Christmas Wishes

by Debbie Macomber

  “Marriage,” Susannah echoed weakly. It seemed the natural conclusion when two people were falling in love. She was willing to acknowledge her feelings, but she wasn’t completely confident Nate felt the same things she did. Nor was she positive that he was ready to move into something as permanent as a lifelong commitment. She knew she wasn’t, and the very thought of all this was enough to throw her into a tizzy.

  “I don’t…know about marriage,” Susannah said. “We haven’t discussed anything like that.” The fact was, they hadn’t even talked about dating regularly.

  “Trust me, if you leave it to Nate the subject of marriage will never come up. Men never want to talk about getting married. The topic is left totally up to us women.”

  “Oh, come on—”

  “No, it’s true. From the time Eve slipped Adam the apple, we’ve been stuck with the burden of taming men, and it’s never more difficult than when it comes to convincing one he should take a wife.”

  “But surely Robert wanted to get married?”

  “Don’t be silly. Robert’s like every other man alive. I had to convince him this was what he wanted. Subtlety is the key, Susannah. In other words, I chased Robert until he caught me.” She stopped working her crochet hook to laugh at her own wit.

  From the first day she met her brother-in-law, Susannah had assumed he’d taken one look at her sister and dropped to his knees to propose. It had always seemed obvious to Susannah that they were meant for each other, far more obvious than it was that Nate was right for her.

  “I don’t know, Emily,” she said with a deep sigh. “Everything’s so confused in my mind. How could I possibly be so attracted to this man? It doesn’t make any sense! Do you know what we did yesterday afternoon when we’d finished at the park?” She didn’t wait for a response. “Nate brought over his Nintendo game and Super Mario Brothers cartridge, and we played video games. Me! I can’t believe it even now. It was a pure waste of time.”

  “Did you have fun?”

  That was a question Susannah wanted to avoid. She’d laughed until her stomach hurt. They’d challenged each other to see who could achieve the higher score, and then had done everything possible to sabotage each other.

  Nate had discovered a sensitive area behind her ear and taken to kissing her there just when she was about to outscore him. Fair was fair, however, and Susannah soon discovered that Nate had his own area of vulnerability. Without a qualm, she’d used it against him, effectively disrupting his game. Soon they both forgot Nintendo and became far more interested in learning about each other.

  “We had fun” was all Susannah was willing to admit.

  “What about the kite flying?”

  Her sister didn’t know when to quit. “Then, too,” she said reluctantly. “And at the baseball game Thursday, as well.”

  “He took you to a Mariners game…on Thursday? But they played in the middle of the afternoon. Did you actually leave the office?”

  Susannah nodded, without explaining the details of how Nate had practically kidnapped her. “Back to you and Robert,” she said, trying to change the subject.

  “You want to know how I convinced him he wanted to get married? It wasn’t really that difficult.”

  For Emily it wouldn’t have been, but for Susannah it would be another story entirely. The biggest problem was that she wasn’t sure she wanted Nate to be convinced. However, she should probably learn these things for future reference. She’d listen to what her sister had to say and make up her mind later.

  “Remember that old adage—the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? It’s true. Men equate food with comfort and love—that’s a well-known fact.”

  “Then I’m in trouble,” Susannah said flatly. Good grief, she thought, Nate could cook far better than she could any day of the week. She couldn’t attract him with her cooking. All she had in the way of looks was her classic profile. Painful as it was to accept, men simply weren’t attracted to her.

  “Now don’t overreact. Just because you can’t whip up a five-course meal doesn’t mean your life is over before it even begins.”

  “My married life is. I can’t put together soup and a sandwich and you know it.”

  “Susannah, I wish you’d stop demeaning yourself. You’re bright and pretty, and Nate would be the luckiest man in the world if he were to marry you.”

  Now that they were actually discussing marriage, Susannah was having mixed feelings. “I…don’t know if Nate’s the marrying kind,” she muttered. “For that matter, I don’t know if I am.”

  Emily ignored that. “I’ll start you out on something simple and we’ll work our way up.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Cookies,” Emily explained. “There isn’t a man alive who doesn’t appreciate homemade cookies. There’s something magical about them—really,” she added when Susannah cast her a doubtful glance. “Cookies create an aura of domestic bliss—it sounds crazy, but it’s true. A man can’t resist a woman who bakes him cookies. They remind him of home and mother and a fire crackling in the fireplace.” Emily paused and sighed. “Now, it’s also true that men have been fighting this feeling since the beginning of time.”

  “What feeling?”

  Emily rolled her eyes. “Domestic contentment. It’s exactly what they need and want, but they fight it.”

  Susannah mulled over her sister’s words. “Now that you mention it, Nate did say chocolate chip’s his favorite.”

  “See what I mean?”

  Susannah couldn’t believe she was pursuing this subject with her sister. Okay, so she and Nate had shared some good times. But lots of people had good times together. She was also willing to admit there was a certain amount of chemistry between them. But that wasn’t any reason to run to the nearest altar.

  For the past few minutes, she’d been trying to sensibly discuss this situation between Nate and her with her sister, and before she even knew how it’d happened, Emily had her talking about weddings and chocolate chip cookies. At this rate Emily would have her married and pregnant by the end of the week.

  “So how did dinner with your sister go?” Nate asked her later that same night. He’d been on the Seattle waterfront earlier in the day and had brought her back a polished glass paperweight made of ash from the Mount St. Helens volcano.

  “Dinner was fine,” she said quickly, perhaps too quickly. “Emily and I had a nice talk.”

  Nate put his arms around her, trapping her against the kitchen counter. “I missed you.”

  Swallowing tensely, she murmured, “I missed you, too.”

  He threaded his fingers though the length of her hair, pulling it away from her face and holding it there. “You wore it down again today,” he whispered against her neck.

  “Yes…Emily says she likes it better that way, too.” Talking shouldn’t be this difficult, but every time Nate touched her it was. Susannah’s knees had the consistency of pudding and her resolve was just as weak. After analyzing her talk with Emily, Susannah had decided to let the situation between her and Nate cool for a while. Things were happening much too quickly. She wasn’t ready, and she doubted Nate was, either.

  When he kissed her lightly at the hollow of her throat, it was all she could do to remain in an upright position. As she braced her hands against his chest, she began to push him gently away. But when his lips traveled up the side of her neck, blazing a trail of moist kisses, she was lost. His mouth grazed the line of her jaw, slowly edging its way toward her lips, prolonging the inevitable until Susannah thought she’d dissolve at his feet.

  When he finally kissed her mouth, they both sighed, caught in a swelling tide of longing. His mouth moved hungrily over hers. Then he tugged at her lower lip with his teeth, creating a whole new wave of sensation.

  By the time Nate went back to his own apartment, Susannah was shaking from the inside out. She’d walked all the way to the kitchen before she was conscious of her intent. She stared at the phone for a long moment.
Calling Emily demanded every ounce of courage she had. With a deep calming breath, she punched out her sister’s number.

  “Emily,” she said when her sister answered on the second ring, “do you have a recipe for chocolate chip cookies?”

  Chapter

  7

  The recipe for chocolate chip cookies was safely tucked away in a kitchen drawer. The impulse to bake them had passed quickly and reason had returned.

  Monday morning, back at the office, Susannah realized how close she’d come to the edge of insanity. The vice presidency was almost within her grasp, and she’d worked too long and too hard to let this promotion slip through her fingers simply because she felt a little weak in the knees when Nate Townsend kissed her. To even contemplate anything beyond friendship was like…like amputating her right hand because she had a sliver in her index finger. She’d been overreacting, which was understandable, since she’d never experienced such a strong attraction to a man before.

  “There’s a call for you on line one,” Ms. Brooks told her. She paused, then added dryly, “It sounds like that nice young man who stopped by last week.”

  Nate. Squaring her shoulders—and her resolve—Susannah picked up the phone. “This is Susannah Simmons.”

  “Good morning, beautiful.”

  “Hello, Nate,” she said stiffly. “What can I do for you?”

  He chuckled. “That’s a leading question if there ever was one. Trust me, honey, you don’t want to know.”

  “Nate,” she breathed, briefly closing her eyes. “Please. I’m busy. What do you want?”

  “Other than your body?”

  Hot color leaped into her cheeks and she gave a distressed gasp. “We’d better put an end to this conversation—”

  “All right, all right, I’m sorry. I just woke up and I was lying here thinking how nice it would be if we could escape for the day. Could I tempt you with a drive to the ocean? We could dig for clams, build a sand castle, and then make a fire and sing our favorite camp songs.”

  “As a matter of interest, I’ve been up for several hours. And since you’ve obviously forgotten, I do have a job—an important one. At least it’s important to me. Now exactly what is the purpose of this call, other than to embarrass me?”

  “Lunch.”

  “I can’t today. I’ve got an appointment.”

  “Okay.” He sighed, clearly frustrated. “How about dinner, just you and me?”

  “I’m working late and was planning on sending out for something. Thanks, anyway.”

  “Susannah,” he said in a burst of impatience, “are we going to go through this again? You should’ve figured out by now that avoiding me won’t change anything.”

  Perhaps not, she reasoned, but it would certainly help. “Listen, Nate, I really am busy. Perhaps we should continue this conversation another time.”

  “Like next year—I know you. You’d be willing to bury your head in the sand for the next fifteen years if I didn’t come and prod you along. I swear, I’ve never met a more stubborn woman.”

  “Goodbye, Nate.”

  “Susannah,” he persisted, “what about dinner? Come on, change your mind. We have a lot to talk about.”

  “No. I wasn’t lying—I do have to work late. The fact is, I can’t go outside and play today—or tonight.”

  “Ouch,” Nate cried. “That hurt.”

  “Perhaps it hit too close to home.”

  A short silence followed. “Maybe it did,” he murmured thoughtfully. “But before we hang up, I do want to know when I can see you again.”

  Susannah leaned forward and stretched her arm across the desk to her calendar, flipping the pages until she found a blank space. “How about lunch on Thursday?”

  “All right,” he said, “I’ll see you Thursday at noon.”

  For a long moment after they’d hung up, Susannah kept her hand on the receiver. As crazy as it seemed, spending the afternoon with Nate at the beach sounded far too appealing. The way he made her think and feel was almost frightening. The man was putting her whole career in jeopardy. Something had to be done, only Susannah wasn’t sure what.

  An hour later, Ms. Brooks tapped on her door and walked inside, carrying a huge bouquet of red roses. “These just arrived.”

  “For me?” Surely there was some mistake. No one had ever sent her flowers. There’d never been any reason. There wasn’t now.

  “The card has your name on it,” her assistant informed her. She handed the small white envelope to Susannah.

  Not until Eleanor had left the room did Susannah read the card. The roses were from Nate, who wrote that he was sorry for having disturbed her earlier. She was right, he told her, now wasn’t the time to go outside and play. He’d signed it with his love. Closing her eyes, Susannah held the card to her breast and fought down a swelling surge of emotion. The least he could do was stop being so damn wonderful. Then everything would be easier.

  As it turned out, Susannah finished work relatively early that evening and returned home a little after seven. Her apartment was dark and empty—but it was that way every night and she didn’t understand why it should matter to her now. Yet it did.

  It was when she stood outside Nate’s door and knocked that she realized how impulsive her behavior had become since she’d met him. She was doing everything in her power to avoid him, and yet she couldn’t stay away.

  “Susannah,” he said when he opened the door. “This is a pleasant surprise.”

  She laced her fingers together. “I…I just wanted you to know how much I appreciated the roses. They’re lovely and the gesture was so thoughtful.”

  “Come in,” he said, stepping inside. “I’ll put on some coffee.”

  “No, thanks. I’ve got to get back, but I wanted to thank you for the flowers…and to apologize if I sounded waspish on the phone. Monday mornings aren’t exactly my best time.”

  Grinning, he leaned against the doorjamb and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “Actually, I’m the one who owed you an apology. I should never have phoned you this morning. I was being selfish. You do have an important job and these are anxious days for you. Didn’t you tell me you’d hear about that promotion within the next week or two?”

  Susannah nodded.

  “You might find this hard to believe, but I don’t want to say or do anything to take that away from you. You’re a dedicated, hardworking employee and you deserve to be the first female vice president of H&J Lima.”

  His confidence in her was reassuring, but it confused her, too. From everything she’d witnessed about Nate, she could only conclude that he didn’t appreciate hard work and its rewards.

  “If I do get the promotion,” she said, watching him closely, “things will change between you and me. I…I won’t have a lot of free time for a while.”

  “Does that mean you won’t be able to go outside and play as often?” he asked, his mouth curving into a sensuous smile. He was taunting her with the words she’d used earlier that day.

  “Exactly.”

  “I can accept that. Just…” He hesitated.

  “What?” Nate was frowning and that wasn’t like him. He wore a saucy grin as often as he donned a baseball cap. “Tell me,” she demanded.

  “I want you to do everything possible to achieve your dreams, Susannah, but there are plenty of pitfalls along the way.”

  Now it was her turn to frown. She wasn’t sure she understood what he was talking about.

  “All I’m saying,” he elaborated, “is that you shouldn’t lose sight of who you are because this vice presidency means so much to you. And most important, count the cost.” With that he stepped forward, gazed hungrily into her eyes and kissed her lightly on the lips. Then he stepped back reluctantly.

  For a second Susannah teetered, then she moved forward into his arms as if that was the most natural place in the world for her to be. Even now, she didn’t entirely understand what he meant, but she couldn’t mistake the tenderness she heard in his voice. On
ce her head had cleared and she wasn’t wrapped up in this incredible longing he created every time he touched her, she’d mull over his words.

  Susannah woke around midnight, and rolling over, adjusted her pillow. The illuminated dial on her clock radio told her she’d only been sleeping for a couple of hours. She yawned, wondering what had woken her out of a sound peaceful slumber. Closing her eyes, she tucked the blankets more securely over her shoulders, determined to sleep. She tried visualizing herself accepting the promotion to vice president. Naturally, there’d be a nice write-up about her in the evening paper and possibly a short piece in a business journal or two.

  Susannah’s eyes drifted open as she recalled Nate’s words reminding her not to forget who she was. Who was she? A list of possible replies skipped easily through her mind. She was Susannah Simmons, future vice president in charge of marketing for the largest sporting-goods store in the country. She was a daughter, a sister, an aunt…And then it hit her. She was a woman. That was what Nate had been trying to tell her. It was the same message Emily had tried to get across to her on Sunday. From the time Susannah had set her goals, she’d dedicated her life to her career and pushed aside every feminine part of herself. Now was the time for her to deal with that aspect of her life.

  It was the following evening after work. Susannah was leaning against the kitchen counter, struggling to remove the heavy food mixer from its reinforced cardboard box. Emily’s recipe for chocolate chip cookies made three dozen. After her trip to the grocery, plus a jaunt to the hardware store for the mixer, cookie sheets and measuring utensils, these cookies were costing her $4.72 apiece.

  Price be damned. She was setting out to prove something important—although she wasn’t sure exactly what. She would’ve preferred to dismiss all her sister’s talk about cookies being equated with warmth and love as a philosophy left over from an earlier generation. Susannah didn’t actually believe Emily’s theory, but she wanted to give it a try. Susannah didn’t know why she was doing this anymore. All she knew was that she had this urge to bake chocolate chip cookies.