Whirl

by M, Jessie

  “Really! Look, here I am in my current fucked up mind and life and this has hit me with its beauty. If you can get me to feel something, you can get anyone. It’s brilliant.”

  “It’s yours.”

  “No, it’s too good.”

  “I want you to have it Alex. Whatever happens, you might want to have a keepsake, for the future. Okay?”

  Chapter 9

  I lie back on my bed looking at “Whirl” tearfully. It’s hanging on my bedroom wall. I love it. When I can look at it without bursting into tears, I’ll love it even more.

  I feel so sick. Morning sick. Every day for the last two weeks. I get up for work. It’s all so much of an effort. How can I feel so tired and different with a few tiny cells and DNA chains multiplying inside me? And I do feel very different now. I am accepting it, this new life forming and growing.

  I force myself up and into the bathroom as my stomach heaves. Nothing will come up, it’s just dry heaving. I hang over the bathroom basin for a moment just in case. I clean my teeth to take the unpleasant metal taste away. I run my hands over my stomach. It feels rounder already. No it’s not... It’s just my imagination.

  I’m still hanging there, thinking about calling in sick for the second day in a row when the main door buzzer goes twice. The postman usually comes early, but it’s just after seven. He never comes before eight. I press the entry button and wander off. For some reason he always presses my button. It’s top right, perhaps that’s the reason. Number 11. Maybe it appeals more than top left, number 1 or maybe Stan knows I’m always up before eight. Actually, I think he fancies me. I laugh at myself for thinking that.

  It doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll have any post for me in particular. But unlike the other postman, he does actually deliver it to the doormat and doesn’t leave it in a big messy pile downstairs in the lobby.

  I’m surprised when I hear my door bell ring a minute later. I put my short bathrobe on over my underwear and open the door to greet my postie pal Stan as cheerily as I can in the sick state I feel.

  My eyes are deceiving me cruelly. I’m imagining things. Alex is standing on the doormat in front of me. I am hallucinating. Maybe visions are a symptom of pregnancy.

  My head swims and my legs go beneath me. It all goes black as my vision says, “Oh Lex. How I’ve missed you.”

  I come ‘round on the bed. How did I get here? It’s hazy all around me. My head is spinning.

  I’m gonna puke. I put my head over the side of the bed. Nothing comes up.

  “Well this is a nice welcome. I thought I might at least get a kiss.” My vision is sitting on my bed and talking to me. I take a deep breath and stare at it. It looks so real in every detail. I put out my hand and touch its hand. It’s warm and it picks my hand up and kisses it.

  It IS fucking real!

  “Alex?” I whisper in stunned disbelief.

  “That’s me. And you too.”

  I throw myself at him, my chest heaving. I’m hugging him tight, like I’m never letting go. Because I’m not. Never, ever again. Then I’m crying and I thump his arm again and again. I’m so happy and so angry.

  “Where have you been?” I sob hysterically. Jesus, when am I ever going to stop crying? I’m such a cry baby. Over emotional is a massive understatement.

  “I am so sorry Lex. I knew you’d be worried and hurt but there was nothing I could do. I had no opportunity to contact you. One day I was on normal detail, which was pretty horrendous actually. There was a lot of heavy fire going on at ground level. These guys are seriously geared up for action. Straight after that I was put on a special covert mission with a complete communications ban. We were protecting a special entourage. Some VIPs.... Very royal ones.”

  “What? King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia is more important than me...? You fucking bastard!” I slap him hard. I know I’m behaving crazily and irrationally. Maybe it’s hormones. He rubs his cheek with a small sheepish grin forming on his face.

  “Hey, hang on wildcat... Not to me he isn’t, but in the greater scheme of things, I’m afraid so. It wasn’t him anyway. It was three females and a ton of kids. That’s all I can say.”

  “I don’t give a toss if it was his eighty wives and his stable full of priceless stud racehorses. I didn’t know if you were dead or alive or if you cared tuppence if I was!”

  “I know baby. I’ll make it up to you. I have a whole weeks leave. I got here as fast as I could. I begged and pleaded and hitched a lift on a RAF Hercules into Farnborough. I was in Riyad just over 8 hours ago, you know.” He takes my face between his hands and kisses me over and over. I close my eyes and sigh with pure delight. “Baby, you taste like heaven. I’ve waited for this moment for so long.”

  “I’m not just a line out to you, am I?”

  “Lexy love. You mean more to me than anything. Really you do. And you know it.” He takes my chin and looks into my loved up eyes. “Now how about some coffee for a thirsty old Marine? I could do with a shower as well. I’ve been roughing it a lot.”

  I make him some coffee while he showers. I can’t stand the smell of it any more. I eat some grapes while I wait for him. He comes out of the bathroom wrapped in my small orange towel. I hand him his coffee and he sips and stares at me. I know and love that look.

  “That was the best shower I’ve ever had.”

  “I’m sure my shower feels the same way.”

  “Mmmm. Such gorgeous long legs. I’ve missed those wrapped around me.” He stares at them, on display under my short bathrobe.

  “I’ve missed all of you. Some parts more than others, admittedly.”

  He flops on my bed and beckons with his finger. “Come and get me then. Make me a happy Major before I fall fast asleep on my pretty new bed.”

  “Major?”

  “Yeah! How about that?”

  “You must have done a bloody good job then?”

  “I like to think so.”

  I don’t need asking twice. I untie and drop my bathrobe and whip away the damp towel from around him. I take off my underwear in a rush.

  “Boy, you are so in trouble Major... I’m going to take all of my weeks of worry and frustration out on you.”

  “Be my guest little wildcat.”

  I crawl up the bed and lie on him. I want to feel it all. How I’ve missed this. I tuck my nose into his neck. The scent of him, clean and damp is spellbinding. I lick my way across his chest and up the other side. I hook my hands under his head and kiss him for an age. We’re so lost in each other.

  I don’t know how it happened, but I’m underneath him and his hands are holding mine on the pillows. I can feel his hardness against me, ready to drive inside.

  “Taking charge again, sir?” I ask coquettishly.

  “I guess so. It must be in my genes...” He pushes hard inside me. I groan with pleasure. How I need this and want it. But not so hard. I feel a little protective towards my bunch of budding baby cells suddenly.

  “I know you’re all excited and keen, but go gently Alex. Please. I want the softer you just now.”

  “Any way you like baby.”

  I wrap my legs around his back and draw him in further. We roll around, sweating, kissing, and fucking like crazy. This is so, so good. He pulls my hair. I pull his. He bites my ears, I bite his. He suddenly stops and stares at the painting on my wall.

  “Lex, is that us?”

  “Yeah, it’s a Kelly Bright special edition. It’s called ‘Whirl.’ It’s about our whirlwind passion, with a touch of your helicopter in the background.”

  “It’s really something else. Tell her I love it.”

  “I'm sure you'll meet her soon. You can tell her yourself.”

  He turns his attention back to me. “How many days and nights did I dream of doing this with you, hmmm?”

  “Thirty two exactly.”

  “That sounds about right...”

  “Not that I’ve been counting or anything...”

  His head moves down me. How I love this. Th
e way he makes me feel. His tongue hits the spot. God....I’m going to come already. One soft lick more is all I need. I arch myself up towards him and he’s in there wiggling the tip of his tongue. I come with a loud groan.

  “Alex baby, hold me.” He enters me fast and holds me tight. We move together until I feel him shake and jerk inside me. He collapses in a dead weight and rolls his heated sticky body off me.

  “Shit, I need a rest. I haven’t slept for 27 hours.”

  “And I should be at work.” I lean over and grin at him.

  “Resign. Come and live with me.” My heart leaps high with his sudden offer of domestic permanence and then crashes back down to earth with a bump.

  “It’s not as easy as that, is it?” I know US immigration is a minefield. Toni had a lot of hoops to jump through when they married and she moved over there.

  “I don’t know. We’ll sort it out, don’t worry.” He yawns and pulls me close. “Must sleep. So tired. Love you.”

  In the space of a minute his breathing changes rhythm and he’s asleep in my arms. I lie there looking at him in wonder. How can this divine man belong to me?

  What’s going to happen, and how will he feel, when I tell him? Because some time during the next seven days, I must.

  * * *

  I am in a state of bliss. Having him back is more than just wonderful. It’s everything. I’ve been to my doctor and have been signed off work for severe morning sickness. I tell Alex I’m pretending to have the flu and need a certificate. I call work and discuss it with Amanda when Alex is in the shower. She is very good about things considering I have just had a month off. That could be because she is five months pregnant herself and sympathises with me.

  I’ve told Kelly my man has flown in like an angel from heaven and she’s meeting him tonight. I've invited her and James over for wine and Chinese food which we’re bringing in later.

  We make love all day, talking non stop, and hugging manically in between. We can’t bear to be apart for a minute and follow each other around like adoring puppies. I couldn’t be more in love with him if I tried. I’ve forgiven him completely for disappearing on me for weeks. It wasn’t his fault. I’m now rather proud that he was chosen to protect the royal harem and offspring. Not that I’ll ever know anything more about it as he’s not at liberty to say.

  We go out to get the wine and Chinese food in my car and he pays, despite my protests.

  I quickly get some petrol on the way back. Fuel prices are rising fast already. I notice it’s 5 pence per litre more than last time I filled up.

  “What’s happening out there in the Middle East?” I ask him as we drive home.

  “I don’t know. Honestly I don’t. I’m not hiding anything. I probably know less than you. We’re just sent on missions. It’s all about performing the task you’re given.”

  “Things seem to have stabilised though, don’t they?”

  “It appears so. But I have my worries about that lasting long term.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s a volatile region. Lots of money and power at stake. There’s a long history of war and turbulence. Add religion to the mix and it’s a powder keg waiting to blow.”

  “I don’t want you to go back there Alex.” I can’t face the possibility that the love of my life and the father of my unborn child, could be blown to kingdom come over an oil and land feud. Especially one taking place half way across the world.

  “I’m not due to. Not immediately anyway. Half the squadron has left already. Brendan will be there a little longer, as he’s in charge of maintenance, but he’s in a safe enough place. The RAF and Para regiments are keeping a presence there and we’ll be called back if it escalates again. Hopefully it won’t. Let’s keep positive eh, sweetheart.”

  We carry our goodies back inside the apartment and put the food in the oven to keep it warm and the wine in the freezer to chill it fast.

  A few minutes later they arrive.

  I introduce everyone and we all hug and air kiss, apart from the men who shake hands in a manly way.

  “Hey Kelly, your Whirl masterpiece is absolutely fabulous. You have real talent.” Alex compliments Kelly so enthusiastically she blushes bright red.

  “You two were a great inspiration,” She giggles.

  “I hope Lex didn’t get too detailed with you,” Alex jokes.

  “Oh no... I got the situation, not a blow by blow account.” She blushes again when she realises the innuendo of her words. We all burst into hysterical laughter. It certainly breaks the ice.

  Alex gets the food out and I serve it up at the table while he pours us all a glass of wine. I subtly pretend to sip at it.

  We sit and chat, enjoying each others company. James is great. Very funny, but a little too naughty at times. We have a lovely evening for a while. The third bottle of wine is opened and everyone is getting plastered, except for me for course.

  “Lex, come on, you’ve hardly touched your wine,” Alex says pointedly.

  “She can’t drink, can she? Not in her condition,” Kelly reminds him in a slurred little voice.

  He stares at her. “What condition?”

  “Ah... erm...” Kelly realises she’s stuck her foot in it and her eyes widen in horror.

  I sit there looking down at my hands, breathing heavily.

  “James, we’d better go. We need to walk home, don’t we? Come on.” She drags a confused and protesting James out the door saying a quick ‘bye to us both, closing the door behind her.

  We’re still sitting there and I’m petrified. My heart is hammering away like crazy. I’m going to throw up all the lovely Chinese food we ate in a moment.

  “So, when were you going to drop this bombshell on me?” He asks coolly. He seems to be completely sober again. It must be the shock.

  “Tomorrow.” I lie.

  “Fuck Lex! You’re on the pill. How the hell can you be pregnant?”

  I look him in the eye. He couldn’t look more shocked. I know the feeling.

  “It’s the mini pill, progesterone only. It needs to be taken within a four hour window. I had a couple of stomach upsets when I got to the US, which can weaken the effects and the time differences confused me for the first three days. I don’t really know what happened to be honest, because I wasn’t completely focused on it with everything else that was going on. The pill isn’t infallible, you know? Even taken correctly, it’s not 100 percent effective. Anyways, it seems like one of your guys was determined to hook up with my girl.”

  “Oh God!”

  “Yeah, you can say that again!”

  “What d’you want to do?”

  “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

  “Are we talking about termination here?”

  “I don’t know, are we?”

  “No! Well I’m not.”

  “Nor am I.”

  “So, I’m going to be a daddy, am I?” His face lights up with a massive smile.

  “Mmmm... And I’m going to be a mummy, I suppose,” I smile back nervously.

  “Awww, Lexy. Come here.” We stand up and hug and kiss like crazy. Oh no.... I’m off again. The tears roll down my face. I look at him and see he’s got the same problem. We rub our wet faces together.

  “Where do you want to have it? Here or there?” He asks finally, with a man sized sniff.

  “Wherever you are.”

  “We’ll have to hope I’m around then, won’t we? And not protecting royalty and oil fields somewhere. I don’t have any control over that at all. The timing’s terrible Lex. I could be in a real war zone next week for all I know, let alone in eight months time.”

  “I know. I’m keeping everything crossed, double crossed and touching wood from now on.”

  “I can’t believe it! I really can’t... Who knows? Other than Kelly?” He shakes his head and smiles in a stunned daze.

  “No one.”

  “You've not told Toni?”

  “No, she’s having fertility problems. They’
ve been trying for over a year. How can I tell her I managed to get pregnant, by accident, in two fucking weeks?”

  “We did have a ton of sex, didn’t we?”

  “I know. Dozens of sessions.”

  “She’ll have to know Lex. You should tell her. I know it’s hard, but how can you keep a thing like this a secret for long?”

  “I’ll tell her after Brendan gets back. I can’t leave her sitting there all on her own, broody and desperate.”

  “Can I tell Mom and Pop?”

  “Of course you can.”

  “I’m suddenly over the moon. Deliriously happy. I’ve got a little family of my own.”

  “Not quite. You have a newly pregnant girlfriend in the UK. Don’t get all carried away.”

  “You’ll have to move to California.”

  “I’m not sure I can permanently.”

  “I’ll find out what needs to be done, from Brendan.”

  We clear up and go to bed.

  “Is it okay, sex and stuff?”

  “Of course it is. That’s all we’ve been doing since you got here, isn't it? Just take it a little more gently. I’m really suffering with morning sickness and I’m a little tender here and there, with the effects of hormones.” He rubs my belly and kisses it. My heart melts. I touch his head. He lies next to me, facing me.

  “I didn’t think I could love you any more. But I do.”

  “Oh Alex. Hearing that means so much to me. I was really worried. I thought you’d be so mad. I wasn’t sure you’d want it.”

  “It was a big shock, but guess what? I’m glad it’s happened. You’ll have to marry me now.”

  “Is that a proposal?”

  “No, it’s a demand. Actually, it’s an order. I’m pulling rank on you, missy.”

  “’Aye Major Jackson. Yes sir!” I salute him theatrically.

  “Is that an acceptance?”

  “No, it’s me responding to an order.”

  “Alexandra Kirby, please do me the honor of becoming my wife.”

  “Alexander Jackson, I would be so very happy to do that.”

  Epilogue

  I lay on the sofa with my book in my hand. I’m trying hard to concentrate, but Alex is making stupid noises right next to me on the floor.