimmer of light through the darkness and realized one of the rooms in the back had a light on. Maybe my brother was here after all. I was a little nervous, but my determination to find Ryder overrode my nerves. I checked my phone to see if there was any reception. Not even a single bar. I turned the engine off and waited for a few more minutes before I climbed out with the key clutched in my hand.

  I knew the pathway in the darkness and counted the stone steps. When I was a little girl, I’d run down them in my bare feet to where they curled around the house and led into the trees on one side. My footsteps were quiet. I slid the key into the lock, and it turned smoothly. Opening the door, I called out, “Ryder?”

  Silence greeted me. I walked through the living room into the dining area, where a hallway flanked off to one side. Following the light, I hoped it was Ryder here. Alas, it was my brother’s friend Todd who’d called me.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Paisley?” he asked as he stepped out of the room.

  “Looking for my brother. What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I was looking for him too.”

  He curled a hand around my elbow and tugged me into the enclosed glass porch at the back of the house. There was a single lamp on in the corner. “What are you doing here, Todd?”

  He sat down in a chair, resting his elbows on his knees and tunneling his hands through his hair. “There’s a reason your brother went on vacation.”

  “I know that. I came down to try to find him.”

  Todd lifted his head, his eyes going wide. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “Uh, no.” I silently cursed. I’d known Todd since high school and would’ve trusted him once upon a time. Now, I wasn’t so sure.

  “You can trust me. Ryder and I are both trying to get out of this mess.”

  “Well, it's quite the fucking mess,” I muttered

  “Is your cell working?” Todd asked.

  “I doubt it. Reception’s not great here.” I slipped my phone out of my purse first, checking the screen again. “Still no reception,” I muttered to myself.

  “There's not great reception, but your parents left the Wi-Fi on.”

  “They did?”

  Todd nodded. “They sure did. Go figure.”

  I tapped into my settings and selected the network for my parents’ place. A minute later, several texts came in, including the banner for a voicemail from Russell. A confusing sense of relief and anticipation shot through me.

  “What's up?” Todd asked.

  “A friend called, someone I was hoping to hear from,” I replied. I wasn’t about to get into the mess of my feelings about Russell with him. Yes, he was a friend, and an old friend at that, but discussing romance with my brother and any of his friends wasn’t something I cared to do.

  Lifting the phone to my ear, I tapped play on the message, making sure the volume was low. “Hey, Paisley. It's Russell. I'm guessing you went to Washington to find your brother, and your brother's here. He is seriously stressing out, so now we're flying down there. Please call me and let me know where you're at. Your best bet is to go to your parents’ house. Your brother's kind of panicking. I guess his friend is a problem right now. Please call me when you get this.”

  Fear shot through me, but I kept my expression neutral. I lowered the phone as I tapped the button to lock the screen.

  “Everything okay?” Todd asked.

  “Oh, yeah. So, uh, how long are you planning to stay here?”

  My mind spun over whether or not Todd was the friend Ryder was concerned about. Surely, Todd wouldn't hurt me. That would be crazy. But then, if he was involved with whatever my brother was doing, it wasn't as if I could assume he was making good choices.

  “I'm not sure. I'm trying to get ahold of your brother. He's been using burner phones and turned off his old number.”

  I nodded slowly. “Well, since Ryder isn't here, I think I'm going to leave. It seems like you're trying to lay low, and you certainly don't need my rental car out front drawing attention here. You might want to keep the light off back here.”

  Todd narrowed his eyes, and I still didn't know how to interpret anything with him. “Why don't you stay put?” he asked as I turned toward the hallway.

  I looked back at him. “Why would I do that? If Ryder’s not here now, he's probably not coming.”

  Todd shrugged lightly. “You never know. We can wait together.”

  I made a calculation. It was better if Todd didn’t think I suspected anything of him, so I shrugged. “Okay, might as well. If we've got Wi-Fi, the cable’s probably working.”

  He cast me a lopsided grin, and for a second, he was my brother’s teasing friend from high school. “True story. I can't remember the last time I was here.”

  “Probably in high school with us,” I said casually as I stood and walked down the dark hallway toward the front of the house.

  I took that moment to check the time on Russell's message. He’d left it while I was in the air and said they should be landing in Seattle around seven thirty. I did the math in my brain. By the time they landed and got a rental, it would be nine o'clock before they got here. That was two hours away. I only hoped I could play it cool for that long with Todd.

  “Why don't I go get us some pizza at the store in town?” I prompted a few minutes later after checking in the kitchen and discovering not much of anything other than a few energy bars and some soda. “Do you drink anything other than soda?”

  Todd shrugged. “The water’s off. I thought about turning it on, but I thought maybe that wasn't the best move.”

  “No, that's a whole process. It's town water, so they have to call out before they come and get it turned on.”

  Todd was studying me quietly, and I hoped I looked completely oblivious.

  “Pizza sounds like a good plan. I'll sit tight.”

  “What kind of pizza do you want?” This conversation felt so weird. It was about nothing important, yet the tension was coiled tightly inside me, so tight that my chest hurt.

  “Meat lovers, that's my fave.”

  “We'll do half and half,” I said.

  He rolled his eyes. “Hell no. Get me a whole pizza and get whatever you want for yourself.” He reached into his pocket, fishing out his wallet and handing me two twenty-dollar bills.

  I left, almost gasping with relief once I started my car and backed out. I couldn't tell if my anxiety was better or worse once I was out of the house. It was only after I was halfway to town that I decided to call Russell and leave a return message explaining the current situation.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Russell

  I glanced over at Paisley’s brother. “She’s at your family’s vacation place, and your friend is there. Why the fuck didn't you warn her about him?”

  “He won't hurt her,” Ryder said quickly.

  “Are you sure about that?” I was furious and strung tight with worry.

  “Look, I know he won't hurt her,” he insisted.

  “You better fucking be right. Now, do you want me to call her back?”

  “When did she leave the message?” he asked.

  “Right as we were landing.”

  “I don't want you to call if she's at the summer house.”

  He was driving, and we were zooming down the highway. Ryder had insisted on driving because he knew where he was going. Even though I'd wanted to argue, he had a point.

  “If she left around twenty minutes ago and was headed to pick up pizza, where would she be now?” I asked.

  “Probably at the pizza place.”

  “I’m calling.”

  I tapped the sc
reen to return her call, and Paisley answered on the second ring. Relief slammed through me, seizing my breath in my lungs for a moment.

  “Paisley! Where are you?”

  “I'm at the pizza place,” she explained. “I was trying to decide if I should stay here or go back to the summer house.”

  “I'm with your brother. Please stay at the pizza place.”

  “I'm a little worried that if I don't go back, Todd’s going to wonder where I am. How far away are you guys?”

  I moved the phone away from my mouth. “ETA?”

  “About forty minutes, and that's if we don't get pulled over for speeding.”

  Paisley heard his answer and replied, “If I wait that long, he’s definitely going to wonder.”

  “Paisley, I don't want you to go back there.”

  “Todd won't hurt me,” she insisted.

  “People do weird shit when they feel like they’re in over their head.”

  She didn’t respond to that. “You need to tell Ryder our father knows what’s up. Just put me on speaker, so I can explain.”

  I did as she asked, lifting the phone away from my ear and holding it in my palm. “Paisley has something to tell you,” I said as I glanced at him.

  Her voice came through the speaker, and my heart clenched. “Dad knows, Ryder. He hasn't told Mom because he’s hoping you'll do the right thing. Also, it doesn’t look like we’ll be doing anything fun for Mom and Dad’s anniversary.”

  “Fuck,” Ryder hissed. He bounced his fist lightly on the steering wheel. “And what's the right thing?”

  “He's off the case, and they've told him they'll negotiate a deal with you if you testify. If you’re wondering, I didn’t tell him anything. He figured it out on his own.”

  I watched as her brother clenched a fist and released it. “I'm gonna have to figure out what to do, but right now, I don’t want you to go back to the summer house.”

  “What's Todd going to do? He knows where I am, and he knows what I'm driving.”

  “Stay put, or go to the grocery store. Just go somewhere public,” her brother replied.