Olinda's Adventures: or the Amours of a Young Lady

by Catharine Trotter

  LETTER V.

  TO proceed in Order to my Relation, I must begin with one, who inrespect of his Years as well as the time in which I knew him, demandsthe Pre-eminence. He was a _Dutch_ Coll. about Threescore; Don't youthink one of his Country and Years, will make a pretty Lover? But Old ashe was, he had a Mistress in the House with him. I was younger than she,and I believe I may say, without Vanity, I had some other Advantagesover her; so that the Old Spark had a Month's mind to me; and I, partlyto plague her, and partly to divert my self, received all his Addresseswith a great deal of complaisance. I cou'd perceive her fret within herself, tho she durst not shew it. She was in great fear of losing him;for the Man's Money had such Charms as aton'd for his want of 'em, tho'he was Ugliness in perfection; (if that ben't Nonsense) and 'twas thebest Jest in the World to me, to see him squint an Amorous Glance uponme with one Eye, whilst 'tother was watching whether she took Notice ofhim; for we Lodg'd in one House together; so that I cou'd not avoidoften being with them both, nor indeed did I endeavour it; for I took amalicious pleasure in laughing at their Follies: Since there's nothingso ridiculous as an Antiquated Lover, who has the Vanity to believe heis belov'd, and a Jealous Woman, who has not Discretion enough to hideit. That I might be sufficiently entertain'd with both, one day I begana Discourse of Young and old Lovers, preferring the last as moreConstant, more Fond, and more Solid than the First: He Smil'd, and tookme by the Hand, and gave me a thousand Commendations for the Wisdom ofmy choice; Nay, and so far forgot himself, that he apply'd it tohimself, and said such passionate things as wou'd have been extravagantfrom a young Fellow. She with a great deal of Heat contradicted all Ihad said, and told all the Impertinences and Inconveniences one finds inan Old Man (which she experimentally knew better than I) withoutconsidering how far it touch'd him, she was so earnest against me. Thismade him so Angry, and her so out of Countenance when she reflected soupon what she had said, that I was never better diverted: So she did notknow what Excuse to make for her self; and in fine, the Dispute grew sohigh, that at last they parted. Upon this the Coll. was hotter upon methan ever; he pester'd me continually with his Visits, and the Brute solittle understood my Raillery, that he pretended an Interest in me, andwou'd check me when he saw any body younger than himself with me; but Igave him such Answers, that he did not know what to make of me. When hehad Orders for _Flanders_, he told me I must prepare my self to go withhim, and I should live as great and happy as a Queen; I said I wou'd gowithal my Heart, upon Condition his Son should be always with us: TheOld Man started, my Son, Child, what would you do with him? I think heis fitter company for me than you, says I, and so I left him, soasham'd, that he shunn'd seeing me ever after. He e'en went to_Flanders_ without me, and vow'd, young as he was, he wou'd never haveany thing to do with Woman more. Thus I was rid of my Old Impertinent,whose place was soon supply'd by one of those gay youths who never waitfor the slow gifts of pity, but Ravish little Favours from us, as ifthey were their due; who make it impossible for us to think it a Crimeto give what they ask with so much boldness; and who are alwaysendeavouring to divert her they design to please. He Courted me withBalls, Musick, and Entertainments, and in the midst of 'em wou'd now andthen whisper some pretty Love Maggots. I was first acquainted with himat a Relations of mine at _Greenwich_: He was an Officer in the Army,and was then in the Camp upon _Black-Heath_; and being very well knownin the House where I was, he came often there. He had heard severalthings of me to my Advantage, (for Fame generally flatters or detracts)as, that I sung well, was Handsom, and so forth: And I was told, that hewas very well accomplish'd, and the Neatest, Prettiest, Gentilest youngfellow that was to be seen in the whole Army: So that we had both agreat desire to see one another, and were very well acquainted the firsttime we met: He told me he had a violent Passion for me, and he did notdoubt but I had a little Love for him; he came to see me every Daywhilst I was there; carried me to all the Diversions that were to be hadabout the Country; and when I was going to _London_, he told me he wouldsoon follow me: But as soon as you come to Town, Faith _Olinda_, youshall Write to me, as you hope to see me again; for I can't live withouthearing you Arriv'd safe. So I Writ a thousand little mad things, andhe Answer'd me at the same Rate, only a great deal of Airy Love mingledwith it. The following Week he came to see me, and from that day I wasnever suffered to rest for one frolick or other: All the time he staid,I liv'd a pleasant sort of a Life, till he went to Fight abroad, and gottwo or three new Mistresses to divert, for those sort of Men neverremember the Absent; their Love never enters the Heart, nor do theyoften gain ours; they seldom fail to please indeed, and they force us tothink of 'em sometimes whether we will or not; but they are neitherDiscreet, nor Constant enough to go any further: I suppose he forgot meas soon as he left me, and I was not much behindhand with him. After hewas gone, I had scarce a breathing time before another of hisProfession, more serious, and more designing, succeeded him: He had agood Estate, and pass'd in the World for a Man of Honour, and thereforewas Received by my Mother favourably enough. I neither lik'd, nordislick'd him; but treated him with Civility, till I found out that hisdesigns were not very Honourable; and then I thought it time to alter myBehaviour: I forbid him to see me, and when he came to our Lodgings, Iwas deny'd to him, tho' he knew I was at home; upon which he left offcoming, and when some of his Comrades ask'd him the Reason, he toldthem, he knew me too well, and that he did not think a Creature so youngcou'd be so Lew'd. Observe, my Friend, how unhappy Women are, who arethus expos'd to lose either their Virtue, or their Honour; if I hadcomply'd with him, perhaps none wou'd have been more careful of my Famethan he: But how much my Choice is to be preferr'd, none but those whohave experienced the unexpressible satisfaction it gives can know. Iheard of it with a great deal of indifference, and did not so much ashate the Author of the scandal. The next in waiting was a _FrenchBeaux_: He had a great stock of Wit, but more Vanity, a mightyFlatterer, and one who took much pains to perswade credulous Women thathe lov'd them; and if he succeeded, he always forsook 'em, and sometimesgratify'd his Vanity to their Cost, who had been indiscreet enough togive him occasion. He laid his Baits to catch me, he Vow'd, and Swore,and Danc'd, and Sung eternally by turns; but I was too wary to becaught, tho' he made me a hundred Protestations, I was the only Woman heever did, or ever cou'd Love; follow'd me where ever I went, and inspight of the greatest Rigour I cou'd use, wou'd not forbear hauntingme. I did not know how to free my self from the Impertinence of thisFop; but I thought if I cou'd convince him of one Act of Inconstancy, hewou'd not have the Confidence to trouble me any more: I had manycontrivances in Order to it, but at last I fix'd upon one that wasprobable enough to take with one of his Humour. I Writ a Letter(disguising my Hand) as from a Woman extreamly in Love with him, anddesir'd him to tell me sincerely whither he was engaged or not; for Iwas too just to rob any Woman of his Heart, and too nice to be contentwith a part of it. I told him if he was free, I wou'd meet him, the nextday at the Bird-Cage in the Park: He sent a very obliging answer to theunknown Lady; and said, he was passionately in Love with her Wit; thatif her Beauty were Answerable, he must be undone; however 'twould besuch a pleasing Ruin, that he waited with the highest impatience for theappointed hour, when he might assure her by word of Mouth, his Heart waswholly at her dispose. Just as I had done Reading this Letter he camein, and for a Proof of his Constancy, shew'd me that which I had senthim, with another, which he said was the Answer he design'd to send;wherein he told her, he was already so deeply in Love, 'twas impossiblefor him to change; with abundance of fine things of the Person heLov'd. This was good sport for me, and I had much ado to keep myCountenance; I us'd all my Rhetorick to perswade him to stay with me; athing I had never desir'd of him before, and now 'twas in vain: Hepretended earnest business, and went long before the Hour, he was sovery impatient. When he was gone, I chang'd my Clothes, took a Lady withme, who was Privy to the Affair, and went to the aforesaid Place. Wewere in Masks, and it being duskish, he did not know us; but after I hadbanter'd him for some tim
e, I discover'd my self: I cannot describe toyou the different Passions that affected him; sometimes he was in a Ragewith me for putting such a Deceit upon him, sometimes he wou'd frameweak Excuses for what he had done, and sometimes he was not able tospeak at all for Grief, that he was not only disappointed of a newMistress, but had lost all hopes of gaining one he had Courted so long,with so much Assiduity. I went home, as well pleas'd with losing one, asI have sometimes been with making a Conquest, in full hopes I shou'd beplagued with him no more, and I was not deceiv'd. You see, _Cleander_,what a Miscellany of Lovers, if I may call 'em so, I have had, all ofdifferent humours, but none that had found out the Secret to please me:They have done enough if they contribute any thing to your diversion,and made a sufficient Recompence for all their former Impertinence to

  _Your faithful Friend_

  Olinda.