Savior (First to Fight Book 4)

by Nicole Blanchard

  “I think you do want this,” he says. “I think you need to get it out. To face it.”

  “What has that done for me?” I hiss fiercely. “I did what I was supposed to do. I wrote the statements. I testified in court. I relived the worst day of my life for public consumption, and they still released him on a technicality.”

  Logan takes my hand and helps me down the hall to a secluded interview room. “If you want someone else—someone objective—to interview you, I’ll find someone, whoever you want. I’m not doing this to attack you. I’m not doing this to hurt you.” He pauses by the table to look down into my eyes. “I’m doing this because I’m, at the bottom of it all, your friend and I care about you. I want to help you.”

  “That’s interesting considering you were basically biting my head off when I walked in.” I whirl away, anger clipping my voice and causing my hands to tremble. I tuck them under my arms so he can’t see. “What? Did you think I owed it to you to bare all my wounds?”

  I hear his steps come closer and my spine stiffens. “Of course not,” he says. He doesn’t touch me, but I can sense his presence behind me. I have to snap straight to keep from leaning into his heat. “Of course not,” he repeats.

  Scoffing, I spin around. “Really? So the intimidating conversations about my past were . . . what? Occupational hazard?”

  He rolls his shoulders, his resolve finally cracking. “At first it was that; I guess you could call it. You were a new woman working with my family. Then, it became something more. I started to care about you.” My eyes immediately fall to the floor to avoid this line of the conversation, but he tips it back up. “I could tell something was haunting you, and all I wanted was to take that away. Then you got hurt, and I realized how much it’d fucking bother me if something happened to you.”

  “I don’t want you to care about me,” I say vehemently. “Don’t you see that?”

  His hand drops from my chin and his lips firm. “I wondered why that was. Even after I found out about your ex, I wondered why you’d guard yourself so much. Why you kept running from what happened to you.”

  I turn again, eyes roving from corner to corner looking for an escape, but I find nothing but walls. “What? Having a murdering psychopath for an ex wasn’t enough?”

  “I’m sure that was nothing compared to the fact that he murdered your twin sister.” His words are muted, but they may as well be a gunshot.

  There’s a stunned silence as his voice trails off, and I’m catapulted back to the moments when I realized it was Paige lying dead on the floor. I don’t realize I’m crying soft, silent tears until he gathers me up into his arms and sits in one of the chairs by the table with me in his lap.

  His arms around me are the only things keeping me grounded. I pour out all of my fear and despair and loneliness into his chest until there’s nothing left but a hollow ache in my chest.

  “Can you tell me what happened?” he asks, when there aren’t any tears remaining for me to cry.

  A long sigh shudders through me. “I thought it was nothing, at the time. I mean, not that missing people are nothing, just it didn’t seem like it would touch me in my little bubble. Everyone on campus just assumed they were isolated events . . .” I trail off for a second and then clear my throat. “Our roommate was the second person to go missing. She was the sweetest person. It’s funny. I can’t even remember the sound of her laugh anymore. I used to be able to remember her laugh, but one day, it was just gone. He took that from me. He took away Carly.

  “It wasn’t until Carly’s murder that the police started noticing the pattern, but we still didn’t pay it much attention. We were young and stupid, especially me, and I thought we were invincible.”

  Logan draws soothing patterns on my back, lulling me into a stupor and allowing the memories and words to roll out like they happened to someone else.

  “After that, I walked in on my fiancé, Gavin, kissing another woman. I was upset and I went out drinking. He found me there and tried to patch things up but Paige, P-Paige came and talked to me for a while.

  “It’s funny, the whole time we were dealing with Carly’s death, Paige was the one who couldn’t get out of bed, but the moment I needed her, she was there for me. She was the best part of both of us.”

  “You were identical twins?” Logan asks when my words bubble up and clog my throat.

  I nod against his chest. “Y-yes, but our styles couldn’t have been more different. She was very much the girly girl. They used to make fun of me in high school, saying that she got all the female genes, but it didn’t both me because no matter what they said, I still had my best friend as a sister, and not many people get to say that.”

  “What was she like?”

  “I used to say she could have been a pop princess if she’d been a tween in the 90s. She was bright and bubbly. The kind of person who puts a smile on your face by just talking to her.”

  I pause and realize I’m smiling, which only makes the tears well up again. I haven’t remembered Paige and smiled in so long, and I know how wrong that is. Memories of her should bring me happiness, but all I feel when I think of her is the profound loss.

  Logan wipes away my tears, his big hands reassuringly gentle, and I lean into him like a cat seeking affection. “You sound like you were very close.”

  “The closest. We were the kind of twins who finished each other’s last sentences, had the sixth sense type of connection.”

  “Did you notice something off the night she was killed?”

  Unable to look him in the face, I study his shirt instead as a miserable sucking blackness inside of me clouds out everything else. “That’s the thing, I didn’t. I didn’t, and I should have known. The one time it should have mattered for me to pay attention, I didn’t. I was so upset about stupid things that I didn’t even know when my own sister was a target.”

  “She came to the bar to cheer me up, like I said, but she had a date with her boyfriend, and I didn’t want to ruin it.” I choke back another sob. “I didn’t even think about having someone go with her to make sure she got home safe, even after what happened to Carly.”

  “You said your ex was with you at the bar. Did you see him leave after you two spoke? Did he follow her out?”

  “The cops asked me all these questions, Logan,” I say wearily.

  “Humor me,” he says.

  I think back to that night like I have so many times before. “The last time I saw him was when I after I walked out of the bathroom. I didn’t see him again after Paige showed up.”

  “After Paige left, what happened?”

  “Logan,” I plead. “I don’t—”

  “I’m right here,” he says. “I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to face this alone anymore, honey.”

  “After Paige left, I stayed at the bar for a while. She told me to drink and dance and let off some steam—so that’s what I did. Then I went home.”

  “Did you notice anyone around you? Anyone who had been particularly interested in you or Paige?”

  I shake my head mournfully. “No one. No one that I can remember. I was so focused on me that I didn’t pay attention to anyone else.” I look up at him. “If I could go back, I’d do things so much differently.”

  “I can’t compare my experiences to you losing your sister, but I know well enough what it’s like to relive memories you’d rather forget. Which you could change decisions that resulted in a loss of life. You may think I’m a fucking jerk for making you open these wounds, but I do it not only because it can help save other lives, but because you can’t let things like this fester. It eats you up.”

  “Is that why you used to drink?” I ask bluntly.

  He doesn’t even blink. “Yes. There were things I had to do as a sniper that kept me awake at night. Things I’d rather drown in booze than face. It took the end of my marriage, her cheating on me, to face the man I’d become.”

  “How do you live with it?”

  “One day at
a time. One drink at a time.”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever get over what happened to Paige. I’ve tried.”

  “Let me help you.” He tucks the curve of my hair around one ear. “Let me help you put this to rest. You don’t have to fight alone anymore.”

  “I’m just so tired.”

  “I know you are.” He kisses my temple. “After this, I’ll take you home, and we’ll get a shower and you can sleep for a week.”

  The tension melts out of me because a shower sounds amazing. “What else do you want to know?”

  We spend the next hour going over my memory of the walk home, then the attack. I tell him everything I remember, even the things I’d rather forget. He doesn’t push or prod. He just lets me tell the story at my own pace. I break down again when I tell him about finding Paige and having to watch what happened to Stephen, and he holds me through all of it.

  “What now?” I ask, when he’s done.

  “Now, we go home,” he says as he puts an arm around my shoulders. “And we take that shower. I’ll make you dinner for a change. Then we’ll not have a beer and watch television until our brains are numb. After that, I think we both need some sleep.”

  We walk out of the police station together and for the first time in over a year, I don’t feel the empty loneliness that had once been such a constant companion. I hold the feeling close and press myself more securely against his side.

  I’m not sure what tomorrow holds, but for today, I’ll take the comforts he’s offering.

  Logan

  After an exhausting day for the both of us, I almost sleep through my alarms the next morning. My back creaks when I sit up, and I glare down at Rocky and the couch. The couch is barely big enough for me as it is, but Rocky’s decided he sleeps with me or doesn’t sleep at all. At three a.m. I caved and let him hop up with me.

  I could have convinced Sienna to let me into her bed, but I didn’t. She was emotionally raw, and she needed her space. Knowing she’s in the next room all sleepy and soft, doesn’t help, so I decide to get food before I wake her up in more interesting ways.

  Certain I smell like dog, I jump in the shower again and dress quietly, hoping I don’t wake Sienna. I let Rocky out for his morning business as I down a cup of coffee. When he’s done, we both check on Sienna, who is still sleeping. I leave her a note, letting her know I took Rocky with me and that I’ll be right back, and then I gather up his leash and lead him out to the truck.

  We stop at the cafe Sofie and Livvie like to get breakfast, and I order us a couple breakfast platters and some to-go coffees while Rocky waits outside. .

  The server is handing me the to-go containers when the two women come in through the doors, their various kids in tow.

  Livvie brightens when she sees me, tugging her son Cole along behind her. “Logan! Good morning.”

  “Hey, ladies,” I say and kiss her cheek, then lean down to ruffle Cole’s hair.

  Sofie gives me a hug. “What are you doing here?”

  “Yeah,” Livvie adds. “We don’t normally see you up this early.”

  I tug on her ponytail. “Just picking up breakfast.”

  Sofie eyes the containers. “That looks like food for more than one person,” she comments knowingly.

  “You should have been a cop,” I tease.

  Sofie smiles and as she places her order, Livvie turns to me, her face serious. “I heard about what happened. Is there anything we can do?”

  “No, the only thing I need you two to do is stay safe. The cops are doing everything they can.” They both nod, and then Livvie gives me a half hug around my waist.

  “Promise me you’ll be careful.”

  “I promise.”

  “Hey!” Sofie says as she turns and leans her back on the counter. “You should bring your friend over this afternoon. We’re going to carve pumpkins with all the kids at Ben and Livvie’s. It’ll be fun.”

  “I think you’ve forgotten that I don’t have kids,” I say dryly.

  She smacks my arm, then says, “Don’t be a smartass. I want to meet her.”

  The both of them turn and face me with identical looks and I groan. “Look, I’ll bring it up to Sienna, but yesterday was an emotional day, and she may not be up for all of you in her face.”

  “If it makes you feel any better,” Livvie says, “we’ll go easy on her. We both know what it’s like to go through horrible ordeals. We just want to help her deal, is all. And part of that is taking her out of her own head for a while.”

  I hesitate and then cave. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  They both grin and kiss me on opposite cheeks.

  I pick up my food and drinks and shake my head as I start for the exit.

  “Don’t forget to get a pumpkin for each of you!” Livvie shouts behind me.

  Their snickers follow me out the door, but the joke’s on me, because I stop and pick up two pumpkins from a fruit stand on the way back to the lake.

  Sienna’s on the porch waiting for me when I pull into the drive. Her curious expression morphs into amusement as I struggle to get out of the cab with two large pumpkins.

  “What did you go do?” she asks.

  “We’ve been invited to go carve pumpkins with Ben and Jack’s families. I thought we could both use the distraction.” I heft the pumpkins up when they start to slip. “I also got you breakfast. It’s in the front seat if you want to grab it for me.” Leaning down, I kiss her before she can argue and then climb the stairs to put the pumpkins on the table.

  With a mystified laugh, Sienna bounds down to the truck to retrieve the food and I know I’ve made the right decision. I’ll keep her so busy today she doesn’t have time to worry about anything else. We both deserve a step back because I know the worst is probably yet to come.

  * * *

  “Are you sure you don’t mind? They’d understand if you weren’t up to hanging out.”

  Sienna’s expression is carefully blank. “I’d never insult your friends like that. Just don’t leave me alone with them.”

  “Despite what I may say about them sometimes, they’re still a great group of people.”

  Her hands twist in her lap. “Remind me of their names again? I don’t want to get them confused. I never really got the whole list from Chloe.”

  As I drive down the road toward Ben’s, I use one hand to steer and the other rests on Sienna’s thigh. I consider it progress. “Well, we’re going to Ben and Livvie’s house. They live on the other side of the lake. Ben is Chloe’s cousin, which you already know.”

  “That one I’ve got, at least.”

  “Jack is Livvie’s brother and he’s married to Livvie’s best friend Sofie.”

  “Small world,” she murmurs.

  “Small town,” I correct with a laugh.

  “Ben and Livvie have a son named Cole, who’s the spitting image of Ben. You won’t be able to miss him. And Sofie adopted her two younger brothers, Rafe and Donnie, after her parents passed away.” I glance over. “Got it?”

  She bites her lip. “I think so. Is it crazy that I’m nervous?”

  “Not at all, but you don’t need to be. They promise not to pester you with questions.”

  “And you’re sure they won’t mind that we brought Rocky?”

  I pet the big guy behind the ears. “Not at all. They have a big yard and they both have dogs he can play with. They’ll be fine. Plus, if he can handle this brood, then you know he can handle pretty much anything.”

  “It’s very nice of you to invite me to spend time with your friends,” she says.

  I kiss her knuckles. “It’s important to me that you meet them.”

  “Admit it, you want to get me out of the house.”

  Grinning, I say, “I never said I didn’t.”

  She leans over and kisses me. “Thank you.”

  “What’s this?” I joke. “You mean you want to get to know them, too?”

  “Well, if they’re important to you, they’re important to
me, too, right?” I look over, surprise stealing my words. “I mean, if I haven’t scared you away yet, then I must be stuck with you.”

  “Damn right you are,” I say as we pull into the driveway.

  She opens the door, and Rocky bounds out with loud barks to join the two little yapping Boston Terriers who spring from the front porch. Livvie and Sofie are already sitting on the steps with their bright orange pumpkins in mid-massacre.

  Donnie and Rafe explode from behind them with handfuls of the orange guts and start tossing great globs of it at each other while shouting and laughing. Donnie scrambles around Livvie and Sofie with Rafe following close behind and a little Cole scurries to keep up.

  Livvie spots us and her face splits into a huge smile. She and Sofie get to their feet and Livvie comes to Sienna.

  “We’re so glad you came!”

  Sienna smiles hesitantly. “Thank you for inviting me.”

  “Why don’t you bring your pumpkin to the porch? Now that the boys are gone, the fun can really begin.”

  Sofie pops up from behind the railing with a handful of ale and a soda for me. “I have refreshments!” she shouts.

  “So this is what you mean by carving pumpkins,” I say as I take the soda from her and hand Sienna the ale.

  “Oh we’re still going to carve them,” Ben says as he comes out of the house. “It’s just a whole hell of a lot more fun to do when you’re drinking.”

  Sienna glances at me, and I give her a reassuring smile.

  “Don’t worry,” Sofie says. “We won’t corrupt him.”

  “Trust me,” Jack adds as he pops the top on his own. “He gets his payback.”

  “Yeah,” Sofie chimes in, “you think the cop would be the cool one, but no. If you get drunk around him, just make sure there aren’t any working cameras.”

  Livvie cackles and Sienna sends me a confused look. “It wasn’t my fault they got drunk and passed out.” I tell her.

  “He likes to take draw on unsuspecting people,” Ben says, without an ounce of shame.

  “You mean passed out people,” Livvie says.

  “Shouldn’t be the first to give it up,” I tell them.

  “Fuck you,” Ben says, losing his reserve. “I couldn’t get that permanent marker off for a week.”