by Lauren Wood
So, I left without her and I drove around for a little bit. I got some dinner, but the food was tasteless, and the ambience was horrible. It was scary how quickly I had gotten used to having Deirdre with me everywhere that we went. Every night we ate dinner together and then went to bed together. Last night was ridiculous. I couldn't sleep, and I kept tossing and turning all night. My hands kept searching out when I woke up for her body, but it wasn't there. She never came home.
After talking to the board and then Deirdre not coming home, I knew that something had to be done. I wanted to give her some space, but we didn't have the time. If we stayed apart again, then all of this would have been for nothing. And then we wouldn't be together anymore. I was afraid that the only reason Deirdre was staying was because of the money that was at the end of this. If I ruin this for her, she’d never forgive me.
Going over there the next day, I had high hopes that we could work this out. We both had a night alone and I hoped that it was as bad for her, as it was for me. Maybe she would realize how much we meant to each other. I know that I had, but it was more an overwhelming sense of guilt, knowing that I screwed up the best thing in my life. How was I supposed to get back from that?
Deirdre had been far colder than I thought she would be. It was also painfully clear that she had learn more about what happened with my past, than I’d wanted her to. For some reason, I'd hoped that she was able to just forget about all of it and to not read into anything. This is what I had wanted, but of course, it was not what happened. She had read all of the interviews and especially made comments about the cheating aspect of it. I know that I hadn't cheated, but there was something in her eyes that told me that she didn't believe me. As much as I wanted too, I couldn't force her.
All the hopes and dreams that I’d had for the night were quickly blowing away when we started to talk. She wouldn't look me in the eyes and after a few moments, it was rather transparent, that she didn't want me there. Deirdre said that she would think about coming home and seeing me later. That didn’t sound so promising.
I had been running on this false assumption that everything was going to be just fine, but I was starting to see that it was very naive of me to think that. It didn't have to work out. The world didn’t have to make things right with us. It wasn't their responsibility and after all, we’d already screwed it up bad enough.
After dinner that was not near satisfying, I went home. Deidre had convinced me we didn’t need staff, so I’d fired them and it was very lonely now at the house. It was my second night without her and I felt it had been far longer than that.
I also never realized how quiet it was when it was just me here. Before there was always somebody working and moving around in the house, but now there was nobody. It was just me. For someone who had been on their own for a very long time, it was strange to feel this way. It was strange to feel so out of place in my own house, but it was rather clear to me that something was missing. This wasn't just my house anymore and it needed the other occupant to make it a home.
I tried to stay up as late as I could, because I was still so sure that she was going to make it back. I don't know why I thought that. There was certainly no reason to think that, but deep down I was hoping that Deirdre would walk through the door and everything would go back to normal. If I could have found a way for everything to go back to the way it was, I would have done it in a heartbeat. It wouldn't matter how much money it would have taken. I would have paid it.
When it started to get too late, I was afraid that she wasn't going to make it at all. She never called to tell me that she wasn't coming, but she didn't really like phones. She didn't really use them as much as most of the rest of us did. I kept hoping she would show up, but I finally fell asleep and I was still alone in the bed.
I woke up the next morning and it took only a few seconds before I realized what was going on. My eyes hadn't even opened for the day before I remembered the day before. For a moment I wish I hadn't, because it was not something that I wanted to wake up to. It was a feeling of loss that was so strong and viable that it made it hard to breathe.
But then something happened, and I felt something next to me. More precisely, I felt someone next to me. My heart started with the questions, but I couldn't let it until I opened my eyes and saw that it was Deirdre next to me. I couldn't think of anybody else that would have be there, but I just had to make sure. I just wanted to see that it was my wife that was next to me in the bed and one side cracked and I opened enough to see her up close.
The fact was that I didn't know why she was here. She made it very clear yesterday that there was a lot of her mind and she didn't even know if we would still be together. Then again, I didn't know if her being here meant that she was going to give it a go and leave me or not. I didn't know what this meant, and I didn't want to wake her up to find out.
When I decided that it was safe, I opened my eyes back up and looked at her for a while. The idea that I had lost her was still too heavy in my heart for me to smile. I was just happy to have her next to me. I am not sure what time she got in, but I was sure that it was before midnight. She would want to miss the deadline and ruin everything. That had to be the only reason she was here. I wanted to believe that she was here because she loved me so much, but I knew that Deirdre wouldn’t be here, if not for the show and the contract. She was still holding on to it and I was going to consider myself lucky, because of it. At least she was here and to me, it almost didn’t matter the why. Almost.
“How long are you going to stare at me Danny?”
“How did you know I was?”
“I woke up when you first started moving around. I can feel you looking.”
I tried to look away, but that was a lot to ask. It was all so iffy between us and before I knew it, I was sitting up, ready to start the day. My wife was next to me, by my side. What more could I ask for?
“So, does this mean that you believe me?”
She shrugged, and I sighed inwardly. Of course, it wasn’t going to be that easy. I should have known better after all. I was the one that was going to have to prove my innocence. It certainly wasn’t going to be innocent until proven guilty with her. When I asked her to tell me how I could prove that I had done nothing wrong, she had an answer for me that I wasn’t really prepared for.
“I want to talk to her.”
I thought I heard her wrong. There was no way that she was saying what I thought she’d said.
“You want to talk to her?”
“Yes.”
“To who?”
She smiled at me and I knew that I wasn’t going to like the answer. I started to get clammy and I was unable to give the same grin that she had. This was not going to be the way I thought it was going to be. I was so sure that everything was going to be okay, but maybe it wasn’t. She couldn’t be serious.
“You know who. I want to talk to the woman that you were photographed with. I want to know who she is. I want you to call her now, agree to meet her somewhere and then I show up. You can’t call her and warn her.”
I was stunned, but I could see in her face that this was going to happen. It could happen by her chasing down Elaine or I could go along with it. The problem was that I didn’t know if Elaine was going to lie or not. She wanted us back together and would say what she thought needed to be said, to get my wife out of the way.
It was a toss-up how it was going to go, but there didn’t seem to be any way for me to get out of this. If this is what Deirdre needed, I was going to have to go along with it, no matter how much I didn’t want to.
Deirdre
Danny wasn't too happy with my plan. That much was easy to see, but I really didn't care. The fact was that I wanted to talk to Elaine. I didn't want to go another step with Danny, wondering if he was with her now. I just had to know for my own sanity, if nothing else. I kept thinking about the two of them together and it was driving me crazy.
So, I made him agree even though he wasn't going t
o like how it all played out. I wasn't talking about doing this later in the week or even later in the day. I wanted to do this right now. I didn't want her to have a chance to be warned by him to say whatever it was that he wanted me to say. I know that it was a lot to ask for, but it was the only way I was going to be able to think clearly again. I just had to know if I was being played or not. That was a question that I never thought I would have to ask, but here I was asking it and demanding an answer.
“So, you want to talk to Elaine?”
“Yeah, and I want to do it as soon as possible.”
“Elaine doesn't usually get up until well past noon. We will at least have to wait until then. I can leave a message if you want, but I know now that she won't be up.”
“You seem to know a lot about her.”
“We spend some time together and that's it. I told you about her, so that isn't like it's a big secret.”
“So why have you been around her so much? I mean, it's not like you can deny the photographs.”
“I wouldn't want to because they're real. I work with her father in several deals and she comes on occasion with him. That is how I know her and why I’ve been around her so much. He is grooming her to take over the company.”
“Sounds innocent. So, will talk to her and get this all cleared up. That’s the best way to do it.”
“She wants to get her minute of fame. Elaine has always wanted to be an actress or a model and to her, this is good publicity that may be the very thing that gets her discovered. Her father wants her to take over the firm, but her life is pushing towards the dramatics and notoriety.”
I didn't really want to hear that. I had seen the pictures of him and Elaine. They were close to each other and his explanation could very well be the right one, but I still wasn't sure. I wasn't the type of person that could just wonder about things and wait to see how it turned out. I was the type of person that had to find out one way or another. I would rather find out bad news so I could deal with it, as soon as possible.
“So, are you going to do this or not?”
“Of course, as soon as she wakes up, I'll call her.”
“But that gives you time to coach her on what to say.”
He was getting frustrated at me and I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I guess I could see it as a good thing, if the reason he was getting frustrated was because he was telling the truth. If I was just making a big deal out of nothing, I could see why he be upset. But I couldn't see was why I wanted that to be the cause so much. I didn't want him to be mad at me, but I at least, wanted to know why.
“I am not going to coach her, Deirdre. You should know by now that you are the only one that was worth going after.”
He said things like that it made me want to believe it. I wish he understood how badly I wanted to believe what he said. I wanted to believe that everything that happened between us was because it was all meant to be, but now, I was starting to think that I was just being stupid.
“Well how am I supposed to know that you didn't call her?”
“I will stay with you, until I talk to her and then until she comes by or we meet somewhere. However you want it to go. Then you will know for certain that I haven't talked to her. Then you can get your answers and we can go back to what we had going on between us.”
“It seems like I find myself jealous. I don’t like to be jealous Danny. I don’t want to think about you giving away all of that pleasure with your bedroom skills to someone else. You’re mine. You’re my husband and I don’t want to think of you with anyone else, now or back in the past. It’s just a reminder that other women have touched you and I hate it.”
“It has nothing to do with my bedroom skills. You should know that. You should know exactly what women are looking for in a man nowadays.”
While I had to agree with him, he was alluding to the fact that Elaine and the other women that did interviews were there for his money. I also knew that a good orgasm could go a long way. He’d certainly done something to my mind. I wanted to tell myself that's all it was. It was just a few good orgasms, but I knew deep down that it was more than that, so much more than that.
“Whatever the reason is Danny, I just want to talk to her. I am sure that I can see past her lies and know if she's telling the truth. I really am rather good at that.”
“Apparently not, because this is what we have to do now. If you could see the truth for what it was, you would see that I was telling it and wouldn’t ask to meet with Elaine.”
Once again, I really wanted to believe him, but I just couldn't. I didn't know why, but it was impossible for me to believe him. I needed to know that I wasn't being made a fool of. I figured that if he was telling the truth then I would meet with Elaine and I would finally know for certain. Well I was worried about the gameshow and getting the money at the end of it I had really came back for Danny more than anything else. Danny was the one that I wanted to be with, but I had to make sure that he was only mine. I wasn't going to share him. I just refused.
We spent the morning together and all I could say is that it was awkward. Neither one of us really knew what to say to each other and after a very uncomfortable conversation about the weather, we were both out of things to say to each other. It was actually rather sad.
I waited for him to call Elaine and I got ready to meet her. I knew that it was going to be a situation that I wasn’t going to want to be in, but there was nothing that I could do about it. I had to know, one way or another and this was the only way that I could think of.
Deirdre
The fact that Elaine wanted to meet my husband at a hotel, should have been the first clue that this was going to be far worse than I thought it was going to be. I knew that the last thing I wanted to do was go speak to this woman, but I knew that I had to. I had to know what is going on between her and Danny.
Danny told me that Elaine wanted to get back together with him and he was worried that she was going to lie and tell me things that were going to break us up. It was another one of those things, I didn't know if I should believe him or not. Was he just saying this because he was trying to get out of what was about to be said to me? I really didn't know. And that was the whole point, I needed to. I was still faithful and thinking that I would be able to know if she was lying to me or not.
When I got to the hotel, I made sure that I was there a little bit earlier than her. It was late enough that Danny would be able to call her now. She should already be on her way and I was grateful for a moment to myself. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to collect myself when I heard soft knock on the door. It certainly was a far cry different from when Danny would do it.
I went to the door and the beautiful auburn-haired woman smiled at me. Elaine was even prettier up close.
“I'm sorry I must have the wrong room.”
I found it rather odd that she didn't recognize me. The woman that had destroyed my marriage and caused so much chaos, should know who I am and what my face looks like. I found that rather strange and it was something that I held onto for a while.
“Don't you know who I am?”
She looked at me again and I could tell that she was trying to figure it out. Her nose crunched out and the freckles on her cheeks moved as she did so.
“Oh, I know who you are...”
I could tell the second that she knew exactly who I was, because her eyes widen just a little bit. She looked around the room and I knew for certain that Elaine was hoping that my husband was here. Was she hoping that he would save her?
“Yes, I am Danny's wife. I would like to talk to you a little bit, if you don't mind Elaine. It seems we have a lot in common. Danny for one thing.”
The eyes bulging was just one of the things that she did to show me that I had surprised her. That made me instantly feel better because it meant that Danny hadn’t been able to get ahold of her. I don't know if he would really do something like that but now, I know for certain that at least he h
adn’t this time. I wanted to believe Danny so bad.
“Yes, I know that you are his wife. I saw the show. It was really interesting, if you’re in to that sort of thing. I know that you guys are married, but you guys are not actually married right?”
“In what way do you mean?”
“I mean that this is all for show. You guys didn't fall in love and get married, so it’s not really real.”
There was no answer for her and it took me a moment to realize that. We hadn’t met in the traditional sense and even the wedding had been far from tradition, but they didn't mean that he wasn’t my husband. He certainly felt like my husband and to have a beautiful woman like her tell me otherwise, maybe me realize that I may just lose the one thing that I thought I could always count on. I wasn't ready to lose that too.
“We are really married. It's legal.”
“Yeah, but I mean, you guys aren’t in love and stuff, right?”
It was another one of those questions that was hard for me to answer, because I didn't know how truthful I wanted to be about it. She seemed to know that I cared for husband, but the truth was that I loved him. I loved him more and more each day, and the longer I was there, the more I realized that. This woman did not only want back-in with Danny, but she was going to go to any length that she had to, making sure that it happened. A woman like Elaine could be very dangerous.
“I do love him. And he loves me. He tells me every single night. So, when I read your interview, I was rather surprised to hear that the two of you have been seeing each other behind my back.”
She was silent for a moment I took the opportunity to ask her why she was trying to seduce my husband, knowing that he was taken.
“We have been married for several months now and it has been very public. I don't understand what you get out of it. You can't possibly think that he's going to leave me to be with you, do you?”
