Finding Home with You

by Claire Raye

  I hear the tires screech as I turn the wheel sharply at the exit, the car sliding a little as it tries to get traction with the icy road. Thank fuck I left Erin’s car at the station and took a work car, because there’s no way hers could handle the driving I now need to do.

  Flooring it, I head back toward the highway. As much as I know I need to report in, tell the captain what happened with Fitzgerald, right now I couldn’t give a shit about any of that. The only thing I care about is getting to Rockport and finding Erin.

  My heart is racing in my chest as I pull onto the highway, my hands sweaty as they grip the steering wheel like a vice.

  Suddenly my phone rings, the noise loud despite the pounding in my ears. I reach for the phone, swerving the car at the same time and sending the phone flying off the seat where it disappears down the gap beside the car door.

  “For fuck’s sake,” I curse, immediately swerving across a couple of lanes as I head for the shoulder, ignoring the angry horns as I cut off several drivers in the process.

  Slamming on the brakes, I lean across, my hand fumbling under the seat as I try and find the phone. Just as my fingers wrap around it, the ringing ends. Cursing, I pull it out, my eyes on the screen as I desperately hope it’s Erin finally calling me back.

  Unknown number.

  My heart starts to pound faster as I try to interpret what the hell this is supposed to mean. Is it Anthony calling to gloat? To let me know that he’s got Erin?

  Running a hand through my hair, I try and figure out how the hell I’m supposed to deal with this, whether I should try and get a trace put on my own cell phone. Just as I’m about to call Joe, my phone chimes out with a text, the message letting me know that whoever has just called me, has left a message.

  Swallowing hard, I dial into my voicemail, my heart still pounding as I lift the phone to my ear, unsure about what to expect when I listen to the message.

  “Hi, this is Dr. Adam Reid calling from Massachusetts General Hospital. We have a patient here, Erin Connelly, who I believe you are the emergency contact for. She’s been in an accident and…”

  I tune out as soon I hear the word accident. What the hell does that mean, accident? What kind of fucking accident?

  Swallowing hard as I force myself to calm down so I can deal with the situation, I re-listen to the message, scrawling the doctor’s number on an old receipt in my pocket. Calling him back, I switch the phone over to hands free so I can start driving again.

  “Dr. Reid,” comes the voice of someone who sounds far too young to be a doctor.

  “This is Detective Ryan Summers,” I half shout. “I just had a missed call from you about Erin Connelly?”

  “Ah yes,” he says in way that’s far too slow and far too casual. “Thanks for calling me back.”

  “What’s happened?” I ask, ignoring his gratitude.

  “Ms. Connelly was in a car accident,” he says. “She was admitted about two hours ago. We have you as the emergency contact.”

  “Is she okay?” I ask, my heart hammering in my chest so hard, I’m half expecting it to smash through my ribcage and splatter all over the windshield.

  “She has a concussion and a broken arm, couple of cuts and bruises, but is otherwise okay,” he says and almost immediately I feel my hands relax a little as I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “We’d like to keep her in overnight,” he continues, somehow oblivious to what I’m going through. “Just so we can monitor both her and the baby, but otherwise, she’s going to be just fine.”

  For a second, I’m not sure if I hear him correctly.

  “I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

  “We’re going to keep her in overnight,” he repeats. “But she’s going to be fine, full recovery,” he says as though this whole thing is no big deal at all.

  “Baby?” I say, the word sounding strange as it falls from my mouth.

  “Yes,” he says. “The baby is fine though, it’s just a precaution. Are you able to come in to the hospital?” he asks.

  I glance at the sign I’m passing and indicate to turn off so I can head back to Boston. “I’m on my way,” I say numbly.

  “Great, we’ll see you when you get here,” he says before hanging up the phone.

  The silence in the car feels deafening as I head toward Mass General, my brain on autopilot as I somehow navigate the Boston traffic, a million different thoughts banging around inside my head. I have no idea what any of this means, whether what the doctor has just told me is real or what I’m supposed to do with this information.

  Finally, I reach the hospital parking lot and I pull right into the front, grateful for the Boston PD plate that I throw on the dash so I can park here without getting a ticket. Slamming the door shut, I walk into the ER, oblivious to everything around me as I head directly to the triage nurse at the main desk.

  “I’m looking for a patient,” I say. “She was brought in earlier, car accident.”

  “Name?” she asks, without looking up.

  “Erin Connelly,” I reply, scrubbing a shaking hand down my face.

  I don’t know if it’s the way I say it or what, but I see the nurse glance up and give me a dirty look as she starts typing something in to her computer. I have no idea if she’s looking up Erin’s name or she’s updating her Facebook status, but she’s acting like whatever it is I’ve just asked her is the biggest pain in her ass today.

  “You a relative?” she asks in a bored voice.

  “Boyfriend,” I respond.

  “So not the husband?” she asks, condescension in her voice.

  “Also, detective,” I add, flashing my badge at her.

  The nurse barely glances at it before saying, “She’s been admitted, third floor, you’ll need to go up there.”

  I nod, not bothering to thank her as I head for the elevators, jamming my finger on the call button as my eyes flick between the stairwell and the light above the elevator, counting down the floors. Just like the triage nurse, the elevator is taking forever, seeming to hover somewhere around the fifth and sixth floors.

  As I’m waiting, someone comes over, pushes the button for the elevator even though it’s clear I already have. I glance over, wondering why the hell they would think that could help. Just as I’m about to open my mouth however, I notice it’s a woman, a baby in her arms that she’s smiling down at it, oblivious to me and how I’m feeling.

  It feels like a hard punch hits me square in the chest, knocking the wind out of me as I watch this stranger and her baby. I don’t know what it is that comes over me, but all I know is I need to see Erin, right now.

  Glancing up, I see the elevator is still on the fifth floor, seemingly unware of my sudden need to get up to her.

  “Fuck it,” I breathe out, walking toward the stairwell and taking the stairs, two at a time, until I reach the third floor. I burst through the door, my lungs protesting as I head straight to the nurse’s station.

  “I’m here to see Erin Connelly,” I practically shout.

  “Are you her husband?” a young nurse asks as she looks up at me with a look of surprise.

  I nod. “Yes,” I spit out, not bothering to correct her. “Please, just tell me where I can find her.”

  “Just a second, sir,” the nurse says, giving me a smile. “I’ll get Dr. Reid first, so he can fill you in on what’s happened.”

  She walks off before I can explain that I’ve spoken to Dr. Reid and I already know what’s happened. Pushing back from the desk, I turn and pace the corridor for what feels like an eternity. It’s frustrating as fuck being this close, but unable to get to her. Just as I’m contemplating pulling out my badge again and hurrying things along, I hear a voice directed at me.

  “Mr. Summers?” a man, probably in his late forties, asks me.

  “Detective actually,” I say, turning to face him. “But Ryan is fine.”

  The doctor smiles at me and somehow, it manages to cal
m me a little. “Your wife was very lucky,” he says. “Her car was hit twice, once from behind and then head-on, before it slid down a ditch. The air bag deployed, which is what saved her life. But she does have a broken wrist, a mild concussion and some cuts and bruises, as I said on the phone. Because of the baby, we want to keep her in overnight, just for observation,” he says. “But so far, everything looks good.”

  Suddenly, everything around me seems to disappear, falling away beneath me as though I’ve stumbled into some sort of abyss. The shock of what he’s just said, the description of what happened to Erin, hits me like a hard punch to the gut. I collapse into a chair by the desk, my head in my hands as I try to make sense of everything that’s happened today. How the hell did Erin get in a car accident? Did Anthony do this to her? How did she get away from him? And pregnant? She’s really pregnant?

  “Are you okay?” he asks, placing a hand on my shoulder.

  I look up, shake my head at him because I’m really not sure if I am, let alone how to answer his question.

  “Would you like to see her?” he asks, reminding me of why I raced up here in the first place.

  “Yes, absolutely,” I nod and the doctor gestures for me to follow him to a room down the hall.

  When I walk in, Erin is the only occupant. She’s asleep, curled up in a ball, her arms wrapped around her stomach as though she’s trying to protect herself. She’s got cuts and bruises on her face and arms, and her left arm is in a cast to her elbow. My heart breaks at the sight of her. She looks so tiny and fragile, and all I want to do is pull her into my arms and hold her forever.

  I step closer to the bed, quietly pulling a chair closer so I can sit beside her. Reaching for her, I slide my fingers into hers, lifting her hand to my lips and pressing a soft kiss to it. Erin stirs a little and I lean in and press a soft kiss to her forehead now. I hear her mumble my name as her fingers tighten in mine.

  “Hey, baby,” I whisper, desperately wanting to speak to her, just to know that she’s okay and knows I’m here.

  Erin’s eyes flick open and lock onto mine. “Oh my god, Ryan,” she suddenly says, pushing up to hug me.

  “Hey, hey, take it easy,” I say, pulling her into my arms. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

  Erin buries her face in my neck and I can feel her body shake as she starts to cry silent sobs against me.

  “It’s okay, baby, it’s okay,” I whisper, smoothing my hand up and down her back.

  “I was so scared,” she says, her words a stutter as she forces them out.

  My eyes close, not wanting to admit to her how fucking terrified I was when I saw that video. “I know, but you’re safe now, I promise.”

  Erin’s grip around me tightens as she takes a deep, shaky breath as if to fortify herself before pulling back a little. “Anthony,” is all she says.

  I nod, my fingers brushing the tears from her cheeks. “I know,” I whisper. “I saw him.”

  “How?” she asks, confused.

  “Your security camera,” I say, brushing back her hair. “How did you get away from him?”

  Erin opens her mouth, a hard look flashing across her face as though she wants to ask me about the camera footage and I why I have access to it. It disappears quickly though, replaced by fear as the reality of what happened sinks in again.

  “I don’t know,” she says, sniffing. “He came, he threatened me, threatened you,” she adds, staring into my eyes. “Then he passed on a warning and left. Just got in a car and drove away. Oh Ryan, I thought I was safe, but he knew where I was all along. I’m so stupid to think…”

  I let out a deep breath, the relief coursing through me at the sudden realization that Anthony wasn’t the one who hurt her. “Shhh, baby, you’re safe now. He’s not going to hurt you again.”

  “You don’t know that,” she cries. “And what about you, what if he comes after you?”

  I shake my head. “Don’t worry about me, baby,” I tell her. “Tell me what happened next?” I ask, leaning in to press a quick kiss to her lips. “You had an accident in the snow?”

  I know how much Erin hates driving in the snow and even though it would have been my SUV she was in, her relative inexperience at driving on icy freeways, combined with the shock of seeing her ex after so long, was a disaster waiting to happen.

  “I was coming to Boston,” she says, swallowing a small sob. “I wanted to come and see you, tell you what had happened.” I nod, glad that was the first thing she thought to do. “But then it happened,” she continues. “I tried to brake and nothing.”

  “What do you mean, nothing?” I ask, a spike of fear lancing through me.

  “No brakes,” she says. “Your car had no brakes.”

  “Like they were cut?” I ask, at the same time asking myself how the hell Erin could even know what a cut brake line was like.

  She nods. “Yeah, I think so. It’s something I’d expect from him,” she continues. “Especially given his warning.”

  I sit up a little straighter, my heart pounding in anger now as I stare at her. “What exactly was his warning?” I ask.

  Erin swallows hard, pulling back a little as starts to speak. “He said you needed to back off,” she says, not looking at me now. “That you needed to watch yourself…” she trails off, the implied or else coming through loud and clear.

  “Fuck,” I say, shoving back the chair as I stand, walk to the end of her bed and back again. Erin watches me, her eyes burning into me with all the questions she can’t bring herself to ask.

  “It was meant for me,” I say, almost to myself as I continue to pace. “The cut brakes. They were meant for me.”

  Erin’s silence forces me to look at her and when I do, she nods slowly, silent tears falling down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “About everything.”

  “No, no, no, baby,” I say, forcing myself to calm down as I walk back over to her, taking her hands in mine and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “This is not your fault. None of this is your fault.”

  “This is my family doing this,” she whispers, her head falling onto my stomach. “If you’d never gotten involved with me, none of this would be happening to you.”

  “You don’t know that,” I say, gently lifting her head so I can meet her eyes. “I was already involved, remember?”

  She shakes her head as though she doesn’t believe me. “But being with me has made all of this so much worse,” she whispers, her tears continuing to fall.

  I sit back in the chair, letting go of her hands as I reach up to brush her tears away. “Baby,” I whisper. “None of this is your fault, I promise you. And no matter what,” I add, pausing to press a soft kiss to her lips. “I wouldn’t trade being with you for anything.”

  Erin swallows hard, her eyes searching my face as if she’s looking for the truth in my words. Leaning in, I kiss her again.

  “I promise you, Red,” I say, offering her a small smile. “You are everything to me. Everything. And no matter what happens, that will never change.”

  Erin stares at me, a look of both hope and desperation in her eyes, as though she wants to believe what I’m saying to her, but isn’t sure she can. Isn’t sure she can trust these words.

  “This doesn’t change how I feel, Erin,” I whisper at the same time as she moans my name, collapsing against me as her tears start up again.

  I don’t know how long I hold her for, neither of us saying anything more as Erin cries against me and I silently stroke her back, holding her close. I know at this point, there are no more words I can say to her, so I just let her let it all go. Let go of all the fears and questions and hurt that she has, hopefully knowing that no matter what, I am always going to be here for her.

  It’s the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen her and while part of me can’t help but be glad she’s finally able to open up to me like this, the other part of me is scared to death at just how terrified she is.

  Eventually s
he pulls back, her hands going to her face to brush the tears away, only to discover her left one is useless because of the cast. Frowning at it, as though she forgot it was there, she drops it carefully to her lap, her right hand taking care of things.

  I reach over to the side table and snag a couple of tissues, holding them out to her. Erin smiles gratefully as she takes them and gently blows her nose. I turn back to the side table for some water and that’s when I see the pictures.

  “So,” I say, my eyes on the images. “Looks like we’re having a baby, huh?” I whisper, turning back to her.

  Erin looks up, a startled look on her face now. I smile back at her, nodding at the side table. I watch as Erin turns toward it, sees the pictures I’ve just noticed before turning back to me.

  “I…” she starts, biting her bottom lip. “I didn’t know.”

  My smile widens as I lean in and press a kiss to her lips. “Well, I’m really glad,” I whisper, my mouth against hers.

  “You are?” she asks, pulling back a little.

  I nod, my fingers reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear. “Really glad,” I say.

  “But, it’s…it’s too soon, too complicated…”

  “It’s perfect, Erin,” I say, silencing her fears with another kiss. “I love you. I know that you love me. And I know how scared you are too,” I add, brushing my thumb across her cheek. “About this, about Anthony, your dad.”

  Erin nods, her eyes never leaving mine.

  “But I will never hurt you like they did,” I say, knowing I mean this with all of my heart. “And I will protect you, and our baby, from all of that.”

  “But…” she stammers.

  I shake my head, knowing that I have never felt this strongly about anything. “You have nothing to worry about, baby,” I tell her. “I will fix this for you and then everything will be okay. I promise.”

  Erin stares up at me, the hope and desperation only intensifying as her eyes search mine. I smile at her, forcing my own fears about what happened today and what else Anthony might be capable of, away. Knowing that no matter what, I’m going to get this motherfucker.