Siren's Song

by Kaye Draper

  Grey couldn’t meet Luca's eyes. It pissed him off. He had absolutely no reason to feel guilty, like he’d cheated on Luca or something. He raised his chin defiantly. God damn the whole situation.

  Luca flinched backward. “Woah! What did I do?” He sighed. “Look, if it’s about the other night, I’m sorry. I was pissed, but I had no right to act like such an asshole.”

  Grey crossed his arms over his chest and tried to dial down the glare. It seemed they had a new routine lately—Grey being angry against his will, and Luca doing something completely out of character for him then apologizing about it. “Did you need something?”

  Luca looked hurt. “No, not really.” He shrugged. “I just thought maybe we could hang out. Maybe talk? Or not. I’ve got Zombie Apocalypse Four.” He patted his coat pocket with a gloved hand, and Grey could see the outline of the game case.

  Grey sighed. “It’s not really a good time.”

  He turned and headed back down the street. He wasn’t really surprised when Luca followed. Luca was used to Grey’s foul moods. He felt sorry for the guy. Why in the world did Luca put up with an idiot like Grey?

  They walked out on the boardwalk by the ocean, then sat on the dock, gazing out at the rippling water. The ocean was in a foul mood too—that seemed to be its default lately. The wind was sharp and cold. It wasn’t a good day for sea gazing. He didn’t care.

  Luca hunched into his coat and shifted closer, trying to steal Grey’s body heat, but there was precious little there to steal. Grey felt as cold as the tumbling waves.

  “You can go home, you know,” Grey ground out, sounding petulant, but completely unable to help himself.

  Luca just pulled his collar up higher and tucked his hands into his pockets. “Not until you tell me what happened.”

  Grey turned his head to look at Luca. Dark blue eyes that haunted his dreams stared back at him, waiting. “Nothing happened,” he insisted.

  Luca shook his head. “Yeah, right. You’re just always this broody.”

  Grey nudged him with an elbow and went back to looking at the sea. A flock of brave gulls was circling near them, flying erratically in the gusts, tumbling in the air. Grey knew how the poor idiots felt. Fighting against nature was a bitch. Waves lapped inches from their dangling feet, growing taller by the moment.

  “I made out with Joy,” Grey said in a flat tone. “I’m sorry. I know you guys hit it off there for a bit. I’m a terrible friend.”

  He turned back to Luca to find him staring at Grey like he’d sprouted two heads. “You what?”

  Grey gritted his teeth. “I almost had sex with Joy.”

  Luca raised his eyebrows. “And you thought I’d be mad because….”

  Grey sighed. “Because you seemed to like her. I saw you giving her your number that one time. I don’t know what happened after that. For all I know you hooked up with her.” He shrugged, as if he didn’t give a crap. So many lies. It seemed like lying was the only thing he was good at anymore.

  Luca rubbed his forehead as if he was developing a sudden migraine. “I don’t like Joy. I mean—I like her just fine. But I’m not attracted to her or anything like that.” And yet he sounded pissed anyway.

  Grey narrowed his eyes at Luca, not believing a word of it. “Oh. Well, great.”

  Luca stopped rubbing his head and looked up at him. “So…you said almost?”

  Grey groaned. “Yeah. I know it’s dumb, but I really wanted to know if I could be…normal. But I just…couldn’t.”

  Luca pursed his lips for a minute, as if deciding what to say. “Because she’s a woman?”

  “Probably.”

  Luca turned and pulled a leg up, so he was facing Grey. “Or…maybe because you love someone else?”

  Grey balled up his hands into fists. “Does it matter?”

  Luca sighed. “For having spent the last four years in a man’s body, you sure don’t seem to know much about how it works.”

  Grey glared at him. “Shut up.”

  Luca ignored his hostility. “It matters,” he said firmly. “Most of us can’t just get it up for anyone, contrary to popular belief.” He rolled his eyes.

  Grey refused to look at him. “How was practice today?”

  Luca’s long fingers wrapped around Grey’s chin and turned his head, forcing him to gaze into those deep blue eyes. “I’m sorry it took me a while to figure out my own crap. But I’m ready. Tell me everything that’s going through your head right now.”

  Grey stared into Luca's eyes. He knew how a rat caught in a trap must feel. Maybe he could gnaw his own foot off and run away.

  Luca stared him down. “I talked to Cameron—after that night when I thought he turned you down. He told me you were in love with someone else and that you asked him for advice. Do you know how jealous I was? Then I thought there must be a good reason for you to keep it a secret. So I thought maybe it was one of the band. I was convinced it was Ethan or Mat. I know better, but my stupid mind keeps telling me all these lies. Who is it, Grey? Who do you love so much you can’t think of anyone else?” His voice was deadly soft.

  He knew. Damn him, he knew. He just wanted Grey to say it.

  “No.”

  “You’re afraid the guy will reject you because he’s not gay.”

  Grey nodded. “He pretty much did.”

  “I never rejected you. I told you I was confused. Give a guy a minute to adjust his world view, okay?”

  “You just told me that a guy’s body doesn’t work that way. A straight guy would think it was disgusting to be with a guy and….” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m scared.” That was it. Grey was a giant coward. He could defend himself against any physical attack thrown his way. But not against this. “I’m scared I’ll let myself try again and you’ll run away like last time. I know how much that hurts. I’m not doing that again.”

  Luca’s hand still held his face, and Grey couldn’t look away from those blazing blue eyes. “You weren’t listening. You aren’t just anyone.” He huffed a little laugh. “And technically, I really don’t think you could call me straight.” Luca leaned in and brushed his lips against Grey’s. “I’m so sorry. It took so much courage for you to show me how you felt, and I freaked out. I’m sorry I hurt you. Tell me you love me.”

  Grey batted his hand away. “Like you don’t already know.”

  He shook his head. “You were only hanging out with me to get to Cameron, remember?”

  Grey sighed in exasperation. “For the first day, day and a half maybe. Then I had to start falling apart every time I saw you. Do you know how irritating that was? You giving me all that encouragement about your stupid brother while I was just hoping you’d look my way?”

  Luca’s eyes widened in surprise. “You think you had it hard? I had to help you hit on some other guy when all I wanted to do was throw you down and do dirty things to you—and I’ve never even been attracted to a guy before!” He gestured at the sky. “I’ve been going out of my mind for months now. If it wasn’t for Joy and Abbie, I don’t know what I would have done!”

  Grey narrowed his eyes. “Joy and Abbie?”

  Luca waved away his concerns. “You were worried because Joy and I were hitting it off right? That’s just because she would tell me things about you. Abbie too.” He smirked. “Your friends love to talk about you. So, I milked them for information.”

  “Those traitors.” But his voice had no heat. Grey had to remember to thank them. And Joy! She’d let him use her as a practice run, knowing full well it wouldn’t amount to anything. Talk about an opportunist!

  Grey put his head in his hands. Now what? What was he supposed to say?

  Luca stood and tugged Grey up with him. “Well? I’m still waiting.” Waiting for Grey to stop fighting what he was, what he wanted.

  Grey reached out tentatively and took Luca’s gloved hand, interlacing their fingers. Then he pulled Luca close and stood on his tiptoes, one hand braced on Luca's broad shoulder. He stared into those dark,
stormy eyes. “I love you,” he whispered, urging Luca down to him, expecting him to pull away at the last moment. And just for shock value “I want you, damn it.”

  Luca didn’t flinch. He wrapped his free arm around Grey’s back and bent to kiss him full on the lips. Warmth suffused Grey and he slipped his arm around Luca’s neck, holding him close for a moment, drinking him in, just like he’d longed to do for forever now.

  People were passing by on the boardwalk. Crazy runners and dog walkers, bundled up but too hardcore to let a little subzero weather stop them. Grey pulled away, self-conscious. He dropped his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Luca laughed at his embarrassment and ruffled his hair. “So, now that you’re done sulking, and we’re both done being stupid, can we hang out?”

  Grey started walking. “Whatever.” He had no clue how to act now. They had just completely blown their weird, wonderful friendship.

  Luca fell into step beside him. “Let’s go to my house,” he suggested. Grey tried not to think of that as an illicit invitation. But he couldn't suppress a thrill of excitement.

  As they made their way back up the boardwalk and down the street, Grey tried to find something else to focus on to keep his eyes off Luca. He couldn’t believe this was happening. His wandering gaze fell on a newspaper box, the metal relic a holdover from when tourists had called Tera “charming,” and “quaint.” The headline momentarily soured the lighter-than-air feeling in Grey’s middle.

  Local wildlife dying out. Scientists baffled by localized climate change. It had an eerily familiar ring to it, much like the headlines following The Change.

  Chapter 37

  He was so close. Grey reached out and brushed the silky black hair back from Luca’s eyes before he even thought about it. It was an odd gesture for a guy, right? Too feminine? Grey pulled his hand back, but Luca caught his arm and drew it around his neck. Ever so slowly, giving him lots of time to pull away, Luca bent toward Grey.

  Luca’s lips were even softer than he remembered. Grey brought his other arm around Luca’s neck and fire lit through his body. Luca’s long arms went around him, and Grey leaned in, molding his body to Luca’s lean frame. This was wrong, all wrong. But Grey couldn’t stop. He drew in a breath, his heart thundering away in his chest. He waited for Luca to push him away, to tell Grey that he was disgusting.

  Luca's deep voice was a soft whisper against Grey’s cheek. “Don’t.”

  Grey looked down, not trusting himself to keep his emotions off his face. Rejected again. He knew it. The whole thing at the boardwalk was a fluke. Maybe Abbie was right. Maybe Grey really was a masochist.

  Luca’s lips brushed his forehead. “I meant don’t pull away from me and start thinking again.”

  Grey’s eyes jerked up in surprise and he met deep blue pools, hooded with emotion. He felt a hot blush stain his cheeks. “But--”

  Luca kissed him again, his hands sliding down Grey’s back to cup his ass. Unthinking, Grey pressed closer, grinding his hips against Luca’s and letting out a little groan at the spine-melting friction. Luca froze for a moment, and Grey thought he would die of embarrassment. God, The Cosmic Joke! Luca had to now be aware of the freaking baseball bat in his pants. What was he doing? Was he trying to gross Luca out?

  But Luca's hands only ghosted upward, slipping under Grey’s shirt, skimming across his ribs. Grey pulled away, panting a little, when Luca’s graceful, stroking fingers found his nipples. Luca’s thumbs stroked the sensitive nubs as he kissed Grey's neck. Grey shivered and fisted his hands in Luca’s t-shirt. His erection throbbed, trapped against Luca’s thigh. He wanted Luca’s hand to slip lower. Grey squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed for absolutely no reason. God. Being in a new body was like being a virgin all over again. And he hadn’t had that much experience in the first place.

  He let his head thump against Luca’s shoulder and Luca stopped toying with him. His hand slid to Grey’s hip and Grey's grip on him loosened, even as his body screamed out for more.

  “I’m sorry,” Luca said in a husky voice. “I didn’t mean to…take things that far.”

  Grey had a hard time lifting his head to look at Luca. His heart was still pounding, and his hard-on pulsed in time to his heartbeat. That far? They hadn’t even done anything. And yet, his fingers tingled with the need to touch Luca too, to never let him go. But Luca had never been with a guy before. Maybe it was a lot for him, just making out. Maybe he was having doubts? Grey stepped back and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Grey said, his voice wobbling a bit. “I know. It’s too weird, right? It’s not your fault. I’m a guy. And we’re friends. And there’s the band….”

  Luca pushed away from the table and came to put his hands on Grey's shoulders. “Would you just stop misinterpreting everything I say? That’s not what I meant at all. Grey, I promise. I will never have second thoughts. I made my decision, okay? I just…Gods, I’ve wanted to touch you for so long. But I don’t want you to feel pressured all of the sudden!”

  Grey dared to look at him. Luca was smiling slightly, and high spots of color burned on his cheeks. “Plus, Dad and Cameron will probably be here any time now. They went out together before I left and I’m sure dad will want to stay for dinner.”

  Grey stared up at him. He wasn’t mad?

  Luca ruffled his hair and gave him a look that made it hard to breathe. “The old man did say he wanted to meet you sometime, but it would probably be better if they didn’t find us naked in the kitchen—at least not right off the bat.”

  Grey stared at him, embarrassed, aroused, and completely confused. Luca was straight. Or at least he had been very recently. Apparently, once he made his mind up about something he moved without hesitation. Grey felt like he was being caught up in a tidal wave. He wished he could feel so sure of himself.

  The front door opened at that oh-so-opportune moment and Cameron came in, followed by what must be their dad. They were bundled up with scarves and gloves, and their cheeks were a rosy red. Winter was settling in on Tera with a sort of frigid finality.

  Mr. Smith was a stocky older man with Luca’s jet-black hair and deep eyes. The resemblance ended there. He was a head shorter than his sons, a bit paunchy, and when he took off his jacket, he revealed a well-worn plaid shirt over a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Grey couldn’t find any hint of the artist he had imagined. He looked like a fisherman, or a lumberjack, or something. The man stopped and studied Grey with open curiosity.

  “Hey, guys,” Luca said casually, casting a glance at their shopping bags. “What’s for dinner?”

  Grey glanced at Cameron. He hoped like hell the jock wouldn't notice Grey's blushing and mumbling while he struggled to find some sort of equilibrium. Cameron shrugged and tossed a grocery sack on the counter. “Sausage.”

  Grey flushed even harder, and Luca glared at Cameron. Their dad looked at Cameron curiously. “Did you buy sausage?”

  Luca laughed and went to rummage around in the fridge. “There’s Kielbasa left over from a while ago. We might as well use it.”

  Grey wished he could just curl up and die. “Well, I think I should head home.” And get away from Cameron and his junior-high sense of humor.

  Luca didn’t look at him, but he tossed a Tupperware container of meat his way. “Stay for sausage—I mean, dinner.”

  Cameron snorted and slouched off to the back of the house with a mischievous grin, while their dad headed for the La-Z-Boy recliner in the living room. The older man paused and turned their way. “Oh yeah, feel free to stay. Don’t rush off on my account.”

  Grey cleared his throat and gave him what must have been a crazy grin. “I’m Grey.” He stuck out his hand.

  The older man engulfed Grey's hand in one of his big, blunt-fingered mitts, holding on longer than strictly necessary, then he detoured to the fridge for a beer before heading for the recliner.

  “You guys take classes together at the college?” Luca's dad surfed through the chan
nels looking for the game. Apparently, he felt at home here. It was nice to see. So many families had been destroyed by The Change. And Grey certainly wasn’t on such warm terms with his own dad.

  Grey managed a short reply, still shaken up by the events just moments before and feeling dizzy from all the weird turns this day was taking. “Yeah.”

  “He’s the new singer for Lucifer, Dad,” Luca piped up. “I told you this already. You never listen. Maybe we should look into hearing aids, old man.” He stood there staring at the sausage, clearly wondering what to do with it.

  I know the feeling, Grey thought wryly, suppressing a grin. He pushed Luca out of the way and rummaged around in the drawer under the stove for a frying pan. “Do you have onions and peppers?”

  Luca went about gathering ingredients for him while Grey put together a spicy sausage pasta. Luca gave Grey a hilarious look when Grey took out the foot-long hunk of meat and started slicing it up with the biggest knife he could find.

  Dinner was awkward, but not altogether unpleasant. Luca and Cameron’s dad was a nice guy, and he treated Grey just like one of his boys. And Cam was every bit as obnoxious as Grey thought a real brother should be. They were all impressed with Grey's cooking, and Grey thanked God it had turned out okay.

  “No big deal," he said in the face of their praise. "We’ve all had to get better at doing these kinds of things the last few years." Lots of guys had gotten better at household chores, managing their own finances, shopping—things that were once largely considered female roles in a lot of households. Necessity was the mother of change. Maybe not everything that came out of The Change was bad. The gender roles sure as hell could use some shaking up—even Grey, with his desperation to fit into all the stupid male stereotypes so he could blend in, could admit that.

  After dinner, Grey tried to leave again, but Luca insisted that he stay. Cameron dragged Luca away on some urgent matter. Probably telling him I have ulterior motives and he should toss the homo out on his ass, Grey thought bitterly. He was startled out of his internal monologue when Mr. Smith joined him in the kitchen to help with the dishes.