Doing It

by Melvin Burgess

  He hurried through the scattering of shoppers – it wasn’t lunch time yet, there weren’t many people about. The perfumery was quite close to the entrance. Dino moved fast. He didn’t want to be anywhere near that store when Siobhan and Violet came through the doors with the alarms ringing and the plain clothes men moving in.

  He pushed through the doors and the alarms started ringing. He froze in his tracks – had they already worked out that he was an accomplice? – and someone took him by the arm.

  ‘Excuse me, sir.’

  ?

  ‘If I could just have a look in your bag, sir.’

  Security guard. Big bloke. He took the bag from Dino’s unresisting fingers. Another guard had appeared at Dino’s other side and was standing close up. The first guard peered into the bag. Dino looked round. A number of other security guards had materialised around him.

  ‘We’ll have to ask you to step into the shop, please, sir. If you don’t mind.’

  No one was touching him at the moment, but Dino was surrounded. The guard stepped to one side and Dino walked back into the shop. As he went through the door he heard a voice – he wasn’t sure whose it was, Siobhan or Violet or both – shouting out in the distance,

  ‘Oh, Dino, you’re so sexy!’

  I’ve been set up, he realised.

  ‘I’ve been set up,’ he told the guards.

  ‘That’s what they all say, son,’ said the guard.

  After that, the endless humiliation. The humiliation of being walked through the store. Look! There he is! A shoplifter. The alarms went off and they got him. So that’s what they look like. The humiliation of being walked into the security manager’s office and being searched. The items taken out of the bag one by one.

  ‘My, you’re a little sophisticate, aren’t you?’ The man held up a bra, black, frilly, edged with lace. Suspenders. ‘Like a big of leg, do you?’ The knickers, God help us, had a split crotch. ‘Well, well.’

  The CD. Then the books, one by one. ‘Picasso. Stalingrad. Educated too. Or are these for your dad?’

  ‘They’re not stolen, they’re …’ But he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence, because they were stolen, weren’t they? Bound to be.

  ‘I guess we’d better give Waterstones and HMV a ring.’

  The humiliation of the endless wait for the police. The underwear lay like a set of exposed genitals (his) on the desk, for everyone to see. Then, the police themselves. Their amused disbelief when he told them his absurd story. More poring over the underwear, the policeman looking at him curiously, as if he was making Dino a reference point for future perverts before he dropped them briskly back in the bag.

  ‘This sort of thing is for old men, son.’

  The humiliation of his parents being called in to see their erring son. The long, boring, frightened wait. Their faces as they came into the room where he was being kept, pale and scared as if it was them who had committed a crime. The shocked drive back home and the inevitable, awful interview at the end of it.

  ‘Dino, is this about your father and me? Is that what it is?’

  ‘I told you, I didn’t do it.’

  ‘Dino …’

  ‘I didn’t!’

  ‘I know it’s been very stressful. I know. But this sort of thing … It isn’t going to help.’

  ‘I didn’t do it!’

  ‘Denying it isn’t going to make it go away.’

  ‘Fucking hell.’

  ‘Dino!’

  ‘How dare you!’

  ‘Oh, God. I’m sorry, but I didn’t do it! I’m not upset about you and Dad. I mean, of course I was upset but I didn’t do it. OK?’

  A long pause. ‘OK,’ said his mother.

  ‘What?’ said his dad.

  ‘No, if Dino is insisting, we have to go along with it. He’s our son. He’s old enough to know right from wrong.’

  ‘No, he’s not, he’s a shoplifter, they just caught him in the act. He’s upset. He’s stressed. He’s disturbed.’

  ‘I’m not disturbed!’

  ‘Well, you’ve never behaved like this before.’

  ‘We have to trust him. We have to show him we can trust him.’

  ‘Trust?’

  ‘Yes, trust. Not something you’re very good at,’ snipped Kath.

  ‘What?’ Dino’s dad looked as if he’d stung. ‘Is that what this is about? Are you sure you’re not talking about yourself here?’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous!’

  ‘Am I?’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘Then what’s all this about me not being good at trusting?’

  Dino listened in disbelief. He’d just been through the most awful ordeal of his life and his parents had changed the subject already.

  ‘You always have to give me ulterior motives for everything I do. This isn’t about me. It’s about Dino.’

  ‘You get caught in the act and you want to be trusted and now he’s been caught in the act and you want him to be trusted? I think a little honesty’s the way forward here.’

  ‘For God’s sake, not everything I do has to do with me and Dave Short!’

  ‘All right!’ Dino leaped to his feet. ‘I did do it! I admit it! OK? All right? Happy now? I’ve been doing it for months. Now just … leave me alone!’

  Bursting to his horror into tears, Dino fled upstairs, his mother in pursuit. She stood outside the locked door banging it and asking to be let in, to no avail. She went back downstairs, where, shortly, recriminations and rage began to float up the stairs in suppressed whispers.

  Siobhan wasn’t finished with him yet.

  After the shock had worn off a bit he thought about ringing Jackie for sympathy and realised in the same split-second that it was impossible. There was another landslide hovering above him. Jackie! What was he going to say to her? Look, Jacks, I’ve been two-timing you with this girl, and she framed me for shoplifting. No way. But – what if she never knew? His only hope was that it all remained a secret. Why not? It was possible. His mum and dad weren’t going to blab. What if someone who knew him had seen him being marched into the shop with the security guards? Then he was dead – but if they hadn’t? If it never got into the papers. If he never said a word about it to anyone. If his mum and dad kept quiet … then it was just possible that no one who mattered would ever know. Maybe it was even likely. He just had to bite his lip and hope for the best.

  He had to see Jackie that evening round at her house. It must have been obvious something was wrong, because she kept asking him, ‘What’s up with you? Are you all right?’ It was an ordeal, but somehow he got through it without anything dire happening. But when he got up on Sunday morning, there was a little note waiting for him on the doormat.

  ‘That’ll teach you to two-time me, you shit. And don’t think Miss Jackie Atkins of 17, Canton Road is going to stay ignorant for long either. Fuck you. Siobhan. (Not my real name.)’

  Dino stood there for a moment feeling it sink in. Jackie, he thought. Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. Please not Jackie.

  He dashed up to his room and rang her on her mobile.

  ‘Hi, oh, Dino.’

  ‘How are you?’ he asked.

  ‘Fine. You sound a bit weird.’

  ‘Have you checked your mail today?’

  ‘What, on the PC, no, why?’

  ‘No, snail mail. Letters.’

  ‘Well, it’s Sunday, isn’t it?’

  ‘Oh, right!’ Just for a second he thought, Great! But then he realised – he’d had mail. No stamps. Hand delivered. She’d put the note through the door by hand. A similar note could be lying there on Jackie’s doormat that very minute.

  ‘Dino? Are you OK?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  There was a pause in which he tried to think of something to say. Just as he began asking her what homework she had to do that day, she began the investigation.

  ‘Why should I check my post? Have you sent me something?’

  ‘No! No, look …’

  ‘J
ust a minute …’

  ‘Don’t go, don’t go, no – listen, listen, I’ve got something important to say!’

  ‘Dino, what’s going on?’

  It was there all right. It was there, lying on her doormat like a nasty little piece of life-threatening dog shit. He had to deal with it.

  ‘I … got done for shoplifting yesterday.’

  ‘Shoplifting? You?’

  ‘I was set up.’

  ‘Who by?’

  ‘This girl.’

  ‘What girl?’

  ‘Just a girl. I met her down the Arndale.’

  ‘What, just like that?’

  ‘Well, no, not quite …’

  ‘Well, how then? Why didn’t you tell me yesterday?’

  ‘I’ve been done for shoplifting and I didn’t do it. What am I going to do?’

  ‘But who’s the girl?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ he begged. He tried to laugh, but it sounded evil.

  There was a pause. ‘Tell me what’s going on, Dino.’

  She wasn’t even a little bit interested in the stuff about the shoplifting and Dino having a criminal record. All she wanted to know about was the girl. Who was she, why was he with her, did he know her from before? And then …

  ‘Just a minute.’

  ‘NOOO!’ he bawled. But it was too late. He could hear her feet galloping down the stairs. There was a long pause. ‘Please, please, please, please,’ chanted Dino in a whisper. He didn’t hear her come back up, but he did hear the crackle of paper as she picked up the phone.

  ‘Jackie, listen to me, it isn’t the way it seems, this girl is poisonous, she really is. She …’

  ‘You two-timing bastard,’ she hissed. ‘All the time! No wonder you were being so understanding! Well, fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck! Fuck you!’

  ‘Jackie …!’

  ‘Shit!’

  ‘Why do you believe this crap, Jackie? Why do you believe her and not me?’

  ‘Fuck you!’

  ‘Please just trust me!’

  ‘Fuck you!’

  ‘And fuck you!’ he yelled back at her, suddenly cracking up. He was so furious – everything was against him. ‘And fuck everyone! And fuck everything!’ he yelled, but she’d already gone.

  Dino hung up and stood staring at the phone, daring himself to ring her back. But what could he say? The truth about Siobhan was as absurd and unlikely as any lie. It ought to be impossible to believe, but somehow it was stamped with the mark of truth. It just slotted into place so perfectly. There was no way he could explain this one away.

  He sat down in the chair by the telephone and waited for something to happen. He was there for ages hardly moving at all, except to cross his legs and shift position slightly. He was there so long that everyone forgot where he was in the house, and his mum came into the room without knowing he was there. She stood in the doorway, completely unaware that she was being watched, and he got a good, long look at her face. She was thinking. She stuck her finger in her mouth and chewed the flesh on the edges around her nail, staring into space. It isn’t often you see someone standing there thinking. He hardly thought of her as his mother at all. What was going on in there? What was she going to do? What was she going to change next?

  Then she saw him and she jumped into the air.

  ‘Christ! Dino! What are you doing there?’

  ‘Just sitting.’

  ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘Fine,’ he said. ‘Just fine.’ And he left her to it.

  29

  ben

  ‘He’s a shit,’ said Sue.

  ‘Yes, but he’s a mate, as well,’ I said.

  ‘You should pick your friends better,’ said Sue. Well. I’ve known Dino for years. I didn’t pick him. It’s just given. Jonathon started going on about how there was no point in cutting him off, how was he ever going to change if he was just left on his own and so on.

  ‘He’s not going to change,’ sneered Sue. ‘Why should he? He doesn’t need to, he gets it all just the way he is.’

  A couple of days ago, I’d have agreed with her. That’s Dino. He’s the original Teflon man. No matter how stupid he is, he never looks stupid. No one ever manages to tease him. Jon’s a past master at teasing and he can’t do it. He just makes himself look stupid. It’s weird. But this time, something’s changed. Dino looks pathetic. All the other times, he’s behaved pathetically and looked cool, but now, suddenly, he’s just an arse.

  Not that anyone really knows what’s going on. There are so many rumours going around, especially about this girl, Siobhan or Violet or Zoë or whatever her name is. Dino says she’s seventeen, everyone else says she’s fourteen. Who knows? Dino isn’t exactly trustworthy. Shagging her at the party? You’re not trying to tell me he didn’t make that up – but then there’s the letter Jackie’s supposed to have got. And shoplifting? Dino? You can’t imagine Dino doing something like that. And his parents splitting up. And it’s all public knowledge. Everyone knows everything.

  Half the girls won’t speak to him. Jackie won’t even look at him. You can’t blame her, although I don’t see why the rest of them should be so down on him. He won’t be the first one to two-time someone. It’s his friends that really get me. It’s like they say, you can really tell who your mates are at a time like this. Suddenly, he’s a wanker. Suddenly, he was a wanker the whole time and everyone knew it.

  Well, OK, it’s true. Dino always was a wanker. You have to be a bit of a tosser to be that cool. How important is it to be admired? All that effort. And overnight he’s turned into just some idiot with more problems than he can cope with, trying to look good and failing. You’d have thought he was the most popular guy in school last week and now all he’s got is Jon and me. Bang! Gone, the lot of them.

  ‘He’s had it coming for a long time,’ said Stu. ‘Thinks he’s It, doesn’t he?’

  ‘Poser,’ said Snoops.

  Fasil took the opportunity to give him a good old lecture. ‘You don’t know how to behave,’ he kept saying.

  Even Jonathon had a go, but not to his face of course.

  ‘Those who the gods most wish to destroy, they first give an ego as big as a small town,’ he said. I had a word with him about that.

  ‘Well, he wasn’t there, he couldn’t hear me,’ he said.

  ‘What if someone tells him?’ I asked, and he looked horrified.

  ‘Do you think they would?’

  ‘Do you?’ I asked.

  You could see the light dawning. ‘The bastards.’

  ‘I think old Dino needs a bit of looking after,’ I said. So me and Jonathon decided to do a bit of taking care. We go round to his place a few times a week, walk home with him, hang around with him at school when he looks as if he needs company, stay away when he doesn’t. Go running over when one of the girls or the other blokes look as if they’re about to start on him. We’re a regular little emotional bodyguard, we are. Poor old Dino! Not that it changes anything, I guess, but it’s nice to have your mates around you. And he’s so grateful for it. You can read Dino like a book, he’s so open. It makes you feel that … well, he appreciates you. And you know what? There he is up to his neck in shit but I still envy him in a funny way. I’m nowhere near as good on that front. Let’s face it, I’ve got myself into a bit of a mess. I could do with a bit of problem sharing too.

  Let’s talk about secrets, shall we? Let’s talk about talking. That’s what Dino’s got, even now when he’s lost everything else. He can sit and tell you about what he did and what she did and what that makes him feel and how he thinks she feels till the cows come home. All right, a lot of it is self-centred crap. He tells loads of lies, I’m sure he does. And he gets embarrassed, he’s blushing all the time when he’s talking about it. But he does it anyway. I can’t do that, neither can Jonathon. Look at all that stuff with Deborah. I mean, OK, I don’t know, maybe he’s having a good time and that’s all there is to it. But what do you bet? Why does he look like he’d got
a hot spike up his bum whenever her name comes up? I mean, what’s going on there? Try asking him. He practically runs away from you.

  There was this really touching thing with Dino the other day. He was in a right state. The rumours were at their height, everyone was treating him like a leper. This girl was thirteen, he’d date-raped her at the party by refusing to let her stay if she didn’t sleep with him, she was on the run from some home, you name it. It was about the third day after Jackie chucked him and she was refusing to talk to him. He’d obviously decided that they had to talk, so he really tried to pin her down. She walked away like she usually does but this time he followed her, and she suddenly turned round and shouted at him to fuck off, right there in front of everyone. It was awful. Everyone turned round to look. I really thought he was going to cry. He made the best of it, you know, shrugged as if he didn’t care and walked off, but his face had gone the colour of ash. I tried to have a word with him, but he couldn’t even talk, he just ran off and hid in the bogs.

  He really was looking awful, so after lunch me and Jon collared him and told him we were taking him out. He nearly jumped up and punched us.

  ‘What the fuck are you on about?’

  ‘Take it easy. We’re your friends,’ I told him.

  ‘Some friends. Leave me alone.’

  ‘Come on, Dino,’ said Jon. ‘You need a drink. Come on, we’ll buy you a pint or something. We’re your mates, remember?’

  Dino stared at him wildly.

  ‘You need it, mate,’ said Jonathon, and he just gave in and came along with us.

  He didn’t fancy the pub, so we wandered down Crab Lane and ended up at my place. I cracked open some beers, we sat down at the kitchen table … and out it all came. The lot. His parents. There’d been rumours going around about that one, started by Jackie I suppose, but it was the first time he’d talked to us about it. That explained a lot. Siobhan, him, Jackie, everything, from beginning to end. It was awesome. Boy, he really was going through it. And halfway through it, he began to cry – really properly cry, big sobs. You don’t see that very often. We just sat on either side of him with our arms around him. He’d have broken your heart.