Remembering August (Triple C Ranch Saga)

by Rodney V. Earle

  Suddenly the bells from the PCA key lanyard crashed against the floor in the hallway, which startled both girls.

  “I think Santa fell down,” said Colleen playfully.

  “No shit,” said Augie.

  “They should make the priest carry that thing so we know when he’s coming.”

  Augie said nothing as she shifted her position again.

  After another minute of silence, Colleen said, “They scare me.”

  Again, Augie said nothing.

  “They… scare me,” Colleen said again.

  “Bells scare you?” Augie asked with a yawn.

  “No… priests. Priests scare me.”

  “Why?” asked Augie. “Were you molested by one too?”

  Colleen paused for a second and thought about Augie’s shocking question. “No,” she said. “I’m just… uncomfortable around ’em, I guess.”

  “Aren’t you even gonna ask about what I just said?” Augie asked.

  “No. I figure if you wanna talk about it, you will. It’s none of my business.”

  “I wish the social worker felt that way,” said Augie, relaxing a little.

  “What social worker?” Colleen asked.

  “They got this lady that comes around. She asks a shitload of questions when you have injuries like I got. I just lie to her ’til she goes away,” said Augie.

  “Shit,” Colleen said sympathetically. “What kind of questions?” she asked.

  Before Augie could answer, Leah appeared at her bedside with a breakfast tray and a plastic cup with her Ativan and Tylenol.

  “I’ll tell you in a minute,” Augie said.

  “I’m sorry,” Leah offered. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” she said as she set the tray and plastic cup on Augie’s bedside table.

  “That’s okay,” said Augie. “I was just bad-mouthing the social worker. You haven’t seen her yet, have you?”

  “Not yet,” said Leah. “I think she has meetings in the mornings, and then she makes her rounds in the afternoons.”

  “Do you like her?” Augie asked.

  “Well… I—”

  “You hate her, don’t you?” Augie interrupted. “Come on. You can tell me.”

  “No. It’s not like that,” Leah said. “I don’t know her that well, but she seems nice.”

  “Yeah… well… so did Jeffrey Dahmer,” said Augie.

  Leah chuckled uncomfortably as she pretended to arrange the tray of food on Augie’s table. Colleen sat silently in the bed and listened in on Augie and Leah’s conversation.

  “I’m sorry, honey,” Leah said. “She’s just tryin’ to do her job, just like me.”

  “She’s nuthin’ like you!” Augie sputtered. “She just plops her ass on the chair and starts in with the questions.”

  “I know she’s not your favorite,” Leah said sympathetically.

  “I fuckin’ hate her, Leah. She doesn’t seem to give a shit about how I feel or anything. Besides, you’re my favorite person here,” Augie suddenly said playfully.

  “Awww… you’re so sweet, Augie,” Leah said as she tilted her head to one side. “Now take your pills.”

  “I smell bacon,” Colleen said again.

  “Somebody’s hungry,” said Augie as she downed her pills without taking a drink of anything to wash them down.

  “Oh, did I say that out loud?” Colleen asked.

  “Did I say that out loud?” repeated Augie, mocking Colleen. “Better take the Terminator her breakfast before she runs for Governor.”

  “Ha!” Colleen shouted, imitating Augie’s outbursts from the night before.

  Augie handed Leah the empty plastic medication cup. She opened her mouth and lifted her tongue to prove to Leah that she swallowed the pills.

  “Good,” whispered Leah. “One breakfast comin’ right up, Colleen!” Leah called as she threw away the cup and headed for the door.

  “The food’s not too bad if you order the right thing,” said Augie, seemingly recovered from her funk.

  “You get to order what you want?” Colleen asked.

  “Yeah, but you have to order it the night before.”

  Leah returned with a second breakfast tray and headed for Colleen’s bed. Augie adjusted her bed to the upright-most position and reached for the bedside table. “Ugh,” she said with a grunt.

  “Are you okay, Augie?” Leah said as she stopped short of Colleen’s bed.

  Augie saw Leah’s feet and ankles under the bottom of the privacy curtain. “Yeah,” she said. “I’m just sore as hell.”

  Leah started walking again and set the resin breakfast tray on Colleen’s bedside table. Colleen shifted her position and moved the table closer with her right hand.

  “Is it high enough?” Leah asked.

  “Yeah, it’s fine,” replied Colleen. “I’m starvin’.”

  “I’m starvin’,” Augie mocked again.

  “I’ve heard about enough out of you, John Merrick,” Colleen said.

  Leah slid the tray a few inches closer so it was directly in front of her patient. Colleen reached for the tray, poked her finger in the hole of the round plate cover and lifted it.

  “Mmmm,” said Colleen as her eyes widened with excitement. Steam billowed from the scrambled eggs, home-fried potatoes and two strips of bacon arranged neatly on the white ceramic plate. A blueberry muffin and a banana were on the tray next to the plate, and a small carton of orange juice completed the meal.

  “Smells good, huh?” asked Leah.

  “I’m so hungry I could eat the ass out of a skunk,” Colleen said.

  Leah smiled and tried not to laugh.

  “I’m not repeating that one,” said Augie.

  “I’ll bring you the menu for lunch a little later,” Leah said with a smile, still thinking about the skunk comment. She was surprised at Colleen’s voracious appetite. Colleen grabbed a piece of bacon and shoved the whole thing in her mouth. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back and chewed slowly. Leah thought Colleen looked like she had a golf ball in her cheek.

  “Leah?” Augie called quietly from her bed.

  “Yes, Augie?”

  “What-cha do-in’?” Augie asked slowly.

  Leah’s face turned pink. She closed her eyes and tried to keep from laughing. Colleen opened her eyes, turned her head and looked at Leah’s face, which turned a darker red.

  “Wuf uh ma’er wif you?” Colleen asked with her mouth full.

  “She’s about to laugh,” Augie said. “Watch. Just wait a second. She won’t be able to hold it in much longer.”

  Leah raised her left arm and put her face in the crook of her elbow. Her shoulders bounced up and down as she tried to keep from laughing. Suddenly she couldn’t hold her breath any longer and let out a high-pitched wheeze of a laugh.

  “There it is,” said Augie.

  “Ho-ee shit!” Colleen said through the mouthful of smoky bacon.

  Leah continued her wheezy guffaws. Colleen stared in amazement and chewed her bacon into smaller bits. Augie chuckled without seeing Leah because she knew what Leah looked like when she laughed.

  “Told ya,” Augie said.

  “Y’all kill me,” Leah said after taking in a deep breath.

  “What are you laughing at? The skunk line?” Colleen asked with a mouth still half full.

  “My boyfriend says, ‘Whatcha doin’?’’ constantly.” said Leah. “Augie imitates him to a tee, and the two of them have never met. You kinda have to be there.”

  “I guess so,” said Colleen. “That’s some laugh you got there.”

  Leah chuckled between breaths as she opened Colleen’s orange juice and inserted a straw.

  “Isn’t that some shit?” Augie chimed in. “Funniest thing I’ve seen in years.”

  “How ya doin’ over there, Augie?” Leah asked.

  “I can’t get to my food because I can’t move the… thingy,” Augie replied in a girly voice.

  “I’ll be right there,” chuckled Leah. “Can I get
you anything else, Colleen?” Leah asked.

  “Nah… I’m good,” said Colleen. “Can’t you tell? I’m eatin’ this shit like it’s my last meal.”

  “Appetite is a good thing. I’ll check on you in a little bit.” Leah left Colleen and walked over to Augie’s bed, which was still shrouded by the privacy curtain.

  “You can pull that curtain back again if you close the door,” Augie said. “Colleen, do you have any visitors coming this morning?”

  “Not that I know of,” said Colleen. “I wasn’t expecting the priest to begin with. My mother’s coming back after noon. Probably a friend or two later on.”

  Leah pulled the curtain up toward the wall where it was before. Colleen took a sip of her orange juice and coughed, which immediately caught Leah’s attention.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” Colleen said with a swallow, and then cleared her throat. “Went down the wrong pipe.”

  “You’re supposed to breathe after you swallow,” Augie said as Leah moved the table closer to Augie.

  “Aren’t you supposed to do that on your knees?” Colleen asked smartly.

  “Ha… ha… ha. Very funny,” Augie said as she struggled to sit up straight.

  “Want me to do your pillow?” Leah asked.

  “That would be good,” said Augie.

  Leah put her arm around Augie’s neck and helped her lean forward. She then switched hands and supported her as she positioned the pillow behind her back. “How’s that?”

  “Good,” Augie said. “I’m hungry, but I’m not eatin’ the ass out of no skunk.”

  “Do you want me to help you with a few bites?” Leah asked.

  “No, Mother,” Augie said. “I do it. I’m a big girl.”

  Colleen shoveled scrambled eggs into her mouth and cleared her throat once more. “Hello again,” she said with her mouth full of eggs.

  “Uh… hello,” Augie replied as she removed the cover from her plate. “Want my bacon?” she asked.

  Leah slid Augie’s tray closer to her chest, opened the carton of orange juice and inserted the straw. Augie poked the plate cover and set it aside as Colleen had.

  “Sure!” Colleen spat as bits of scrambled eggs escaped her mouth.

  “Come and get it,” Augie said.

  “Very funny.” Tiny yellow egg meteors rained sporadically back to Colleen’s tray as she spoke.

  “You’re not supposed to talk with your mouth full,” said Augie.

  “I’m a big girl, too.” Colleen replied, spewing meteors all over herself.

  “The eggs go in your mouth,” Augie said as she continued to poke fun at Colleen.

  “Morphine makes me seepy,” Colleen slurred.

  Leah washed her hands as the two women continued their banter. Augie surveyed the food on her plate, and suddenly felt nauseous.

  “I ain’t eatin’ this,” Augie said, leaning back against the pillow. “Well, except maybe the blueberry muffin.”

  “There’s a shock,” Leah chimed in.

  “Want my muffin?” Colleen asked. “I hate blueberries.”

  “Like you said before, I don’t think I can accept a proposal this early in the season,” Augie replied with heavy innuendo. “And I’m ignoring you, Leah.”

  “Ha… ha… ha,” Colleen said, mocking Augie’s earlier words.

  “Another shock,” Leah said.

  “Okay. Ugh. I’m done with this,” Augie said and swallowed hard.

  Leah slid the tray out of the way and helped Augie arrange herself more comfortably. Augie leaned back and shifted her weight. Colleen set her fork down and leaned back as well, which caught Leah’s attention.

  “There you go,” Leah said.

  “Thank you,” said Augie.

  “You’re welcome. Need anything else?”

  “Just the button thing,” Augie said. “I’m gonna take a little nap.”

  Leah grabbed Augie’s cigar-shaped pain button and placed it in her hand. Augie pushed the button and the PCA pump beeped as an extra dose of Morphine headed for her tired veins. Leah pulled the covers up to Augie’s chest.

  Colleen swallowed her bite of food and turned her head toward Leah. “I’m so sleepy,” she said with a heavy slur.

  Leah went to Colleen’s bed and moved her tray out of the way.

  “Can you do me a huge favor?” Colleen asked almost inaudibly.

  “Sure, sweetheart. What is it?”

  “Can you call my mother when you get a chance… and tell her to make sure she doesn’t forget my iPod and my cell phone?”

  “You want me to call her from here?” Leah asked.

  “No… just whenever you get the chance.”

  “Not a problem,” said Leah. “Do you want me to keep the door closed?”

  “Please,” Augie answered for Colleen.

  “Okay, ladies,” Leah said. “I’ll be back in a little bit to pick up your trays.”

  “Can you leave the bacon?” Colleen asked.

  “And the muffins,” Augie chimed in.

  “Sure,” said Leah.

  Colleen’s pump beeped on its own, which reminded her that she could press the button for more. She drifted off to sleep before her thumb received the message that her brain sent to it. Both occupants of room 258 breathed heavily as Leah quietly slipped out of the room and pulled the door closed behind her.

  †

  The loud ring of the princess phone startled Joan and her napping sidekick, Merlin. Joan fumbled the receiver to the floor, and Merlin bolted upright in the middle of his doggie bed.

  “Triple C, how can I help you?” Joan said in her best professional manner.

  “Hello, this is Leah at Las Palmas. Is this Mrs. Caldwell?” Leah asked politely.

  “Oh my God! What’s wrong? What happened?” Joan shouted into the mouthpiece, instantly mortified.

  Merlin started barking, and Joan couldn’t hear half of what Leah was saying.

  “Colleen… ask… phone…”

  “Merlin! Shut up!” Joan shouted. “Go outside! Git!”

  Joan held the receiver to her ear as Merlin let out a small “moof” for a bark, and then sauntered slowly over to the doggie door. “I’m sorry, Leah. Can you repeat what you said?”

  “That’s okay, Mrs. Caldwell,” Leah said. “Colleen wanted me to give you a call and ask if you could bring her cell phone when you bring her iPod.”

  “Oh thank God.” Joan said and then took a deep breath. “I thought something was wrong.”

  “Not at all, Mrs. Caldwell,” Leah said. “Colleen had some breakfast about an hour ago, and now she’s taking a nap.”

  “Shit… I almost had a heart attack,” Joan said, still breathing fast.

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Caldwell. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Leah said.

  “It’s not your fault,” Joan said, calming down a little. “And please… call me Joan.”

  “Okay, Joan,” said Leah.

  “Do I need to bring anything else?” Joan asked.

  “I don’t think so,” said Leah. “If she has a particular deodorant or toothpaste that she prefers to use, you might want to bring that.”

  “Okay. I’ll throw some things in a bag for her. Should I bring her some… undergarments?”

  “Ummm probably not,” Leah said. “With the pins in her leg and the sling on her arm, she would probably be more comfortable without them.”

  “Good point,” Joan said. “Dumb question, huh?”

  “Not at all,” said Leah. “You’d be surprised at the kind of stuff people bring to the hospital, even if they’re just here overnight,” she said with a chuckle.

  “I’ll bet. Did she ask for anything else?”

  “Nope. Just the iPod and cell phone,” Leah said.

  Merlin suddenly poked his head through the doggie door and oinked loudly.

  “Sounds good. I’ll be there about one o’clock,” said Joan.

  “See you then,” said Leah.

  “Okay. Bye,” Joan said
and hung up the phone. “Merlin!” she shouted again. “Out!”

  Merlin pulled his head out of the doggie door. Joan heard him oink as he stood and waited on the concrete step outside.

  “Go on!” Joan shouted.

  Joan sat back in her chair, and the oinking grew faint as Merlin searched for a different place to resume his nap.

  †

  Millie’s was a busy place for a Monday morning. Usually by nine o’clock the breakfast crowd was gone and the waitresses were already setting up for lunch. Jim sat in the booth closest to the cashier desk and counted what was left of the money his brother had given him. Eighty-nine dollars and sixteen cents. He thought about how he needed to stretch his cash for another day or two since he couldn’t go back to the shithole just yet.

  Jim thought of Las Gaviotas as little more than a shithole, but it was better than sleeping on the ground and eating hot dogs on a stick cooked with a butane torch. The makeshift tent and old horse blanket were barely enough to keep him from freezing to death during the cold Southern California nights, but at least the coyotes knew enough to leave him alone.

  Snakes were another story. A few face-to-face meetings with large rattlesnakes made Jim change his sleeping habits a bit. He kept his Bowie knife accessible at all times, and with a lightning-fast flick of the wrist, breakfast was served. He loved the taste of butane-torched rattlesnake on a stick, especially on an empty stomach.

  Rattlesnake wasn’t on the breakfast menu at Millie’s, so Jim settled on the Cinnamon Roll Combo, which included a jumbo cinnamon roll, two eggs any style and bacon or sausage.

  “Would you like some more coffee?” the chubby Hispanic waitress asked.

  “Please. Is there an LA Times around here somewhere?” he asked with a wink.

  “I’ll bring you one,” said the waitress as she poured more coffee.

  “What’s your name again?”

  “Carmen,” replied the waitress, blushing.

  “Carmen,” Jim repeated. “That’s a beautiful name.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  “Please… call me Jim.” He stuck out his hand.

  Carmen turned a deeper shade of red as she switched the coffeepot to her left hand and daintily shook his hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Jeem,” said Carmen with a heavy accent. “Can I get you anything else?”