by Lauren Wood
“Why wouldn't he?”
That was a legitimate question, because the fact of the matter was, the woman in front of me was a lot prettier than I was. She was taller and more refined, and she had a better body. Elaine was obviously the best choice. It wasn't something that I wanted to think about, but it was there standing in front of me, so it was hard not to.
“He is not going anywhere and certainly not to someone like you. Why do you want him when he’s married? You can’t become the trophy wife.”
“Because I put a lot of time and energy into Danny and I don't want to see it go away. I know that you guys are married, but you just came on the scene. I have been seeing Danny on and off for years and I'm not about to let it all go away from some naïve girl like you. I'm not going to waste my time that way.”
I wasn't really sure what to say to that, because it was becoming clear that Danny had been right. Elaine did want him, and it sounded like she was willing to go to great lengths to make it happen. As much as I hated to say it, I wanted what he said to be true so badly, because I couldn’t stomach him being with Elaine.
I didn’t stay very long, because there was no point. I’d gotten all of the information that I could from her. She was a dead end and I didn’t believe he was cheating on me. The woman was opportunistic and the challenge was given and accepted.
Danny
I was nervous to find out what the two women had talked about. The last thing I wanted was for two exes to speak, especially when one of them was my wife. But there was nothing that I could do about it. My wife wanted to talk to her and Dierdre made it clear that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
When she finally came out of the hotel, I had a bad feeling. She didn't have a look on her face, one way or another, but I knew that something had happened. She certainly wasn't her vibrant, happy self that I was used to being around. The worst part was that a woman like Elaine was now in some ways, in charge of how everything was going to turn out. That was the last thing that I wanted.
Deirdre got in the car and smiled at me. She asked me if we were ready to go and I was glad to get away from there. I didn't want to see Elaine and I was still anticipating what was going to be said by Deirdre. I had to know and she was silent for a time. I was convinced that she was trying to make me crazy and she was doing a damn good job of it.
“So are you going to tell me what happened?”
“Don't you already know?”
“How would I know Deirdre, when I was out here, and you were in there?”
“Because it seems like you know her pretty well.”
I wasn't sure what that meant, but it didn't seem to be a good thing. Nothing at this point was a good thing and I was walking on egg shells around her. I think she was enjoying putting me through this, making me a little crazy.
“I don't know her that well, but I know women like her.”
“If you knew all of this, why did you get with someone like her?”
I shrugged because I really didn't have an answer for it. It was in possible for me to understand why I had done the things I'd done. I knew in reality why I had pick Elaine. It was all physical and she wasn't very bright. But I certainly couldn't tell that to Deirdre. I was supposed to be convincing her that I was a good guy and I didn't think that would help my case at all.
“Like I said before Deirdre, I've never really worried about relationships. I never thought that it would turn into anything more, so I didn't pick women on their substance.”
She laughed again, which sounded strange at the moment and I asked her why she was laughing.
“Because that is just a nice way of saying, you wanted her for her body.”
It was as close to the truth as I was willing to get and for some reason, I didn't like the idea that she knew my reasoning behind it. I'd like to think that I was mysterious, and I had many reasons, but the truth was I didn't. The truth was that I was a man like everyone else. I didn't think with my brain half the time and that was my biggest problem.
“I guess you could say that Deirdre. I never thought about women for much more than that until I met you.”
“Why am I so different then?”
It was a question I didn't have any answer for, because I really didn't know what was different about her. I knew that she made me feel a certain way and I loved to be around her, but I don't know what happened differently those few hours we had spent together. It hadn't taken long enough for me to see that I wanted to be with her for good.
“I don't know Deirdre. I really don't know. There's just something about you that I couldn't ignore. I wanted to ignore it, I really did. It would've been so much easier, because I'm in love with you. It has been one of the most complicated things I've ever done.”
“Don't sound too enthused about it Danny, geez.”
She was joking, but the truth was that I wasn't enthused about it. I'd been happier than I have ever been with a woman, but at the same time, I'd been more frustrated and confused than I’d ever been as well. Being with her was a mix of emotions and at the moment, I wasn't sure which one I was feeling.
“To be honest I'm not that enthused about it, Deirdre. Love puts me in a position that I've never been in before. I feel vulnerable and I don't like that feeling at all.”
“Well we are both vulnerable, so doesn't that make you feel better?”
I told her that it didn't. I wanted to know what Elaine and her had talked about it. When I finally asked her, she smiled again.
“You were right. She wants to convince me that you were together, so that she can have you. And you’re also right about the fact that she's not very bright.”
“So, what does that mean?”
“It means that I saw through her. You were right. I know now that you guys weren't together and that's enough. I'm glad that I talked to her and I'm glad that you set it up. I have a feeling you really didn’t want to.”
I was a little worried about what was going to happen, because I did work with Elaine's dad, but I didn't even care. If I lost a client over this, it was better than losing my wife. Anything had to be better than that.
“Well as long as you believe me now. That's all that matters to me. I was telling the truth, when I said I loved you Deirdre. I know that it hasn't been that long, and I know that everything is complicated right now, but none of it is true what they are saying in those magazines. Well some of it. My past is true, but you knew that when we first got together. I wish I could change it, I really do, but I can't.”
“I would never ask you to change anything Danny. I feel horrible too, because I didn't expect to love my husband. I expected to just deal with a man long enough to get through the year. But then you came along, and everything changed.”
“Do you wish I hadn't been the one standing up there we got married?”
“What do you mean, like if another guy was there instead of you?”
“Yeah something like that. What do you think would have happened? Would you still gone through with it?”
“I think I would have, because that's what I was expecting. I certainly wasn't expecting you to be there.”
I didn't like the way she said that, because it made it like I was something that could be interchanged with anything else. I could never think of marring someone else. I didn't like the idea that she could either.
“Well I wouldn’t have married anybody else. I know that you have your reasons for going on to this gameshow and I won't really understand them but I'm glad I met you. I'm glad we got married.”
“Even though they have ran your through the mud?”
“Not just me, but yes, it was still worth it. I really believe that.”
“I wish I was as clear thinking as you. With everything that has been said, it’s hard to feel that way right now.”
“We are still married and in love.”
She agreed, but I knew that it was going to be a while before we could figure it out. I held onto hope that it would work itse
lf out, but I had to realize that it was going to take more time. Not to mention that we had several months of our lives being aired to the world to deal with. That was going to be easier said than done.
“Let’s just go home Danny. I’m tired. I don’t know what I expected from her or from you.”
“Just don’t shut me out Deirdre.”
Deidra told me that she wouldn’t, but I had to wonder if she would or not. When we got home, she was quiet. Said she had a lot on her mind. Deirdre ran into her studio and didn’t come out till later that night. We still had to share a bed after all, but it was obvious that she needed time with her thoughts at the moment.
Deirdre
Things were weird between me and Danny. We slept in the same bed as we were supposed to, but we didn't do anything. We hadn't kissed in days and I wasn't feeling as connected to him as I usually did, as being together physically related, to us being together romantically. I loved him, and I wanted things to work out, but it was hard to get over everything. I did believe him, but at the same time, I didn't want to turn out to be the idiot if he was lying to me about everything.
As much as I tried not to, I had read a little too much of the comments about the show. More specifically about me and Danny. Nobody thought that we would make it. We were just too different, and he was a player. Everybody was under the assumption that I wouldn't be able to change him. or that I even shouldn’t try. Until a week ago, I didn't realize that I wanted to change him. And even if I could, there was no way that I could change the past which was the main part that was hurting me so much.
So, when it rolled around to the next Wednesday, it was time to watch the taping and I went ahead and did so. I knew that putting my head in the sand like an ostrich wasn't going to help anything. We had answered some questions at the studio and when we got home that night, we had dinner in front of the TV. I didn't necessarily want to watch it in front of Danny, but he had insisted.
“Is there something I need to know about, Danny?”
“No, it’s nothing like that, but I want us to be together when we do this. You know the show has done it's best to get good ratings. If something is twisted, we should know, so we’re not blindsided like before.”
“Yes, that would be better. I just feel like if there was something you wanted to tell me, you should go ahead and do it now. Same principle. I’d like to know now, before I’m blindsided.”
“What like a confession?”
“Yeah something like that.”
“There is nothing to tell Deirdre. Like I told you before, I have done nothing wrong.”
I wanted to believe him, I really did. The last thing I wanted to do was look like an idiot again, because I had obviously fallen in love with someone that didn’t love me. I wanted to believe that he cared like I did, but that was a hard thing to really believe. We were so different, and I’d let all of the comments from strangers get into my head. It really was impossible.
Nervous as I was about everything, I wanted to see the episode. I wanted to hear what was said and what kind of video they got. Most of the time we didn't even know when they were around, so it was rather surprising to see what they got pictures of. This week we were still trying to work things out and figure out where we were. They had taped an outing that I had with one of my friends and of course then the sound bite of me questioning everything. I was still questioning everything, but at that time I was even more confused.
I could feel Danny's eyes on me and I knew that he was a little upset about what I’d said.
“So, you weren't sure if you wanted to be married to me?”
“Come on Danny, you already knew that. It was rough in the beginning and I didn’t know what to think about it all. I was trying to figure it all out in my head.”
“I know. It's just hard to hear it I guess.”
We were quiet for a while watching the show and it was strange to see me on the TV. It was really weird and I didn't like it at all. The last thing I wanted was for everyone to see me like that and to see how desperately in love with Danny I was. I know that I wasn't going to change my mind that week that was airing at the moment, but soon there would be a change.
The rest of the show had a lot more of the other couples on it and we got to see two of them break up for good. There was a lot of yelling and screaming, something that me and Danny had never done. While I didn't like some of the sound bites and the way they were twisting things, it actually looked like me and Danny were one of the couples that was actually going to make it.
Beyond all the feuds and everything, the show also had expert relationship advisors that they wanted us to meet with. I hadn’t met with them yet, but apparently there was no need. They knew enough about me and Danny that they could give their opinion.
“I wouldn't say that they are the strongest couple here. It looks like they are starting a relationship on a basis of lies. That can obviously come back to haunt them later.”
I couldn’t believe these people. They never met us, knew nothing about us and had the nerve to say that we wouldn’t last. How did they know.
“Can you believe them?”
I was listening to the relationship advisor on the TV and I just kind of shoved Danny. Our relationship was started on lies and they didn't even know the fact that we had been together the night before. The show hadn’t known that me and Danny kind of knew each other and that we have been together before. That was another thing that could come out and destroy everything that we had worked on for so long.
“I guess I can. I mean, it is a lot different when they're looking at it from the outside. They haven't seen everything that is going on between us, but even if they did, I don't know if they would change your opinion.”
“You're talking like you don't think we should be together.”
“I wouldn't say that Danny, but this isn't a match made in heaven either. You have to understand that. I honestly can’t believe that we’re still on the show. We have broken pretty much every rule there is to break.”
“I told you that I would do everything I could to keep us on the show. I know it is important to you and I know that you want your restaurant, so I will say and do whatever you want me to.”
I waved him off because he didn't seem to understand. I didn't want him to say or do anything. I just wanted him to be himself. I wanted him to be the man that I'd fallen for and for me to be the only one that was with him. It didn't feel like it was too much to ask. He was my husband and I wanted him to be only mine.
I had expected the airing to be so much worse than it was. I expected a bombshell like the first episode where they had made up a bunch of stuff. I was ready for it, my body was steeled for it and then it never came. So instead, I was all worked up for nothing.
But there was a little sneak-peak for the next week that bothered me. Once again it was a tape of my husband with Elaine. This one was a little more intimate, because they were at a restaurant together and then left together, but I knew that her dad was there as well. That part was left out. They were trying their best to try and create controversy and they were admittedly doing a good job of it.
“Well I can't say that I'm looking forward to next week.”
I had to agree, but at the same time I wanted to see what was said and done. Whether it was right or wrong, I still needed to know what the rest of the world was seeing.
“At least we'll find out what they have come up with this time. There really is no telling with them. The producers are rather imaginative. I will give them that.”
Danny
The last thing I wanted to do was making things harder for my wife, but I knew that I had to do something. The board of directors was breathing down my neck to figure out how I could get out of the show. In one way, I didn't want them to be able to tell me what to do, but in the other way, I knew that I didn't have a choice.
I had to bring it up to Deirdre and I wasn't sure how it was going to work out. I would actually offer her the money th
at she would get if we finished the show, but I knew that she wasn't going to want it. Deirdre was a strong and independent woman with a lot of pride. That meant that she didn't want anybody to take it away, especially not me.
So, I waited until the third viewing. We still hadn’t been together physically again, and it was starting to drive me crazy. It was strange living with a woman and wanting to touch her so badly, but not being able to. It was once again a situation that I’d never found myself in before. That seemed to be the way things were with her. Everything that I wanted, was so hard to come by.
We were sitting down about to watch the show as it started, and I took a big breath. I had to tell her what my plans were. I didn't know if she was going to forgive me or not, but I knew that I had to be clear with her. I didn't want her to find out in the newspapers or on a talk show like she had before.
“I think we're going to have to leave the show Deirdre.”
She wasn't expecting that, and she looked over at me a little surprised. “What do you mean, leave the show?”
“I mean that the show is starting to affect my job. The board of directors wants me to quit Runaway Bride and if I don't, they’re going to take away my CEO position. To my own company.”
I paused for a minute to see her reaction and it was one of shock. I had known that this was going to happen at some point, but I didn't think that she had thought about it. She was so invested in this show because of the money, but I wanted to remind her again that she didn't need it. I had more than enough for both of us and whatever restaurant or any other type of business that she wanted to start it.
“You told me that you were in this with me.”
“And I am, but you have to understand that it hasn’t been all that easy for me. My board is threatening me, and I would just let it go, if they didn’t have a cause that could actually be contested in court. It’s hard to understand this, but my job is worth more than the prize at the end of it. I have to run my own company and I won’t be able to if we stay in this show. I will give you the money.”
